Here we are once again for what looks to be an exceptionally long Re-Inventing The Heel. I have decided to take The Warrior Chronicles out of the column this week, just to make room so you won't be reading for three hours. I have the much requested results to the Impact Awards up this week, and the Heel Profile for Rob Van Dam. Instead of my typical long introduction, we're gonna get right to business this week, because we have a lot to talk about.

The Impact Awards: The Results

For those of you who for some unknown reason neglected to read my column last week, I held what could be looked upon as a year end awards voting session, where I ask you, the readers to give your votes for ten different categories, with a selection of five people or events for each award. A week later, and well over fifty votes later, I have the results and I'm going to let you people know what's going on. First off all, I will be posting the winner, and a little explanation of why they won. I will also be sharing with you my picks, and why I felt these people won, or in the event they lost, why they deserved to win. I will also be talking about those that didn't win, so keep in mind I will be discussing people in the order of votes they got, from greatest to least.

First, the winner of the Kawada is my Jesus Award is, (drumroll).. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin! I am happy that Austin won, because he was my personal vote. Steve has been on a roll ever since returning from what was originally thought of a career ending neck injury. Steve Austin has been responsible for about 75% of the best matches in the World Wrestling Federation this year, an amazing feat when you consider some of the healthy stars, and competition in the workrate area like Chris Benoit and Triple H, who are unfortunately not healthy.

Tied for second place in this award was Rob Van Dam and Chris Jericho. Jericho I think got most of his votes for the mere fact that his matches with The Rock were amazing, not to mention the fact he just recently won the World Championship Belt (not to mention shattering the quote "glass ceiling"). As for RVD himself, well..I'll discuss his "wrestling" ability later in the column.

Third place was held by none other than the Olympic hero himself, Kurt Angle. Kurt is good and all, but I still feel he is far from becoming the best of his style. He is good on the microphone, and sure he can do moves well, but aside from the matches with Austin, and the matches with Benoit, I have trouble remembering any of his matches for this year. Moving on, and refusing to waste a paragraph for him, in last place with an amazing ONE VOTE, we have The Rock. Your all smart readers, I'll just let you pick your own jokes here folks.

Kawada Is My Jesus Award Winner: Steve Austin

Our next award was the I believe I can fly Award, where Rob Van Dam DOMINATED and took it practically effortlessly. Now, as you'll find out, I think of Rob Van Dam as a pure spot wrestler, and not a wrestler per-say, so I'm actually agreeable when it comes to the spot-orientated award, and RVD was my personal pick. RVD is known for spending most of his matches in the air rather than on his feet, and keeping in mind the bandwagon jumping fans, and the true RVD fans alike, his popularity itself made this one a complete no brainer.

In second place, we have the goofy "rainbow bright" side of the Hardy Boyz (with a Z for "effect" I guess), Jeff Hardy. This guy spends more time in the air as RVD, however he always does the same two moves in the air so it really hampers his fan support when it comes to competition against somebody like RVD. Now if he would start doing the 450 Splashes and such again, and making his Swanton look graceful again, rather than just making it look like he fell over, then he could definitely improve her perception. He has it in him, definitely.

Next up, after a DRAMATIC vote count drop, we come to Spike Dudley, with a five vote record. Spike isn't really a high flyer, but he bumps around so much he gives off the illusion that he is. Rather than waste a paragraph with the final two, we have Molly Holly with one vote, and I'm disappointed here, because I feel Molly is an amazing high flyer, considering the ability of most divas of the WWF is null and nonexistent. Finally, in last place with an astounding ZERO votes, we have Billy Kidman. ..You know, I'm not even gonna waste my time saying how amazed I am here, Kidman is mostly one hundred percent high flyer, and he really should have gotten more. However, I do also agree here, since he hardly had any good high flying matches.

I believe I can fly Award Winner: Rob Van Dam

Our next award was somewhat surprising in the outcome, to me at least..however I have learned that many people saw something in this match that I didn't. The winner of the Wow, I gotta see that match again Award is Triple H versus Steve Austin from No Way Out. Now don't get me wrong, I do feel that this match was allright, but I don't really see it as the blockbuster that everybody is making it out to be, this is especially considering the four matches it was put up against. Needless to say, I didn't vote for this match, or even the second place match for that matter..

