Hello to you all, and welcome to the weekly WWF Classics recap here on Lords of Pain. For those of you who did not already know, Steveweiser has left his position here, and so I am aiming to fill this gap and write up Classics on a weekly basis with the same in-depth analysis and depth that my predecessor had. Whilst there may not be a hope in the blue hell of that happening, the reports should be of an adequate standard, at the least. But for now Steveweiser is gone, and has dropped the ball, so to speak. And so with that I am here to start a new era here at Lords of Pain. And with that, Segaboyno would like you to sit back, relax, and get stuck into the “meaty part” of the report, as an old friend of mine used to say.

This week's WWF Wrestling Classics opens up with the usual opening video rolling, and the show officially begins as were are welcomed by Gorilla Monsoon, and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, today's commentators. It should be noted that Heenan is still wearing a neckbrace, as a result of his head almost being snapped off by Billy Jack Haynes a few weeks ago. Featured on today's show will be a clash between Brutus Beefcake and Dino Bravo, and Ricky Steamboat, Kamala, Sika, and Jim Duggan will also be in action. With that we cut to the ring as the first match is preparing to get underway.

Match # 1
Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake vs. Dino Bravo (w/ Johnny V)
For Classics, this sounds like it could certainly be a decent bout. Only time will tell. The match opens with a collar and elbow tie-up, before Brutus breaks free and levels Bravo with some hard right hands. Beefcake sends his opponent into the ropes, but is reversed, as Bravo executes an atomic drop on Beefcake. Nobody seems to have gained a distinct advantage in the early stages, until Brutus delivers a hiptoss, followed by a bodyslam, sending Bravo rolling out onto the floor. He seems rather frustrated to say the least, and begins to hit the side of the ring on numerous occasions, presumably to convey his frustrations. He takes his time and returns to the ring, and sends a kick into the stomach of Brutus, which then leads into a gutwrench suplex. Next comes a legdrop, and Dino seems rather more pleased now than he was only a few moments ago. Bravo gets a close two count after having given a bodyslam to Brutus, at which stage we are shown comments from The Fabulous Rougeaus, who just in case you were wondering, are in the building. Somewhere down the line, they are more than ready to lock horns with The Dream Team. Beefcake has taken the advantage and nails Bravo with a clothesline. An atomic drop is delivered, followed by a backdrop. Johnny V then jumps up on the apron, but is knocked straight back down by Brutus. Brutus then puts the sleeper onto Bravo, who is out like a light. But before anything can be said, Greg Valentine runs in and pounds on Brutus, before all three men gang up, and at one stage, Valentine even uses the figure four leglock. The Rougeaus run in to make the save, but Brutus is still reeling following the brutal figure four.
Winner - Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake via DQ at 3:48

- The Outlaw Ron Bass comments on this weeks round-up time. He is standing there with a brander in his hand, and it does not look like he is going to be afraid of using it. He lets us know that in no uncertain terms.

Match # 2
Ricky "The Dragon" Stemboat vs. Iron Mike Sharpe
At this stage Steamboat is the reigning WWF Intercontinental Champion, having defeated Randy Savage for the gold back at Wrestlemania III. This, however, is a non-title match. The fans are on their feet, and seem to have great admiration for Steamboat. Heenan, on the other hand, does not seem to share their opinion. "What a stupid family name", he correctly points out. The belt is taken away by a federette, which is similar to today's version of a diva - only difference being that she has not had breast enhancements. The bell sounds and Sharpe begins by pounding the Dragon, before the two lock up. Following this, Sharpe uses a rake to the eyes, before using an atomic drop, which sends Steamboat over the top rope. However, he skins the cat and as Sharpe charges towards him, he backdrops him onto the floor, which obviously meets the fans approval. The Honky Tonk Man is standing by with Jimmy Hart, and comments that he wants an Intercontinental title match, and believes that with the people behind him, he can't possibly lose. Back in the ring, Steamboat jumps up to the top rope and fakes a high cross which completely confuses not only Iron Mike, but everyone in attendance as well. The second time though, he does follow through, and scores a pinfall as a result. As the replay rolls, he jumps to the top rope and poses with the gold.
Winner - Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat via pinfall

- Mean Gene Okerlund is standing by with Koko B. Ware, and his ever-lovable bird, Frankie. He notes that he comes from a small town. In fact, it is a very small town. He plays all kinds of sports in his town - football, baseball, basketball, you name it. He even goes as far to say, "I was born with the ball in my hand". He even did some wrestling in this town, and it is such a dream to be in the WWF. Just a shame that it's more of a nightmare for everyone else forced to watch his matches. Eventually, Koko and Okerlund end up singing, and jigging just a little also. Hell, Okerlund even clicked his fingers a couple of times.

Match # 3
King Harley Race (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Jerry Monti
Bobby Heenan has left his broadcasting position, and so Johnny V, being the stand-up kind of guy he is, has taken his place. Mr. V says that he can certainly relate and sympathise with Heenan. Monti gains the early advantage with a knee followed by a dropkick to the face. We cut to a photo of the King's crown, and what a handsome crown it is. Race takes control and punishes Monti with some viscous forearms, followed by a knee to the abdomen. He gives Monti a powerslam, but scoops him up after only two, so that he can continue the punishment. The audience seem to be the main recipients of this punishment. He then delivers a fatal suplex and this time does collect the three count.
Winner - King Harley Race via pinfall

Mean Gene Okerlund is backstage, and this time he is with B. Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell, the team collectively known as The Killer Bees. Brunzell says that they are very fortunate to be in the WWF, and don't they know it. They have been very lucky so far, but they do have many goals, and in order to achieve them, they need to stay healthy. Blair reveals that Hulk Hogan has been helping to train them, in order to add some muscle to their physique. And i think we all know how Hogan did that...

