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Posted by Ris Laiman on Tuesday, May 2, 2017 LAIMAN'S LINKS Marissa's Website Marissa's Blog Marissa’s podcast Twitter - @RisMcCool Email - [email protected] My newest novel, Voice in the Dark, with contributions from Dan Arel, Noah Lugeons, Matthew O'Neil, Karen Garst, Melina Barratt, and Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, is available for pre-order and will be released on July 14, 2017. A percentage of the proceeds go to Wolves Den in Flint to help the water protectors there. IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #304 - Thoughts on RAW - 7-10-2017 Tonight, wrestling is an escape for me. I didn't want to write, but I thought it would be good to think about something else for a while. A friend of mine of 14 years passed away. I wrote this about him earlier today: Brian, I seem to be remembering something about you every time I think, so I'm cataloguing them as I'm doing so because I can't stop thinking about you. I met you at another Brian's birthday party back in 2003. I remember because it was the first group gathering of new people since I'd returned from Florida to finish high school. I met a lot of new people that day, but the first time we had a real conversation was at the YMCA after Trinity's Junior Prom. We spoke for hours leaning against the wall while your date slept on you, and we got to know each other pretty well at the time. You introduced me to my favorite band, along with so many others. I spent so much time learning about music from you, and you were so freaking talented at playing it too. I'll never be able to listen to "Take a Bow" by Muse without thinking of you banging that out on your keyboard. I was never much of a gamer, but we ripped some Need for Speed in some endless, caffeinated nights. We fought with swords, and one time, one of them broke and hit me in the mouth. I still have the scar right below my bottom lip. You'll always be a part of who I am. We had several fallings out. It would be unfair to say our friendship wasn't rocky at times, because sometimes years passed without us speaking. We lived together more than once, but it's the random smaller moments I remember more. We had our disagreements, but it's the things I learned about from you that I'm thinking of. No matter what we did when we were in the valleys of our relationship, you screaming your Cartman impression at the top of your lungs in the hood of Baltimore in the middle of the night after Otakon is what comes directly to mind. But then, a few years ago, we met up and had dinner. We made peace, we smiled, talked about the old times, but saw how much we'd taken those memories from our youth and turned them into progress toward great things. I had pictures of you holding my son in the hospital right after he was born, and now you had your own beautiful little girl. It seemed to come full circle. We chatted a bit at Ashley's wedding, and we promised to catch up when things were a little calmer, not to mention when I wasn't working at the wedding. I invited you to mine, hoping you would make it. You weren't able to make the ceremony, but you did come by afterward. I was sitting stage left while you and Alice were adorable as always. We were catching up as busy people do, and we promised to make more time to do so under less hectic circumstances. Unfortunately, it was the last time I ever saw you. While I may not have the stories others do, I have a scar from a sword that broke because we did some idiotic things. Hell, one night we did that in the Carlisle cemetery, because 19-year-olds always have brilliant ideas. We worked together at Blockbuster (man, isn't that an old-fashioned sentence), we lived together, we shared so many drives, and you had an amazing Denis Leary impression. But most of all, I remember your heart and passion. When you loved something and someone, you loved it with all you had. No matter how our friendship was, I always hoped for the best for you. I feel selfish saying that you had so much influence on me, but I'd be lying if I tried to deny it. You were at my birthday, you stood up with me at my (first) wedding, and when I needed a place to stay, you didn't question it. You