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Submitted by Hustle on Friday, December 19, 2008 at 11:52 PM EST
 Good lookin out for the graphics work, Noc "Don't call it a comeback.. I been here for years.. rockin my peers and puttin suckaz in fear.. makin their tears rain down like a monsoon.." The one and only LL Cool J starts us off here. Do not adjust your eyeballs or your computer monitors, ladies and gentlemen.. I.. am.. back. My computer decided that it wanted to act like a bitch, and then act like a bitch again, but things are good. I'm currently at a Kinko's, typing this out, still working on getting a new computer. I originally thought I merely needed to get my old one fixed, but no.. anyway, you're not here for any of that jibberyjoo. How the fuck is everyone doing today? It's great to be back. Just to let everyone know right off Jump Street, I'm temporarily back to the weekly columns. When I finally do get a new computer all set up, The HIPE will return. Let's stop the chit-chat, and let's get into something before my card runs out of time (I'm spending money to write this, so don't say I never sacrificed anything for my readers). Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!! Because I've missed out on a whole lot, and people have been hitting up my Inbox with questions about this, that, and the other, I'm going to ease my way back into things with a "What The Fuck Is On My Mind?" type of column, just sharing my thoughts, opinions, and snide remarks about the current state of the pro wrestling world. Hell, there might even be some non-wrestling thoughts thrown in there, just because it's my column, and I can do things like that. This is in no real particular order, and I'll be doing it off the dome. - Congratulations on Jeff Hardy for finally winning the WWE Title. To those that said it wouldn't happen, I simply have one thing to say.. I told you so. I'm still nowhere near a Jeff Hardy fan, but I was one of the first people out there that said he had a world title run in his future, so it's nice to be right. The unfortunate thing about it is that the main event scene on Smackdown remains the same, and Jeff will be feuding with the same exact people he was facing week in and week out leading up to his big victory. I'm sick and tired of seeing Jeff VS Triple H, as well as Jeff VS Vladimir Kozlov. Jeff VS Edge is somewhat fresh, but will get tiring really quickly. The company needs to do something new to help out Smackdown, whether it's bringing in Christian Cage, turning Matt Hardy heel to feud with his brother, or even elevating someone like a Shelton Benjamin to main event status. We shall see. - John Cena, much like myself, is back in the building. Needless to say, I'm excited as all hell about that. He's looking great (semi-homo), his new shirt is awesome, and I'm digging his sneakers. He's even getting better face pops from the live crowds since his return, which is always kinda funny. More than they'd like to admit, the people missed him. Of course, the downside to all of this is that my prediction from several columns ago looks like it's coming true. Batista beats Chris Jericho for the World Title.. Batista finds out that the company is giving John Cena the title shot for his return match.. Batista probably finds out that he's scheduled to drop the title to Cena.. Batista then complains, refusing to drop the title to Cena.. the company, stuck in a bad spot, immediately gives the title back to Jericho, and to prevent Big Dave from having his feelings hurt, tells him that he'll get to beat Cena to win the title back.. Cena beats Jericho.. and now, here we are. It's starting to look like I'm right, but damnit, I'd really like to be wrong here. I'll be Crabapple McPissy if Batista beats Cena at WrestleMania 25. - I really don't know why, but when Santino attempted to do Melina's famous ring entrance on Raw a few weeks back, that was as hard as I've laughed during a wrestling show in years. Santino is just amazing at what he does, and the company has struck gold pairing him with Beth Phoenix, who is showing that she has a helluva sense of humor, as well. Everything about that segment, from Santino referring to Melina as "Melanie" (or "Melani", just to get the letters matched up) to Santino's dancing to the funny remarks between Santino and Beth afterwards ("Of all places, why there?!?", "Something's wrong with them!!"), and everything in between.. it was just a great segment. I must've gone back and watched it on DVR at least 20 times before I finally needed to delete it because I was running out of save space. Bravo to everyone involved in it, even to Melina for being so amazingly sexy during the entire thing. - I've been thinking about this for a while, but I've finally come to the conclusion that Tim Tebow is the single greatest college football player of my lifetime. The things that he's able to do on the field are so unfair to everyone that his Florida Gators are playing, but it's his leadership that has won me over. Nobody is more intense than he is, and nobody is more willing to accept blame for poor performances than he is. He's just fun to watch. He already has a national championship in his career, as well as a Heisman Trophy, and he's going for a second national championship in about two weeks. All that, and he still has another year of eligibility, so he could come back next year and do it all over again. - Alex Shelley's recent mic work towards Mick Foley has been an absolute treat. Saying that Mick looks like the "CEO of Bumfights" got some hearty chuckles out of me, and it still does when I think back to it. It's just too bad Shelley is being wasted away in TNA. - While we're on the subject of TNA, can someone please tell Rhino that he had nothing whatsoever to do with ECW being built? By the time he was even a semi-big name in ECW, the company had already fallen to shit. He should be taking some of the blame for ECW losing fans when he was on top of the company. - Keeping with the TNA theme, can whomever tells Rhino what I asked you to tell him also tell the live-event TNA fans that chanting "What?" during heel promos is stupid as all hell when it comes immediately after booing anything that has to do with Vince McMahon and/or his company? I've said it before, and I'll say it again and again until they prove me right, but the large majority of TNA marks are the dumbest wrestling fans on the planet right now, and are the worst type of lemmings out there. They'd rape their own mothers if someone on TNA said to do it. - We're heading towards an NBA Finals rematch between the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers, both