A video package of Killer Khan rolls, who is a new superstar that Mr. Fuji has brought in. Monsoon and Heenan both agree that he is an extremely dangerous individual. He certainly is an animal. He is screaming and grunting and generally looking very threatening.

Match # 4
Hillbilly Jim, Tito Santana & Billy Jack Haynes vs. Carl Schmidt, Terry Gibbs & Dave Barbie
The faces enter to Hillbilly Jim's "Don't Go Messing With A Country Boy" theme song, which you may have heard during Wrestlemania X7. "Who's going to do the thinking for that team"? Heenan just has to ask. The Brain also has a problem with Billy "Jerk" Haynes, because of the assault a few weeks prior to this broadcast. Heenan claims that Haynes' actions were totally uncalled for. The action starts with Haynes and Schmidt, who gets sent to the floor with a dropkick. Terry Gibbs tags in, as is Hillbilly Jim. At this point Jim actually offers a handshake to his opponent, showing just how stupid he really is. Needless to say, he gets a good kicking for his actions. But to his credit, Hillbilly does bounce back with a bodyslam and an atomic drop. Next up, Barbie and Santana get tags, and Barbie outpowers Tito in the initial feeling out stages. After Santana has finished feeling out Barbie, he uses his speed to execute a dropkick, and then a push to the ground. Carl Schmidt tags back in, and uses an abdominal stretch. Haynes comes back in, delivers a full nelson to Schmidt, who has no option but to give up. All six go at it after the bell, but it's the team of Hillbilly, Santana and Haynes who win both the battle and the war. Kudos most go to Hillbilly for not only dancing post-match, but also doing a cartwheel, which was most electrifying. Even Monsoon thought that their dance was exciting.
Winners - Hillbilly Jim, Tito Santana & Billy Jack Haynes via submission

Cut to some guys in the crowd, who are enjoying the new WWF ice cream bars. McMahon is a marketing genius.

Craig deGeorge is backstage with Danny Davis, who if you remember, was barred from being a referee for life. This prompted him to become an active wrestler, and he is far from surprised at the success he has enjoyed. Whilst deGeorge believes this to be nothing but arrogance, Davis points out that it is only confidence.

Match # 5
Kamala (w/ Kimchee & Mr. Fuji) & Sikah vs. Leaping Lanny Poffo & Rick Hunter
Poffo starts out by reading another beautiful poem. Seems he thinks that the Ugandan giant Kamala is in actual fact from a san diego zoo. In response to this, Heenan says, "Thank goodness for bathroom walls or Poffo would have no material"! Monsoon points out that in the recent weeks Kamala has become somewhat of a high flyer in the WWF. Really? Kamala picks up Poffo like a piece of cloth and drops him right to the mat, before tagging in Sikah. He also drops down Poffo. Doesn't seem like he's doing too much leaping now does it. Poffo makes the tag only for Hunter to be knocked down immediately by Hunter with a clothesline, followed by a real samoan drop. Kamala runs the ropes and hits his patented big splash, allowing the pinfall to be registered after only ninety seconds. As Kamala goes up top for the big splash, he has to be restrained by Kimchee, whilst Fuji looks on.
Winners - Kamala & Sikah via pinfall

We now go to a special profile of Superstar Billy Graham, whose career has been temporarily halted due to a severe hip injury. Footage of him is shown making light work of an opponent, before his orthopaedic surgeon, Dr. Lawrence Dorr, explains the severity of the injury, claiming he will never be able to wrestle again. Ever. Of course, Billy is having none of it, and stands there on his crutches believing he will be back soon, no matter what the doctors say.

Jim Duggan has some special comments backstage, and we are told that this is USA war memorial weekend. Hacksaw says that we should all try and think about it what this means more than we should.

Match # 6
Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Steve Lombardi
There's no clowning around by Lombardi in this one, as he starts off in a pushing contest with Duggan. The latter prevails, and Lombardi is sent flying through the ropes in the process. He rolls back in only for Duggan to bodyslam him, and the action spills to the floor, where Duggan whips Lombardi into the railing. Back in the ring, Duggan nails the big clotheslines and collects the pinfall victory. He dedicates the match to the memorial day weekend. He picks up his 2x4, and even worse, a microphone. He starts singing "God Bless America", whilst US flags are shown in the crowd. Monsoon sings along, in a truly special moment.
Winner - Hacksaw Jim Duggan via pinfall

Mean Gene Okerlund is still backstage, and has been joined by the former Intercontinental champion, Macho Man Randy Savage. He declares that he is the uncrowned champion of not only the intercontinental title, but the WWF title also, and wants a match against Hogan. And Steamboat. Typically confusing Savage promo, who concludes by saying that President Jack Tunney and the WWF are jealous of him.

On next week's show, Koko B. Ware will be in action, as will the One Man Gang, Demolition, Ken Patera, and they will show exclusive footage from Special Delivery Jones' operation. So until then, i hope you have enjoyed this report, and i would be grateful for any feedback to Segaboyno@aol.com

Until then, take care of yourselves, and I look forward to seeing you back here at the same time, and same place next week!