Welcome to the year end special edition of the Optimus Files. I know I was supposed to go over every match of the year nomination today, but so many people just voted for their favorite match and wrestler of the year, I said "fuck it". That and I watched about 27 tapes this week...literally. By last Friday I broke down and grew addicted to nothing but Low Ki matches. By Sunday night my freeloading friends flooded my room and watched nothing but '97 RAWs and garbage wrestling for no less than 3 hours. Sitting around last night and seeing that I still had 8 fucking tapes to watch in order to get an accurate grasp on ALL the nominations, I figured that this was stupid. I'm just listing top 5 lists today, those being my top 5 for wrestler and match of the year, and the reader top 5 for wrestler and match. I know this may sound funny, but I've watched way too much wrestling these last two weeks, and that's coming from me...

Weekly BS- BEST OF THE YEAR!

Well, let's get this out of the way. First we have the reader top 5 lists, voted by you...the reader. Through excessive amounts of emails, counting and tallying votes, and just plain wondering why people would vote for the Rhyno/Sandman match from ECW's last show, I give you the list that you, the people, chose.

Wrestler of the Year: According to the Readers

5) Keiji Mutoh: Starting with the only non WWF worker on the list, we come to good old Mutoh. A man beyond lazy in WCW in 2000, yet accomplishing everything in the course of one year with virtually no knees. Plus the guys whole aura just makes you want to mark out...

4) Kurt Angle: Looks like good old Kurt won over the fans by pummeling a bald man and the boss's son. He's definitely excelling in his environment having some really good matches like his match with Benoit at WM and his match with Austin at Summerslam. Some of his matches are vastly overrated (see KOR), but on the other hand, some are wildly underrated (see Submission match). He's becoming a really good worker though.

3) Chris Benoit: Hasn't been active for half the year but the shit he turned out in that half has been unmatched in the WWF. Just the best worker the company has. His match with Austin at Smackdown was great, bordering awesome when you realize it was on free TV.

2) Rob Van Dam: What can I say? Rob's over and he equals ratings. As shown by the voting, internet and non internet fans alike love him. He literally missed #1 by like 3 votes, so those three RVD marks should seriously feel bad for not voting right now...shame on you.

1) Steve Austin: Glad to see that the readers agree with me that this man has kept his company alive, whether it be him adjusting his character or just busting his ass in the ring. Without Austin right now, I don't think the Rock could keep the WWF alive by himself. Austin is the seasoned veteran that just knows what he's doing and deserves all the praise he gets this year. A lot of guys have seen their best stuff this year thanks to Austin, including Benoit, Angle, Undertaker, Rock, HHH, RVD...oh wait, that's the whole fucking roster.

Match of the Year: According to the Readers

5)TLC 2- Wrestlemania 17: I can see why this was picked. The spots are nuts and crisp plus it's non stop action. Not one of my favorites because I got sick of it after watching it three times, plus it's just a repeat of the original, but it wasn't that bad. Plus Jeff gets destroyed on 3 separate occasions. I've seen at least 4 better spot fests this year alone though. Than again this isn't on my list...

4) Keiji Mutoh v. Tenryu- New Japan 6/8: Great match. Awesome pick. More on this later.

3) Kurt Angle v. Steve Austin- Summerslam 2001: Another great pick. This is the second best WWF match I've seen all year. Crisp, fun, and some nice psych. Its only flaw is the shitty finish, but I take what I can get.

2) Chris Benoit v. Steve Austin- Smackdown 5/31: Another great pick. Best WWF match that I've seen all year, no contest. More on this later too.

1) HHH v. Steve Austin- No Way Out 2001: I didn't like this as much as others, but it is a pretty good match. The first fall is some good shit, the second fall had some neat spots, and the last fall was just both guys gased like no tomorrow trying to take it home. Really fun match though. The psych is pretty good too, as they both seem to legitimately want to kill each other.

Wow, I'm stunned that matches like Rock/Austin, RVD/Jeff, the RAW tag match, and the CZW Briscoe match came nowhere close to the top 5. All are overrated with the exception of the first one and the tag match, but I thought for sure these would have had more support.

Moving on to my list...

Wrestler of the Year

5) Minoru Tanaka: Simply the best Junior heavyweight in the world. Had two really good matches with Kakihara, a great match with Liger, and an even better one with Murahama.