The second place match was Chris Benoit versus Steve Austin from WWF SmackDown!, and it was a great match, as far as moments go, but I felt the match I picked was -that- much better than this one, but I'll be honest, this match was a close second in my books. What made this match so amazing is the fact that after such a great amount of neck surgery, we had Austin taking ten, count 'em, TEN..German Suplex bumps!

My pick was third place, and it was only kept from being tied for second by ONE vote, and it is Chris Benoit versus Kurt Angle from WWF Raw is War. This was one hell of a technical match, in addition to being a part spot match when you mixed in the usage of the Cage. What makes this match -that- muh better in my opinion, is the fact that..lets be honest, the cage takes away a few moves, and most Cage matches flat out suck, but these two worked out something incredible.

In fourth place, once again keeping out of a third place tie by ONE vote, was Kurt Angle versus Steve Austin from SummerSlam! I unfortunately was unable to see this match, but if the other two or three matches these two had are any example of what happened, then I suspect this was a solid match. The other two were good technical bouts, with lots of suplexes and lots of Angle attacks to Austin's legs, in an excellent showing of match smarts on Angle's part. I might just have LoP's OptimusSchwab put this match on a tape for me when he starts up his wrestling tape business of sorts (cheep plug).

In a disappointing final place, we have The Rock versus Chris Jericho from No Mercy. I did not get to see this match either, and I wish I changed it from No Mercy to the match at Vengeance, because I feel Rock/Jericho was the match of the year from that Pay-Per-View, at least as far as the World Wrestling Federation goes. The No Mercy match might be another one I bug Optimus about taping for me, not that he'll mind.

Wow I gotta watch that match again Award Winner: Triple H Vs Steve Austin

The next award was a "fun" type of award that allows you to bash the hell out of your least favorite worker, and tell them to get off your television sets. The funny thing is, even those who didn't vote for the winner, knew that he was gonna win. So without further ado, the winner of the Don't quit your day job Award is The UnderTaker himself! Congratulations Mr.Calloway! Mark has improved slightly since he got the Hard-core Championship, or at least he seems to fit in the Hard-core division, but the mere fact that he IMPROVED is sad enough considering the match he and Kane had with Kronik. I also voted for this guy.

In second place we have the former Human Suplex Machine himself, Tazz. I've already discussed how I feel about Tazz, so we'll just move on to the third place winner who in what should be a "surprise" to my readers, we have Billy Gunn, or as LoP's Die refers to him as, The Incredible, Edible Ape. I'll be honest, I don't think Billy is that bad when it comes to ring work, sure he almost killed Benoit, but everybody makes mistakes. If Billy were to work on his microphone skills, and improve his moveset a bit, I could definitely see the man become a great wrestler.

In third place we have Hugh Morrus. Hugh isn't a great wrestler per-say, but I feel he is a good worker outside of the ring, and keeps the "troops" of sorts in high morale, and in turn promotes those that aren't seen much in good spirits, and hense they give out better workrates in the few matches they have. I can see Hugh being signed on as a road agent or a booker of some sort, something to keep the man around for his special backstage talents, something many people are unable to do.

Finally, we have Lita. Now, Lita used to be pretty good, but lately she seems to botch every single damn move she does. I can't even watch her clothesline without noticing her stopping three feet too soon. I mean I'm all for lowering the impact of your moves to help prevent injury on the side of the opponent, but you should at least touch the opponent with the move. Not walk to them with your arm still out and lightly tap them after stopping too soon. I guess she's just too "X-Treme" to wrestle.

Don't quit your day job Award Winner: The UnderTaker

The next match could be basically looked upon as the improvement award. A lot of people felt Edge and Christian didn't belong in this grouping since they were not bad to begin with, but they missed the meaning of the award. However, I think that is mostly due to who they were grouped with this year. Sad or not, they all improved. Even with the complaints, the winner of the Holy crap! You can wrestle Award is..Edge! Edge was not my pick, because of the fact he was never truly bad, but I do feel that Edge has done his best to step up a notch since the WrestleMania Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match. However, I feel he has sorta been lowering himself lately, and I hope he can get back on track.

In second place we have my pick to win it, Trish Stratus herself. It's not often that you see somebody try so hard to get better in a division where your wrestling ability doesn't matter. I think the thing that Trish needs to really step up to the next level is she needs to work a feud with Molly Holly. Molly could definitely bring the best out of Trish, and help pull that natural wrestling ability out of the big breasted diva. I bid her good luck in 2002.

