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Posted in: Column of the Month
June 2014 CotM: Michael Sam, TNA & The Drizzling Sh*ts We Call Life
By Kleckamania
Sep 16, 2014 - 1:08:46 PM

Please note, this is the Columnist of the Month winner for June 2014. The August CotM winner will still be forthcoming for you all to read.

Here it is folks- life. Bask in it, bathe in it, love it. Cause no matter how much you hate life you are alive still, and for most people in this deranged world that is a good thing. I'm gonna drop an unattractive truth on you right now- some people hate you. I know; it is tough to hear, but it is true. (Hear, as if I was saying this instead of typing it- I suck. And what will mess with your head more is why did I draw this out instead of just omitting it?) Anyways it could be worse- you could be dead. And dead is.... Well who knows amirite? For all of the wonder that is technology these days we still have no answers for that strange question. Instead we have all the shit I am about to discuss (I meant lovely, keep reading), and boner pill/cock growth ads by the metric ****ton. Holy mother of penis envy are there so very many boner pill/cock growth ads. I used to just feel disgusting going on the internet because of those ads- now I even feel gross switching to ABC Family at 2pm...


Envy, hate and drama. What else would we IWC troglodytes fill our time with?

Some might ask; Kleck, you are normally more positive- why are you being so cynical? Well long story short I am a living, breathing, country music song these days. Had to put down my excellent 13 year old dog about a month ago now, just lost my job last week due to the kind of asshole you never think truly exists until you encounter them- like Bigfoot or Mr. Anderson AKA Mr. Kennedy, plus my girlfriend and child are redheads. Both great but redheads mind you. If you have the gingervitas you know exactly what I mean, #Irish
#Temper #FML #IHateHashtags.

so what's my point?

Where Oh Where Art Thou, Michael Sam?

I bet you asked where Michael Sam was during the September 9th Monday Night Raw, right? Nah. Most of us didn't care. If you don't have the interwebs though (then how are you reading this?) Mr. Sam was invited to RAW to speak out about his views and feelings this past week...

Ummm is RAW now a Harpo production? Oprah? "Dr" Phil? Is that you? Nope. Like Spongebob's boss Mr. Crab, Vince Is suffering from the C.R.E.A.M (See Wu-Tang). Michael Sam was a hot button recently because he was the first openly gay man to play in the NFL- kinda like Darren Young was the first openly gay man in professional wrestling... As you can see closets run deep. Well Michael Sam was cut by the St. Louis Rams, and if you haven't watched the St. Louis Rams (me neither), that is a really bad thing. Kinda like being rejected by the gang in Clockwork Orange for being too weird.

Well Vince saw a huge opportunity to capitalize on his all-time greatest rival- The NFL, and it backfired. Imagine the boost in relevancy WWE would have gained from mainstream media if they had a player from the NFL announce his signing with the company by telling a national audience that the National Football League (or as you brits call it, Soccer) discriminates against homosexual players? It would have been monumental. Even though a short lived gimmick. The legs would give out from under that one the second he went to wrestle with zero training. Top physical specimen or no, Pro Wrestling takes years of training to get a grasp on. Regardless of how many abs you have bulging out and how good of an interior decorator you are. Not the greatest long term vision. A vision that was acted on before fully thought out. Oh well Vince's heart (wallet) was in the right place- his pants. Right next to his ass. So why am I knocking him for it? Well that is what we adult "fans" do isn't it? We shit on everything we don't like mindlessly. Just like when TNA tried the whole MMA guy thing a while back. Opps! Did WWE rip TNA off?!?

#StopThinkingYou'reCoolForSayingOneFedIsRippingOffAnother #DoSomeResearch

Michael Sam didn't show up, but why? Simply because NFL commissioner Roger Godell called in a mutual favor to his documented good friend, Jerry Jones, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys. You see mere days before Monday Night RAW, Jerry Jones brought in Michael Sam for a physical with the intention of signing him to the Dallas Cowboys practice squad. Let's back up a bit and explain why that is such a coincidence. Michael Sam had an absolute horse shit combine. What that is for those who don't watch football is an essential scouting session before the season, highlighting the upcoming guys strengths and weaknesses on the football field. I'm not saying he is a bad player- hell I am sure I would have a much worse combine than him, but he doesn't seem to be quite on the level at this time as most of the players in the league. Jerry Jones loves money though, just like Vince, and there is a hell of a lot of marketability for the first gay man in pro football. Just like there would have been for abandoned project Darren Young in professional wrestling...

Well played Roger Goodell. NFL 5 trillion- Vince zero. Looks like WWE also knows what it is like to fail.

