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Welcome back to the EXCELLENCE IN COLUMN WRITING from yours truly, Mr. Tito, exclusively here at LordsofPain.net / WrestlingHeadlines.com. Tonight, I will present my INSTANT review of the 2016 WWE Royal Rumble which I wrote as the show was happening and posted immediately after the show. The insta-column has been popular among the readers and helps me get to bed early... So here we are! Heading into this show, my expectations were pretty high because Brock Lesnar was in the Rumble match and WWE couldn't get any worse than the last 2 years' worth of Rumbles. However, I wasn't that excited for the midcard... Usually, the WWE Title match "brought it" on the Rumble shows but for this year, the WWE Title is being defended in the Rumble. Onto the review: Mr. Tito's PHAT 2016 WWE Royal Rumble Review On the Pre-show, we had a Fatal 4 Way Tag Match to determine the last 2 spots in the Royal Rumble between the Ascension, Dudleys, Jack Swagger/Mark Henry, and Damien Sandow/Darren Young. Wow, Sandow is still over... Despite the worst booking in the world thrown at him, the guy still has appeal with fans. Where is he on WWE shows? I can't remember seeing him since the Mizdow angle ended. Not sure where the WWE is going with the Ascension and they are struggling to stick in the WWE. Dudleys looked decent and one would think they'd be the odds on favorite to win a TAG MATCH... But after the 3D, Swagger and Mark Henry took the opportunity to attack and they won the match to earn the Rumble spots. I was scarfing down Pizza during this match or I'd give you more detail. [ ** ] Backstage, Adam Rose, Bo Dallas, Heath Slater, and Curtis Axel said things, but again, I was murdering some Pizza to even care. Getting this column ready to go live for the REAL part of the show. Limo pulls up and Vince McMahon/Stephanie McMahon pop out... What, is this Monday Nitro? Pretty obvious that a 3rd person is probably in that limo. Opening match was the "LAST MAN STANDING" match between Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Kevin Owens for the Intercontinental Title. FINGER OF SHAME to start the show as Dean Ambrose, the champion, comes out first. Champions come out second, damn it! Starting off nice with some brawling, chopping, and Dean immediately diving through the ropes for more brawling near the tables at ringside. Question I always ask... Who keeps kendo sticks under a wrestling ring? CRAZY move with Owens rolling into Dean Ambrose to break through the barriers outside. Owens pulls out some chairs and sits on them to relax as the referee counts Ambrose on the outside. Nice catch on the outside on Ambrose and then hurling Ambrose into the chairs. "THIS IS AWESOME" chants break out. Now tables are pulled out by Owens as JBL delivers what will be the line of the night: "We have a Home Depot under the ring". Oh, but then when Kevin Owens is taking forever to set up the tables, a member of the crowd utters "I feel like you're wasting your time right now". Kevin Owens tries to do a Superplex to Ambrose into those stacked tables on the outside but Ambrose fights off. Sabu chair toss into Owens's head! Fine coming your way, Dean. Beautiful reversal on the Pop-up by Ambrose and Dirty Deeds DDT starts the 10 count. Up at 8. Dirty Deeds on the the Chair! NICE move by Owens to roll out of the ring to stand up... First I've EVER seen that! "Fight Owens Fight" breaks out after that. Ambrose sets up a table, puts Owens on it, and Ambrose drops an elbow off the top rope for a "Holy s***" chant. Both get up at 8 count. Dean smacks Owens with a chair, yells "I HATE YOU" and then sets up a table in the ring. Superplex attempt by Ambrose but Owens reverses it perfectly to suplex Ambrose through the table instead. That was beautiful! Owens up at 8 and Ambrose just makes 9. Pop-up Powerbomb on Ambrose, perfectly executed, but Ambrose barely gets up at 9 count. Chairshot to the back of Ambrose which makes me wonder why Owens just doesn't beat Ambrose down with the chair. Did you not watch Royal Rumble 1999 to see the Rock murdering Foley with a chair without fear? Ambrose foolishly sets up chairs in order to hit Ambrose with a top rope move but Ambrose gets up and pushes Owens off the top rope and onto the 2 Tables Owens set up earlier. 