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Time for the predictions that will NEVER be downgraded to "Underperform", it's the Excellence in Column writing brought to you by Mr. Tito. Yes, this old man is STILL writing columns for LordsofPain.net/WrestlingHeadlines.com and it's been a full year since I've threatened retirement. How about that? I'm here to stay... All of my loyal readers keep bugging to do a SummerSlam 2013 predictions column. Oh come on... Haven't I written enough predictions columns for the last 14+ years? Shit, I used to attempt to predict what would occur on RAW. I was that lame! But I am here to present good customer service, notably to my loyal readers who have endured me since October 1998. Hey, that's 15 years coming up... Monday Night RAW is in the books... I'm certainly hyped for Brock Lesnar vs. CM Punk. It feels like a BIGTIME feud where both wrestlers were able to be presented evenly. That's unlike the WWE Title match between John Cena and Daniel Bryan. John Cena verbally THRASHED Daniel Bryan. Completely owned him and made Bryan look like a chump. That was bad and I'm sure WWE Management, who probably wrote that crap, saw it too. That Cena promo with a lukewarm response by Bryan in return will probably ice that Randy Orton is, no doubt, walking out of SummerSlam as WWE Champion. But don't worry, guys... Triple H will call that match evenly. And Kevin Nash will attack a celebrating Daniel Bryan after Bryan wins the Title and that will help Randy Orton get the WWE Title after cashing in the Money in the Bank briefcase. Yes, it's 2011 all over again. I enjoyed the US Title Battle Royal. Imagine that... A bunch of wrestlers legitimately wanting a US Title shot. It's not hard to do, folks... You can put heat on a midcard title by keeping wrestlers who are NOT over in the Main Event competing over midcard titles. You had 20 wrestlers swinging away in the Battle Royal and it was a ton of fun to watch. When Rob Van Dam won the Battle Royal, the fans were cheering for it as if it were a legitimate sense of accomplishment. It's not hard to get these midcard titles over... Just look to the past in WWE's massive video library. Overall, I think the WWE made SummerSlam slightly weaker by adding the stupid Bella vs. Natalya match while overbooking the Daniel Bryan vs. John Cena match to basically become Vince McMahon vs. Triple H "dick measuring contest". Triple H slowed down John Cena vs. CM Punk during SummerSlam 2011, but nobody learns from history in the WWE. Hard sell for SummerSlam, but thankfully, CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar remains credible. That's what truly matters and will help me buy this show. SummerSlam review column is happening... SUMMERSLAM PREDICTIONS The ol' "What Should Happen/What Will Happen" format that everybody has been doing lately. Good thing I have it on record as to doing this format years ago... Writing for almost 15 years now, I've done it all I suppose. Pre-Show Match for US Title (unless changed to 6 man): Dean Ambrose vs. Rob Van Dam WWE is in love with Rob Van Dam's return and the booking has been quite favorable for "Mr. Monday Night". WWE might take Rob Van Dam's return nostalgia seriously and try to get him over as a midcard act. I worry about Dean Ambrose's run... Just not panning out as the US Champion... Yet. WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Not a Big Show/Mark Henry/Rob Van Dam vs. the Shield. Please no. That's a RAW match. WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Rob Van Dam wins the US Title, if that match actually happens. Dean Ambrose hasn't impressed and I figure that the Shield might go back to the drawing board. Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes Call me a hater, but this match does NOTHING for me. They were a decent tag team but Damien Sandow was too new for me to even care about a break-up with his tag team partner, Cody Rhodes. WWE didn't give them any legitimate shots to be WWE Tag Champions and just wasted them as a tag team. Could have been decent, but who did they wrestle? Who did they shine against as a tag team? Now, the WWE has foolishly rushed yet another Developmental wrestler to the top. Can we prove that Damien Sandown can be a decent draw with the Intercontinental or United States title before giving him a crack at a World Title? But don't worry, he's a star in Triple H's eyes and therefore will be pushed hard to the top. Worked out extremely well for Sheamus... WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Double countout and Vince McMahon comes out and declares Sandow's Money in the Bank briefcase to be null and void. WHAT WILL HAPPEN: I think Cody Rhodes goes over here so that they can continue this feud another month. Seems like the WWE brass are high on this feud and will attempt to make Damien Sandow chase Rhodes before eventually getting the better of him. Otherwise, the WWE is clearly rushing Sandow along and he's another Sheamus... But with purple kneepads. Dolph Ziggler/Kaitlyn vs. Big E Langston/AJ Lee Why we aren't getting Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler at SummerSlam, I'll never know. Oh yeah, I know... WWE Management (Stephanie in particular) LOVES the AJ Lee character. Somehow, we're supposed to believe that a thick hoss named "Big E" is supposed to easily manhandle a World Title contender and that a runt like AJ Lee can whoop on another female with bigger biceps than most men. Did I mention that I absolutely HATE mixed tag matches? Might be hilarious to watch for RAW, but not for a serious Pay Per View event. I guess you need some downtime to go get the pizza. WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn 100% clean victory with Dolph Ziggler pinning Big E and then moving on to better things. WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Dolph/Kaitlyn win, but I believe it will arrive at Kaitlyn pinning AJ Lee to set up series of rematches for the next month. Yay for us... WWE management seems high on Big E Langston and might protect him from loss here. Dolph/Kaitlyn win, but with Kaitlyn pinning AJ Lee. Brie Bella vs. Natalya Just when you thought AJ Lee and Kaitlyn would be the only ones representing the Divas, we have an actual match here. As I watch RAW, the challenge appears to be Natalya vs. Brie