taught me a lot, and we shared so much through late night conversations in the middle of nowhere; things that keep coming to my mind as I recollect just how many of those we truly had. I'll miss you, friend. A lot of people will. I'm sorry for everything that ever kept us from being as close as we were in our late teens, but I'll never forget you. You truly were one of a kind. So if you're the praying kind, say one for his family, especially his little girl. And please understand that I needed this as an escape more than anything else tonight. Thank you. -Ris 1. Well that opening was... horrific. I guess Roman saw Orton's corpse desecration and said "but what about attempted vehicular manslaughter?" And the way they were treating it, they sure built some sympathy for Braun, didn't they? 2. Nice twist on Big Cass's intro, having the announcer say the old catch phrase. 3. Cass, you look like you're having so much fun right now. It's hard not to find you endearing. 4. That's right, Cass. Only Roman and Braun get video clips. You get pictures. Where's Squints when you need him? They totes broke up for-ev-VER! 5. He's killing it right ow. Seems like he's been holding this back for a long time. I'm really impressed with this. 6. "No one is bigger than me?" Um... Pretty sure there's one... 7. Ohai Big Show, who knew you were coming out? 8. I saw this standoff in person and it's still fun as shit to see now. 9. He musta done said himself a bad word! 10. Big Show attacks, and utilizes some... interesting brawling moves for this. Damn though, I love it anyway! Fantastic opening segment. 11. Finally, that upstart Brock Lesnar got his chance to shine. Thank merciful JBL that he got that opportunity after all these years of floundering and waiting. 12. Why does Elias Sampson say his name right after he's introduced? Is he trying to be the new Kennedy? 13. The crowd applauds after he tells them to hold the applause. That's kinda funny. But still, Sampson... He's the guitar guy... At the party. 14. Elias opens with one hell of a tossing scoop slam. Gotta admire anyone who can wrestle in a studded belt. 15. Really, Cole? Sampson wants us to know how he got those scars? He hated his father... 16. Commentator HAM to Graves for the "Tears in Houston" joke after Cole mentioned Sampson was on his way to a Clapton show. 17. Finn Balor wins, but a damn fine showing from Sampson. He's getting put in the ring with the solid workers of RAW, for sure. 18. The Hardyz also come out to put over Balor, who seems to be taking the slow burn method, and I'm completely okay with that. It doesn't happen enough anymore. 19. I have to admit, I marked out like a kid for a minute when Finn sent the Hardyz out. 20. The Hardyz allude to possible magic happening, which hopefully means a lawsuit gets resolved sometime soon, and the Magic Killers (No 2007 Orton) come out to remind everyone that they're still on the roster as well. 21. Fresh off the best iron match (sic) Cole's ever seen, we get ourselves a good tag match which surprisingly gets won cleanly by Club Sandwich. 22. And because we've been having other people enter while the others are still exiting, the Revival come out and go straight after the Hardyz. Where's their friend Finn Balor? I guess if their schtick is "No Flips, Just Fists" this makes sense. Let's just hope they don't turn the Hardyz into the last run of the Dudleyz. Let's also hope the Revival lasts longer than a few weeks this time. 23. You should feel bad, Finn. That's no way to treat your friends. 24. The Mizzies? Does Marine 15: Electric Boogaloo win all of them? 25. They're even gold? How on earth is Goldust not a part of this stable yet? It took Miz a few seconds to think of a second award show. To be fair, so would I. 26. Houston, you're amazing. They chant "you deserve it!" when Bo and Curtis win best supporting. I love it. 27. Why does Bo Dallas look like he's about to go help Burt Reynolds outrun the cops? 28. Is Maryse over that whole grandfather clock thing? Seems so. Those eyelashes nearly came off in those tears. So the point of those weeks of tension were...? 29. There's some Dean shenanigans, and Miz is HAMMing it up even more than normal. That's saying something. 