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Mr. Tito's PHAT WWE SummerSlam 2017 Review with Match Ratings and Show Grade
By Mr. Tito
Aug 20, 2017 - 11:06:10 PM

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Nothing like writing about 1/3 of your WWE SummerSlam 2017 review and the Microsoft Windows 10 operating system starts to freeze up. I've had nothing but problems since Microsoft forced my system to upgrade from Windows 8 to Windows 10 (where was 9?). Windows 8 worked perfectly fine for me... So anyway, here I am again for my SummerSlam review exclusively here at LordsofPain.net / WrestlingHeadlines.com. I'm so pissed off that I'm not going to rewrite the foreplay and will go straight into the review.

Opening match of the pre-game was Miz/Bo Dallas/Curtis Axel vs. Jason Jordan/Hardy Boyz. The match was built to make it appear as if Jordan was leading the Hardys but then guess what? Jason Jordan eats the pin from the Miz! Now, this could be setting up Miz vs. Jordan but why are we here on the pre-game show? And by the way, the most amusing part is how the Hardys and Miz were prominently featured on Wrestlemania 33 and here they are now. OUCH. [ *1/2 ]

Neville vs. Akira Tozawa was up next... Could someone tell Tozawa that screaming "ahhhhhhhh" after every move isn't an easy way to get over? Match was usual 205 Live stuff that has been uneventful from the start. At least the ropes weren't purple for this match. Nevill wins back his title, YAWN. [ * ]

Usos vs. New Day (c) took a while to get started. In my opinion, placing Kofi Kingston on the bench for tag matches is a mistake. Kofi seems to complement the other members better... After a while, however, Big E and Woods began to show chemistry together and the match became strong. The forward looking Electric Chair Drop double team by the New Day was badass! That should be a finisher. Eventually, the Usos knocked out Woods and destroyed Big E with double teaming. Not as good as the previous Pay Per View bout, but the match was very good towards the end. [ *** 1/2 ]

OPENING MATCH of the actual SummerSlam Pay Per View was John Cena vs. Baron Corbin. And it wasn't much of a match. Kind of a joke and it felt short. Baron Corbin must have pissed someone off backstage or they just gave up on his Main Event push. Felt like an extended squash by the way Corbin didn't have much emotion in the match (like he knew that he was losing and was upset about it). [ * ]

Up next we had Naomi (c) vs. Natalya. Match was OK... Nothing significant about the match but it was well worked by the veteran workers. Natalya eventually won it via Sharpshooter submission and to my shock, there was NOT a Money in the Bank briefcase cash-in. [ **1/4 ]

Big Show vs. Big Cass with Enzo Amore in the Shark Cage was just there... And Enzo put on oil to slip through the cage and possibly interfere. Didn't matter. Big Cass wins a sloppy match that doesn't exactly catapult his career. [ 1/2 * ]

Then, the show goes from SUCK to BLOW with Randy Orton just destroying Rusev. Remember a few weeks ago when I criticized the WWE for having Orton dispatch of Rusev so quickly with the "RKO out of no where" but many of you were like "this is just the beginning of the feud, let it develop". Yeah right. WWE still holds the TMZ leak against Rusev, it appears. [ NEGATIVE 5 Stars and a FINGER OF SHAME ] Exactly what are we going to do with Orton now? Go after the WWE title again because he beat Jinder in a non-title match? Yay, lucky us.

Sasha Banks vs. Alexa Bliss was up next for the RAW Women's Title and it was good... The whole goal of the RAW brand is to eventually get the title to Nia Jax... Well, Sasha has the title now and it's only a matter of time. Match was perfectly acceptable. [ ** 1/2 ]

As my brother said... Finn Balor is going to win because he's got the paint on. Well, that was true with his match against Bray Wyatt. It was OK, but it just didn't seem to have anything that popped as a standout match. Balor wins with his finisher. Seemed to all go downhill once Bray Wyatt tried his spider walk and Finn jumped up. [ ** 1/2 ]

Up next, it was Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins. Funny to hear the announcers say that "Sheamus & Cesaro as champions requested to come out first to have a 'psychological edge' on their opponents". Gee, someone has been reading my columns. Hey, at least for once, the WWE explained it. Cool moment when Cesaro went into the crowd and caught a beach ball that the crowd was knocking around. Match was high impact and both teams featured veteran talent in their primes. Cesaro & Sheamus have become a solid tag team with time, too. Seth Rollins plays the "face in peril" and it's on once Dean gets the tag. The tried and true formula always works. Match was superb from there as the talent just took over. The ending was amazing with Cesaro/Sheamus attempting a tag move when Rollins entered the ring to break it all up, deliver some kicks, and then the knee. Dirty Deeds and the RAW Tag Titles were done dirt cheap! NEW tag champs! That was damn good and this furthers my argument of why the WWE should #ReuniteTheShield. Finally, a good match on the official show. [ *** 3/4 ]