Bella, but each side seems to be boasting adding "friends" to the mix. Whatever... I figure this is the WWE's way of saying "thanks" to the Divas for a successful E! show no matter how much it exposes the wrestling business. However, I will admit that I am enjoying Total Divas just for some backstage access into the WWE world (even if that is scripted). And wow, John Cena is a rich guy... WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Match cancelled. Give more time to other matches. WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Twin magic, as the Bellas will get the cheap win. WWE seems to only care about Natalya as a trainer for other ladies. The heat needs to be on the Bellas. Bray Wyatt vs. Kane - Ring of Fire Match Oh goodie, a gimmick match involving Kane. As if his resume needs another... This time, we will (finally) see Bray Wyatt actually wrestle. No more seeing his 2 inbred HOSS family members whoop on teams like Tons of Fun... We actually get to see the son of Mike Rotunda and the nephew of Barry Windham actually wrestle! Now, time to troll many NXT marks with my "what should happen" comments... WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Kane wins cleanly, knocks Bray Wyatt's character down a notch. Yeah, you heard me... Kane has more drawing potential in 2013 than Bray Wyatt. Wyatt is going to be damaged goods by being pushed too fast and by having Kane defeat him, he can start low and rise up. By 2014, we'll want to see more of Bray Wyatt because the WWE patiently built him up into the superstar that Windham Rotunda could always become. Kane still has some tread left on his tires and should be used as enhancement talent for the current Main Event scene, not newbie developmental wrestlers. Yeah, I said it... WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Bray Wyatt defeats Kane in an extended squash, probably putting Kane out for a considerable amount of time (I believe Kane is shooting a movie?). The hard push for Wyatt continues after SummerSlam... Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Christian for the World Heavyweight Championship Let me reiterate my opinion... Why the WWE is not having Del Rio vs. Ziggler is beyond me... But this could be a good match. Regardless of my criticisms of Christian as a main event wrestler, I cannot deny that he's a solid worker. I'm willing to bet that given the opportunity, Christian will probably delight in the ring. After all, at his age, this could be the last big event in which he wrestles for a World Title. Alberto Del Rio, on the other hand, is just there as the World Champion. Maybe in the a few months, he could lose the title and turn into a babyface to win it back? WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN / WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Christian is a "throwaway" contender here. Alberto Del Rio goes over strong, as he's Vince McMahon's guy and Vince would want to feature Del Rio on one of the top shows of the year. John Cena (c) vs. Daniel Bryan for the WWE Title Probably the most controversial title match of the year, given the debates among fans about Bryan and his current status on the WWE roster. Hard to argue that Bryan isn't over... Since Wrestlemania 28, those "YES! YES! YES!" chants are loud and spread among the entire live crowd. Much louder pops than whom the WWE Management wants to push to the WWE Title, Randy Orton. Bryan being over couldn't be denied, hence this SummerSlam match opportunity... But the Randy Orton Money in the Bank briefcase victory is a complete distraction. Now, Triple H is the special guest referee... Regardless of the questionable booking which has trashed Bryan (Vince ridiculing his size, Stephanie trying to give him a makeover, and Cena belittling his non-WWE career), Bryan gets 1 match to impress... I figure that with Cena and Bryan hanging out more together because they're banging Bella Twins, they're planning some goodies for this match. At the very least, he'll help out a potential future family member... WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Daniel Bryan gets a clean 100% win over John Cena and then when Randy Orton tries to cash in the Money in the Bank briefcase, Daniel Bryan also beats him. The ultimate put over with Bryan defeating both Cena and Orton in the same night. WHAT WILL HAPPEN: Triple H being the referee tips things off... I believe, in some way, Triple H will help Daniel Bryan win the WWE Title (maybe he'll miss the feet on the ropes - AGAIN). Then, Vince McMahon will come out with Randy Orton and along with referee Brad Maddox (established on RAW tonight), Randy Orton will have a crooked referee to take Daniel Bryan's WWE Title away. So Cena loses to Daniel Bryan thanks to Triple H, Bryan loses to Randy Orton thanks to Vince McMahon/Brad Maddox. CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar I have to admit... DIFFICULT match to predict. For one, CM Punk has lost to Rock twice, John Cena, Kane, and Undertaker for 2013. Lots of huge losses and it could be easily argued that he needs a big win. Then, you have Brock Lesnar... It's hard to argue having this guy lose matches, although John Cena and Triple H have done so already... But those 2 have protective booking. CM Punk does not. I could see the WWE wanting to keep Brock Lesnar strong to build him up for future Pay Per Views against John Cena (again), Randy Orton, Rock, or even the Undertaker. With Randy Orton chasing the WWE Title, I see the WWE legitimately moving CM Punk to the Smackdown roster. I'll watch on Fridays if that happens... CM Punk = draw for me. WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN: Brock Lesnar wins. He's a former UFC Champion... Who should actually beat this guy? WHAT WILL HAPPEN: CM Punk wins via botched Paul Heyman botched interference. Something like Heyman misses with a foreign object and hits Lesnar OR Lesnar gets blinded and hits an F5 on Heyman but afterward gets hit by CM Punk's GTS... Probably involving the steel steps because that's how you beat Brock Lesnar in the modern day WWE! Comments and debates are welcome on Twitter. Bring it on. @titowrestling SO JUST CHILL TILL THE NEXT EPISODE! FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER: @titowrestling
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