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Mr. Tito's PHAT WWE Fast Lane Pay Per View Review with Show Grade and Match Ratings
By Mr. Tito
Feb 21, 2016 - 10:49:09 PM

Follow Mr. Tito on Twitter.com: @titowrestling

Welcome back to the EXCELLENCE IN COLUMN WRITING here at LordsofPain.net / WrestlingHeadlines.com. This is the INSTA-COLUMN edition of the WWE Fast Lane found only here at, well, LordsofPain.net / WrestlingHeadlines.com. Keep that in mind as you review this column, as I attempt to post this column ASAP after the event ends. It has presented a nice customer service to readers of LordsofPain.net / WrestlingHeadlines.com.

Heading into this show, my expectations were low because Triple H vs. Roman Reigns APPEARED to be etched in stone for Wrestlemania 32. Thus, the Triple Threat APPEARED to be going through the motions... I was more curious about how Brock Lesnar lost and how it shaped up his Wrestlemania 32 match-up. Otherwise, it seemed as though the booking was just quickly slapped together for a throwaway WWE Pay Per View as we await Wrestlemania 32.

But hey, much of 2015 had my expectations low and WWE surprised me often with great Pay Per Views that year.

Onto the Fast Lane review.

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Mr. Tito's PHAT WWE Fast Lane Review

First of all, if the readers only knew how much multi-tasking that I do during the first hour of WWE Pay Per Views, they'd be amazed. I'm putting my spawns to bed during that hour and am maneuvering around the house with my iPhone. It's quite impressive how I can simultaneously read Pete the Cat books while watching the WWE Pay Per Views...

PRE-GAME show match was Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto. I'm quite convinced that Del Rio only came to the WWE for the money. He is getting embarrassed by a much smaller wrestler and that's despite being in the shape of his life. Stupidity from the start... First of all, he beats John Cena 100% clean upon his debut... Then, he is thrown into 2 awful gimmicks between the "MexAmericans" with Zeb Colter and then the League of Nations. Now, he's putting over a 5'6" Rey Mysterio copycat who isn't Rey Mysterio. FINGER OF SHAME to this utter garbage and waste of a talent who, again, defeated John Cena 100% to win that US Title. The match was fine for the first 2 falls as Alberto lost the first fall on purpose by DQ to soften Kalisto up and then Alberto won the second fall. Despite all of that, Kalisto steals a victory over a highly paid free agent signing who, again, beat John Cena 100% a few months ago for that US Title. This one deserves a [ 0 stars ] rating because of the utter stupidity of this booking. I'm tired of this Rey Mysterio playbook recycling bullcrap!!

Blood pressure is up already and this was just the pre-game show...

Show has officially started and we have the WWE Fast Lane intro hyping the show and Eva Marie's hot ass is holding the checkered flag despite not even being associated with the WWE or this event. Why does the WWE even bother trying to make her become a wrestler? Just exist on the WWE roster... WWE is actively trying to re-create Sable and yet Sable's biggest drawing moments were when she was NOT wrestling. Just look hot and stir the pot with a microphone. That easy... Sell lots of merchandise, too.

Weird choice for opening match... Sasha Banks/Becky Lynch vs. Naomi/Tamina Snuka. I would have guessed this to be the "piss break" match before the Main Event but when you have TWO Divas matches on the same show, I guess you have to make choices. That is unless WWE wants to get Sasha Banks over from the hot opener to prepare her for Wrestlemania? Everytime I see Naomi, though, I feel bad... Had that orbital bone injury not occur, she might be in a different spot on this Divas roster. To start, the crowd is already dead with Becky Lynch starting against both heels. Uh oh... Extended "face in peril" work for Becky Lynch as we may have an eruption for Sasha Banks. Why WWE has wasted Banks for MONTHS now, I'll never know. Nice moment when Naomi pulled Sasha Banks as Becky Lynch tried to get the hot tag. Classic stuff! Hot tag and the crowd awakens... Yep, WWE wasted Sasha Banks for months... Did they not see her amazing NXT work? Oh man, I seriously thought Naomi was going to get that pin on hitting the Rear View after Sasha Banks was chasing Tamina. Match is getting HOT now with some nice double team action and Sasha/Becky hititng some sweet spots. Eventually, team work pays off for Sasha and Becky and they pick up with win via Bank Statement submission. Started off slow and improved greatly once the hot tag was hit. Good job, ladies. [ *** ]