4) Yuji Nagata: When I think best wrestler of the year, I think Nagata. He's probably the most consistent worker I've seen all year. Nothing from him has straight up sucked. He also had a solid match with Mutoh in the G1 finals and two pretty good tag matches, one with Makabe against Kakihara and Nagai, the other with Akiyama against Mutoh and Hase. He's also had a shitload of other good matches with guys like Sasaki, Fujita, and Tenzan. Just a great wrestler.

3) Steve Austin: I just bought that damn "What?" T-shirt. What can I say, it rules. So does Austin. I went into great detail about his work last column. When his match isn't good, he's usually working in some way, shape, or form, whether it be guiding Matt Hardy on the mat or selling for Taker like a champ.

2) Toshiaki Kawada: Kawada is quite simply the best in ring worker on the planet. The only thing that keeps him out of #1 is his lack of accomplishment this year. He sells like a champ (better than anyone), carries loads of guys to their best match all year (Tenzan, Kojima, Nagai, etc.), and had some really great matches like the one he had against Mutoh. If you want to see the full range of Kawada's ability to make someone look good, just watch his match against Tenzan in June where he makes Tenzan look like a war tank.

1) Keiji Mutoh: What can I say? 6 crown champ, loads of great matches against guys like Nagata, Tenryu, Hase, and Kawada. Some pretty good tag matches against Akiyama/Nagata and Nishimura/Fujinami. I'm sure the RWTL finals that he and Kea won against Nagai and Kawada is really good (haven't seen it yet). Had some great carry jobs against guys like Williams. For me, Mutoh is unmatched this year.

Guys narrowly missing my top 5 were Liger and Benoit, but they have had so many other great years that they don't need 2001.

Match of the Year

I tried to watch as much from this year as possible. There's still a handful of indy stuff I haven't seen, plus some Puro from November and December, but this is based on matches that I've seen.

5) Steve Austin v. Chris Benoit- Smackdown 5/31: Best match the WWF turned out all year. Benoit and Austin just went to a great 30 minute match on FREE TV. How many times do you see that? If you haven't seen this I strongly urge you to vote for it 29 times on WWF.com so they play the reply on New Years Eve. It's that good. Angle/Austin narrowly missed my list, but this match is everything that match isn't. Psych, neat spots, and good old fashioned brutality. That drop suplex on the table had to hurt.

4) Minoru Tanaka v. Takehiro Murahama- New Japan 4/20: Thank God for Osaka letting New Japan use Murahama to go against Tanaka. If stiff, ass kicking, pure brutality is your thing, this is your match. They get seriously stiff and just beat the living shit out of each other. This is the best match in the Junior shoot style type genre that you'll see all year.

3) Low Ki v. American Dragon- ECWA 7/21: The best US Indy match of the year and the best match in the US in general all year. This is just off the page and better than anything the WWF did all year. Hit the Indys Vince! A lot of people come down hard on Low Ki, but I like him. Dragon kicks enormous ass though. Stiff, cool spots, and Ricky Steamboat as the ref. What more could you want? I know somebody is gonna nitpick at Low Ki's unnecessary spots and occasionally contrived natural...ah well, I loved it.

2) Meiko Satomura v. Akira Hokuto- GAEA 4/29: Damn I love women's wrestling when it's done right. Seriously, there's like 7 points in this match where I just screamed "ouch" out loud as they just obliterate each other. Amazing stiffness and submissions builds to a great finishing series, plus the selling is great. Hell, sometimes they get hit so hard I don't even know if it's selling or legit. If you like cool psych backed up with brutal shots, you want this match. Trust me.

1) Keiji Mutoh v. Tenryu- New Japan 6/8: For some strange reason, this match stunned me more than the last one. Maybe it's because Mutoh and Tenryu are senior citizens. Maybe it's both of them trying to destroy each other. Seriously, the moment Mutoh dragon screws Tenryu OFF THE APRON and tries to pop his knee out of the socket, it's almost like Tenryu wants Mutoh dead, thus whipping out the same psych to counter, a fucking spider german suplex, and a Northern lights bomb that looks like it snapped Mutoh's neck. Than there's the all too cool Shining Wizard and moonsault spots. Dear God, just get this. It's the best match you'll see all year.

Well, there ya have it. Of course any match in both of these lists is highly recommended, plus there's a shitload more that I didn't even mention like Kawada/Mutoh, Angle/Austin, Nagai/Kawada v. Tenkoji, Liger/Tanaka, the first Low Ki/Dragon match, and a whole bunch of other fun stuff.

