Well, hello once again everybody, and welcome to another edition of Re-Inventing The Heel. New Years Eve is only a mere few days away, so I think I should do something a little special here. Today, first we have my review of the SquareSoft Role Playing Game "Final Fantasy X", or Ten in Roman numerals for those lacking sufficient intelligence. I will also be doing a little fantasy booking, where I try to book Triple H's return in such a way that it gets Lance Storm over, and in turn makes sense at least hopefully. The rules I have are, I can only use what is currently on my table, meaning no Impact Players, because Justin Credible is currently "fired" as the storylines say. The same could be said for Mike Awesome, and Team Canada. Finally, we're going to bring back the Warrior Chronicles as I try to out mock Saturday Night Live as I take a dip into Celebrity Jeopardy. As a notice, over Christmas, I had gotten the last couple of DVD's in the Extreme Championship Wrestling line. That means I have all 8 ECW DVD's that are out currently (Extreme Evolution, Path Of Destruction, Deep Impact, Hardcore History, Heatwave 1998, Barely Legal 1997, The Best of the Dudley Boyz, The Best Of Cactus Jack). So with that said, although I've already reviewed three of them, I did it during my Message Board times, so you can expect me to first repost the reviews for Deep Impact, Extreme Evolution, and Hardcore History..and then, I will review the other ones. In fact, I think I'm gonna start today, where I repost my review of ECW: Extreme Evolution! With that said, lets get right to the column.

Your Paragon Of Review: ECW Extreme Evolution

Our first match is between Rob Van Dam and Jerry Lynn, and it is for the ECW Television Championship. There is but one word used to describe this match, and that word is "amazing". If you need to know why RVD gets such a big response, and why there are so many RVD marks, you need only look at this match. This match will also show you why all the Lynn-marks are always pissed about him not getting anywhere. Rob Van Dam picks up the win with the Five Star Frog Splash, and puts an end to this amazing Five out of Five star match (*****)

Our next match sees Masato Tanaka taking on Mike Awesome for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship. Anybody who has had the privilege of seeing a Awesome/Tanaka match knows that these things are always kick ass, and this one is no exception. Seeing Tanaka totally no sell a tossing German suplex, where he landed on the top of his head is just flat out amazing. There is also the Sit-Out Awesome Bomb to a table on the outside to get your mouth watering. Awesome wins with a top rope Awesome Bomb, finishing off this four and a half star match. (**** 1/2)

The next match, is the infamous barbed wire match between Raven and The Sandman for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship. Only one word sums up this match, and that word would be "Disappointment". I had heard so much about this match prior to seeing it, and when watching it I couldn't help but notice all the misplaced moves and shabby workmanship, hell even the ending was screwed up. Raven wins with an Evenflow, after the table they were standing on for the big finish collapses under them without him even doing the DDT. This gets a one and a half stars, and it's only on the DVD for all the hype it gets. (* 1/2)

Our next match is between The Dudley Boyz and the team of Spike Dudley & Balls Mahoney, and it is for the ECW Tag Team Championship. This match is known for being so extreme that TNN vouched to strip it out of the network, and it's really for one reason..and that is the fact that they put Spike through two flaming tables. This was a pretty good match for a hardcore brawl, and you see Spike and Balls picking up the win after a Nutcracker Suite. Three star match (***)

Our next match pits The Eliminators against Steve Williams & Terry Gordy, and for all I know..it isn't for any title. This was also another match I was expecting so much more from, but they didn't deliver. Perhaps it was the way Terry Gordy had all the grace of a sloth in the ring, or maybe there was just a great deal of faulty communication, but for some reason these didn't get the job done for me, well except for the finish. Perry Saturn gets the pin after dropping an elbow from the top of the scaffolding. Two and a half star match. (** 1/2)

