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Posted in: WWE
WWE Total Divas Recap 12/15/13
By LOP
Dec 16, 2013 - 12:05:37 PM

Recap by Ryan Pike (@RyanNPike) and F4Wonline.com

We open in New Orleans at RAW. The Bellas walk to catering and talk about their menstrual cycles. Nikki bought a pregnancy test, as she's worried. She ropes Brie into hanging out with her when she does the test. They wait for the test results (she's not pregnant). Riveting. At their hotel, TJ tries to get Nattie out of bed. She's hungover and doesn't remember what happened the night before. And she has a text from Stephanie McMahon, saying she got all her voicemails from the night before. Uh-oh! Nattie calls Brie to ask how things went last night. We get hazy, Hangover-esque, clips of the Total Divas cast out on Bourbon Street the night before, with random people shouting “Brie Mode!” Nattie asks Brie to keep things between them, as she doesn't want to explain herself to people. Nattie's worried she's gonna get fired.

We head to RAW now. Mark from Talent Relations pulls Nattie aside. He half-jokingly tells her it's not a good career move to “call a McMahon drunk in the middle of the night.” He's not buying her “I can't remember any of it!” defense. Nattie has a match (with Eva Marie and JoJo as a team). Eva's blown away that she gets to wrestle on RAW. They're facing Rosa, Alicia Fox and Aksana, so this will probably be a bad, bad match. Backstage, Ariane and Trinity watch the match. Nattie makes Alicia submit via Sharpshooter. Yay. Over in Concord, CA, Eva Marie and her finance, Jonathan, drive to visit her family for her birthday weekend. The purpose of the trip is for Jonathan to get her parents' permission to marry her. Her asks for information about her parents, and she gives wonderfully vague and non-sensical information (her mom is “like, the queen,” and her father is “all about respect”). Eva points out they're already engaged, so they're doing it backwards. Eva takes off the engagement ring to keep their secret. They get to her parents' house and are greeted by her mom. Her mom is a bit hot that she wasn't told she was bringing somebody else.

Over at John Cena's house, Nikki greets a bunch of screaming women. Basically, because John Cena is a saint, he flew out all of Nikki's gal-pals so they can see her new place. Then it turns into a pool party. The conversation turns to kids. Nikki says John doesn't want kids, but her friends say that she always wanted kids, so what's the deal? Back in Concord, we meet Eva's dad (Barry). She introduces Jonathan to her father. Barry breaks kayfabe twice in three seconds, introducing himself as “Mr. Nelson” and then asking how long Jonathan's known “Natalie.” It's been a couple months, he says. Sideways glances are exchanged throughout the entire Nelson clan. Barry basically spends the whole meal messing with Jonathan. He doesn't like his nose ring. He doesn't like that he has Eva's name tattooed on his arm (in arabic). Jonathan tries to defend himself against this onslaught of awkward questions. (They're in love!) One of Eva's brothers can't take him seriously, because Jonathan's seriously wearing a hoodie with no shirt underneath to meet his fiance's family. Eva decides not to tell them about the engagement until the next day, because that will apparently fix everything.

Elsewhere, Bryan and Brie are driving around in the forest. They're on vacation, staying in a place small enough that you can see the toilet from the bed and visa versa. Back at John Cena's house, Nikki and all her friends are dressed up for dinner, where John Cena escorts them in a gigantic limo to go for a nice dinner. John Cena: saint. After a story is told about one of Nikki's friends going to the bathroom in a sink, John loudly tells Nikki that her friends are awesome. And the dinner only gets better from there, as the conversation surrounds why John Cena doesn't want kids. The girls rib Cena about his “politically correct answers.” Long story short: John Cena doesn't want kids and doesn't want to get married, and nothing will change that. Nikki's bummed out. Back in Concord, everyone has breakfast on the patio. Jonathan wore a shirt for this meal, so he's learning. Eva awkwardly sidles into explaining that they're engaged. Jonathan asks for their blessing. Eva's brothers are awesome, especially here, where one cuts a promo on them for being in the puppy love stage. It's explained that Eva was once before engaged, so you can entirely buy that her family wouldn't roll out the red carpet for a new guy after a couple of months (and when meeting him for the first time). She busts out the ring, and Eva's dad gets mad and refuses flatly to give permission. After a commercial break, Eva's brothers speak more truth (she needs to consider the timing, her career, etc). Eva says it's her decision, and her mother flatly states that if she gets a divorce down the road, she's not to set foot in their house again. Man, this just couldn't have gone worse for them. And then they leave! Well, they get mostly packed into the car before her mom stops them in the street and tells them to at least think about their (marriage) decision before they rush into anything. After that, then they leave. On the drive, Eva suggests eloping in the near-future.

