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Posted by Ris Laiman on Tuesday, May 2, 2017 LAIMAN'S LINKS Marissa's Website Marissa's Blog Marissa’s podcast Twitter - @RisMcCool Email - [email protected] My newest novel, Voice in the Dark, with contributions from Dan Arel, Noah Lugeons, Matthew O'Neil, Karen Garst, Melina Barratt, and Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, is available for pre-order and will be released on July 14, 2017. A percentage of the proceeds go to Wolves Den in Flint to help the water protectors there. IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #306 - Thoughts on SD Live - 7-18-2017 1. I'm not sure which is sillier... The way Jinder says "Punjabi Prison" or how hard they're trying to sell that turd of a match. Especially after we've already seen Mahal/Orton tear the house down twice. And by tear the house down, I mean that it... um... happened. 2. Philadelphia, home of my alma mater, and now I get to enjoy it from afar. Awaythefuckfar. Though I really did enjoy Seattle a few weekends ago. The PNW knows how to show a girl a good time. 3. Dramatic music and outer structure lowering makes it sound like we're about to start the sequel to Kingdom of Heaven. That, or the Kennel From Hell is starting. I'm not sure which would be worse. 4. Gentlemen, BE-HOLD! A PUNJABI PRISON, STEVE! 5. The Singh Brothers are way better talkers than their counterpart. 6. The outer structure is a Denis Leary's kids dream house match with NO DOORS! Birds flying around, wind coming in and out, they don't care! 7. That pop for Randy Orton has to be symptomatic of being incessantly bored by this promo, this title reign, this feud, and the concept. I haven't even seen Smackdown in a while, and I still don't care. 8. Orton's response promo reminds me of the one time Fab John McChesney requested a match with Low-ki, and Ki incredulously responded, "This is something... you want?" 9. Damn, Randy took a little lesson from CFJ and turned up the HAM. 10. That main event tag match is what made me be sure to catch Smackdown this week. 11. Another five-way women's match for a number one contendership? I get that the two MITB matches were good, but they're gonna do another one, just switching Carmella for Lana? That concept wears itself out when you do it all the time, not that the other show would know anything about that... ahem. 12. So... much... corpsing. I love it so much! 13. It seems so long ago that Kofi was a singles star. He's been on the roster for ten years-plus! Insane! 14. Things I never thought I'd hear: JBL talking about all the rap battles he lost. 15. That was a really fun series of moves with Kofi's creative offense. Balancing his midsection on the ropes there looked both clever and original. 16. We MAY have seen this turn during the commercial break. Unless we were distracted by that five-year-old commercial of a Dale call. 17. Look at Jimmy Uso doing some Shelton Benjamin throwback! 18. Both of these teams sure do love their audience callbacks. At least it gets the crowd involved. There's not enough of that, besides pandering and mentioning the WWE Universe or city by name. 19. How does Shane get these girls hyped for another number one contender match like this? They all, sans Lana, have to be really sore. 20. Becky responding with annoyance so high that she can't make words for a good ten seconds is a HAM contender in and of itself. 21. Oh goodie, a RAW recap of awkwardness. Remember when these shows were "competing" with each other? I feel for Gable. They never really got much of a chance to take off, and I don't know what he'll do on his own. I loved the Alpha tag team. That's what, four tag teams to split up recently? 22. The Smackdown RAW Rebound, because they're totally equal shows. I'll be back later. 23. Yay, it's Mike and Maria, being accompanied to entrance music from what I can only assume is a remix of "Heal Me, I'm Heartsick" from No Vacancy in the movie School of Rock. Discount Curt Hawkins with his Poison-inspired attire, is immediately getting a feud with... Sami Zayn. Goodness, good thing you moved to Smackdown for better opportunities, dude. 24. Listening to these guys who normally have to be hypermasculine, especially JBL, try to discuss the HORROR of a guy changing his last name is uncomfortably hilarious. Not that I would know anything about that. Wouldn't want to comment, lest I bring the trolls out, or someone asking where (deadname) is, which happened last week despite me being out publicly for six months on here now. Ah, the fun never ends. 25. So the ref lets someone else get in the ring, and then punches him right in the fuck, and that's totes cool? Kay. Thanks for coming, Sami Zayn. Hope you enjoyed your somewhat-push. 26. I haven't seen Smackdown since Cena's return, but since he's in a completely new feud with Rusev, I'm curious to see how much he's reverted back to the Marine patriot guy. I