The Internet On TNA: Where Cool Kids Act Cool

Professional wrestling fans, particularly adults, are a rare breed. We often hide our love of wrestling from the rest of the world out of fear of judgement and harassment. Sound familiar? I bet it does. We all have been laughed at or picked on at least once in our mutual lives as a result of people finding out we dig a choreographed sport featuring oiled up dudes who roll around with each other in their underwear (Good selling point for Mr. Sam?). We come to places like LOP to escape that kind of persecution. Lords Of Pain is supposed to be one of our safe havens- a place where we can feel free to express our love of professional wrestling without fear of judgement and harassment. Yet like most other wrestling sites on the net, it is not. Why you ask? Well have you seen the responses TNA articles or a TNA column get? Fans seem to think it is the cool thing to do to shit all over the product regardless of if they even watch it at all, if they stopped watching it years ago and yet think their opinion on current product is valid enough to verbally crap on it, if they read spoilers so they think that makes them knowledgeable on the product at all, or if they simply just want to fit in with the "In" crowd by joining in on the bullying of fans who enjoy TNA. Well hot damn! Congratulations on becoming the bullies that you came here to escape from. You may want to look up the definition of hypocrite in the dictionary. It's pretty enlightening.

Here is a news flash- picking on TNA, or any other fed for that matter just makes you look like a hypocritical asshat. You love wrestling, TNA/other fed fans love wrestling. We all share a common love regardless of what feds you like or don't like. Whether you love WWE and hate TNA, love TNA and hate WWE, or think you are superior to all other wrestling fans because you dig Puroesu- if you can't express so intelligibly and respectfully then keep it to yourself! Considering all professional wrestling fans have been picked on for their love of our mutual interest, I would think you can understand why it sucks to come to a community where we are supposed to be able to express our love openly without judgement and yet we feel like we can't openly express that love due to fear of such a negative reaction. Life is shitty enough without our own brothers and sisters in arms adding to it. This isn't a dick measuring contest folks! If you think it is you may want to jot down the numbers for those previously mentioned ads and stop being so damn insecure!

Why am I so amped up over this? Because I personally love all of professional wrestling. Like a proud parent I love all of my babies equally, yet for entirely different reasons. So it has become incredibly frustrating for any fan or columnist on this site who feels that way as well and would like to write or speak about feds other than WWE, because we inevitably know the reaction we will receive. There have been a lot of TNA columns I have wanted to write and wound up scrapping purely because I know this place has become a judgemental popularity contest- kinda like high-school all over again. As a writer here I understand that you write about what the audience dominantly wants. And being as unconventional and outside the lines as I tend to often be, it sucks to feel so restricted purely due to judgement. So I am asking all wrestling fans to kindly pull their heads out of their collective asses, and understand that we are all in this together. And without variety professional wrestling would be unbearable. No. Not competition. Variety. Be A Star. Not a brown one though.

Are You There Internet God? It's Me,Kleck!

Can you hear me? All of the other trolls have found their hate for a fed, yet I haven't gotten mine yet.

Every time I think I am developing the hate, or my urge to kill is
rising, I realize that it takes all kinds to truly make the professional wrestling world work. It is so embarrassing to not troll on a fed on the internet like the others yet. When will I be so cool? I just want to fit in...

Well I'm sure I am not the only person around here who has had the experience of hearing people mock wrestling or take a jab at me because I enjoy watching it- just like I doubt I am the only person currently experiencing the drizzling shits that can be life, but at least there is a place where we can attempt to escape and be ourselves if only the others would understand that we are all here for the same reason...


It's great isn't it? And if we all stop trying to act like cool kids and simply share a mutual hobby together instead of trying to one up everyone else in our fandom in order to feel validated then maybe we can find a common ground. But of course if it were that simple then there wouldn't be so many boner pill/cock growth ads.

The point of all of this is that we are a group of outcasts (IWC) who all have enough bullshit to deal with outside of this hobby. Why add to someone else's? Not only add to it but attempt to make them feel bad for the fed they prefer when they want to escape from the drizzling shits that arereality just like you do?

Maybe it is time the IWC started representing something good. A moral beacon for positivity and intelligible debating on the sport we all love. A place where fans can come together despite differing fed preferences, and appreciate the fact that combined we are all the reason professional wrestling hasn't broken back down into territories again yet. It takes all kinds. Even the kinds you hate (just or not).

I know. A little too idealistic. Maybe just maybe though we could all be more respectful of those with differing tastes to ours. After all, we are all in this together. And despite what your mom said to you so many times growing up not everyone loves you. We aren't all laughing
with you, but we won't crap all over what helps you escape.
Everyone deserves better than that...

Now run along and enjoy life you rapscallions! And be nice to each other! Thank you for joining me for my 2nd column up here, and hopefully I will have more opportunities to alienate a sizable portion of the MP audience again soon. :)