Our next match pits "The Human Suplex Machine" Taz against "The Homicidal, Suicidal, Genocidal" Sabu, and this match is the culmination of an 18 month feud, where not one match took place. Although I did expect to see more from these two, it was for all it was a good match, with Taz hitting his famous Taz-Plexes, and Sabu hopping around like a jackrabbit on speed. This is also the match where Bill Alfonso turns on Taz, and aligns himself with RVD and Sabu. Taz wins with the Tazmission, in a three star match (***)

The final match on this DVD pits Tommy Dreamer & Beulah McGuillicuty versus Shane Douglas & Francine. This is also known for the fact that Francine has a nice little nipple slip while being put in a piledriver, I'm sure most of you have seen the close up picture floating around the Internet. This match was decent at best, as are most intergender kind of matches, and to be honest..I don't remember who won, but I do think it was Dreamer. Three star match (***)

Considering that there were only two really good matches on here, and three average ones, and two really bad ones..I am in a bit of a dilemma about just what I am going to rate the show as a whole. However after considering the good and bad points of each match, I have decided on a fair three and three fourths rating for the show (*** 3/4)

Your Paragon Of Review: Final Fantasy X

For many years, SquareSoft has owned the Role Playing Game community with an iron fist. Many people thought eight was a bad game..but in reality it was only considered a bad game because it was a Final Fantasy game, and in comparison to such good games as Final Fantasy IV, and Final Fantasy VI, you have a lot to live up to. So, when I heard that FFX had a lot in common with 8, I was not sure how to take this game, so I kept my expectations at a dangerously low level. This allowed the game to slap me in the face and fuck my Mom due to my ignorance when I actually played the damn thing. Needless to say, this game could quite possibly be the best of the series, and I'll tell you why.

First of all, we have for the first time ever, each character has a specific voice to go along with it. Not only that, but the voice acting in my opinion is very good. Voice acting allows the player to kinda get better attached to the character, and in turn it makes the little emotional plot twists mean that much more when they actually happen. Wakka and Auron's voice inparticular made the game fun alone. Wakka is a Blitzball player who talks like he's Hawaiian. Auron is, well..I can't really tell you much about Auron without spoiling some of the story for you, so I'll just say his voice fits him perfectly.

Keeping in tradition with the other games, this game also sports a brand spanking new battle system. First we have the new feature that tells you the order of attacks, and turns so your given the chance to prepare before you act. Second we have the new "Tag Team" feature, where you can literally tag out one of your three fighters for somebody else in your party without losing a turn, and in turn it allows you to build up anybody at your own pace, just with a click of the L1 button. People gain AP depending on how much actions they do during a battle, and sadly merely tagging out does not count as an action come reward time.

Next we have the Sphere System, or as I like to put it..the easiest RPG engine to understand of all time. Basically it works like this. You win a few battles, and you gain different type of spheres. You also eventually gain a level. However levels are not what you would consider levels, they are instead moves on the big game board. You take the spheres that you won and as you move along the board you can use the sphere to activate what seems to be over a thousand different notches on the board. It makes it perfectly possible to have 99,999 HP for your character, and 9,999 MP. However, although anybody can activate any sphere, even those that other people have also activated, there is one small catch..

..Although anybody can learn anything, each person is a certain class. Yuna is a Summoner/White Mage. LuLu is a Black Mage. Auron is..uh, well he has a big sword. Tidus is kinda like the hero guy, he's another guy with a difficult class to pick out, the same could be said about Wakka. Rikku is the thief of the group, or for those familiar with other games, you could look at her like the "ninja". Kimari is the Blue Mage of the group so he really gets all his abilities during battle. Now, suppose you take Tidus, and learn a few Black Magic spells..you with me here? Allright, if LuLu casts Fira, she'll do around 1,294 damage. However on the same opponent, if Tidus uses Fira, he'll only do around 145 damage. So even though the doors are open for you to do just about whatever you want, you still have to carefully plan out your characters if you want them to be as strong as they possibly can. In other words, work with your class, don't try to make your characters class work with you.