Next up in third place, we have Christian. Now, although people say Christian was never bad, you do have to admit that until this year, many people really haven't taken much of a notice to Christian. However, I do think he could do so much better than he currently is doing, and hopefully this upcoming year he'll do much better.

In fourth place we have Test, who I feel has been pulling out some pretty good matches, compared to his former work. I do feel however he was much better when he was using the flying elbowdrop as his finisher. He seems to be getting ready for a major push, and working with people like Triple H could allow him to pick up on some charisma along the way, and make his package complete.

Finally, in last place we have X-Pac. My god, even after pulling off what were two or so amazing televised matches even after such a long time being away from the camera, America's favorite whipping boy still can't get a break. Hopefully his good matches earlier this year will be the start of a new X-Pac, that you can actually admit to liking.

Holy crap! You can wrestle Award Winner: Edge

The next award was the They make a swell team Award. The winner of this particular award is none other than Bubba Ray and D-Von, The Dudley Boyz. I didn't vote for these two because I felt they were very stale, however it's not really the fault of the two, its more or less the fault of the writers for not allowing them to work the crowd like the bastard heels they used to be. They don't have to swear to get the fans to hate them, trust me on that one.

Next up was also a team I didn't vote for, in Edge and Christian. The reason I didn't vote for them, is because they were not together for a good heaping of the year, and are currently at one another's throats, certainly not the symbol of a great team. However several people felt differently about the matter apparently.

The third place team was my personal pick, and it was the team of Hurricane Helms and Lance Storm. The reason I picked these two was the mere fact that they were fresh and they worked really well together. It's a shame that the WWF chose to break them up instead of reforming them now that they're both "hired" again. However, they say anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation and you never know, we may see the team of Hurricane Storm again.

Tied for last place we have the teams of The Hardy Boyz and the Acolyte Protection Agency. Neither of these teams did anything special to leave remembered at the end of the year. Hell for most of the year APA had enough trouble just getting on camera. As for the Hardy Boyz, well..I guess the Hardy Marks were all sleeping this week, either that or my honestly scares them off.

They make a swell team Award Winners: The Dudley Boyz

The next award is the award that explains a moment that you will remember forever as a wrestling fan, an award dubbed the I just messed my pants Award. The dominant winner for this award is The return of Extreme Championship Wrestling! This was something that was completely unexpected until the day that it happened, and even then not many people expected it, at least not the way that they did it. It was my personal pick, and a moment that I personally marked out for.

In second place we have the night that the glass ceiling shattered, when Chris Jericho won the World Heavyweight Championship titles. Everybody aside from one or two people were expecting the WWF to go with the regular old Rock/Austin main event, and even less were expecting Jericho to make it into the finals, let alone win it. This was a real surprise and a good one for the fans, and I'm damn happy that he is still champion as I type.

After a dramatic dip in the votes, we come to the third place winner, The return of Ric Flair. Honestly I didn't find this too amazing, and I wasn't really paying too much attention when it actually happened, but I did expect this to be one of the main things as far as the voting came, and boy was I wrong. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against Ric, it was just not the typical Flair interview I was used too, and he sounded like he drank seventeen pounds of scotch before doing his promo too, and that didn't help.

Tied for last place we have Steve Austin's WrestleMania heel turn, and The Alliance forms with the combination of WCW and ECW. First of all, I liked Austin's heel turn because I had been waiting for it for around one and a half years. However I was hoping for the same heel that took on Bret Hart, not a heel that loved being hugged by old men. On the other hand you have the Alliance combination, the one moment that I feel killed the invasion storyline. Now, if it remained ECW versus WWF versus WCW, it would be mass chaos, and I could most definitely see that being a ratings grabber. However, the lackluster pushing of EVERY Alliance member also hurt the SL a great deal. Speaking of that..lets just get right into the next award...