What's in Schwab's VCR?

You know what, writing this column does two things. One of those is giving me a nice way of writing about the sport I love to watch. The other is it exposes my total lack of a life. Ah well. I actually do have a life, just not a very interesting one. Work, school, hang out at midnight, wash, rinse, and repeat. Any free time you might find in that gap is spent in front of the TV with a bag of Doritos and a 2 liter of Pepsi. I'd like to take this time to say that Beat the Geeks is the worst fucking show I've ever seen. Never has there been a show where I just want to fucking punch so many people at once, but this one manages it. I seriously want to kick the crap out of each and every person on the show, geek, host, and contestants alike.

Also, my friends are freeloaders. BIG ones. They just come over, plop their asses on my couch, and watch wrestling for endless amounts of time. And there's the answer to the popular question, "How much fucking free time do you have dude?" Moving right along...

WWF Vengeance 12/9/01- I watched this three days after it originally aired due to hearing lousy feedback about it, but I heard the same thing about Survivor Series and I surprisingly liked that show. Well, here's my thoughts for what they're worth...

Scotty 2 Hotty/Albert v. Test/Christian: Oh my God, this wasn't the way to start...next please.

Edge v. William Regal: Would it be a sin to let Regal work the style he's good at? I mean, I'm sure Edge is more than capable of taking a stiff forearm or two. He's a young, healthy man in the wrestling business. Bump man, and bump like you mean it. I actually liked the match as it had me wondering what the hell they were going to do next to fill the gap, and it surprisingly worked. Shitty finish though. It was out of nowhere. Had a little bit of a psychological purpose but Regal's brass knuckle wielding crazy man image does nothing for me. He doesn't need the brass knuckles to break some facial bones. Edge is the man right now. Keep pushing him.

Matt Hardy v. Jeff Hardy: I liked this and hated it at the same time. Jeff is a phenomenal bumper and Matt has a good grasp of the fundamentals. On the other side, that's basically all they know right now and limit their matches to it, thus this. Watching OMEGA back in '99, I guarantee you they could have cranked out something 20x better. Jeff's psych was good...when he decided to sell. Inconsistencies like that hurt it for me but I still enjoyed it. Decent enough. Let Matt play a Southern type heel and I'll be happy.

Dudley Boys v. Big Show/Kane: Holy shit, was there anything redeeming about this match? 3 of the 4 just plain suck and Kane is only decent on occasion. This wasn't one of those occasions. The Dudleys are obviously exposed and beyond repair. Show is obviously not what he once was. He's extremely lazy, no sells as much as Taker, and is slower than a fat turtle. MOVE ON.

Rob Van Dam v. Undertaker: This was like a clone of the crappy WM match between Taker/HHH except with Rob doing better bumping than HHH did (can you say crash mat?). Common ground. Taker looked like a legit badass thanks to Rob killing himself, but if they're going to do a spot match at least make it a good one. Taker sold though, so take a picture because that's a rarity.

Trish v. Jackie: Trish just looks like a disaster waiting to happen in the ring. Jackie can work, but not well. MOVE ON. Nobody gives a shit about this division anymore...well except for the occasional gravy bowl match.

Steve Austin v. Kurt Angle: Pretty good match. Better than a few of their other matches but it can't touch the Summerslam one. I liked it though. Fun, good workrate, and good psych. Angle and Austin clash well. They really played well off their other matches and Kurt's selling was better than normal. I'd also like to coin a new variation of the moonsault called the Angle backflip: a moonsault that never connects and when it does, it breaks your arm...

Chris Jericho v. Rock: Great match for the style they were going for. Better than their other match too. Rocky can go when he wants and if Jericho worked like this all the time I wouldn't have such a problem with him. It's great to see the cocky asshole Jericho back too. That's what made this match better than the first. Their roles were much more defined, thus better psych and storytelling. Another great clash of workers.

Steve Austin v. Chris Jericho: Eh, could have been worlds better. Jericho and Austin have yet to give a match that lives up to the level they're capable of achieving. Too much goofiness for me.

Not a bad show. A lot of decent stuff and two good matches worth a second viewing and maybe a *gasp* third viewing. I strangely enjoyed this show, much like my strange enjoyment of Survivor Series. Ah well...

