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LAIMAN'S LINKS Al Laiman's Website: AlLaiman.com Al Laiman's Facebook Page Support In Laiman's Terms on Patreon Al Laiman's podcast Inciting Incident Facebook Page DaWrestlingGuy.com Twitter - @AlLaimanLOP Email - [email protected] IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #262 - Thoughts from Live RAW - 1-23-17 Let me be perfectly clear about three things before I start this column. A. This is not the column I thought I was going to write tonight. if that's what you're expecting, you're going to be disappointed. B. I am in no way telling this story to make myself out to seem like a better person. It's something that affected me, not something I'm trying to brag about or show off. C. Because this is a personal story, and this is the last writing place I have in which I haven't come out yet (to everyone, some of you already know), I'll say it here up front: I am LGBT. If that fact bothers you, do not read this column. I live in the middle of a very red area and have to deal with enough shit as it is, so take it to where someone cares, because I'm not fucking interested. Now, onto the column. It's a personal story involving tonight's events, so again... If you're one of those people who say "why are you talking about PERSONAL stuff in a WRESTLING column, this is not the column for you tonight. I know no matter how many times I make that disclaimer, someone's going to say it, but I'm putting it out there again anyway. I have a complicated relationship with wrestling. On one hand, it's responsible for a good portion of my life in many ways. From the post-concussion symptoms I suffer to the joy it gives me to make people happy with my sarcasm about pretendy fun fighting, it's fair to say that six years removed from the last time I stepped in a wrestling ring, I don't take it nearly as seriously as I used to. It's also fair to say that I can be kind of a bitch in the sense that I make fun of it while watching it, but (almost) never in a mean-spirited way. The saying in my family is that if we're not making fun of you, it means we don't like you. So if I didn't really like wrestling, I'd be saying really nice things about it all the time. That perspective gets a reality check sometimes though, and I need to shut up and reconsider that on occasion. Long story short, the fan (I have fans, it feels weird saying that) who invited me to go to RAW tonight was unable to go, so I put an open invite out there. "Hey, does anyone wanna go to RAW with the purple-haired weirdo?" I have a friend named Amber. This was already the trip that was going to be the first time I met her. I was also planning to meet up with a friend from high school and my podcast buddy Craig Lyndall from Waiting for Next Year. In two days, I had four meetings scheduled, so not a lengthy visit in terms of time to take things in. Amber responded to my post relatively quickly, and told me about her sister. This is the part where everything changes, and despite how some people react to this, I'm going to give a Content Warning. It's personal, it involves death of a loved one, emotional suffering, and coping with loss. If you're going to make a "LOLTRIGGERED!" joke at this, please do us all a favor and fuck off instead. Also, I got permission to write about this story before I wrote it. Amber has a sister named Tabitha. Tabitha recently suffered a devastating loss, in which her fiancee passed away after a long bout with a sickness of some kind. I did not get the specifics, but I know there were two brain surgeries, and she was his primary caretaker and with him until the end. He passed in September, so we're not talking about a great deal of time having passed since this tragedy. Amber spoke up and said "my sister would. It was on her husband's bucket list to see a live episode of RAW." I responded: "If I exchanged these two tickets for three, would you both come with me?" They agreed, and I had two conditions. 1. I'm taking you two to have a good time and I refuse to let you pay for anything. 2. Don't wear any Pittsburgh Steelers stuff to my hometown. (We've suffered enough, haven't we?) To further elaborate on the Bucket List, Tabitha has made it a personal mission to do as many things as possible that were on Jason's bucket list that he was unable to do before he passed. That's why she wanted to go. Her husband was a big fan of the Undertaker, so getting his autograph was the next part. I did my absolute best to utilize my contacts and see what I could do, but I was not successful on that part. They didn't seem to mind. Now here comes the part where I may lose some readers and fans. I've accepted this as an inevitability, but I can no longer pretend to be someone I'm not, even though I'm technically doing that by using this pseudonym. If any of you suddenly hate me because of this, I was prepared for it, but