I just messed my pants Award Winner: ECW returns in the WWF (Pre-Stephanie)

The invasion storyline was one that was filled with great stars that unfortunately didn't get the chance to shine. However when your roster is already crowded BEFORE you get another entire federations roster at your fingertips, you tend to see this kinda thing coming. The winner of the I feel sorry for you man Award, was a man who was incredibly over in WCW, and yet when he came to the WWF, even with an amazing cheer session during his initial run-in, he still had trouble getting over with the fans, simply because they took away his act. This man is Lance Storm, my pick for this award, and the pick of several others. I feel that even with Lance's recent return, he will still continue to be pushed down. The reason why I chose Lance over DDP, is the fact that DDP has had plenty of time on top in this business, and Lance got his chance to be a main player literally SOLD to the highest bidder. The WWF has what could be one of the greatest heels on the roster if booked properly, and they can't blame Canada for screwing this one up, they can only blame themselves.

Neck and neck the entire time with Lance was the previously mentioned Diamond Dallas Page. I've already said why I felt Lance should have won over DDP, but even I think DDP should have remained a main eventer coming into the World Wrestling Federation. However, I could never picture DDP as a stalker, especially when you consider the man is rich and could have any girl he wanted. I mean they don't call him DIAMOND Dallas Page because he has blonde hair. I feel that his time has passed, and now that he's got a gimmick he enjoys and a gimmick that was HIS idea, I think he's going to remain where he is.

After a DRAMATIC vote drop, I mean DRAMATIC we come to two men that are tied for third place in Hurricane Helms and Mike Awesome. Now, Mike Awesome has all the tools to become a major player in the business, however the mere fact that Mark Calloway doesn't like him seems to be preventing the WWF from even giving him a chance. As for Hurricane Helms, in WCW he was always at the middle of the card, and the we see the same in the WWF, and he's in a gimmick that he seems to enjoy doing, so I don't think he has anything to complain about. I couldn't imagine Helms main eventing if I tried, to be quite honest.

In last place, with only two votes, we have Booker T. The lack of votes here is really surprising, however even with jobbing to The Rock a few times, I don't see Booker T as getting it too bad in the WWF, I mean he's a main eventer, even after the Alliance loss, and he's being put into a feud with Steve Austin a man known for good matches all this year. I am enjoying the feud so far and it can only get better.

I feel sorry for you man Award Winner: Lance Storm

As we get down to the two final awards, and my neck is killing me from glancing from the computer to my notebook where I have al the votes noted down, I think this was a pretty good idea, and I will be returning it this year. However I feel next year I will take nomination votes a month or so before, so we can have a more reader orientated group. I may also keep it this way due to people thinking that their nominations may be looked upon as the votes themselves. Anyway, with that said we get to the next award, the Thats a sexy lady Award. Although I was hoping this would be directed more toward the ability in the ring of these girls it turned into a basic tits and ass type of award, and your winner is Stacy Keibler. I really don't have to discuss this award all that much, people voted for the girls in order of how hot they were. I voted for Stacy as well, I admit it. In second place was Molly Holly in what I think was more or less based on in ring work, since I hardly hear people look at her as being second best compared to most other girls. In third place we have the girl I honestly expected to win in Trish Stratus. In fourth place we have Torrie Wilson, and in last place we have Lita. If anybody complains that I'm sexist because I didn't give this award as much of an explanation of the other awards, at least give me a topic to talk about in reference to how hot these girls are.

Thats a sexy lady Award Winner: Stacy Keibler

Finally we come to the last award of the ten, the He should be in pictures Award! This award goes to the guy who you felt was the best at acting out on the microphone of the ones nominated, and it's kinda obvious who won considering he's actually going to be starring in a movie soon. The winner is the Scorpion King himself, The Rock. Although I think he is repetitive as hell, I also voted for him because I thought he was the most known on the microphone, and he is entertaining, like it or not.

In second place we have Edge. Edge got high votes because he really talks like you would expect him to talk outside of the ring. He's like this basic surfer dude type of guy. Some people may not know this, just because they forgot or they never cared but Edge has also been in a movie, he was in Highlander: End Game. I like the Highlander series, and I'll say his part doesn't really count all that much because he was literally only in the movie all of three seconds.

One vote behind Edge was the current WWF/WCW World Heavyweight Champion himself, Chris Jericho. Jericho is a master at working the microphone in the loophole king gimmick, however I feel he got low votes compared to Rock simply because he was a bland face for most of the year and got repetitive. When your trying to be funny, you can't do the same thing over and over again or the joke will eventually die.

