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Posted by Ris Laiman on Tuesday, May 2, 2017 LAIMAN'S LINKS Marissa's Website Marissa's Blog Marissa’s podcast Twitter - @RisMcCool Email - [email protected] All my books and bookings are available at RisMcCool.com My fifth book has just been released! IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #337 - Thoughts on RAW - 11-27-17 I'm in a bad headspace today. I'm hoping for some wrestling escapism. A Facebook friend and a fellow podcaster and his wife lost their lives today, and I saw the post that only said "goodbye" before it happened. Please do forgive me if these thoughts aren't as intense or detailed tonight. Right now I just want to watch something that makes me think of not that. In slightly more happy news, the nonprofit Callie Wright and I co-founded is trying to help a young kid go to a better school in our area. If you'd like to help out, go here: https://www.gofundme.com/help-a-fiveyearold-go-to-school 1. Oh thank merciful fuck, it's not starting off with Stephanie McMahon. Two months ago, Roman coming out with a new title would've elicited a massive reaction of boos, and here... Not so much. Well done, WWE. I'm STILL not looking forward to Roman/Brock, but whatever. 2. Thanks for the friendly reminder that Smackdown Live doesn't matter anymore. 3. Once again, the reactions would often differ after the entrance, and they're a lot stronger than they were. And looks like Miz got sent off to film The Marine 12 Rounds: Now It's Just Getting Sad. Good for him though, he had a damn good run here, despite all its flaws. 4. Gee, I bet that's the Miz coming out right now and not the two featured background artists who got some TV time... Ohai guys. They've apparently recruited someone to be an avenger, and I believe he's got a guit-fiddle. It's gonna be the battle of who can use more baby oil in their hair, and I'm down. Also good to see Elias hanging out with two other lost souls, since he's buds with Club Sandwich too. 5. Not a bad opening segment, and a new challenger gets to step up. Roman's definitely stronger when he doesn't have to do all the talking, but I'll take it. 6. What the hell? They took the "BURN IT DOWN!" out of Crossfit Jesus's entrance, despite it now being on his t-shirt. That was growing on me too. I guess because they took Kane's pyro away, they had to take away references to fire just to be sure. Is he facing one of the Bar? Oh good, those four have only been running the Roman/CFJ/KO/Jericho angle for a portion of the time that happened last year. I was hoping we'd get to see it again. 7. Paige is returning to the ring tonight. My day is instantly better. 8. Cesaro still has his dual theme and Quickening entrance style despite being alone. I suppose it's good to have consistency. I'm looking at you, Shield... 9. What's there really to say? Of course the work with these two is great. I would expect it to be after wrestling each other for three straight months, but who cares? This overkill of the same matches is death to interest. 10. A two-commercial match, we've got ourselves a barn-burner here. And after a suicide dive, who'da thought? 11. Crossfit Jesus gets the win, thus completing the sweep of the singles matches. Royal Rumble for the match to finally end this feud? Please? 12. Seriously? After winning a match, their first question is about Roman Reigns? Dropping the Dean/Renee honeymoon references, and how the Shield will only get closer together. Loosely allied stable members pursuing their own goals, why wouldn't that be a thing? 13. Why does Kurt Angle make so many matches off screen? 14. The Cruiserweight division is so irrelevant that Kurt doesn't even know who they are. 15. Kurt's "tag team match, playa" is "fatal four way match." 16. Titus O'Neil got the jobber reference, and it's Samoa Joe, so... Yeah, Joe wins. 17. I'll admit, this was not the match I expected to turn into a slap fight, but there you go. 18. Titus gets in a lot of offense, Joe locks in the clutch out of nowhere and wins. Best showing from Titus in a long damn time. 19. This time, Crews is the one who gets taken out after the match because reasons. 20. More Club Sandwich doing Shopzone shills. Apparently invoking the New Age Outlaws is now a replacement for doing something on the show. 21. Now it's time for the 6-person tag match, and Mickie James is MIA. Kay. Wait, so is Bayley. I think some shenanigans are afoot. 22. It seems like they're giving Paige a second run at the triad angle. Hopefully they can manage it without accidentally embarrassing them with a name... 23. Oh snap, they got attacked backstage. Those kids and their antics! 24. Paige takes credit for eliminating the word "Diva" from the WWE Dictionary. So wait, now she started the women's revolution? Is that why they let Emma go? Because they couldn't run both of these at the same time? 25. Now they're called Absolution. A Muse album is a better way to go. Corey Graves would be proud. 