10 count... Dean Ambrose retains! Great match and this is your "Match of the Year" candidate peg for which all other matches in 2016 must beat. [ ****1/4 ] That match proves right there that BOTH Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens are premiere wrestlers. Imagine if both received a MEGA PUSH like we're seeing with Roman Reigns? New Day (c) vs. Usos... The Champions come out first AGAIN, but I guess it is to allow the New Day to have some mic time. Big E and Kofi Kingston attempt to mourn the loss of their Trombone but Xavier Woods just bought a new Trombone instead! New Day predicts that 2016 will be "golden" with the WWE Title tonight, retained the Tag Titles, Gold Teeth, Golden Unicorns, etc. Back and forth to start until Big E and one of the Usos are on outside and Woods snuck in a nice swinging DDT. Fans began chanting "Play the Trombone" and Xavier Woods, to his credit, puts the Trombone on the crowd and refuses to play to stick it to the live WWE fans. How about that? True to his heel character... Everybody seems to be aiming towards the barrier with the bell and announcers tonight. Match was very much a formula tag match but I enjoyed the mostly clean win with a big moment from Big E to catch one of the Usos mid-air and then Big E hit his finisher. [ **1/2 ] Backstage, the Wyatt Family are saying weird stuff with smoke everywhere... The theme of champions coming out first continues with Alberto Del Rio (c) coming out first to defend his United States Title against Kalisto. Dead crowd for most of the match as nobody cares about Del Rio since his poorly booked return and I think most don't give Kalisto a serious look as a top singles wrestler. Kalisto is pound-for-pound a great talent but I don't see much worth in him due to his size. WWE will try to make him into another coming of Rey Mysterio but Mysterio looked his worse when his larger opponents had to sell for him. Del Rio tries to remove the mask but Kalisto fights it off. That's oldschool stuff that you just don't see with Mexican wrestlers lately. Spotfest then goes bad when Kalisto/Del Rio botches a move. See what happens when you don't use psychology? More bad back and forth between the two until Kalisto his a sloppy version of his finisher. This is 1st Hour Nitro spotfest crap. Try to sell things, guys, and not botch moves on a Pay Per View. [ *3/4 ] Backstage, Paul Heyman and Stephanie McMahon are together and Heyman says he's "ready to renegotiate Lesnar's contract" after Lesnar wins tonight. Heyman at first mentions taking out the entire Wyatt family but Stephanie wants Lesnar to take out Roman Reigns instead. The Edge & Christian show looks interesting... Uh oh, Eva Marie is featured on the WWE Fastlane Pay Per View promos... What does that mean? I'm going to shock many when I say this but I think she could be successful in the WWE as a personality. But not a wrestler... Just let her be a crap stirrer because she's a natural heat magnet. Doesn't have to wrestle... So Charlotte (c) is the only champion tonight that gets to come out second... Ugh. Becky Lynch has her best wrestling tights yet for tonight. I'll agree that the "Divas Revolution" has been a poorly booked disaster, but these ladies need to start representing. They need to prove to the mainstream WWE fans why they were so effective as draws in NXT. We have yet to see a strong match out of any NXT call-up since that July Divas Revolution event initiated by Stephanie McMahon. Some good back and forth between Lynch/Charlotte but nothing groundbreaking. Funny moment when Ric Flair gives Becky Lynch a big kiss to distract her... Whooooooo! It's controversial when Joe Namath does it to a sideline sports reporter but it's accepted behavior in pro wrestling. Whooooo! You can just tell that Ric Flair is itching to wrestle again... Some good action, although a few botched moves (small package, I think a neckbreaker fail). Crowd had decent reactions to the match but then again, the fans are anticipating the Rumble here shortly. Getting pumped... "Becky" chants... Nice rolling armbar from the top rope by Becky and then Charlotte shows impressive strength by deadlifting Becky out of it. In error, Charlotte baseball slides and hits Ric Flair. However, Flair got back up and threw his sports coat at Becky while she had a submission hold locked. Huh? How is that NOT a disqualification? It was enough of a distraction for Charlotte to hit a spear to win. Good match, [ *** ]. Afterward, Charlotte attacks Becky and then Sasha Banks arrives... Banks knocks Becky out of the ring herself