Howdy everybody, it's time once again to do some "Re-Inventing" of that heel. I promise that this weeks column won't be as huge as last weeks, and for future reference, I think I'll make my Pay-Per-View columns just the predictions, and with a little humor tossed in somewhere. I appreciate all of the positive feedback I'm getting and you'll be pleased to know that I am planning to implement a few ways to make my column more interactive, wether it be some sort of "pick a winner" deal or something else. It'll most likely be something else, because I don't want to totally rip off TommyRock. In this weeks edition of the RTH, instead of doing a skit involving the Warrior, I am going to post an actual transcript of a real Warrior promo. I will not be editing it in any way, shape or form. I've had a few people that didn't understand the Warrior thing, yet still found it funny. I think they'll find it that much more hilarious if they see where I'm coming from. I'm also going to debut the "Impact Awards", where I give out awards in specific categories with five or so people as candidates. The catch is, I won't be the one picking the winner, you people reading will. That's right, I ask you to e-mail me at JustinSaneX@aol.com with your votes for each award, and if all goes well, I'll be able to post the results in the next column. I've also decided to dump the "Dissecting SmackDown" section, however I will be willing to bring it back if people want it that badly, however for the time being it's easier not to do it, especially since I have a tendency of being pre-empted a lot in my area, and because it'll make room for other more interactive sections I have planned. The Heel profile will take a little vacation this week, however it will return next week with a look at The UnderTaker.

The Impact Awards

The rules for this are as follows. Each award will have a short explanation telling you basically what the award means and everything else, if it's not totally self-explanatory besides the fact. You can only vote for one person per award, and if a person isn't nominated in the column, he is not eligible, and your favorite wrestler is wished the best of luck for when I do this next year. Votes via Instant Message will NOT be accepted, because it's a pain to remember a vote without being able to look back at it later, and I don't feel like cluttering up my memory with IM logs. Allright, with that all said, lets get to business! As a note, these awards are American federations only, simply because I do not have access to the Japanese promotions at this time.

The "Kawada is my Jesus" Award - This award is for the best wrestler of the year 2001. The people nominated have been nominated due to being able to have consistently decent matches (three stars at least). Backstage politics have nothing to do with placement on this, and people that have been missing for a good deal of the year have not been nominated (Benoit and HHH for example). Having the ability to get the crowd into the match is also a heavy factor in this award.

1. Stone Cold Steve Austin
2. Kurt Angle
3. Chris Jericho
4. Rob Van Dam
5. The Rock

The "I believe I can fly" Award - This award goes to the person who has done the best high flyer based performance of the year 2001. This includes getting the crowd into the match based on the things your willing to do to your body in the ring, and taking somewhat sick looking bumps. Alternate names for this award were "Suicide isn't the answer" and "Holy Jesus! He jumps high".

1. Rob Van Dam
2. Spike Dudley
3. Jeff Hardy
4. Mighty Molly
5. Billy Kidman

The "Wow, I gotta watch that match again!" Award - This award goes to the match that left the most impact of the fans. The match that told the best story, and was the most worth waiting for. Storytelling, crowd support, working effort these are all a big factor in what the winner should and will be.

1. Triple H versus Steve Austin (No Way Out)
2. Kurt Angle versus Steve Austin (SummerSlam)
3. The Rock versus Chris Jericho (No Mercy)
4. Chris Benoit versus Steve Austin (Network Show)
5. Chris Benoit versus Kurt Angle (Network Show)

The "Don't quit your day job" Award - This award goes to the wrestler with the most disimprovement over the year. Sure he started out good, but then he just got worse and worse as the year went on. This award is based totally on in ring work, and has nothing to do with backstage politics.

1. The UnderTaker
2. Tazz
3. Billy Gunn
4. Hugh Morrus
5. Lita

The "Holy Crap! You CAN wrestle!" Award - This award goes to the wrestler who has shown the most improvement. He or she has shown a true caring to better themselves in front of the fans, and has tried hard to put on good matches when they previously were horrible. This is based both on microphone and wrestling ability wise, as well as getting the fans into the match-wise.

1. Test
2. Trish Stratus
3. X-Pac
4. Edge
5. Christian

The "They make a swell team" Award - This award goes to the team that has shown the most improvement since the beginning of the year. This award will not include random teams that have been thrown together for just one or two matches, however teams that are no longer together will be included.

1. The Dudley Boyz
2. The Hardy Boyz
3. Edge & Christian
4. Hurricane & Storm
5. The Acolyte Protection Agency

The "I just messed my pants" Award - This award goes to the moment that had a huge impact on the fans. A moment that will forever be remembered as the fans as a moment that they can honestly say that they marked out for.