if this one thing is something that can make you go from enjoying my work to hating me, then I didn't really need you as a reader in the first place. I'm transgender. There, I said it. I've already come out to some of my fans, and pretty much anyone who follows any of my other work already knows this. My name is Marissa, and I've been on HRT for seven months. I came out to the public in October in the face of a WBC-like hate preacher, and it's been crazy ever since. I published a book shortly after the election about the immediate post-reaction, and since then, I've been a guest on countless podcasts, made personal speaking appearances, and have many more scheduled. I also have a great deal of people who have reached out to me, met me, approached me, and beyond. That's the reason I mention that I'm still getting used to having fans, because last week in Chicago, so many people approached me asking either "Are you Marissa?" or "I loved your appearance on GAM!" or something along those lines that since 99 percent of the people in my life now know this, you should too. My hesitance was due to some of the things that are already said to me in a wrestling context, and the general (if unfair) reputation of (some) wrestling fans. I have to make decisions every day about my own safety for this reason. So this event turned into a Girl's Night at the wrestling show. I sold the two tickets I had, (sorry Adam), and bought three in section C108, club seats, 28 rows off the floor, right behind the section that's on camera the whole night. If you look at my personal profile and all the pictures I posted, I did tag when we saw ourselves on the wide shot. I met Amber and Tabitha at their place after staying the night in a hotel in the thriving metropolis of North Canton. It's the kind of place where you want to make sure you take a nap at the right time, so as to not waste the best part of the day. As they purplefied my hair, I heard the story about Jason. I saw the pictures of the two of them, and listened to both of them tell me how much this night meant to them. Amber is a veteran, and we both have issues with loud noises if they're unexpected, so I knew I was with someone who would understand if I froze up and suddenly couldn't move. It happens, and my spouse is usually the one to deal with it. Goodness, I realized, I've been referring to my spouse as Mrs. Laiman to also avoid the aforementioned awkwardness. I should call him Mr. Laiman in reality, because he's also transgender. His name is Aiden. Before you ask, yes I knew that before we got married, and you can see subtle references in our wedding if you know to look for them. Anyway, moving on... RAW tonight was in my hometown of Cleveland, and it was also the first RAW I've attended in 11 years. I've gotten a few free tickets to Smackdown (Before it was awesome again), but I never felt like spending the money. Not to mention, Hershey, the closest town to us that gets regular events, hasn't gotten a RAW since... I think when Punk, Bryan, and Ryder all three were holding belts at the same time. I might be wrong, but it does seem like we either get Smackdowns or house shows. Once again, I told them that they weren't to pay for anything tonight. For something that clearly meant the world to Tabitha, I wanted them to have the best possible experience, and I can afford it. Got them food, drinks, and t-shirts. I went with Crossfit Jesus shirts. Seemed like the best option, considering I didn't ask them first. So there I was, as Main Event reminded me that it's somehow still a thing, and I'm shouting snarky things for the fun of it, becoming hoarse by the end of the opening segment of RAW, but I started paying attention to what I was hearing on my right. After hearing such a sad story, one she's still dealing with on many levels, I heard her screaming, clapping, and having fun. It'd been awhile since she'd been familiar, but that didn't seem to matter. It was what entertainment has always been supposed to be: escapism. Since one of my gigs is this column, and I write about it twice a week, it's not really escapism for me, especially with the continuous mediocrity that RAW has consistently put out. But next to me, filler didn't matter. Watching Dana Brooke wrestle didn't matter. Roman Reigns' push didn't matter. What mattered was getting away from things for a while and having fun while remembering a loved one and how much they would've loved this experience. It humbled me, to say the least. I mean, I still screamed for Jericho in the 23842348234th match between Jericho and Reigns, but I felt a lot differently about it than usual. Side note though, holy shit the FILLER! Each commercial break/cruiserweight match changey ropes/security guards entrance that in no way has a wrestler getting under the ring has about 30 WWE commercials. With the size of the damn scoreboard, it's right there in