Toryumon TV 10/11/01- I know, I'm behind on Toryumon. Sue me.

SUWA v. SAITO: SUWA runs SAITO over big time. Not a total squash, but in a sense it was. Next...

Apache v. Genki Horiguchi: This was pretty fun. I like both guys as they tend to have some neat spots. This match is no exception. Lots of that wacky Apache comedy too, if that's what floats your boat. I like Stoker impersonations better.

Yasushi Kanda/Chocoflake K-ICHI v. TARU/Big Fuji: You know you've got problems when Kanda is the best worker in the match. Actually a decent match but a lot of it is just blah.

Ryo Saito v. Susumu Mochizuki: This is 2/3 falls and I really liked it. Both guys are becoming really good workers and they do some little amounts of psych and general Toryumon fun that makes it work. Ryo gets his leg pounded on here and actually sells it pretty well. I'd like to point out that his rolling fisherman suplexs rock. As for the rest of the match, the wrestling is good, the booking is decent. Ultimo must watch the WWF with all of that overbooking...

Golden Net Cage Match- CIMA v. Darkness Dragon v. Dragon Kid v. Magnum TOKYO v. Masaaki Mochizuki (last man in the cage loses hair or mask): Gimmick match! Holy shit, this was awesome. It's Toryumon in a fucking steel cage. Maybe that sums it up for you. Seriously though, this is top 5 for Toryumon matches and probably a match of the year candidate (yes, I saw this when I compiled my top 5 list. Those matches are surprisingly way better). TOKYO gets absolutely obliterated by Masaaki at the end. Brutal and graceful, this is what makes Toryumon so cool. Get this match immediately. Way better than anything on the Vengeance card. I'm pretty sure this is where CIMA's knee goes out, thus causing his absence. Oh, and TOKYO shaves his head! There's some interference AGAIN, but it's very forgivable. I loved this match. Masaaki is so becoming one of my favorite wrestlers for some strange reason. Must be that stiff kick thing.

This was a really good show. Nothing flat out bad and the last match was rocking. Get this...fast.

The Optimus Files

Match #24: Super Delfin/Gran Hamada/Gran Naniwa/Tiger Mask 4/Masato Yakushiji v. Dick Togo/Shiryu/Men's Teioh/Shoichi Funaki/TAKA Michinoku- Michinoku Pro 10/10/96: Do you like extremely fast, non stop, thrilling, breathtaking, fun spotfests? If the answer was yes, get this fucking match and make it your Bible. This is Lightheavy spot wrestling on crack. It's that action packed. I'm not kidding when I say there's not one uninteresting minute in this thing. Sure the psych is week, but who gives a shit? If you don't like this match, chances are you're so uptight that the only thing you can enjoy is All Japan. For the rest of us, we'll sit here and mark like children at the site of TAKA hitting one of SICKEST quebradas ever, Kaientai being super rudos, and just general ass kicking goodness. This is 50 million times better than the Mpro 6 Man at Barely Legal or anything Toryumon has ever done. There's literally bodies everywhere and with ten guys going at it, I love every second of it. This is why Mpro rocked so much during this time period.

Match #25: Great Sasuke/Gran Hamada/Super Delfin/Gran Naniwa/Tiger Mask 4 v. Dick Togo/Men's Teioh/TAKA Michinoku/Shiryu/Sho Funaki- Michinoku Pro 12/96: The rematch! Oh baby, this one rocks just as much as the last one, this time with the added Sasuke oomph. Replacing Yakushiji with Sasuke? Sounds good to me. I like the near falls on this one better, but as a whole I like the 10/96 match more for general ass kicking, action packed fun. If I had to pick one...hell, get them both. If you want the easiest adaptation to Puro, get a copy of both of these matches, Super J '94 and '95, and lock yourself in your viewing room of choice. Chances are you'll walk out and never look at any Cruiserweight match the same ever again. That is until you get your hands on some Lucha 16 man tags, but that's for another day. This is awesome, awesome stuff.

As for the Puroresu Introduction, it will be completed very soon.

Well, that's all from me for today. I'll be back in the near future. Take that whichever way you please. Feel free to drop me some feedback or whatever at OptimusSchwab@hotmail.com. You can also chat with me on AIM at OptimusSchwab. The later is only recommended for those wanting to hear about my wacky death match of the week or insane indy addiction of the week...

Peace