on Christmas day, as well as in this year's Finals series. There aren't any other teams right now that have shown me they could knock off either team. Cavaliers fans, spare me the talk about your team's great record until they can show that they can beat good teams. If I recall correctly, they're 17-0 against teams with below .500 records, and only 4-4 against teams playing above .500 ball. That won't cut it, and the Celtics would eat them alive in the postseason. All I can say is this.. it's a great time to be a fan of either the Celtics or the Lakers. - Why is Shawn Michaels involved with so many "emotional" storylines in a row? He hasn't had a chance to be the Shawn Michaels we know and love (or hate) for more than a week since February. First it was trying to retire Ric Flair, and then finally doing so. Then it was feuding with Flair's buddy, Batista, who has upset that Shawn "didn't do the right thing". Then it was feuding with Chris Jericho, which involved nearly going blind and then watching as Chris nearly Money Mayweather-ed his wife. Now, he's apparently in possession of as much money as any of you reading this, and has had to resort to becoming an "employee" of JBL, even having to give JBL the Slammy he just won for Match Of The Year. Personally, I don't quite know how I feel about this storyline yet. It helps JBL get some serious heel heat, which he's one of the best at, but it's putting live-event fans in an awkward position, forcing them to boo a man for trying to make sure his wife and children don't suffer. It's strange, and it makes those people seem like total monsters who feel they're more important than a wrestler's family. I'm anxious to see where the storyline goes from here, though, so that I can make a better informed opinion of things. - It's amazing what losing a terrible gimmick can do for a wrestler. As Deuce, I couldn't recall a single moment that I enjoyed watching him, but as Sim Snuka, he impressed the hell out of me in his match on Raw, even in a loss. There was a lot of talk about him joining the group of second-generation wrestlers when the group first started, and now those talks have picked right back up again. I'm all for it, as it gives him something to do. Other than that, there's just nothing for him right now. He'll only fall behind and become lost in the shuffle unless he's running alongside Cody Rhodes, Manu, Randy Orton, and even Ted DiBiase, if Ted Jr ever ends filming on "The Marine 2". - The more I think about it, the more I really, REALLY hate the Main Event Mafia. Well, actually, it's more of a hatred towards who is writing the entire storyline and trying to completely copy the entire nWo storyline. It grows more and more annoying every single week. If Jeff Jarrett and/or Mick Foley turn heel and join the MEM soon, I think I'm ready to give up on it completely, especially if Sting leaves the group to once again become some sort of a loner.. just like he did with the nWo. - Congratulations to Ryan Bader and Efrain Escudero on becoming the two newest winners of "The Ultimate Fighter". Both of them had dominating performances in the finale of the show, albeit two different types of domination, with Bader winning quickly by knockout, and Escudero just dismantling his opponent minute by minute. They'll both do just fine as members of the UFC roster, especially Bader, who has all the makings of something special in the Light Heavyweight division. - I miss Umaga. A lot. I don't know if his return is being delayed because the writers don't have anything for him yet, or if he's just being extra sure to return at 100%, but he's been gone for far too long already, and Smackdown needs all the help they can get right now. Hopefully it won't be too much longer, though. They'll probably have him speaking English when he returns, knowing the way the writers are. Should be fun, one way or another. - Chris Jericho is the best worker in North America right now, folks. Every week, he does something that amazes me, and it's usually something little, like knowing when to take pauses in his sentences to let the heel heat build to its fullest potential. His promos, matches, facial expressions, and body language are all coming together to form a near perfect package, and as someone who has never been a big fan of the guy, I applaud that. He really did deserve the Superstar Of The Year Slammy that he got, as nobody has had a better 2008, and really, it isn't even close. - Back in 1999, rapper Busta Rhymes said "Busta Rhymes is like Hacksaw Jim Duggan, been thuggin.." on the remix to Pharoahe Monch's "Simon Says" remix. Now, here we are, nearly a decade later, and Jim Duggan is hanging out with Cryme Tyme. On Raw, when Cryme Tyme said "It's time" to Duggan, I immediately thought about how funny it would be to have them completely make Duggan over, turning him into one of them, making Busta's line eerily prophetic. Hacksaw already loves saying "ho" a lot, so he'd fit right in, I'd say. - What happened to Kizarny? What Hustle Is Listening To Right Now: "Cuddy Buddy" by Mike Jones, Twista, & T-Pain.. "High Powered" by Scarface & Papa Reu.. "A Milli" by Lil Wayne & Cory Gunz.. "Wild Wild West" by Kool Moe Dee.. "I Ain't Goin Out Like That" by Cypress Hill.. "I'm Bad" by LL Cool J.. "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J.. "One More Drink" by Ludacris & T-Pain.. "Lie A Lot" by Talib Kweli.. "Spotlight" by Jennifer Hudson Well that about does it for yet another banger. It's been far too long since I've done this, and I apologize for all of that, but look out for next week, when I'll hopefully be dropping a preview for UFC 92 with my MMA Guru, Treisk. From there, we shall see what happens. This type of column is definitely not something you guys should get used to seeing from me, but I just needed to get something posted. I need to hurry up and get the fuck out of here already, because the most annoying people on the planet are sitting behind me and are irritating the shit out of me. I don't need another felony on my record. Hopefully, I can get back in the lab sometime soon so I don't have to deal with people like this again. Until then, from a place where people are checking their e-mail and MySpace, while others are making copies and faxing people, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa. "I'm exceedin expectations, you barely meetin quota.. I give it to em straight, you cut it with baking soda.." "See, that's the difference between you and I.. you get money, and you get crazy.. I get crazy, and I get money.." Hustle HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com 
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