Back in Big Sur, Brie and Bryan continue their romantic vacation. They go for a hike. They get to the top of a hill and Bryan proposes and it's super-cute. He even breaks kayfabe and uses her full, real name when proposing. She accepts and they kiss and hooray for everything. Afterwards, they go for a “relaxing and intimate” dinner, which actually has a small band and a big fancy dinner set up. In the middle of the woods. And all of Brie and Bryan's families are there, including the Bellas' dad from earlier this season. Nikki recounts (via clips) about Bryan plotting with her to create this wonderful surprise engagement party. But now Nikki wishes she could be engaged, which leads to a discussion that John Cena (the saint) doesn't want to get married with her mom. To be fair, Nikki's explanation is entirely and totally rational, and she promises her mom that she'll talk to John.

Anyhoo, we arrive at RAW in...a city, and Bryan and Brie part ways as they get ready for the show. Ariane teases Nattie about making phone calls. We get clips of Nattie making voicemails. All the girls joke about it. Brie suggests getting in front of it and talking to Stephanie on her own accord. The girls all giggle, and then admire Brie's ring. Eva's incredibly jealous, as she and Jonathan decided not to elope and are basically stuck in limbo. Nikki visits the trainer to get her leg checked out. Basically: she's not in any pain, so she's medically cleared. Elsewhere, Nattie asks Fandango where Stephanie is, explaining the drunk dials. He laughs at her and says it's worth apologizing to Stephanie. We get clips from RAW, with Bryan Danielson and Randy Orton having an in-ring segment. Oh, and Bryan and Brie's engagement is also an angle now, and Bryan gets beat up in front of her. Nattie finds Stephanie backstage. Stephanie decides to have them listen to each voicemail one at a time. Basically, she's venting about her career (she's frustrated, she wants a Divas Title, etc). It's the same message over and over, except getting drunker and drunker. And then there's one about her “not wearing any underwear” and being “ready to ride.” Huh. (That was probably meant for TJ). In one message to Stephanie, she actually quit. She apologizes and Stephanie is super-cool about it and they hug, then she half-jokingly mentions she's saving the messages and may play them for Vince. Gold. And back at ringside, Eva Marie teams with the Bella Twins in a tag match (against Aksana, AJ and Tamina). Eva gets the win with a roll-up.

And we return back to Tampa. Jonathan and Eva were supposed to elope that weekend, but they now are not. She doesn't want to elope, and she wants her family involved, and she is working all the time. Jonathan's cool with doing whatever, because all he wants to do is marry her. And at John Cena's house, Nikki and John have a very serious conversation. Brie and Bryan's engagement made Nikki realize that she does want to be a mom. Cena says he'll choose his words carefully, and declares that he can't give her that. He recounts that he told her about his feelings when they got together. She says she makes all the sacrifices and he makes none. She notes that he's given her (false) hope in the past, noting that he mentioned he was “open to the future.” Long story short: the two things about himself he won't change (for her) is wanting kids or getting married. And that's where the season ends.

DIRECT LINK: Lots of Photos from the WWE Total Divas Season Finale......

Recap by Ryan Pike (@RyanNPike) and F4Wonline.com

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