1. Steve Austin turns heel at WrestleMania
2. ECW is reborn in the WWF (Pre-Stephanie)
3. ECW combines with the Alliance (Post-Stephanie)
4. Ric Flair returns to the WWF as 50% owner
5. Chris Jericho becomes a World Champion

The "I feel sorry for you man" Award - This award goes to the man or woman who you feel is the most underutilized. The man that you think could seriously be a major player or somebody very entertaining in the business but isn't given a clear shot by both the fans and the people running the promotion to become so.

1. Booker T
2. Diamond Dallas Page
3. Lance Storm
4. Hurricane Helms
5. Mike Awesome

The "That's a sexy lady" Award - This award goes to the best looking diva, both in looks and in natural in ring ability (hopefully at least). Remember that I can only include divas that have been prominent for most of the year in any ramblings about why Dawn Marie or Francine should be included.

1. Stacy Keibler
2. Torrie Wilson
3. Trish Stratus
4. Molly Holly
5. Lita

The "He should be in pictures!" Award - This final award goes to the man or woman with the best natural acting ability. He can work the microphone like nobodies business and can make you actually believe what he is saying is true.

1. The Rock
2. Chris Jericho
3. Vince McMahon
4. William Regal
5. Edge

Allright, I'd like to thank everybody in advance for voting in my little feature here, and hopefully I'll be able to tally up the results by next week. If not you can expect it to most definitely to be in the week following that. Remember to send all votes to JustinSaneX@aol.com in e-mail form, votes via IM will not be accepted due to archiving reasons.

The Warrior Chronicles

[The Camera opens up to show Hogan in the middle of some promo, since the Mp3 I have doesn't have his full promo, just the part the Warrior is involved in]

Hollywood Hogan: But I'm the man, I always will be, there's not a wrestler I can't beat to win my belt back, there's not a war I can't win to get my belt back, and there's not a warrior I can't beat to get my belt back...and...

[Suddenly a bunch of weird sound effects and a dark music began to play, as The WARRIOR made his way out for the first time in World Championship Wrestling history]

The WARRIOR: TALK TO ME WARRIORS! FEEL THE REAL POWER...HO-GAN!

Hogan: Uh...I thought you were dead...

WARRIOR: WHO HOLDS THE ABSOLUTE POWER NOW...HOLLYWOOD HOGAN? UNLEASH THAT RAGING VOICE WARRIORS!!...ACTUALLY, IT EVEN SEEMS THAT THERE ARE THOSE WHO ANTICIPATED MY ARRIVAL!..

[Hogan tries to give Warrior an nWo shirt to get him to join his stable]

WARRIOR: WHAT IS THAT SMELL? YOU MIGHT WANT TO USE THAT TO CLEAN UP THE MESS YOU JUST MADE, ALL OVER YOURSELF! YOU NEED TO OPEN YOUR EYES AND EARS..TAKE CONTROL OF THE LIMITED ABILITY YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THE WORDS I'M ABOUT TO SAY. FOR YEARS I HAVE WATCHED WHILE THIS INDUSTRY, WITH YOU AS IT'S FIGUREHEAD...HAS TRIED TO RECREATE WHAT IS SIMPLY UN-RE-CRE-ATABLE! I HAVE HEARD, LISTENED TO ALL THE INNUENDOES THAT SOMETHING ULTIMATE..OR WARRIOR MAY SOON REAPPEAR! WELCOME TO THE REAL..(GOAT SOUND? UNTRANSLATABLE WORD)..THOSE THINGS HOGAN, THAT ARE IRREPLACEABLE, WEITHER THEY BE PERSON, PLACES, OR THINGS..ARE NEVER FORGOTTEN, YOU ARE WITNESSING THAT RIGHT NOW! HISTORY TELLS US HOGAN..

[Fans chant "Hogan Sucks" rather loudly]

WARRIOR: LETS TALK ABOUT SOMETHING HE DOESN'T KNOW..HISTORY TELLS US HOGAN..THAT A MANS LEGACY IS BUILT FROM A PREMISE, THAT WITHIN HIS LIFE THAT THE MOMENTS LIVED, ONCE LIVED BECOMES A PART OF HIS HISTORY...SOMEHOW YOU HAVE CONVENIENTLY, EVEN ELOQUENTLY MISPLACED SOME OF YOUR HISTORY. IN THE ONE TIME EPICAL BATTLE BETWEEN US HOGAN, YOU WERE THEM QUINTESSENTIAL INFLUENCE OF WHAT WAS GOOD, GREAT, AND HEROIC..BUT DIFFERENT FROM WHAT YOU MAY REMEMBER, AND ALBEIT YOU HAVE DEFEATED MYTHS, LEGENDS, GIANTS, AND OTHER GREAT MEN..YOU HAVE NEVER..EVER BEAT A WARRIOR....AND CERTAINLY NOT...THE ULTIMATE ONE!! AS THE VICTOR OF THAT ONE TIME BATTLE, I DEFEATED WHAT WAS UNTIL THEM..UNDEBEATABLE..I CONQUERED, WHAT WAS THEN UNCONQURABLE..I DOMINATED WHAT WAS, UNTIL THEN INDOMINAIDABLE! ON THAT DAY..YOU WERE GREAT...I WAS ULTIMATE!! LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF..TO THOSE TWO FOOLS WHO STAND BEHIND YOU..