In fourth place we have the Englishman himself William Regal. First thing I want to ask is where the hell did the "Steven" in his name go? He had it when he debuted this new gimmick, and then along the way they just dropped "Steven William" and just called him William. Anyway, he does very well in his angry Brit role, mostly because he is an angry Brit, and I did expect him to be much higher in the rankings here. Oh well..

In last place we have the owner of the WWF, and a man I expected to be at least second place, Vince McMahon himself. You'd think will the amount of time we see Vince on camera, that we'd start to think he really talks that way and consider him a good actor. However I do see how the outrageous way of acting can turn some people off, but you can't really see Rock is subtle with his acting either..

He should be in pictures Award Winner: The Rock

And there we have it. 10 Awards, 10 Winners. First of all I'd like to thank all of my readers who voted, for without you the awards would have been pretty one sided with one vote each, and thus not all that exciting to write about. I enjoyed the votes that contained explanations of why you chose to vote for this person, it was good to read and it helped me explain the people I didn't vote for.

Heel Profile: Rob Van Dam

As one of the few wrestling fans that doesn't cream his pants whenever the words "Rob", "Van", or "Dam" are uttered on a World Wrestling Federation show, I feel that my views on Spot Wrestling's Poster Child may be indeed taken wrong by the legions of fans all across the world. Thats correct, Rob Van Dam is a spot wrestler, nothing more, nothing less. Don't get me wrong, Spot Wrestling can be entertaining, but I feel that Spot Wrestling could stay with Spot Wrestlers. Although he and many of his fans may not want to admit it, not every match he's had has been a five star spectacular. I've seen a quite a few Rob Van Dam matches that I'd rather not watch again. Although not a horrible match, his match with Scotty Anton was not what I'd call one for the ages.

With that said, I feel that RVD is a terrible heel. Look at the Invasion, it was a storyline where the entire roster of World Championship Wrestling and Extreme Championship Wrestling were labeled as heels. However RVD chose to act like a face and got the fans behind him, although I would push towards the fact that WWF heard the ECW fans chanting and got along with the trend rather than just him himself. RVD wasn't immediately over in ECW, it took him a little bit from what I've heard and read. I've never really thought RVD was amazing on the microphone, but he isn't at a Billy Gunn level of terribleness however, he just seems like he's reading from a cue card instead of just talking. His gimmick is supposed to be some laid back guy that doesn't care and just talks, and as you can see the "Cue Card Syndrome" can tear into the realism of that quite a bit.

I could ramble on about how he busted open people and thats why I don't like him, but the fact is I do like him, I just don't love him. Doing a bunch of cartwheels and stuff is original, but it's hardly a valid wrestling move. It's a spot, and anybody who says it's not doesn't know what a spot is. Booker T's Ax Kick could be considered a spot move, simply because the man has to bend over for an extended period of time for it. A man can have spot moves and still be a wrestler, they'll just need wrestling moves mixed within. I think at RVD's current place, he does not deserve to be a main eventer. However if he were to take some time and mix in some wrestling holds into his martial arts spots, I would definitely consider him to be a valid WRESTLING champion.

However, I will say that Rob Van Dam currently deserves to be at Intercontinental Championship level, his entertainment factor alone gets him there, but in my humble opinion, it does not warrant him further. For RVD to live up to his "Whole Dam Show" tagline, he's going to do what every show does to keep high in the ratings, he's gonna have to continue to improve. By the way, you can save me the "RVD is GOD" e-mails, and the flame mails regarding me not nutting myself over Rob, It's not going to change my opinion, only HE can do that by improving his wrestling side.

Heel Rating: C

It's Closing Time!

Allright, next week you can expect to see another Warrior Chronicles, as The Warrior becomes a contestant of Celebrity Jeopardy, in a somewhat homage to the Saturday Night Live skits. You will also see a review for the new SquareSoft RPG, Final Fantasy Ten, because I was lucky enough to go to the store on the 20th to get SimCity 3000 and Grand Theft Auto 3, and I found out it came out earlier that afternoon. I will also be tossing my hat into the Fantasy Booking ring once again, to book the upcoming return of Triple H. I will be using Triple H as a way to get over Lance Storm, a man who needs the push. However, I will do it in such a way that will make sense, as far as what he was doing before leaving is concerned. Merry Christmas everybody, and I'll see you next week!

JustinSaneX@aol.com