wish it was more like in the MIz feud, but I've found they never let him stay that way very long. 27. Sell that show, Cena! You're our only hope. 28. Hah, the crowd was DEAD at the mention of the Punjabi Prison match. Can't imagine why... 29. This is a mindset I just don't get, but I'm sure it works for plenty of people. I've never found much attachment to a flag or patriotism, at least in the societal expectations context. That's another explanation I probably shouldn't get into, but being autistic as it is, I don't tend to celebrate holidays or care much about traditions in that sense. I don't feel a way just because I'm supposed to or because it's a day that said I should. I get that works for a great deal of people and I hold no disrespect toward it, unless it's like "We're the REAL Americans because X." It's complicated is all I'm saying. 30. I suppose the deep south is a great place to cut a promo like this. Seems to be working well with the live crowd. 31. Rusev with a cheap attack. Color me shocked never. 32. Rusev then waves his flag like he's trying to kill an unpatriotic mosquito. That was unintentionally hysterical. 33. Oh good JBL, not Natalya on commentary. We didn't do anything to deserve that kind of punishment! 34. These two could have a great feud, given some extended time. I hope something like that can happen after we're done having a multi-woman match every two weeks. 35. Becky getting the clean submission win over Charlotte is something of a surprise there. Damn good match, but of course the heels attack afterward. Lana mirroring her significant other in that strategy. It's a go-home show tradition. 36. The Fashion X Files? Do I even need to have HAM competition at this point? 37. R Truth is Out There?! Frakking brilliant.Then they find Aiden English practicing for his next surprise RKO. 38. Oh no, they want to know what's in the box? That won't end well. Holy shit, I love this angle so. Much. 39. Well this devolved quickly. How dare you interrupt that entrance, you meanyhead Corbin, you! 40. Hey, AJ and Nakamura even color-coordinated! That's some subtle face consistency you can truly appreciate. 41. These hour are pretty much the best of Smackdown right now. The World title match and feud seems like an afterthought at best, even on this show. 42. Do you think Braun and Corbin get their pants from the same person? 43. The cat hit the remote on the hot tag. All 7s. That reminds me, where the hell is Tye? 44. If title changes happened more often at house shows, that might inspire people to go to them more. 45. Nothing undersells the importance of a main event than the countdown of the Shooter show while the match is still going on. Sell that Battleground, USA! 46. Tonight was definitely a dastardly heels get the upper hand night, but most of the feuds were solidified. Fun main event though, and I would love to see a non-gohome show version of it. At least there wasn't another JBLdamn postmatch heel attack. 47. It was what it was. I miss last summer's Smackdown where it seemed like they were trying to be an alternate to RAW instead of the B-show they were pre-draft. It had some fun in it, but it doesn't feel like a big deal, which is what turned off so many to it in the first place. HAM OF THE NIGHT I don't get to give it to this guy very often, so I'll go second straight opening night promo and give it to my best buddy Randy, since he woke me up from Jinder promo coma. 2012 - Daniel Bryan 2013 - Paul Heyman 2016 - Chris Jericho 1-2-17 - Kevin Owens 1-3-17 - Jack Gallagher 1-9-17 - Shawn Michaels 1-10-17 - Dean Ambrose 1-16-17 - Sami Zayn 1-17-17 - John Cena 1-23-17 - Xavier Woods 1-24-17 - James Ellsworth 1-30-17 - Mick Foley 1-31-17 - Daniel Bryan 2-6-17 - Goldberg 2-7-17 - Daniel Bryan 2-13-17 - Chris Jericho 2-14-17 - Alexa Bliss 2-20-17 - Lana 2-21-17 - Maryse 2-27-17 - Mick Foley 2-28-17 - Bray Wyatt 3-13-17 - Paul Heyman 3-14-17 - AJ Styles 3-20-17 - Austin Aries 3-21-17 - Mizcena 3-27-17 - Big Cass 3-28-17 - Mizcena/Mizbryan/John Cena 4-1-17 - Bobby Roode's dueling pianists 4-2-17 - The Undertaker 4-3-17 - Chris Jericho 4-4-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura 4-10-17 - Braun Strowman 4-11-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura 4-17-17 - Samoa Joe 4-18-17 - Nobody 4-24-17 - Alexa Bliss 4-25-17 - Dolph Ziggler 5-8-17 - The Miz 5-9-17 - The Usos 5-15-17 - Titus O'Neill 5-16-17 - Fandango/Tyler Breeze 5-22-17 - Bray Wyatt 5-29-17 - Alexa Bliss/Ohai Bayley 5-30-17 - Fashion Files 6-5-17 - The Miz 6-26-17 - Paul Heyman 6-27-17 - The Ascension 7-3-17 - TROOF 7-10-17 - Paul Heyman 7-17-17 - Crossfit Jesus 7-18-17 - Randy Orton Marissa Laiman, In Laiman’s Terms, and Inciting Incident are owned by It’s a Shameful Thing, Lobsterhead, LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved. For media or inquiries, please contact [email protected].
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