Posted in: In Laiman's Terms IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #299 - Thoughts on SD Live - 5-30-17 By Marissa Laiman May 30, 2017 - 10:00:05 PM

LAIMAN'S LINKS

Marissa's Blog
Support In Laiman's Terms on Patreon
Marissa’s podcast
Inciting Incident Facebook Page
DaWrestlingGuy.com
Twitter - @RisMcCool
Email - [email protected]

Order The PC Lie

IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #298 - Thoughts on SD Live - 5-30-17

1. Oh wow, it's almost like they're really obsessed with this five-way thing. It's awkward to be confronted with backstage promos like this, but it's different and it doesn't feel completely out of place. At least they didn't have a Finn Balor and leave one completely out of the discussion again.

2. I wonder if KO is going to take over Jericho Invented That. KO is full of disdain for the AJ Styles chants. I'm glad to hear he's still ridiculously over, as I wondered how the long heel turn would affect that.

3. Hey, now we have a summer version of pointing at the WrestleMania sign... Pointing at the briefcase above the ring, and thankfully KO is here to summarize the Money in the Bank match works. How nice of him to be so informative while talking shit like such a meanyhead.

4. KO announces his guest as the resident rock star. Jericho Invented That! But he was a HUGE Rock Star!

5. It's a shameful thing (Lobsterhead!) Shinsuke isn't over on the main roster. Listen to that crowd reacting like it's a Titus O'Neill and Shining Stars/Los Matadores/Primo and Epico/Colons/Not Carlitos triple threat.

6. Even KO knows that Jericho invented the Rock star thing. You sly son of a bitch, you were ahead of me the whole time. I kinda like this way that Shinsuke says very little, but says a million things with his facial expression.

7. We've got some Monday Night Interruption a day early, and Baron Corbin cuts him off. "Nobody cares what you have to say!" Wow Baron, it's like you read my mind, except it wasn't about Shinsuke...

8. Local Medical Facility must be making a fortune off all these weekly injuries. Potential HAM of KO bragging about beating up Sami Zayn for years.

9. Did Baron just pull a Cartman? He did, and named it as well. Baron's up on what's hip and new! Maybe he's going to join the Oddities?

10. The crowd "what?"ing someone who doesn't speak English very well makes me want to punch all of them in the fuck. I hate that chant so much as it is, but that's a dick move.

11. The predictable two-heels one-face thing happens, but Sami comes in to make the save, or start a pillow fight in Mark and Lisa's room, I'm not sure. Maybe it hints at a future barnstormer like the first Zayn/Shinsuke. With the crowd singing his song too, maybe it's time to Teddy Long it and make this a tag team match, playa!

12. Zayn says that the fight between he and KO is never over. Then why did they have a "last time ever" fight like a year ago? Just asking.

13. They were nice enough to wait o start until we come back, and early in the match, Shinsuke does all but an X chop. I'm impressed by his groin flexibility.

14. I'm really looking forward to this Money in the Bank match. Hey, the Smackdown picture-in-picture is back! That's one of the two they had last year, so this must be our one!

15. I absolutely love how Shinsuke is almost a special draw as an international superstar. Far too long, it seems like the WORLD Wrestling Entertainment company was limited to a few select places outside of maybe the Cruiserweight decision. Even better when they're not token stereotypes too.

16. Baron Corbin is not familiar with the concept of a misstep, and punches KO right in the fuck for his efforts. That lands Nakamura the pinfall victory over Owens, which can't be good for his prospects of winning, unless they're keeping this full push on. And I'm fine with anything that doesn't involve Roman winning clean in another main event, or involves Jinder Mahal staying world champion longer than two weeks ago. Unfortunately, one of those is not possible... Nor is it likely that WWE will reverse time and not have Jinder Mahal win the world title.

17. Network pitch time! Maybe if it didn't sound so unbelievably forced and scripted, it might seem more genuine. But I guess if Vince doesn't see it that way, forced and ingenuine is the way to go if it keeps his blood flowing to his impressive neck veins.

18. And now it's time for another round of "What the Fuck Are We Talking About" with the Usos? Super Bowl joke. It's funny cause it's local!