and then acts like she's saluting Charlotte but then attacks Charlotte. Nice. About damn time, WWE. Sasha is the BEST female wrestler that I've ever seen and it's about time that WWE starts featuring her. Sasha was pulling back hard on Charlotte for the Bank Statement. Loved it! The usual Royal Rumble fact promo airs... But I love it every year! RUMBLE MATCH time and the #1 guy was Roman Reigns and reaction is lukewarm... Even Michael Cole admits "very mixed reaction for Roman Reigns". #2 is Rusev as I'm amazed that his fiance, Lana, is allowed on television for leaking the engagement news to TMZ. Ooops. Rusev thinks that he eliminated Roman but it was through the 2nd rope. Spear in the ring and then Rusev is quickly tossed by Roman. And #3, HOLY CRAP, it's AJ Styles! HUGE reaction and the WWE announcers are putting him over bigtime. Some back and forth between the two and the Samoan Drop did AJ Styles in... Ok? #4 is Tyler Breeze and he's going right after Reigns/Styles. "AJ STYLES" chant breaks out and it's super loud! AJ Styles was lifting Breeze when Reigns punches him to, I guess, get credit for eliminating Tyler Breeze. Curtis Axel is #5 as the Social Outcast entry, I suppose. AJ is taking lots of offense so far, hmmmm... The other Social Outcasts try to interfere and Styles/Reigns are fending them off. AJ Styles eliminates Axel and Chris Jericho is in at #6. Interesting... Some brawling between the 3 and then Kane arrives at #7. Rumble feels pretty big right now. Goldust is #8 with the announcers saying this is his 11th Rumble. Wow... Many "AJ STYLES" chants out there. Ryback arrives at #9 and he clears house with many shoulder blocks and knees. Everybody wrestling in a corner reminds me of what Kevin Nash explained about Battle Royals: "everybody go to a corner and try not to blow out a knee". Kofi Kingston is at #10 as I imagine we'll see some crazy creative spot. At #11, we have Titus O'Neil whom I'm guessing has returned to the singles ranks with Darren Young wrestling a tag match earlier with Sandow? Plus the personalized theme music... There is some upside with him but maybe the opportunity was wasted when he turned heel a while back? Titus eliminates Goldust. R-Truth is #12 and apparently, he thinks it's a Ladder Match. He puts up a ladder, climbs it, and is shocked to see no Title/Briefcase there. Ooops. Kane quickly eliminates him. Funny spot, but wasted spot none the less. Kofi Kingston almost eliminated but he lands on Big E's shoulders and is NOT eliminated. LOL... #13 is Luke Harper. Meanwhile, Vince McMahon is out with Rusev, Sheamus, and Alberto Del Rio to maul Roman Reigns on the outside. #14 is Stardust as I wonder where his career is going. Why exactly did he break up with Goldust as a tag team? They were fantastic together! Meanwhile, Rusev destroys Roman Reigns through the announcer's table and that was pretty sick. Why does the WWE have those old monitors in the tables, anyway? Shouldn't the announcers be watching WWE programming ringside with iPads or something? #15 is Big Show as everyone looks at him with fear, particularly when he combines his efforts with Kane. Big Show eliminates Titus and then Show takes out Ryback. Neville at #16. Jericho eliminates Kingston. More "AJ Styles" chants. Braun Strowman is up next at #17 and he eliminates Kane after an initial struggle. Now, we have another HOSS MATCH-UP between Big Show and Strowman. Eventually, after some work on the ropes, Strowman eliminates Big Show. I'm OK with that because of the damage Kane/Big Show did last year. Kevin Owens at #18 and he's selling the injuries sustained earlier tonight. Do you see how that's done Kalisto and Del Rio? PSYCHOLOGY. Owens goes immediately after AJ Styles and then Neville goes after AJ. Kevin Owens yells "welcome to WWE" and tosses AJ Styles over the ropes to eliminate him. Notice how the fans are booing about that? Had Roman Reigns did that, the place would have rioted. Dean Ambrose at #19 and he wants more of Kevin Owens. By the way, Kalisto/Del Rio, Ambrose has his shoulder and hand taped up to sell the effects of his match. That's how you do it... Sami Zayn at #20 as we have some NXT presence now. Cool. Zayn goes right after Kevin Owens and soon tosses Owens out. Impressive... Owens has feuds with many people after this event (Styles, Neville, Zayn). Erick Rowan is #21 as we now have THREE members of the Wyatts in the ring right now. Hard Harper clothesline