30. And finally, we have Dean. We like Dean, but he's about to get another prolonged beatdown from the Miztourage. He gets saved from... Crossfit Jesus? Oh yeah, Shield... Perhaps they've finally listened to Tito? It legit took me a minute to think of why CFJ would make the save there. 31. Holy shit, is WWE actually acknowledging history in a situation that doesn't involve an Attitude Era star or Roman Reigns? Good continuity by Dean calling out CFJ for ruining what they had. But don't worry, there is totally NOT going to be a Shield Reunion. Totally. Not. 32. Meanwhile, in the Halls of Justice, the Super Best Friends are teaming together again, even if one almost got hit in the face with a purple balloon. 33. Oh cool, it's the exact same match. Good thing the RAW women's division hasn't been stagnant. 34. I really, really want to care about this match. Please tell me Bayley didn't just get knocked the fuck out of the match again. However, she did do a second rope sorta-Superman punch, so if there's a reason to knock someone out of the match... I'm saying I get it, that's what I mean. 35. Bayley nearly takes the fall again, but Sasha breaks it up. This time, Nia throws Sasha out of the ring, but doesn't quite connect. Bayley gets the surprise win and all the little girls in the audience go nuts. I'm sure my daughter would be too if she were here. 36. Well, in case you were missing the opening video package, let's take another look at that. 37. After Goldust gets another Hollywood promo, we get last week's HAM winner. I guess he's not upset anymore because he's back to everyone's favorite intro. 38. Strange to hear Booker T talking about his friend Goldy, given how much of that storyline, Booker spent calling him an idiot. But again with the continuity, WWE. I'm confused. 39. And now Booker's calling TROOF the weak link in the tag team, so... now I'm more confused. 40. The matches in the first hour had commercial breaks. This one? None. Go figure. 41. Goldust wins, to no surprise, but it was a fine midcard match for what it was. 42. Kurt's here to tell us how everything got out of hand and such. And to introduce Bork Laser, who also once had an iron match (sic) that was probably the greatest ever as well. 43. Thank JBL Lesnar is still champion... Aye. He's out there to continue to not give a shit. 44. Paul isn't impressed with Kurt's creative brainstorming. Good thing they showed up then. 45. And who comes out to interrupt? Roman Reigns. Of course it's Roman Reigns. Nevermind that he just lost, we're gonna try to get this shit over yet again. Isn't this the feud they had to have CFJ cash in MITB to avoid the reaction? Fantastic since so much has changed since then. 46. Kurt's shaming Roman for what he did. Roman seems incredulous about attempted vehicular homicide. Roman responds by pointing out the Attitude Era had shit like that, but Kurt isn't impressed. 47. Roman does his best burn, and they come closer so we can get that inevitable Summerslam profile shot. That was a good line though. 48. Lesnar one-ups him though, and drops the S-bomb on TV. That'll go over well. Shouldn't we also point out that he lost last night too? But wait, here's Joe too. Triple threat? 49. Joe talks about bringing people back to reality, which sets himself up for Bork to burn him. Paul does his best Vickie Guerrero impression. Love Paul vying for Roman because he's terrified, and he turns up the HAM to 11. 50. I'm laughing at Kurt holding back the angry Joe, and Joe keeps throwing down with Lesnar, who seems quite surprised that someone's talking shit. Reigns makes fun of Joe losing, and finally Joe says what we were all thinking. Make it a four-way and throw Braun in. 51. Or we could have Joe/Roman. Fuck, it's gonna be Roman. Maybe this time will be the one that worked. But to be fair, this is the most interesting segment involving Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar in months. This seems like actual tension and arguments, not to mention the heat between Joe and Lesnar. But since Kurt isn't letting Roman and Joe go at it, they should both attack Lesnar ala Goldberg and Roman. Nah, might as well just end it there. 