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Submitted by Jaymz on Friday, November 16, 2001 at 5:47 PM EST
 Welcome back the little column that couldn’t. Before you read any more, just remember that you click this link because you wanted to read. Nobody forced you to, so save your whining and bitching for somebody else. If you don’t agree with what I say, let me know in a professional manner and you‘ll be heard. If all you’re going to say is "ur column sux0rs and you should stop writing...blah blah" don’t bother. Neither of us wants to listen to the other, so don’t waste your time writing something for 15 minutes that will take me 3 seconds to delete. After nearly 2 years I’m just tired of hearing it over and over again. Survivor Series is upon us, but I don’t want to discuss that much. I think we’ll just hit some random points, sound good? I thought so. Usually when somebody leaves the wrestling business to do something else it’s always the Internet "smarts" that jump on the wrestler for "selling out". Look at what happened with Chyna, er...I mean Joanie and Sable...I mean Rena. This will probably be the case for Mick Foley. With that said, let me say that this is not intended to bash him, only to look at few things from a different angle. Granted, he’s an accomplished wrestler, a legend, a spokesman for beefaroni, and a New York Times Bestseller, I’ll give him the credit he deserves. That’s a list of great accomplishments, but could he have really have sold his books on his own? It’s a question that’s being asked now since he’s rumored to be leaving the company. After his first book Have a Nice Day was released, we had it shoved down our throats week after week, skit after skit as if we were a $2 whore open for business. Never before had I seen such a shilling of a product. It would only get worse, though. The book did well and the continued success brought on more and more of Foley gaining cheap pops and tasteless promotion. Keep in mind that wrestling was extremely hot during this time, too. Finally, the heat died down and I broke down and bought a hardback copy for just $5, which I’ve still yet to read. (I’ve been on Chapter 3 since January). He pens his second book, and along comes even more whoring. Let’s not even mention his children’s Christmas book that had a bare elf-ass in it. The point I’m trying to make is that Mick Foley had one hell of a promotion base. It’s no secret that that’s the reason why his first book did so well. Honestly, had the WWF not whored it out as they did, do you think anyone outside of wrestling would actually take the book even remotely seriously? Although I’ve read that it was an excellent book, I think that the critics would have just passed it as "a book written by a sweaty wrestler" and probably wouldn’t have even read it. I’m probably wrong, but we’ll see if Foley is as good an author as he seems to think he is. At least he’s going to do something good like writing children’s books and not going to start some "acting career" that only involves sticking your face in every possible media ass-pie. *Cough, Chyna, Cough* Oh yeah, I forgot, she’s appearing in Sabrina the Teenage Witch soon. Who gives a shit? No one even watches that show anymore. Did anyone ever? Ooooh, let’s not forget that she’s gracing the cover of the January Playboy, woooo! I’ll admit, I bought the first one. Although I think she may have tucked herself between her thighs, she looked a lot better than I thought. We’ll see just how hot this issue will do without the WWF backing it. Remember Sable’s second issue? Neither do I. Foley, take heed. I guess a column this close to Survivor Series just wouldn’t be right if it didn’t include some mention of it. Well...there, I mentioned it. I think Eddie Guerrero deserves the ECW classic chant of "You fucked up, you fucked up!" boy, did he ever fuck up. There’s really nothing else that I can say that hasn’t already been said, but I can babble. I wonder where Latino Heeeet would have fallen into anyway. Come to think of it, I have an idea of an angle for him, had he not gotten wasted and drove into a gate. He could have come back from rehab for his pain killer addiction. He could have then extended a helping hand to eliminate the Alliance as a way of thanking the WWF for paying for it and keeping him under contract. Then, he could have swerved and turned his back on the WWF. Of course, he could have swerved to miss the gate, but that’s another story. Alright, I’ll revert back to the Survivor Series. Besides the main event, are there any new matches on this card? The promotion behind the mid-card matches could use a little Foley-ish pushes. Had it not been for the posts here at LoP I would be even more clueless about what the card looks like. I would think that the Dudleyz and Hardyz are as sick of fighting each other as we are of seeing them fight each other. The only two people I like seeing fight more are Itchy and Scratchy, and they aren’t real. This isn’t new, is it? Well, I guess since you’ve added the steel cage it must be new. Right? Hell man, I didn’t even know there was an "Immunity Battle Royal" taking place. Did I miss something on Raw and Smackdown? (Smackdown hasn’t aired here yet, so if that’s the case then excuse me.) Go Funaki! That’ll do her for this week. Thanks for reading as always and feel free to drop me a line if you want. Also, don’t forget to check out The Coalitions (Wrestling parody and Video Games) which are your source for...um..Japscat. Until next time, see ya. Koltershock: An eye-opening and mind fucking experience for all over 18. (Don’t let mamma see!) Jaymz
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