19. They get their own version of the Monday Night Interruption with Big E bringing them back to return from one of their injuries. Some time away from them might've been a good idea from their stale RAW presence. Let's see how they manage to not change it at all and make it more annoying to go with Smackdown's current season philosophy.

20. There's more lime green in this attire than one of my e-fed promos when I was 18.

21. Holy shit, this encounter is already amazing.

22. An Old Yeller reference? Nothing like bringing up these pop cultural references at the height of their popularity! And Xavier goes condescending and sweetie... Phenomenal (No AJ). The New Day must've held in some ponygasm for far too long, because they let that one last a little longer and now they're PAINTING THE GARAGE! OHMYGOD, I'M SEEING DEAD KINGS!

23. They then... um... use the power of Xavier's crotch to thwart them away? Future feud? Xavier's unicorn vs. Shinsuke's mojo? Book it, Norm!

24. Much the same as I turned off the Backlash main event, I'm going to go do literally anything else while getting slow-motion crowd reactions and photo proof of the match. Let's see... I wonder if didthecavswinlastnight.com is still a thing...

25. Are we getting... FILM NOIR FASHION FILES?! Oxfords, not Brogues, but striped socks? Fandango, you're better than that. And you look like 1996 Bradshaw with a confused wardrobe. I don't care, this is fucking amazing.

26. HE'S GOT A SQUIRT GUN!!!!!! HAM OVER, YET AGAIN!

27. Is that... Charles Wright and the Big Bossman I see? And Breeze as the femme fatale. And a possible allusion? Are we finally going to be represented without that being the joke? And getting to hear each other's internal monologue? This is becoming my favorite thing in wrestling. Let me have my happiness, dammit!

28. The Five-Way is going on now? What's main-eventing?

29. "We believe student success is success worth celebrating?" What University fucking DOESN'T, SNHU? That's your fucking JOB!

30. "We apologize for those who have HD." JBL on Ellsworth... Weren't you praising him two weeks ago, you Jibbled Hypocrite?

31. Nattie got an upgraded costume designer. Fashion Files approves. Breeze would rock that look too. I'd pay money to see that happen... Shit, I'm probably gonna piss off the detractors again.... I mean, I implicate no androgyny whatsoever in a sport that involves body oil and lots of skin-on-skin contact.

32. Charlotte got clock'd like the end of V for Vendetta, and we've got ourselves a mid-show feature of the women's division. I dig it.

33. The bell still hasn't been rung. This is more extreme than most matches look for Extreme Rules. Or at least more enjoyable.

34. Damn, the ladies are not holding back AT ALL! Powerbomb through the table! And that wasn't a weak-ass powerbomb either! This is awesome!

35. And now... Shane-O's gonna dance out like someone just didn't get powerbombed through a table. Reactions, you messed that one up! It was nice enough of him to come out to tell us that the match didn't begin, so... What's gonna happen? Another six-way? Are we gonna get a women's Money in the Bank match?! YES! IT IS! AMAZING! Smackdown, you've almost redeemed yourself for having someone go two-fer the century getting a world title shot and championship. Almost. Then you have to ruin it by threatening me with Randy Orton speaking. You sonsa bitches...

36. The Colons get jobber-entranced, which I assume is a willful choice as to not air the silence that accompanies their entrance. We've got the Detective and the Femme Fatale, in gear and wig and everything. Doesn't go well with the Huss boots though. Is he gonna try to wrestle in a trench coat? And immediately we have the Colons being shitty to Breeze's wardrobe.

37. Did they just do the Rock and Sock elbow drop? FANDANGO USED THE SQUIT GUN! Is that a disqualifiable offense? I don't care... HAM over and I love this tag team even more!

38. We got the picture-in-picture as many times as we had it last year! Yay!

39. Janitor HOGAN, BROTHER! gets the hot tag, and mops the ring with with the Innovators of Silence. Good pairing, always good to get somebody to react during one of their matches. Breezango win, and I am a happy girl. Extra mark moment for seeing the Unprettier. How fitting a name!