[Warrior points at "The Disciple"]

Warrior: ..LETS SEE..THIS "DUDE" MUST BE YOUR BARBER

[Warrior points at Eric Bischoff]

Warrior: AND WHO ARE YOU LITTLE MAN? WHO ARE YOU?

Eric Bischoff: You know who I am...My name is Eric Bischoff, and I run this company..and who invited you?

Warrior: ..HA HA HA HA HA HA..DIFFERENT FROM WHAT YOU WANNA MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE, I NEVER RECEIVED AN INVITATION...I SHOWED UP ON MY OWN ACCORD..AND LET ME TELL YOU, MR.ERIC BISCHOFF..IF YOU STICK YOUR NOSE IN MY BUSINESS, YOU ONLY, VERY QUICKLY PREPARE FOR YOUR OWN DEMISE..FURTHERMORE, WHEN I GET DONE WITH MY BUSINESS HERE, I'M GOING TO BE SENDING YOU A BILL..I SUGGEST YOU PAY IT! ...I HAVE WAITED PATIENTLY..THE WARRIORS HAVE WAITED ALL TOO PATIENTLY..NOW, NOW! THE VIRTUE OF JUSTICE, UNTIES MY HANDS..SO I CAN CONTINUE TO FULFILL A DESTINY SET IN MOTION UPON THAT MEMORIAL DAY YEARS AGO, A DESTINY AT THE NEXT LEVEL..A DESTINY BECKONING THE NEXT...SUPER-HERO!! THERE REALLY IS NO SADDER SIGHT THAT WHEN A GROWN MAN FEARS THE CHALLENGES IN HIS LIFE SO MUCH THAT HE RATIONALIZES ADOLESCENT BEHAVIOR, TO THE POINT WHERE HE CARRIES OUT HEINOUS AND SELF-INDULGENT ACTIONS..YOUR EVILNESS, THE EVILNESS YOU EMBODY AND PORTRAY IS INTROLERABLE..I AM THE ONE THAT HAS THE POWER TO..DESTROY..YOU!! IN SOURCE HOGAN, THE TRUTH IS INEXHAUSTIBLE, I COME HERE NOT TO BEAT YOU UP TONIGHT..IT MEANS NOTHING ANYMORE..EVERYBODY ALREADY HAS..!

[Hogan puts on one of his best sad faces as he is seriously disrespected by that comment]

WARRIOR: ..NO NO NO NO NO..THATS TOO EASY..BECAUSE YOU FELT GUILTY FOR BEING WHO YOU WERE..YOUR MIND BECAME WEAK, AND HULKAMANIA BECAME BORING..I COME HERE HOGAN, TO TELL YOU..NEXT WEEK, I INTEND TO LAUNCH A REVOLUTION THAT NOT EVEN YOU CAN CONTROL! I ASK YOU TO FIND THE COURAGE..CHECK IT OUT..NEXT WEEK..SAME WARRIOR TIME, SAME WARRIOR PLACE...SAME WARRIOR CHANNEL!! (Hissing Noise)...

[The music and sound effects start again and smoke rises up, allowing the Warrior to vanish much like the elusive ninja. Tony Shavonie attempts to rationalize this, but just ends up confusing the viewers even more. For those interested, this promo lasts about twelve minutes, not including entrance, and short thought pauses]

It's Closing Time!

This one was a bit shorter than my others, as far as I can tell anyway. I did this because the previous one was long as hell, and because I had trouble getting to the column to add onto it this week. Next week I'll be tabulating the results of the voting and telling you who won the voting, as well as doing a Heel Profile for Rob Van Dam, I think. I believe I will also be tossing my hat into the "Fantasy Booking" ring once more as I come up with a Story Line to justify the return of the Jericho "conspiracy theory" storyline, in the World Wrestling Federation. Don't forget to vote, and I'll see you next week everybody.

JustinSaneX@aol.com