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Posted by Ris Laiman on Tuesday, May 2, 2017 LAIMAN'S LINKS Marissa's Website Marissa's Blog Marissa’s podcast Twitter - @RisMcCool Email - [email protected] All my books and bookings are available at RisMcCool.com RIS: Turns out I had an interview tonight go way later than expected, and following up with Hulu has never worked for me. Thankfully, I asked Aiden to take notes, and instead he just wrote an entire column. So, to celebrate our one year anniversary, I'll let him share the thoughts he's generally speaking in my ear anyway as I write twice a week. Hope you enjoy him. IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #315 - Thoughts on SD Live - 8-15-17 1. Hello fans! Aiden Laiman here, I’m filling in for Ris for tonight, and I’m so excited (I’ve always wanted to do this!) Due to work, and noise concerns, we’re starting off the show with the TV on mute, and hoping that reading off of the closed captioning gives us some context as to what the hell is going on tonight…wish me luck 2. We get a recap about the match between Cena and Jinder that they teased us with last week, what a shock. As usual, they’re hyping this up because its “The First time he’ll face a 16-time champ!!” 3. The Singh brothers come out to start the show before joining Heaven’s Gate on their ascension… 4. And here comes Jinder Mahal!!! As always, looking like his roommate ate the last S’mores Poptart without asking 5. JBL compares Jinder as “Going from an upset, to an upstart…” and I have no idea where the hell he got that from 6. Jinder starts touting India as “the greatest country” blah, blah, international heel heat… 7. I think today’s India’s independence day, and Jinder’s brought along a VERY interesting cast of what I assume is a Bollywood flick dancing on the ramp. That’s nice… 8. He insists the audience rise as an Indian woman sings the Indian National anthem, or at least I think so. Nothing could possibly ruin this warm, patriotic moment, right? 9. RANDOM DANCING AROUND THE RING! EVERYONE!! 10. Jinder addresses the booing, and taunts that he will defeat Cena, you know, like you do. But he seems to be struggling to get a word in against the crowd in Rhode Island, which isn’t too much of a shock 11. And there’s Nakamura, right on cue. Even when the TV is muted, his entrance is still electric, I love it! 12. Nakamura reminds Jinder that he is not in Kansas anymore, and how he will lose the battle to him on Sunday. 13. Nakamura strikes a pose like a rockstar, and confidently exits the ring while the Singh brothers are egging him on like two angry pubescent boys that were insulted. Nakamura gives no fucks as he taunts them with the non-verbal equivalent of: “Aww, Honey…” 14. Next up we get reminded about how AJ will be apologizing to Shane o’ Mac, I don’t quite understand why, I thought their past had been largely put behind them after Wrestlemania; it CERTAINLY hasn’t been addressed since then! 15. Saving 35% off of college tuition? How much longer until we start getting BOGO coupons? 16. We come back to the announcers table, and find out that Ric Flair’s condition has improved since yesterday, that’s wonderful news to hear and I hope he gets well soon 17. And now its time for the Women’s Division match! It's damn hard to tell what’s an entrance, or a surprise attack by another wrestler; Naomi’s entrance scared the crap out of me there for a few seconds. Neon green seems to work with her though. 18. The bell rings, and Nattie wastes no time as she puts Beck in a headlock. Nattie bitch slaps Becky…oh that’s not a good idea. She then bitch slaps Naty three times, before she gets her ass thrown out of the ring 19. Becky is not fucking around after that bitch slap, chasing her around the ring, and along ringside. 20. ..is, is Beck strutting around like a chicken to taunt her? 21. Nattie goes for the oldest trick in the book, and tries asking for a time out; Becky then gets backflipped twice before getting thrown back into the ring. 22. Nattie looks like Elmyra from Tiny Toon Adventures the way she has Becky in a headlock, and also by the look on her face. 23. Becky clotheslines Nattie twice before giving her a jump kick. This is a pretty good match compared to the last few that have been featured on here. 24. Becky goes in for a dive but lands on her ass, and Nattie’s got her back in a sharp shooter, Becky taps, Nattie wins…Soo, this was a match to see who challenges for the title? What the hell happened to Camella? Shit or get off the damn pot already 25. Natalya puts Becky back in a sharpshooter, prompting Naomi to get up from the announcer’s table, and scare Nattie out of the ring 26. Hey look! Carmella’s here! She’s here to remind us that she exists, and that she also has the