40. AJ's in his home state, so he can't possibly have a chance to win tonight. AJ's also nice enough to walk us through the technicalities of the Money in the Bank, but Zigglesworth is nice to interrupt and prompt a grumbling series of curse words from my better fourth. Does he have a pentacle as a logo now? Dolph offers to throw down, which gets AJ to take his shirt off and instantly improve everyone's night, and then walks away.

41. A Randy Orton promo responding to Jinder Mahal begins with listing big stars and his resume that's going to somehow manage to bring it back to the aforementioned. He then glorifies the greatest generation by saying they didn't say what they were gonna do, he's just gonna do it... while explaining what he's going to do before he goes out and does it. The rematch is in his hometown, so Jinder retains.

42. Was that a Noam Dar impression, Sasha? I approve. At least the Alicia Fox match is on 205, so I won't have to see it.

43. Someone's here to show the world, and it's Aiden's favoritest wrestler of all time. Aiden likes Dolph Ziggler the way Hustle is still marking out over Jinder's title win, and I'd react by a Bruno-length Orton title reign. Weird to see them reference Ziggler's greatest moment as a face when he's become an asshat heel.

44. I think we're gonna see some straight-up classic wrestling here, even if AJ's dressed like a discount Kool Aid man.

45. No picture-in-picture for the main event. Of course not, why would you want to see all of that match?

46. Point to the briefcase, take it home, boys! What a great sliding forearm. Beats the hell out of the Superman punch.

47. AJ tried to set up the Styles Clash from the top. I can't imagine how not fun that would be to take. The Clash itself might be a bigger deal for constantly trying to set up if it ever pinned anyone in a big match, at least in WWE. JBL said "rabbit punch" so all I can hear in my head is Michelangelo saying "Ninja Kick the damn rabbit!" Ah, the good ol' days when you could swear a few times in kids' movies and no one was permanently scarred.

48. I'm not entirely on the boat of "finishers need to always end matches" but it'd be nice if they did sometimes after one. Has a calf crusher ever won a match? I'm genuinely asking, I'm not trying to be snarky.

49. Dolph wins, because hometown curse remains as always. Very good main event match. Ziggles seems a bit gimpy though. Hope that's selling and nothing else. I'm also glad the MITB matches are back to six.

50. That was the best Smackdown I've seen since the shakeup. Seems like it's finally getting back on track to being what it was again, the main event excepted. It's fun though, and fun is good. Next week, number 300! See you then!

HAM OF THE NIGHT

Was there ever any doubt?

2012 - Daniel Bryan
2013 - Paul Heyman
2016 - Chris Jericho
1-2-17 - Kevin Owens
1-3-17 - Jack Gallagher
1-9-17 - Shawn Michaels
1-10-17 - Dean Ambrose
1-16-17 - Sami Zayn
1-17-17 - John Cena
1-23-17 - Xavier Woods
1-24-17 - James Ellsworth
1-30-17 - Mick Foley
1-31-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-6-17 - Goldberg
2-7-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-13-17 - Chris Jericho
2-14-17 - Alexa Bliss
2-20-17 - Lana
2-21-17 - Maryse
2-27-17 - Mick Foley
2-28-17 - Bray Wyatt
3-13-17 - Paul Heyman
3-14-17 - AJ Styles
3-20-17 - Austin Aries
3-21-17 - Mizcena
3-27-17 - Big Cass
3-28-17 - Mizcena/Mizbryan/John Cena
4-1-17 - Bobby Roode's dueling pianists
4-2-17 - The Undertaker
4-3-17 - Chris Jericho
4-4-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-10-17 - Braun Strowman
4-11-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-17-17 - Samoa Joe
4-18-17 - Nobody
4-24-17 - Alexa Bliss
4-25-17 - Dolph Ziggler
5-8-17 - The Miz
5-9-17 - The Usos
5-15-17 - Titus O'Neill
5-16-17 - Fandango/Tyler Breeze
5-22-17 - Bray Wyatt
5-29-17 - Alexa Bliss/Ohai Bayley
5-30-17 - Fashion Files

Marissa Laiman, In Laiman’s Terms, and Inciting Incident are owned by It’s a Shameful Thing, Lobsterhead, LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved. For media or inquiries, please contact [email protected].