Thanks to Ryan Swartz for sending this report in!

CHAVO GUERERRO JR. vs. SPIKE DUDLEY:
A pretty good opening match. Chavo got some pretty good heat during the
match... all the ECWCW guys did, actually, to my surprise.
WINNER: CHAVO GUERERRO JR.

CRASH & BOB HOLLY vs. CHUCK PALUMBO and SEAN O'HAIRE:
Nothing special to mention, but still an enjoying, solid match.
WINNERS: PALUMBO & O'HAIRE

MATT HARDY vs. TAFKA-SHANE HELMS:
I'm sorry, I just refuse to refer to him as "Hurricane." Although, for
what it's worth, I'll take "Hurricane" any day over "Greggory." Anyways,
that has nothing to do with this match. Jeff came to ringside with Matt,
but didn't do much. He seemed to be selling his injuries from Smackdown,
which confused a lot of the crowd (I'll explain that later). On the card,
the match was scheduled as the Hardys vs. Helms and Raven. Matt walks away
with the win via the Twist of Fate after about three failed attempts at said
finishing move.
WINNER: MATT HARDY

KANYON vs. BILLY GUNN - WCW US TITLE MATCH:
I was really excited, because after seeing four previous live wrasslin'
events, I finally get to see Kanyon. The bad news is that I have to see
Billy Gunn, too. Billy Gunn tries to moon Kanyon a few times. Mr. Ass =
Ratings. Anyways, Kanyon retains his title after nailing our Assman with
the Flatliner. Post-match, the Rockabilly finally gets to moon Kanyon, and
the audience. The seven or so females in the crowd went nuts.
WINNER: KANYON

THE A.P.A. vs. MIKE AWESOME & TOMMY DREAMER:
Pre-match, Bradshaw grabs the mic (the first mic work we got all evening)
and complains that Awesome and Dreamer are cutting into their beer-drinking
time. By his slurred words and the fact that it was pretty difficult to
figure out exactly what he was saying, I think Bradshaw had already partaken
of a beverage or two. A few nice "eee-see-dub" chants before Bradshaw gets
the pinfall on Dreamer.
WINNERS: A.P.A.

KURT ANGLE vs. RHYNO:
The place goes absolutely apeshit for Kurt Angle. And the WWF booking
team is kind enough to let Rhyno get in a gore (gore gore) before Angle took
him down with the Olympic Slam.
WINNER: KURT ANGLE

INTERMISSION:

Howard Finkle shills some merchandise and plugs Lazer 103.3, the radio
station sponsoring tonight's fake wrasslin' festivities. Then we break for
fifteen minutes to go smoke. While I was out on a balcony smoking, I saw a
guy with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. A very greasy,
dirty looking man. I swear to you, I think it was X-Pac.

TEST vs. PRINCE ALBERT:
Prince Albert's music is ten times worse live. Mostly because it's ten
times louder. So the Human Heat Magnet, Nick Patrick, is reffing this
match. The Prince nails the Baldo Bomb and Patrick goes down (eww) for the
1... 2... then grabs his shoulder like it's hurt. Classic Nick Patrick,
live in Des Moines, IA. So Prince Albert gets all up in Patricks area, and
Test comes up from behind, grabs Albert's junk from between his legs, and
rolls him up. I think he was just supposed to grab his tights and roll him
up, but... seriously, dude, he totally got a handful of guy. So we get the
roll-up, and Patrick gets down and makes an extremely fast count.
Post-match, the Prince beats the piss out of Nick Patrick, who then has to
be carried out by The One Charles Robinson.
WINNER: TEST

EDGE vs. LANCE STORM - WWF INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH:
Lance Storm gives us our second installment of microphoned sports
entertaiment goodness, but doesn't even get through "If I can be serious for
a minute" before Edge's music cuts him off. VERY good match, one of the
best of the night. A lot of the same spots from their Summerslam bout,
but... hey, that was a good match, so this one obviously was, too.
Christian runs down after about ten minutes, grabs the IC belt, and nails
Storm with it, allowing Edge the opportunity to hit the Impaler, or whatever
the hell he's calling his finishing DDT this week.
WINNER: EDGE

ROB VAN DAM vs. CHRIS JERICHO - NON-TITLE MATCH:
I hate non-title matches. Because you always know the champion is going
to lose. Anyways, this match was on the card as Jeff Hardy vs. RVD.
Jericho was a nice surprise. Like Angle before him, the place went nothing
short of apeshit when Jericho's music hit. During the match, more mass
confusion is caused when Raven comes down and stops RVD from hitting the
Frog Splash. A lot of chants during this match, but they were simultaneous
"RVD" and "Y2J" chants. Jericho followed up with a Lionsault for the win.
WINNER: NON-CHAMPION CHRIS JERICHO

So here's why all that was confusing... Jeff Hardy's injuries and Raven's
screwing RVD were based on angles that went down on Smackdown on Thursday,
right? And today is Saturday, so we should all know what happened on
Smackdown. Unfortunately, the Des Moines area doesn't have a UPN station.
As far as I know, the state of Iowa has, like, one UPN station. We do have
a WB station, though, that runs Smackdown on Saturday nights. e.g. Tonight.

e.g. Nobody at the show had seen Smackdown yet, so when Raven came out to
screw (figuratively speaking) his ECWCW partner, the crowd was, to say the
least, a bit confused. I'd read the Smackdown spoilers/results on Thursday,
though, so I knew what was up. This makes me better than everybody else
there. Well, not really. But I can think it in my head.

THE UNDERTAKER & KANE vs. THE DUDLEY BOYS - WWF and WCW TAG TITLE MATCH:
Worth mentioning - Howard Finkle announces the match as being for both
sets of titles, and Kane & UT bring both sets of titles with them to the
ring. I guess all the talk of the titles now being unified aren't true.
Anyways, considering the fact that the Undertaker is like 90 and can barely
walk, this match was surprisingly good. Longest match of the night by far,
around 20 minutes. The end came when the Dudleys got double-chokeslammed.
UT got Bubba, and Kane got D-Von at the same time. Or the other way around,
I don't remember, but the point is that they both got chokeslammed and
pinned at the same time.
WINNERS: THE UNDERTAKER AND KANE

That was the end of the show. As the Fink was plugging the latest issue of
Raw magazine for one last time, me and my brother went looking for an exit
and ended up in an underground parking garage below the arena. It took
about ten seconds and fifteen very nice, very new, shining, rental-looking
cars to realize that this was, in fact, the wrestler's parking area. I'm
almost positive I saw Jeff Hardy talking to somebody on a cell phone from
inside some type of off-road jeep-like vehicle. Didn't say anything,
though. We didn't wanna be those guys who interrupt the famous dude's phone
call. We did see Sean O'Haire, though, and just told him "Good match" and
other. He smiled and nodded from across the lot before getting into his
car. So we had that going for us, which was nice.

And that was it. All in all, a pretty damn good show, considering it wasn't
televised. The only really weak match was Test & Albert. Then again...
it's Prince Albert, dude. We weren't expecting great things from it.

BIGGEST POPS:
- UT & Kane
- Kurt Angle
- Chris Jericho
- Rob Van Dam
- Billy Gunn's Ass

BIGGEST HEAT:
- Nick Patrick & Little Natch
- Lance Storm
- Kanyon
- Chavo Guererro Jr.
- Billy Gunn's Ass

No pyro, and a crappy sound system, but still an enjoyable experience.

Ryan Swartz