briefcase, right? Remember that guys? Remember?? No threat of cashing in her opportunity, no asking for a match now, nope! Off she and the Chinless wonder go to god knows where… 27. Ohh yeah! I forgot AJ accidentally kicked Shane right in the fuck last week, but no time for that, its time for shenanigans between Lana and Tamina… 28. She contines to tell Tamina how plain she is, while Tamina tells Lana how much she sucks at wrestling. But it looks like she has a plan to use Tamina’s intimidation to her ability, didn’t see that coming from a mile away 29. The Usos find Daniel Bryan and try being cute (or at least agreeable) like my step-daughter does whenever she wants me to buy her something. They ask if they can fight Kofi and Xavier, to which Daniel agrees to pretty easily…perhaps too easily…what’s the catch here? Daniel then dances around a little bit after the Usos leave…ookay then. I have nothing to go on. 30. Rusev is back on Smackdown, yaaay…whose ass is he going to kick this week? Jobber match? Oh shit! I didin’t see him sneak up on Orton like that last week, that was half decent. 31. I’ve got to wonder, Has Rusev’s entrance theme been playing on repeat for the wole commercial break? 32. Chad Gable? Why? How? The fuck happened between those two? 33. Rusev throws Chad over the announcer’s table, and then begins cleaning it off in a traditional fashion. He then…gets Chad to tap from on top of the table, that sounds like a dirty euphemism 34. Ok…I guess that’s the end of the match, Rusev takes to the ring and gets fucking sideswiped by Orton. About time he showed up too, that was too easy of a damn match to be believed; kind of like Elias and TROOF last night. 35. Orton’s grinning like an idiot, and then spends the next two minutes posing around the ring. What else is new? 36. Time for another shill for the network! As we get yet another reminder that Cena and Jinder are going to be fighting tonight. Don’t get me wrong, I’m interested in seeing what happens, but c’mon now. 37. Once again we hear about how exciting it is that Summerslam is coming back to Brooklyn for the 50th year in a row 38. Here’s AJ, whose gracefully outgrown that “Soccer Mom” hair cut he had last year, I’m happy to see him as a face for once, I think it suits him a little better; or maybe I just think he plays a face better than a heel…who knows? 39. We get a recap of what happened last week, just in case we weren’t watching then; and it looks like Shane o’ Mac’s still willing to ref the match between AJ and KO for the title this weekend, that’s awful nice of him 40. AJ gets on the mic, and asks for Shane to come out. His entrance never gets old either, even when it's muted. 41. He prances around the ring a bit before grabbing a mic. I can’t tell from the lack of noise, but it looks like the crowd likes this. Run with it WWE! 42. He tells AJ that there’s nothing to apologize for, and that he’s all good. You’re a gentleman Shane. And AJ wants Shane to know that he didn’t mean anything by it regardless. This is nice, but I feel like it's almost like they’re both waiting for the other to hang up the phone first. 43. Shane warns AJ that if he ever puts his hands on him again, he’s going to put his hands “All Over You” I’ll refrain from making a Titanic, or LIVE joke here. Too easy… 44. Ah! Almost as if on cue, KO has decided to grace us with his presence. He’s being a brown noser trying to spin it like AJ’s lying. This is almost like watching my two children trying to throw each other under the bus whenever they get in trouble. 45. Shane declines KO’s handshake, and tries to offer it to AJ instead. AJ declines the handshake and there’s a shoving match. Shane stops AJ and tells him: “What did I tell you!?” I assume he accidentally hit Shane. KO tries to attack from behind, AJ moves out of the way just in time for KO to kick Shane right in the fuck. Wow, this really is like watching my two children trying to get out of trouble 46. I’m so glad they’ve found a good way to get Breezango over, it would’ve been a shame to watch them languish after their tag-team match on Money in the Bank. Can’t wait to see where this “Season Finale” decides to go 47. Oh look! It’s the New Day. Is it time for the Usos to win for whatever fucking reason already? 48. Hey! I didn’t know the New Day reclaimed their titles. Good on them. Are we going to go for another record? Oh shit, looks like they found out about the Usos being sneaky. Oh! And they even had time for a GOT reference. Get it? Cause its popular and topical 49. The Usos show up on cue, let’s see how long they last. 50. Kofi and Xavier are on fire, delivering frog splash after frog splash. This is the second time tonight that we’ve had a dual screen deal with the commercials and the match. Is this really so unimportant to be treated this way? 51. Kofi catches a foot , rather impressively, but is kicked right in the fuck after a spin kick. He’s put in a leg lock by one Uso and then gets kicked by the other. OOOOHH!! Those nasty heels! 