I could go on an on about the story, but I'll say this. It's linear, meaning it's a lot of story, so if your don't have patience, your gonna be mad because unlike in Metal Gear Solid 2, you CAN NOT skip the cut scenes in this game. In other words, if you have patience, then you must..and I mean MUST get this game.

Game Grade: A+

Fantasy Booking Syndrome: The Return Of Triple H

First of all, I'm going to do this with the assuming that Flair will eventually buckle and hire back Stephanie McMahon in a way to prevent Hunter from destroying him when he finally returns on the 7th. However, this one act will cause a lot of heat between Ric and Vince, adding to the heat of the booked match at the Royal Rumble. Now, with Jericho busy with Rob Van Dam, UnderTaker busy with The Hardy Boyz, Angle busy with Rikishi, Christian busy with Edge, Regal "injured", and Bossman and Booker T busy with Austin, that leaves Vince without somebody to take out Flair and Helmsley.

Now certainly Vince couldn't help but notice the somewhat recent allegiance between Test and Lance Storm, and he definitely had to notice all the crap Lance got when asking for a job, and naturally Mr.McMahon would use this to his advantage, in an attempt to recruit Lance Storm using Vince's own friendship with Test as a bargaining tool. However, he can't just say "gee..join me, because Test is cool", no he's going to play the smart game and tell Test that if he can find a partner, he'll give him and the guy a tag title shot. Vince will also make an effort to mention Lance recently teaming with Angle, and the recently "you help me, I help you" deal between Test and Lance in an attempt to influence his decision. Test asks Lance to team with him.

The Royal Rumble features the match Test & Storm versus The Dudley Boyz. The Dudleyz put up a good fight, however with the assistance of Angle, Christian and other members of Vince's stable, Test and Storm manage to win the Tag Titles, and in the celebration party, Vince takes Storm into his stable, creating the new Corporation or whatever they choose to call the group. Now with Lance and Test teaming up you have two contrasting styles. You have a tall, powerful, intimidating, booker-friendly (size) guy, but with Lance you have a fast, technical wrestling, talker guy. This could be one of the best combinations ever given the right pushing, and Lance could also be assisting Test with microphone skills and other stuff off camera during the teaming.

After Triple H helps Flair defeat McMahon at the Royal Rumble, Vince takes Lance and Test aside, asking them to make the two pay. Triple H enters the Royal Rumble, and has one hell of a return, eliminating people left and right for a good five minutes, before Test and Lance run into the match unannounced while Triple H is the only remaining member in the Rumble, and after a rather brutal double team fest, they personally toss Hunter out of the ring, costing him a shot at the World Title. Thus, the battle between Test/Storm and HHH/Flair begins. Not only that, but you've also got the improving Test, and the fan friendly and underutilized Storm over and in a good storyline, not to mention helping Triple H get back into the swing of things without just handing him the biggest title as soon as he comes back. Gotta let the guy get back on his game first, afterall right?

The Warrior Chronicles: Celebrity Jeopardy

[The camera opens up to show Alex Tribeck standing in front of three podiums. Standing behind one is the "Immortal" Hulk Hogan, standing in the middle one is none other than the Ultimate WARRIOR himself, and behind number three is Vince McMahon, owner of the World Wrestling Federation. The game of Celebrity Jeopardy had already gone past the first round, with somewhat low scores all around, except for Vince McMahon who for some reason kept getting everything right even with obviously wrong answers. People suspect this is due to the "you could be the next XFL if I lose" notice left in Tribeck's dressing room before the show began]

Alex Tribeck: Allright ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. We are about to step into Double Jeopardy. The topics are...Mythology, Fruits and Vegetables, Movies, Famous Literature, Religion, Sports and Leisure, and finally, Pets. Mr.McMahon you were the last correct answer, so you get to select the category.