52. We're getting Roman/Lesnar. Yay... 53. Rusev's finally back, eh? 54. Kurt looks as confused as I was earlier, and the story of Kurt's blackmail with Corey Graves continues. 55. Now, the latest guy to lose to Neville is out and we've got Cedric. The Noam Dar storyline is still. freaking. going... Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck... Don't care. 56. Titus seems surprised that the wrestlers he represents are super pissed about still losing all the time, and even more perplexed about one of them wanting a rematch. What else could an advocate, you know... do? 57. Is it just like it happened last night? It seems like it's just like it happened last night. And what was last night called? They haven't mentioned it. 58. Meanwhile, CFJ says elaborates on the Miz being a meany but Bray being meanier,, and Bray Wyatt sounds like a warbling Raven in response. WHAT ABOUT ME?! WHAT ABOUT BRAYVEN?! 59. Yay more slideshows! 60. How can you sell the importance of a main event if it happened exactly one night ago? Not to mention, "it was a different Bray Wyatt? A calculating Bray Wyatt." As opposed to...? 61. I know it doesn't look like much, but fighting out of the Reverse DDT/Sister Abigail position takes some serious balance and awareness. I can barely do a bridge with my back the way it is. 62. Silliness aside, these two are once again putting on a show, and the Houston Crowd appreciates it too. 63. That headbutt looked Shamrock-level vicious. Glad to see them playing up the psychology though. I don't know where all this continuity came from, but I like it. That Sister Abigail looked like he landed high though. Yikes. Very good match all around. 64. The Wyatt stinger goes off, leaving CFJ alone... Or did he? Aww shit, here comes the Miztourage! And Axel taught them how to do the Nexus entrance too, that was nice of him! 65. Despite everything else said that night, Dean comes back to the delight of the crowd and goes absolutely apeshit (For 2017) with a chair. 66. This felt like the most complete RAW I've seen in a long time. It's one of the few in the last couple years that stood on its own. 67. Wait, we're not done, more Kurt drama. He's inviting someone here. Affair? With Stephanie, perhaps? That's the only explanation I can think of. 68. My friends and readers, thank you for letting me have these few hours of escape tonight. Maybe my vision was rosier than normal because I needed it so badly, but I'm willing to accept that. When it comes down to it, if entertainment isn't there to help you out of the darker moments in your life, what good is it? If you feel like making a contribution for his family, follow the link in the obit here. Thank you for allowing me this space and consolation tonight. HAM OF THE NIGHT Paulie takes back his crown for advocating for Roman to be in the title match out of his fear of Joe. 2012 - Daniel Bryan 2013 - Paul Heyman 2016 - Chris Jericho 1-2-17 - Kevin Owens 1-3-17 - Jack Gallagher 1-9-17 - Shawn Michaels 1-10-17 - Dean Ambrose 1-16-17 - Sami Zayn 1-17-17 - John Cena 1-23-17 - Xavier Woods 1-24-17 - James Ellsworth 1-30-17 - Mick Foley 1-31-17 - Daniel Bryan 2-6-17 - Goldberg 2-7-17 - Daniel Bryan 2-13-17 - Chris Jericho 2-14-17 - Alexa Bliss 2-20-17 - Lana 2-21-17 - Maryse 2-27-17 - Mick Foley 2-28-17 - Bray Wyatt 3-13-17 - Paul Heyman 3-14-17 - AJ Styles 3-20-17 - Austin Aries 3-21-17 - Mizcena 3-27-17 - Big Cass 3-28-17 - Mizcena/Mizbryan/John Cena 4-1-17 - Bobby Roode's dueling pianists 4-2-17 - The Undertaker 4-3-17 - Chris Jericho 4-4-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura 4-10-17 - Braun Strowman 4-11-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura 4-17-17 - Samoa Joe 4-18-17 - Nobody 4-24-17 - Alexa Bliss 4-25-17 - Dolph Ziggler 5-8-17 - The Miz 5-9-17 - The Usos 5-15-17 - Titus O'Neill 5-16-17 - Fandango/Tyler Breeze 5-22-17 - Bray Wyatt 5-29-17 - Alexa Bliss/Ohai Bayley 5-30-17 - Fashion Files 6-5-17 - The Miz 6-26-17 - Paul Heyman 6-27-17 - The Ascension 7-3-17 - TROOF 7-10-17 - Paul Heyman Marissa Laiman, In Laiman’s Terms, and Inciting Incident are owned by It’s a Shameful Thing, Lobsterhead, LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved. For media or inquiries, please contact [email protected].
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