26. They're pulling rank and experience with someone who debuted three years ago? 27. Snap, Sasha didn't agree to join Absolution. I imagine this will go perfectly fine for her. Psych, triad beatdown. 28. Well that went on incredibly long, but it got them heat, so fine. 29. Bray Wyatt's back, so how's the weirdness hour going to go now? 30. Bray's rambling on about trying and ignorance and at some point, I'm sure there will be a point. Maybe. Sorta. Not really. 31. "You're all dead." That's the way he's going now. Linguine breaking, linguine breaking, linguine can't take pressure... ::snap:: 32. Matt Hardy answers because if anyone knows about being truly broken.... It isn't him because we can't reference that, so Bray will win and this will not be as fun as it could be. 33. I wish I weren't so tired. 34. "He knows every inch of the ring." I'm not sure how that helps. They're really building on this "rough patch" of Matt's career idea, which at least gives him something to do until Jeff comes back? 35. "That could be the turning point of the matchup." Dear JBL, can you force it any harder? 36. Super delayed Sister Abigail out of nowhere, Bray wins. Fine. I'm sure this time around, everything will go great for him. 37. Matt freaks out in the ring and starts doing the "DELETE!" thing. Shame it's not in front of a more enthusiastic crowd, because this one doesn't seem to give a shit about anything. 38. "Are we witnessing a Matt Hardy breakdown?" Subtle. 39. Total Divas? But I thought they eliminated that from their dictionary? You lied to me, Paige. 40. They shift into Kane/Strowman, so I'm expecting more replays. 41. This is what they're doing with Jason Jordan now? Being the fake confident/looking to slip out of any challenge? Now he's going to fight Kane, because... I don't know, this show makes no sense. 42. Now we've got a four-way cruiserweight match, and all four of them were jobber entranced. If they don't care, why should we? 43. Swann and Tozawa showing off for a bit is at least a little bit of fun in this episode of RAW that feels more phoned in than a Brock Lesnar feud. 44. I have no idea what the crowd is chanting. I'm just happy to know there is a crowd there. From the mostly-silent soundtrack they've provided tonight, I assumed they were holograms. 45. How are we supposed to know Enzo is watching the match if we don't keep cutting back to him? Do it again, just in case. 46. This show feels like a go-home show for a PPV that isn't happening. Smaller roster, highlight packages, things thrown together for no discernible reason. 47. Rich Swann wins, and will face the winner of the other cruiserweight match to get a shot at Enzo. Why is it the Cruiserweight title has a KOTR-style number one contendership process and the Intercontinental challenger just has to, you know, show up? 48. Now we've got Elias, so... What's main eventing? 49. Anyway, here's a 12-bar blues riff. The Miztourage is out for a whatever, and Axel moves and nods his head with a neckbrace on. I bet they're totally playing those harps. 50. Two songs that weren't interrupted. I'm not sure how to handle this bit of information. 51. It's a whole not-Rock concert, and the crowd is chanting "We Want Roman." I'll be damned. 52. They spent the whole commercial break waiting for the match to start. That must've been an awkward staring contest. 53. Elias is getting a chance to shine here, though a stray Superman punch will likely counter everything at some point. 54. Going into the commercial, Elias cuts off the hope spot with a majority of the momentum so far. 55. And we're back with... MORE REST HOLDS! It's like Randy Orton's chinlock designed a match! 56. Man, Bo Dallas just can't catch a break. Neither can Axel, because wrestling is weird. 57. That was a damn fine elbow drop. Too bad that's just a transitional move anymore. 58. Will a spinning sit out powerbomb be enough? Nope, there are only four finishers in WWE anymore, and the rest is just kickout fodder. The commentators are putting over Elias hard, so kudos to them. 59. Roman wins, which is to be expected, but a damn fine showing from Elias. 60. Ohai Samoa Joe, I knew you wouldn't be stuck in Titus-feud Land forever! 61. Extra long shot of a close-up of Roman's face while he sort of breathes and stares vacantly. That really added to the moment. 62. Every single time we go to commercial break, it's Coke Zero's jingle of "Deck the Halls" and the Hershey's Kiss "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" back-to-back. Thought I got away from this shit when I left retail. 63. Kane and Jason Jordan going on after an IC title match involving the chosen one. Is there a Braun attack a-comin'? 