Next, it was AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens for the United States Title with Shane McMahon as the special guest referee. Match has both wrestlers being very aggressive from the start and Owens had the early advantage for the most part. Kevin Owens pushes Shane into the corner to cause AJ Styles to drop... Controversy! Then, Kevin Owens pulled Shane on top of him to help eat a 450 splash by Styles! Look how red and how sweaty Shane McMahon is... I hope that someone is monitoring his health... For a third time, Owens goes after Shane and this time he kicks Styles into Shane. AJ is frustrated with the situation and yells at Shane, causing a shoving match and it almost cost Styles the match with a roll-up. Thing of beauty by Owens when he did his inverted suplex off the top. Owens hits the pop-up Powerbomb but AJ Styles but AJ's foot was on the ropes. Owens thought he won but Shane advised otherwise. That caused a shoving match between the two. This causes the beginning of the end for Owens and he loses via Styles Clash. [ *** 1/2 ] Match had too much "sports entertainment" interruptions with Shane McMahon as guest referee. Otherwise, this could have been their best match and the standout from SummerSlam. Amazing, a title was retained tonight!

WWE Title match is up next with Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jinder Mahal (c). Note to the WWE... I don't care about seeing the foreign commentators being placed in double screen mode. Why would do something so useless that makes it harder to watch the match? The match is quite odd as you have Nakamura holding back from his New Japan style and Jinder is still awkward working matches as a main eventer. Guess what the finish was? Anyone? Singh brothers interfere and that distraction allows for Jinder Mahal to sneak in his finisher. Match was awful and it was nice knowing you in the WWE, Shinsuke Nakamura. Don't get too much dirt in your mouth as Vince McMahon buries your WWE career. [ 1/2 * ]. I didn't see much from Nakamura to carry this match, either. It takes two to tango. I hope everyone enjoys Orton vs. Jinder all over again because that appears to be happening.

And finally... The MAIN EVENT Fatal 4 Way for the World Title that doesn't seem like a joke lately... Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman vs. Samoa Joe for the WWE Universal Title. Match starts off with Suplex City and then Braun vs. Lesnar finally arrives. Braun actually gets the upper hand on him. Everyone eventually makes it to the outside and we've got chaos. Lesnar is speared through the barrier by Reigns, Reigns is chokeslammed onto the table, Lesnar gets powerslammed onto a table, Strowman throws chair at Joe/Roman, and then a 2nd powerslam onto Lesnar by Strowman! Then, Strowman tips over another announcer's table onto Lesnar! Holy cow! Lesnar sells the need for medical attention and here comes the stretcher. Why didn't Strowman try to pin Lesnar right then and there? After Strowman just manhandled Lesnar, Roman easily dispatches Braun and now we have Joe vs. Roman. Braun back in, though, and hits a double chokeslam. As it should be expected, Brock Lesnar makes his way back to the ring and he goes right after Strowman. Reigns delivers Superman punches to everyone and then a Spear to Lesnar (looked awful), 2 count only. Lots of near falls between all 4 with Lesnar actually receiving much of the offense. Funny how much more compelling the matches are when Lesnar is on the receiving end... However, Lesnar overcomes it and hits the F5 on Roman Reigns to RETAIN the WWE Universal Title. Hopefully, that puts the Roman push on ice for the time being (reunite with the Shield, please) and gives us the Braun Strowman push for 2018. That match was FUN and felt legitimately big. It helped "SAVE" this bloated show from ruin. [ **** 1/4 ]

LAST WORD: If you are watching this show later, just skip ahead to Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Ambrose/Rollins and save yourself time. The opening hours of this show were garbage and any Creative Team member attached to writing that stuff should be FIRED. In one fell swoop, Baron Corbin, Rusev, and Nakamura were all killed off tonight or at least delayed anything meaningful with them due to damaging losses. Yikes. And Smackdown is a dumpster fire. Pushing the wrong guys at the top while purposely sabotaging anyone trying to climb to the top. RAW is in good shape if we're going towards a Braun Strowman MEGA PUSH for 2018. We'll see... [ B- ] for this show with the latter half and the main event covering the weakness of earlier in the show.

SO JUST CHILL... 'TIL THE NEXT EPISODE!

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