So Kalisto is allowed to come out second as US Champion but Kevin Owens comes out first as Intercontinental Champion? WWE continues to piss on their title belts. Details, WWE. Champions ALWAYS come out second. Heading into this match, I was just praying that Kevin Owens and Dolph Ziggler could deliver something new other than what we've already seen weekly from them on RAW/Smackdown. Practice is over, time to step up and present the audience with something new and unique. Match started off with some really high energy (ohhh, that turnbuckle spot) but it was clear that both wrestlers were worn out after going that fast too soon. Hey, I said they should bring something different to the match and they did... But at the expense of affecting the rest of the match. That Superkick on the outside was taken like a man by Owens... His jaw moved as Ziggler's foot made impact. And then Owens takes another in the ring... Unlike Ziggler, Owens doesn't flinch. That's amazing to me. After some downtime in the match, both rested up and hit some nice sequences to end the match, especially the ending where Owens used the referee to avoid danger and set up his finisher. That's what heels do, baby... Pretty good match-up, but conserve your energy better guys... [ ***1/2 ]

Next match was a HOSS match between Ryback/Big Show/Kane vs. Wyatt Family with Bray Wyatt sitting at ringside. Interesting change in tights by Ryback but I admire it... Makes him look serious instead of looking like he stole RVD's tights (I'm aware that they both go to the same guy, by the way). The only thing is that Ryback really looks like Bill Goldberg when wearing black tights. Match is lacking heat because you know that WWE isn't going to push Ryback, Big Show, or Kane to the WWE Title anytime soon... Thus, there's no heat on the Wyatts to beat these guys when the feeling is that the match is a sure thing for them. But then the booking of the match takes over and Ryback and Big Show in particular have great spot moments to deliver some sweet offense against the Wyatts. That brought the crowd into it... Then, to my bigger surprise, Kane takes out Bray Wyatt on the outside to allow Ryback to possibly break Luke Harper's arm with a Shellshock (looked bad!). I'm SHOCKED, as I didn't think the thrown together hosses would beat a team with Braun Strowman on it... How about that? Ryback looked good other than that finisher... [ *** ]. Good match, actually. Big guys did their jobs well and everything looked good.

JoJo backstage and she says "it's time to welcome my guest, Roman Reigns" and the Fast Lane crowd erupts with boos. Roman cuts a good promo and then Dean Ambrose joins the segment to hype the animosity between 2 former Shield members. I hope that I don't hear that Priceline is a hidden sponsor of WWE programming... Blah to product placement.

By the way, the Vince McMahon Sr. award, I'm predicting, will go to the Undertaker tomorrow night on RAW. Then, one of the following will appear to challenge him... John Cena, the Rock, or Steve Austin...

Up next, Brie Bella vs. Charlotte. The hype of Brie Bella dedicating this match to her husband (Daniel Bryan) and sister (Nikki Bella) makes the booking seem obvious heading into this match. By the way, I sort of like Charlotte's mic skills... If she can refine it just a tad, she comes off well as a condescending heel. Nice touch by Brie wearing the kickpads of Daniel Bryan for this match. It's funny to me how Charlotte is manhandling Brie much like Nikki whooped on Charlotte for much of their matches. Weardown moves and taunts... Silent crowd, though, and I can clearly hear Charlotte calling moves in this match. Quite telling against Brie Bella if Charlotte is the one calling this match despite Brie being on the WWE main roster longer. Some of Brie's odd takedowns sort of validate that... Brie then goes for an injury spot after her top rope dropkick but then proceeds to deliver kicks with the left leg as the pivot foot. However, that leg would be sold for the finisher after Charlotte forced herself out of the half-crab submission and then Charlotte slapped the Figure 8 on and it was over. [ ** ] OK match, but both ladies are from two different generations of WWE Divas wrestling and it didn't mix well. WWE could have had a nice moment where Ric Flair interfered with the match and Daniel Bryan arrives to fend him off to give Brie Bella the win... But, I wouldn't keep that Divas Title on Brie Bella long-term especially seeing tonight's match. The days of the "Diva Search" era Diva are over... However, I do appreciate the goodwill that the WWE gave Brie Bella on her potential way out of the WWE for motherhood. Best of luck to her...

JoJo backstage with Chris Jericho to hype the match...

Chris Jericho vs. AJ Styles is next... Love AJ Styles theme music, as it sets the perfect tone for him as a new character. But then you hear BREAK THE WALLS DOWN which is the best theme song ever made. I still get chills when I hear it for Chris Jericho's WWE debut. Lots of talent and experience in that ring right now... Love it! Loud "AJ Styles/Y2J" chants break out several times during the match. Crisp match with both guys very willing to take high flying bumps. SICK mid-air dropkick by Jericho on AJ Styles as Styles leaps over the top rope to the outside. That is insane! Later, Jericho hot a dropkick midair on Styles when he was on the top rope. The sell by AJ Styles was great, too... Dropped dead! Pretty dangerous spot with the Frankensteiner attempt by AJ Styles on the top rope but Jericho held on to drop from the air and luckily, AJ Styles (like an experienced pro) tucked that chin in to save his life... Spot ended up looking good despite the true high risk. Nice reversal sequence with a powerbomb and eventually into a Styles Clash (first time? At least for me watching Styles in the WWE). Jericho kicks out but gets slapped into Styles's submission for the tapout. GREAT match. Both wrestlers were tight and yet delivered perfectly executed high risk maneuvers (Walls of Jericho spot could look rough to some, but that spot was dangerous). We'll go [ ****1/4 ] on that one... AJ Styles has proven that he can go, it's time to start pushing him. Kudos to Chris Jericho, as always, for doing great business.