64. A slo-mo recap of Roman close-up breathing. Invigorating. 65. Asuka always has the best outfits, but that kimono... Damn. 66. Dana "Side Camera Promo" Brooke spends more time talking about the match than she gets in the match. That was an effective use of television time. 67. Uh oh, here comes Paige. They're gonna go at this one Shield-style, eh? All right then, at least it's not preceded by a meandering, longwinded promo first. 68. So the slow, awkward heel exit is done by... Asuka? Okay... 69. Jason Jordan joins the "speculation on social media" club. When did they decide to turn him into an annoying twit? I mean, I guess that's a good idea if we're going for early Kurt Angle, but it seems such an odd character turn. 70. Corey Graves lighting into Booker T for his hypocrisy and inconsistency is my favorite part of the night. 71. Jordan gets counted out after pulling the knee injury again, and this makes Booker T quote... The Rock? What show am I watching? 72. Wouldn't you think a concerned father and/or GM would be concerned about what's going on here? 73. Who comes out to make the save but... Finn Balor? All right, follow up on that and let Finn get some revenge. It's nice that he gets in his hand signals and full camera angle though. It's so brimming with anticipation that we have to cut to commercial before we see the confrontation. 74. It's that "he does exist!" Santa M&Ms commercial. Now all I need is the 30-year-old Campbell's melting snowman kid one to complete the trifecta of annoyance. 75. Kurt Angle makes another match off-screen, but he couldn't stop his own son from getting his knee demolished? That's consistency for ya. 76. Kane ends the match with a chair, because why the hell would we take the chance to help out someone not named Braun Strowman? That'd just be silly. 77. Fuck, I mean, Kane is my favorite of all time, but this is ridiculous. Three straight times that Kane has gotten it over Balor with relatively little ease. 78. He's got the chair on the throat, so I imagine here's where Braun comes back. Braun pulls the old Kane maneuver of completely no-selling a chair shot. 79. Did Kane have gum in his mouth after taking that second chair throat shot? 80. Watching Kane crawl away gasping for breath is how the show goes off the air. Holy shit was this a night of holding long shots on unpleasant shots. That's a good way of summarizing the whole show: Long, meandering, awkward, and unpleasant. Outside of the Elias/Roman match, nothing was accomplished, Finn gets demolished by Kane again, and everything else feels phoned in and drawn out. To be fair, I knew I was not in the best mood as it was, so that may have influenced it, but when wrestling can be such great escapism and just turns out to be a meandering bore, it's disappointing. HAM OF THE NIGHT I think Elias gets it tonight. Nobody really stood out. 2012 - Daniel Bryan 2013 - Paul Heyman 2016 - Chris Jericho 1-2-17 - Kevin Owens 1-3-17 - Jack Gallagher 1-9-17 - Shawn Michaels 1-10-17 - Dean Ambrose 1-16-17 - Sami Zayn 1-17-17 - John Cena 1-23-17 - Xavier Woods 1-24-17 - James Ellsworth 1-30-17 - Mick Foley 1-31-17 - Daniel Bryan 2-6-17 - Goldberg 2-7-17 - Daniel Bryan 2-13-17 - Chris Jericho 2-14-17 - Alexa Bliss 2-20-17 - Lana 2-21-17 - Maryse 2-27-17 - Mick Foley 2-28-17 - Bray Wyatt 3-13-17 - Paul Heyman 3-14-17 - AJ Styles 3-20-17 - Austin Aries 3-21-17 - Mizcena 3-27-17 - Big Cass 3-28-17 - Mizcena/Mizbryan/John Cena 4-1-17 - Bobby Roode's dueling pianists 4-2-17 - The Undertaker 4-3-17 - Chris Jericho 4-4-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura 4-10-17 - Braun Strowman 4-11-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura 4-17-17 - Samoa Joe 4-18-17 - Nobody 4-24-17 - Alexa Bliss 4-25-17 - Dolph Ziggler 5-8-17 - The Miz 5-9-17 - The Usos 5-15-17 - Titus O'Neill 5-16-17 - Fandango/Tyler Breeze 5-22-17 - Bray Wyatt 5-29-17 - Alexa Bliss/Ohai Bayley 5-30-17 - Fashion Files 6-5-17 - The Miz 6-26-17 - Paul Heyman 6-27-17 - The Ascension 7-3-17 - TROOF 7-10-17 - Paul Heyman 7-17-17 - Crossfit Jesus 7-18-17 - Randy Orton 7-24-17 - Kurt Angle 7-25-17- Chris Jericho 7-31-17 - Bray Wyatt 8-7-17 - Paul Heyman 8-8-17 - Arn Anderson 8-14-17 - Big Ca/ss 8-15-17 - Breezango 8-28-17 - John Cena 9-4-17 - Braun Strowman 9-11-17 - The Miz 9-18-17 - Neville 9-19-17 - Dolph Ziggler 9-24-17 - Paul Heyman 9-25-17 - Alexa Bliss 9-26-17 - Dolph Ziggler 10-2-17 - The Miz 10-3-17 - Rusev 10-9-17 - Finn Balor 10-10-17 - The Usos 10-16-17 - Curtis Axel 10-22-17 - Kurt Angle 10-23-17 - Drew Gulak 10-30-17 - The Miz 10-31-17 - Kofi Kingston/Rusev/Becky Lynch 11-6-17 - New Day 11-7-17 - New Day 11-19-17 - The Usos 11-20-17 - The Miz 11-27-17 - Elias Marissa Laiman, In Laiman’s Terms, and Inciting Incident are owned by It’s a Shameful Thing, Lobsterhead, LLC. 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