on the ringside to eliminate Neville and then Harper superkicks Stardust. Wyatts should be unbeatable with their size and numbers. Mark Henry at #22 and the Wyatts ambush him for quick elimination. Strowman tosses Zayn. Brock Lesnar at #23 and this place is ready to explode!!! SUPLEX CITY! Brock destroys everybody with suplexes and then soon tosses Erick Rowan. HARD clotheslines by Brock on Braun Strowman! Jack Swagger at #24 and he immediately takes an F5 by Lesnar. So long... So much for those Pre-Game match winners between Swagger and Mark Henry. Miz is #25 and I just roll my eyes. Miz refuses to enter the ring and gets on ring commentary, suggesting he'll turn "Suplex City into Mizdey World". OK... More Suplex City stuff from Lesnar as everybody in the ring has to be sore by now. LOL. Lesnar eliminates Luke Harper after poor Harper took many Suplexes. Alberto Del Rio is at #26 and he goes after Lesnar. Brock frees himself and goes after Braun Strowman. After several attempts, Strowman gets clotheslined over the top rope by Lesnar. However, Bray Wyatt is #27 and the remaining Wyatts invade the ring illegally. However, Lesnar fends off the other 3 and now stares down Bray Wyatt. German Suplex and then an attempted F5 but Luke Harper stopped that. Sister Abigail on Lesnar and the Wyatts work together to toss Lesnar to a loud chorus of boos. Just ridiculous with the excessive illegal bodies in the ring. I know that it's No-DQ, but it looks stupid to have so much interference. Dolph Ziggler is #28 and the Miz decides to finally join the match from commentary to go right after Ziggler. Sheamus is at #29 but Roman Reigns runs down to rejoin the match by attacking Sheamus, eliminating the Miz and Alberto Del Rio. And then #30, Triple H... Oh my... Looks like Daniel Bryan won't ever return to a WWE ring. Why not just release the guy already, WWE? Let him be someone else's liability if you fear injury woes so much. Reigns, Ambrose, Jericho, HHH, Sheamus, Bray Wyatt, and Ziggler remain... I think on Sheamus, as he's still not up from the Reigns attack. Rumble is now focusing on HHH vs. Roman Reigns with the rest of the competition as not even worthy to them... HHH fights with Ziggler for a while, nice sequences (close elimination by accident on HHH), and then HHH eliminates Ziggler. HHH and Bray almost join up but Bray Wyatt quickly turns. Sheamus seems to want to help out HHH and they take care of Bray Wyatt together. Fun to see Jericho and HHH go at it... Once Jericho got the better of HHH, Ambrose disposed of him. FINAL FOUR are Sheamus, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, and Triple H. Roman Reigns is sucking wind and he had a long break! Superman Punch on Sheamus by Reigns and then HHH tosses Reigns. CROWD GOES BONKERS for Reigns being eliminated! Lots of middle fingers, too! AMBROSE vs. HHH as your FINAL TWO, wow! For Dean Ambrose, opportunity knocks! But the bout was short as HHH beats Dean Ambrose to win his 14th WWE Title. Now, Roman Reigns will win an Elimination Chamber match to become #1 contender... GREAT Rumble match, though... Much better than previous years and they had much better star power than previous years. And Roman doesn't walk out as Champion... LAST WORD: Undercard, overall, was good for the 2016 Royal Rumble. Loved the Dean Ambrose/Kevin Owens match, good WWE Tag Match, and Charlotte/Becky was decent... Not so much that spotfest known as Kalisto/Del Rio. GREAT Rumble match with lots of star power and a fun finish. I loved this year's show though I'm not overly excited about Roman Reigns vs. Triple H. [ A- ] for this year's show! ================================================ If you are a big fan of Super Mario Maker on the Nintendo Wii U as I am, then you'll know that creating Super Mario Bros. levels is lots of fun. Recently, I made a Royal Rumble themed board in which a wrestling ring is quickly filled up with various Mario Bro villains at a pretty quick pace. At the beginning of the board, just stand on the left ring post and watch the ring quickly fill up with Goombas, Koopa Troopas, Bob-ombs, and other creatures while trying to figure out how to get to the end of the board. At the end, I even rigged up a makeshift Titantron at the exit. WWE Royal Rumble on Super Mario Maker's online mode can be place by entering this ID #: 7B38-0000-01A3-2F4C on the Search function of Course World.
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