Next, we have the "Cutting Edge Peep Show" hosted by Edge & Christian with New Day as the guests. Loved the fan service speech by Edge & Christian, particularly as they mentioned that their WWE No Mercy 1999 Tag Team Ladder match happened in the same arena... Just then, the New Day interrupted. Ouch. "I've never seen so much chocolate act so vanilla". OUCH. Edge/Christian accuse New Day of being E&C ripoffs and it somehow leads into some smack talk on League of Nations. "Hot GAR-bage", LOL. And then the League of Nations appears to take the wind out of the segment. New Day leaves immediately (Day of Rest, turn the other cheek) and then League of Nations is on the receiving end of Edge/Christian smack. Edge & Christian join New Day for some trash talk on the League, as Xavior Woods said "turn the other cheek" meant something else (Kofi reverses his Tag Title and shakes his booty). Funny segment, although it's mostly there to keep WWE Network viewers tuned into after the show. I really don't want League of Nations vs. New Day... If only Edge/Christian were healthy enough to take on the New Day at Wrestlemania 32. I'd briefly absorb some of their daily pain just to see that match.

And now, because we need more time to kill, Social Outcasts come out with mics in hand... Then, R-Truth (one of the must under-utilized) wrestlers in my opinion, comes out for an unannounced R-Truth vs. Curtis Axel match. Is this match a bonus or are we taking away time from an even better Lesnar/Reigns/Ambrose match? We'll find out... Pure time waster here that could have been saved for RAW. Outside antics with the Social Outcasts and R-Truth's newfound friend, Goldust, caused R-Truth to be distracted to lose the match. At least that's how I briefly saw it when I returned from the bathroom... [ 1/4* ] Can we at least try pushing someone in the midcard to look somewhat strong? All 4 members of the Outcasts and R-Truth have some in-ring talent but their booking restricts them to look stupid.

The MAIN EVENT is finally upon us, as in my opinion, this has been a great Pay Per View before the last match even happens. GOOD JOB WWE!

Dean Ambrose vs. Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar ends the show and the naming order that I presented were the order of the entrants. The best part about Brock Lesnar is how he always presents a BIG MATCH feel to any WWE event. Brock Lesnar is completely dominating this match from the start and he's smiling as he delivers PAIN to both. But then, the Shield members finally gang up on Brock Lesnar effectively and powerbomb Lesnar through the Table, Shield-style. Nice. Now, both should pick up chairs and beat Lesnar senseless... But, now Ambrose and Reigns begin their battle instead. Both notice that Lesnar is starting to wake up on the outside and they begin to prepare another table for a Powerbomb. Nailed it! Looks like Lesnar landed badly on an electrical device, but we'll see how that matters as the match wears on... Reigns/Ambrose wisely bury Lesnar with broken table parts, which I haven't seen before. Nicely done. Now, Ambrose and Reigns return to their battle as Reigns receives HEAVY boos. Of course, Lesnar wakes up and delivers a German on both guys! As he's trying to lock in his armbar, Reigns actually powers Lesnar up and then Ambrose attacks with a chair and then as Ambrose is finishing Lesnar off with a chair, a distracted Ambrose is speared by Reigns to lose. Hey, everybody might get what they want with Reigns moving on to the WWE Title and Lesnar vs. Ambrose now likely to happen (I hope). I'll go [ **** ] there. Good job by all 3.

Afterward, Triple H enters the ring to staredown Roman Reigns and then look at the Wrestlemania sign to end the show...

THE LAST WORD: Excellent show, at least from the official start of the show (I've taken bigger dumps than that Kalisto/Del Rio finish pre-game match finish). I was actually quite pleased with how the in-ring storytelling played out tonight in the midcard. Good booking for Sasha, amazing finish for Ryback/Big Show/Kane to look good, and AJ/Jericho had great creative freedom to deliver a strong match to dazzle everyone. Then, of course, the former Shield members ganging up on Lesnar... Just great stuff! Few rough spots here and there, but the biggest matches delivered and there were several nice surprises in the midcard. Just skip that pre-game match if you don't want to be insulted as a wrestling fan. [ A ] grade for that mighty fine WWE Pay Per View.

SO JUST CHILL... 'TIL THE NEXT EPISODE!

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