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Submitted by Jaymz on Thursday, August 23, 2001 at 7:39 PM EST
 Welcome back to Dead Bodies Everywhere, the column that tells it like it is, at least in my opinion. Without further adieu, let the bodies hit the fff... Don’t think that I’m going to pull a WWF (World Wrestling Federation, NOT World Wildlife Fund), and play off of what’s new in today’s music. Now, I will admit that I do own the Drowning Pool CD, and I used to like "Bodies" , but after the WWF has shoved it down our throats, it’s lost its appeal. Thankfully the rest of the CD makes up for it. This isn’t a music column, is it? I didn’t think so! I’m pretty proud of myself, though. With my column title, I could have easily played on the song "Bodies", and even a few readers pointed it out to me and suggested that I should, but I actually forgot about it and made no attempt to do so. Two weeks later, the WWF is whoring it out to us. I don’t blame the WWF for playing on what’s new in pop culture, because it helps keep them fresh (excluding the storylines) and may even draw a few fans for the bands used, and/or themselves. As a Marilyn Manson fan, I love hearing "The Fight Song" played every now and then on WWF television. Hey, at least the WWF didn’t start using what was new back during the Boy Band craze. I’d hate to see a PPV promo played with the soundtrack of "It’s Gonna Be Maaaaaay". Could you imagine how HHH and Mick Foley’s promos for their career ending match up a few years back would sound like if the WWF would have caught on to what was new at the time? I do: Mick Foley: "It feels good to be right here in (Insert City and State)! *Cheap Pops* Triple Aids, ...(blah blah) buy my book!" HIV: "Mick, it may sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie! Foley, bye, bye, bye!" Yeah, I don’t think that would go over so well. Not with me, anyways. Although the one thing I wish the WWF would realize is that shoving something down out throats isn’t really the best marketing strategy to get the desired effect. As every guy in the world knows, if you continue to shove something down someone else’s throat, eventually they will gag and spit (or puke on you) instead of swallowing like you want them to. I think I’ll stick with this "pop" themed column. I hear X-Pac wants new music. Well, that’s cool, especially with the band and song that was chosen to be the replacement. From what I read, X-pac reportedly hates his current music. Well, he SHOULD. Uncle Kraker just sucks, and anyone associated with Kid Rock sucks...plain and simple. X-Pac looks like a gearbox bouncing around sticking his tongue out to the ground to the sounds of Uncle Kraker’s "Sir Suckalot". For once, I actually applaud X-Pac in wanting to rid himself of the horrible X-Factor music that he must do his chicken dance to, night after night. I think the only other song that wreaked just worse was RTC’s theme of a constant beeeeep; beeeeeep; beeeeep. Now THAT sucked. Let’s see if I can score some cheap heat: What is it about Chyna that has everyone so riled up? Actually, the question is what is it about Playboy that fucks up everything in the women of wrestling that pose? I don’t have to mention Sable, but after her first pose, she became a raging egomaniac. Then, she posed yet again, after her ordeal with the WWF ousting her. Does the exposure just go to these bitches’ heads? Chyna, the main reason why people even bought the issue that you posed in was to see if there was anything between your legs that shouldn‘t be there. Lo and behold, you really were a female (although, I think she may have "tucked"). Even so, the other reason that your issue was even purchased is because of who you were. If you weren’t "Chyna", and just Joanie Laurer (or whatever), do you really think that the issue would have been so hot? Two words for ya: FUCK NO. Why is it that the women who pose for Playboy come back ready to bite the hand that feeds them? What the fuck does Hugh Hefner tell them? They come back from the Mansion with an ego the size of Texas. Come to think of it...with the size of Hulk Hogan’s ego, you would think he too posed for Playgirl back in his glory days. I, like a lot of other males, would love to see Terri, Lita, or another hot diva pose for Playboy. But, if the results are going to be the same as the first two runs...forget it. It’s not worth losing them to an imaginary "acting career" that they will probably run to. The only one remotely with an acting career is The Rock. As far as I can remember, he didn’t have to use Playgirl to get there, either. So let’s give Chyna her little 6 months of former WWF fame, and then prepare to watch her fall just as hard and as far as Sable has. I seriously doubt her "acting" career will take her anywhere other than to a place of realization that no one cares for Joanie Laurer, only for Chyna. Even then, not many cared. Hey, didn’t she have a clothing line out or something? C9 or something? So much for that. Without the WWF, she, like Sable, is nothing but a washed up wrestler who wanted more than what she was worth. Even though I’ve seen conflicting opinions about Raw, I will say that overall, I enjoyed Raw. I know a lot of other people are criticizing the fact that it was too much "shit" than wrestling, but the point made was that it was entertainment. The classic Kurt Angle ending was one of the best closers I’ve seen on Raw lately. I’m not sure where this whole Shawn Stesiak stuff is going, but anytime somebody runs into a knight, a wall, or whatever out of nowhere is bound to serve up some laughs. I’m a little pissed that Kurt Angle didn’t win the championship belt from Austin, because Austin doesn’t even defend the damn title! All he does is cut promos, and eat carrots backstage. It is funny at times, but like music, can get very old, very quickly. Let Angle be the top dog for the WWF, he certainly is the top performer. I can’t wait for Ken Shamrock to return, if he does so. Imagine, Angle vs. Shamrock...Ankle Lock vs. Ankle Lock. One makes the face that only a man getting it up the chocolate starfish can make, and the other just looks completely psycho. Which is which? That’s up to you to decide. That's going to do it for me this time. I hope you enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed writing it. Do me a favor and check out The Coalition of Bitter Dreamcast Owners today, it's a cool video gaming site of a friend of mine that has something for everyone, unless you don’t like the Dreamcast. Don’t hesitate to drop me a line with any questions or comments that you may have. As always, thank you for taking the time to read my work. Until next time, enjoy your weekend. "Opinions are like bitches...mine are always better!" Koltershock: With fucked up videos, KolteRadio, social commentaries, webcams, and other things, it's truly where God's children play! Jaysus  
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