Vince McMahon: ...Tonight, in this very studio, I guarantee that I will pick a category so intellectual, that only somebody in the bloodline McMahon could ever get the question beyond right. Certainly not any of you people, because you see unlike... (20 minutes later) ...So for that reason, I'm going to have to go with Famous Literature..

Alex Tribeck: ...And the answer is, "A book that tells the tale of life, and explains what is a sin and what is not, and tells us what we must do and not do to end up in Heaven in the afterlife".

[Vince McMahon buzzes in..]

Vince McMahon: ..What is my Autobiography?

Alex Tribeck: ..Well, the correct answer was Bible, but according to our judges, and the ratings..we'll accept that.

Vince McMahon: ...Thats right! McMahon is always right! Ha Ha! Tribeck...on you knees...

Alex Tribeck: ...Right, how about we just move on to the next category?

Vince McMahon: Huh? Yeah...I'll take Mythology.

Alex Tribeck: ...Ok, the answer is "This God is known for his remarkable muscle structure, and the ability to throw lightning bolts. Also known as the King of the gods".

[Hulk Hogan buzzes in]

Hulk Hogan: ..What is me, brother?

Alex Tribeck: ..Mr. Hogan, no matter how much spray on tan you use, you will never be a God. And for future reference, will you stop answering with yourself for almost every answer? No questions are about you.

Hulk Hogan: ..How can you say thats wrong brother? Look at these twenty-four inch pythons, the gods would be jealous brother! Whatcha gonna do..with God Hogan throws lightning bolts and runs wild on you?!?!

[The WARRIOR buzzes in]

WARRIOR: BY THE POWER OF THE SACRED ZEUS, I REACH UP INTO THE STARS ABOVE TO GATHER, NO, HARNESS THE STRENGTH TO ANSWER THIS TIMELY QUESTION. WE WILL ANSWER THAT WHICH IS UNANSWERABLE. THIS SHOW WILL BE...ULTIMATE!!

Alex Tribeck: ...I heard a Zeus in there, but unfortunately, you didn't answer in the form of a question, so I can't give that one to you.

WARRIOR: ...IS THAT A CHALLENGE? I CHALLENGE YOU TRIBECK TO THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE! LOSER LEAVES TOWN!!

[Warrior grabs onto his microphone wire and starts to shake it up and down as Vince buzzes in]

Vince McMahon: ...What is Athena?

Alex Tribeck: ...He just said the right answer..and you still got it wrong, I can't believe it..

Vince McMahon: ...YOUR FIRED!

Alex Tribeck: ..You don't own this show..

Vince McMahon: Oh really..? I was killing this show in the ratings, so I bought it this morning..

Alex Tribeck: ...And I'm fired, so tune in next week to see the new host of Jeopardy. Your winner tonight is Vince McMahon, who has won a million dollar grant to the charity of his choice..what is your charity Mr.McMahon?

Vince McMahon: ...The Buy Vince McMahon A Baseball League Foundation.

Alex Tribeck: Fantastic..

[The Jeopardy theme once more began to play throughout the studio and the camera slowly faded away to commercial]

It's Closing Time!

Well there we go with another fine addition of Re-Inventing The Heel in the books, and interestingly enough, this is one edition that was almost a day or two late, but I was able to get in and finish the last two parts on Friday, so you get to see the delightful column you previously read. Next week, I think I'm gonna try something a little bit different. What I want is for you readers of this column to send to me in e-mail format your own Warrior Chronicles. I will be posting the best three, after myself and a few other people judge them in next weeks column. This is a good thing for you upcoming columnists on the message boards, because if your one of the three that gets chosen, I'll toss in a plug for your column along with your skit..or rather I will if you remember to tell me who you are and what you write, I'm not a damn psychic. Other than that, well..I'm not entirely sure yet, I guess we'll have to wait and see what I come up with. You have a week to send in your stuff, so get to work ladies and gents.

JustinSaneX@aol.com