52. Kofi gives an overly dramatic tag to Xavier, who starts running and bouncing around like an acrobat. His energy level is pretty fun to watch. Kofi comes in to pin Jey, but is attacked by Jimmy, Kofi gives one a spinebuster, while swatting at the other that keeps trying to get at the ropes. Jimmy, I think, pins Kofi for the win. What a shock 53. For the sixth, or seventh time tonight, we hear about the Cena-Jinder match. WE GET IT! THEY’RE FIGHTING TONIGHT! THIS IS A THING THAT’S GOING TO BE HAPPENING. Jeez, this is starting to reach modern Roman Reigns publicity levels of bad 54. Fashion Peaks? Not too sure I get the reference, but I love it. Oh my god! I love that “Missing” poster of Fandango! The “Found” and “Aliens?” sticky notes are hysterical! OH!! THE FOURTH WALL JOKES! Bravo! 55. What are the Ascension doing with Breezango anyway? I mean, I’m not opposed to it, I’m just wondering if that’s really going anywhere? 56. Sweet!! Two weeks! I can wait that long. 57. And the Cena chants are LOUD tonight!! It seems that the audience can’t make up their minds whether they want him to win or not…but its strangely devoid of Jinder chants. 58. Wow, only two and a half minutes and we’re already on commercial break. Oh, that’s why. Another 11 minutes to kill. Of course. 59. HELLO! In the words of Vince McMahon: “WHAT A MANEUVER!” 60. Hehehe!! Five-knuckle shuffle. 61. And there go the Singh brothers. I’m surprised they got their asses kicked out this early. Oh dear god! Its like they’re lovers lamenting that they won’t meet again until after the War is over. Too vague? 62. A Colos? The hell is that? Is that like mid-90s slang? Is that making a comeback too? 63. GOD DAMN IT CORBIN! This is why we can’t have nice things!! 64. “I’ll see you on Sunday” Soo, he’s not going to cash in tonight? 65. Shit!! Corbin cashes in! I did not see that coming!! Is this really going to be that easy of a win for him? Are they really going to give that away so quickly? 66. HOLY SHIT!! I did not see that coming either!!! Good work Smackdown! You’ve thrown me through a damn loop! I’m legitimately wondering what’s going to happen now? Cena’s pleased though, and so am I. Its been like beating a dead horse since he got the briefcase. Thank god they finally did something with it. I’m amazed they went in a completely different direction than was expected though. Could this mean Corbin’s got a new grudge? Can he stop ruining every other match now…Please? 67. That’s one hell of a way to end the show! This week’s show wasn’t half bad actually, aside from being confused as to why Daniel decided to dance around a little bit backstage, or why the hell Carmella continues to tease cashing in her opportunity; then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did so at Summerslam this Sunday just to keep things interesting. HAM OF THE NIGHT Tonight's HAM goes to Breezango. Here’s to hoping This angle keeps going. 2012 - Daniel Bryan 2013 - Paul Heyman 2016 - Chris Jericho 1-2-17 - Kevin Owens 1-3-17 - Jack Gallagher 1-9-17 - Shawn Michaels 1-10-17 - Dean Ambrose 1-16-17 - Sami Zayn 1-17-17 - John Cena 1-23-17 - Xavier Woods 1-24-17 - James Ellsworth 1-30-17 - Mick Foley 1-31-17 - Daniel Bryan 2-6-17 - Goldberg 2-7-17 - Daniel Bryan 2-13-17 - Chris Jericho 2-14-17 - Alexa Bliss 2-20-17 - Lana 2-21-17 - Maryse 2-27-17 - Mick Foley 2-28-17 - Bray Wyatt 3-13-17 - Paul Heyman 3-14-17 - AJ Styles 3-20-17 - Austin Aries 3-21-17 - Mizcena 3-27-17 - Big Cass 3-28-17 - Mizcena/Mizbryan/John Cena 4-1-17 - Bobby Roode's dueling pianists 4-2-17 - The Undertaker 4-3-17 - Chris Jericho 4-4-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura 4-10-17 - Braun Strowman 4-11-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura 4-17-17 - Samoa Joe 4-18-17 - Nobody 4-24-17 - Alexa Bliss 4-25-17 - Dolph Ziggler 5-8-17 - The Miz 5-9-17 - The Usos 5-15-17 - Titus O'Neill 5-16-17 - Fandango/Tyler Breeze 5-22-17 - Bray Wyatt 5-29-17 - Alexa Bliss/Ohai Bayley 5-30-17 - Fashion Files 6-5-17 - The Miz 6-26-17 - Paul Heyman 6-27-17 - The Ascension 7-3-17 - TROOF 7-10-17 - Paul Heyman 7-17-17 - Crossfit Jesus 7-18-17 - Randy Orton 7-24-17 - Kurt Angle 7-25-17- Chris Jericho 7-31-17 - Bray Wyatt 8-7-17 - Paul Heyman 8-8-17 - Arn Anderson 8-14-17 - Big Cass 8-15-17 - Breezango Marissa Laiman, In Laiman’s Terms, and Inciting Incident are owned by It’s a Shameful Thing, Lobsterhead, LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved. For media or inquiries, please contact [email protected].
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