your face too. Also, two pre-taped interviews/bathroom breaks makes for a lot of impatience and restlessness after a while. I know it's a go-home show and everything, but I didn't pay money to come watch TV in a stadium. All the returning/teased veterans tonight got huge responses. I felt bad for Rich Swann and Cedric Alexander, who had to deal with the crowd getting impatient from waiting for Goldberg. With three hours of RAW, a third of which had to be commercials, pre-taped interviews, and bullshit, I can understand that. You can only see a preview of Story Time and a WrestleMania commercial so many times. Big Show got a huge response. Triple H's music (after a bonafide match of the JBLdamn year candidate) got a huge response. Goldberg obviously, but Lesnar coming out in person turned it up. Then comes the point of this story. This woman standing next to me, whose recently-departed fiancee was a huge Undertaker fan, hears the gong sound and the lights go out, and standing in the ring when they come back is the Deadman himself. I have never heard a happier scream for joy in my life. Holy shit, what a moment too. I don't care how jaded of a fan you are, the Undertaker appearing in person is a big damn deal. Please WWE, create new entrances with that kind of atmosphere and presence before we see that for the last time. After getting the surprise appearance of the Undertaker, Amber and Tabitha spent a good deal of time thanking me for the night (Which they didn't need to do) and Tabitha repeatedly said that it was the best night of her life. This is the part where I had to reconsider how I felt about some things. I like wrestling, but I don't take it very seriously. I make jokes about it out of affection, but I make jokes about it nonetheless. But to stand there, knowing that a trip to RAW meant so much to someone that I had met for the first time that day... To see that she wasn't being hyperbolic about it either... To see the genuine emotion, empathy, and catharsis that a wrestling show brought to this woman... That is something I will never forget for the rest of my life. In my mind, I didn't do anything except help make it possible, but witnessing that level of emotion and catharsis personally made it one of the best nights of my life too. The gaps, filler, and other difficulties became meaningless in an instant, and I needed to not be snarky for one night. I needed to tell this story to remind some of the cynical jaded fucks like me what wrestling can mean for someone. That it still has a place in this world beyond a punch line. That no matter what turmoil is going on, political or otherwise, we're lucky to be part of a subculture that makes moments like this possible. In what other context can the brief appearance of a tall guy walking slowly mean so much to someone? I get cynical, bored, and jaded very often, especially with what I've gone through in my recent years and the product I get to review sometimes. But nothing for me will ever touch seeing something like this through her eyes, and knowing how much of the bullshit I worry about at times is minor details, semantics, and relatively meaningless. I'm still going to write under this name, this column name, and after this column, I'll return to normal. But I couldn't tell this story of pure honesty without being purely honest with all of you. The rest of the columns from here on out will be what you expect, but I'm glad some of you are willing to afford me one night to be serious, sentimental, and personal. It's also why it was the one in which I chose to come out, because anything else didn't seem right. Tomorrow I go back to being Al Laiman and writing live thoughts. Tonight, I write under the name Al Laiman as Marissa Alexa McCool, as a friend, wrestling fan, and person who didn't mind feeling like shutting up was the best viable option. If you want to friend me under the Facebook page I actually use now, it's under the name I used in the above paragraph. And if I in any way lost you as a friend, fan, or reader from telling you who I really am, you have no idea how little I give a fuck. Tonight makes any bullshit I have to put up with 100 percent worth it for the rest of my time as a wrestling columnist. HAM OF THE NIGHT See you tomorrow night for a return to the ILT with which you're familiar. Thank you, sincerely, for everything all of you do for me. I've never been anything less than grateful. 2012 - Daniel Bryan 2013 - Paul Heyman 2016 - Chris Jericho 1-2-17 - Kevin Owens 1-3-17 - Jack Gallagher 1-9-17 - Shawn Michaels 1-10-17 - Dean Ambrose 1-16-17 - Sami Zayn 1-17-17 - John Cena 1-23-17 - Al Laiman, In Laiman’s Terms, and Inciting Incident are owned by It’s a Shameful Thing, Lobsterhead, LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved. For media or inquiries, please contact [email protected].
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