The World Wrestling Federation is in crisis!

There is a disturbing trend in WWF that has gone unchecked for far too long, threatening the very future of wrestling.

One by one, prick by prick, the home of sports entertainment is on the verge of collapse as talented rising Superstars expected to be the next big things have been inexplicably flopping at an alarming rate.

These lovable losers share a bond like friends. It's like they're always stuck in second gear. It hasn't been their day, their week, their month, or even their year.

Hot prospects on the fast track systematically derailed, blindsided from a phantom vessel taking them way off course. This is a critical situation with no signs of stopping. But all is not lost because there is a super solution that can steer wrestling clear from this easily avoidable pitfall.

It seems unexplainable why these up and comers are ending up down and out. Many in the IWC attribute it to not having the elusive "it" factor. But just what is the "it" factor? "It" is the ability to connect with the audience. In that case, that cannot be the reason to account for these wrestlers' shortcomings. They all have great charisma, not to mention decent size and talent. In short, they have "it."

Fans are connected to these Superstars, they like them and want them to succeed, but somewhere along the way each of these wrestlers hit the skids and lost status.

An impressive push, a hit catchphrase, and even a workable gimmick were not enough to sustain these intended major players. The real reason the pop fizzled and these jabroni's all fell flat is because they share a common deficiency. An anomaly that has slipped under the radar and needs to be given special attention immediately before its too late.

There is an epidemic of shit finishers running rampant throughout WWF.

It's highly contagious and has affected many already and continues to endanger many more. However this outbreak is easily containable once we recognize the harm it's causing to the mass wrestling public.

The finisher move in wrestling is fundamentally the most important tool a wrestler needs to become super successful. Charisma can only get you so far, at the end of the night fans still want to see actual wrestling in a show, as ludicrous as that sounds.

A good wrestling match is not complete without a good finisher.

A wrestling match unfolds like a story told through holds. A progression of low to mid level moves are exchanged, spinning a spell binding saga that dramatically concludes with a finishing maneuver putting the exclamation point on a climatic final act.

Its called a finisher because it's not just a mid-match tide turner, but a decisive show stopper. This is why a finisher should never be confused with a mid-level move. While still punishing, a mid-level move alone is never effective enough to gain a victory.

A finisher is a high level maneuver with enough impact to convincingly put the opponent away. But that's merely half of the equation. While other auxiliary factors like innovativeness and accessibility are minimally beneficial, another major requisite just as important as impact is execution.

Since the finisher is the centerpiece of a match, it's crucial that the move is displayed in the best light possible while performed. Whether a strike, grapple, or submission not only must it be brutal in its impact, but it also must be visually stunning in its delivery.

While these truths may seem like no brainer's, it begs repeating since WWF is currently oblivious to their importance. It's no coincidence that the last icons of the industry not only had tons of charisma but they each also had quality finishers that were just as captivating as their personalities.

The real Superstars of the Attitude Era were The Pedigree, The Rock Bottom, and The Stunner, just to name a few. No matter how popular the wrestlers themselves were, it was their finishers which received the biggest pops of the night.

Today, while promising new stars have enough charisma to become the new icons they are ultimately doomed for failure by being saddled with shit finishers.

Looking at the past lineup of Superstars that were projected to become major players by now and a pattern starts to develop…


Carlito's Way!..

Carlito came on the scene with unprecedented momentum. WWF hyped his impending arrival by bringing back the hype vignettes popularized during the 90's to introduce him. And just like the 90's, Carlito's vignettes were exactly the same as Razor Ramon's right down to the apple spitting. Fans were unaware of his wrestling ability but assumed he was going to be huge and prepared for big things anyway.

WWF didn't fail in their promise as they not just pushed but launched Carlito by having him win the Intercontinental Title in his debut match. Fans bought the hype and rejoiced and anticipated Carlito's bright future. And then, out of nowhere, this bad apple was chewed up and spat out. Why? Because while Carlito has it all in terms of look, size, mic ability, and charisma his major drawback was and still is, his shit finisher.

The "backcracker"? That's not a wrestling move, its massage therapy. It doesn't look painful, it looks relaxing. It's really a shame considering how similar the "backcracker" is to Chris Jericho's new Codebreaker finisher except Jericho's move focuses impact on the opponents head rather than his back which is obviously more devastating.

Carlito Carribean Chiropracter needs to end his bad practice. While his charisma is abundant, and his wrestling style is decent, his finisher is not cool.



Mr. Kennedy Sucks…sucks!..

Do you know why Mr. Kennedy constantly repeats his name? Because he has absolutely nothing else going for him. There's a good chance you wont remember him so he is making sure to remind fans of who he is now. This loudmouth was adored by wrestling fans for introducing himself like an old school boxing announcer and marks went nuts for it.

Kennedy certainly has charisma; unfortunately he is unable to transfer that to superstar status because again, he has a shit finisher. The Pearl River Plunge? RVD, William Regal and others have used that as a midlevel move but Kennedy made it his finisher. The hype for him would last throughout the whole match right before the end, when his shit finisher would stink up the place.

Pro Kennedy fans argue that he never got a chance to succeed because of his propensity for injuries. But even during that one week stint where Kennedy was healthy he was still unable to make the right impact, even with a new finisher cleverly named the "Mic Check." In reality it was just a midlevel leg hook facebuster. Certainly a devastating move, but just not effective enough to gain a believable pinfall and not visually appealing enough to make fans care about seeing it performed.

With his impending return to action very soon nothing will be more beneficial for Mr. Kennedy than a new quality finisher. Without it, prepare for more of the same disappointment…disappointment.



The Blooper Reel!..

MVP is another guy that fans just can't understand why he's having not just a bad season but a bad career. Why? Because while MVP has charisma and a decent moveset he's also got a shit finisher. While the move certainly is innovative, sometimes finishers are best based in simplicity.

MVP's "Playmaker" is a generic rejected finisher that has been passed around with minimal success because of its ugliness. The move used to be Randy Orton's "Overdrive". Randy Orton's success is due in large part to his finisher, The RKO, and without that upgrade he would have been stifled like every one else that uses his ridiculous former finisher.

Even with MVP recently abandoning the Playmaker, he decided to steal another move from Orton's playbook which still doesn't have him fully in the game because his replacement is a motherfucking kick to the head! While the "Overdrive" was bad enough, the "head kick" is another utterly ridiculous finisher as evidenced by the IWC's collective criticism of the ending of Wrestlemania 24's triple threat main event.

MVP is in dire straits without a credible finisher which is the only thing holding him back. But for now, while he has great charisma and pure wrestling ability, he is destined for the sidelines because his finisher move is a dealbreaker.

That's three in a row. Three bright healthy talented superstars diagnosed with a deadly affliction in the prime of their lives, testing positive for shit finishers.

While these three men have been the most serious cases, many more promising Superstars of the past few years have also engaged in unprotected physical activity also needlessly acquiring the virus. The list is startling: The soon to be returning Christian even before he left, Jeff Hardy, Chris Masters, THE Brian Kendrick, etc.

Just about every new rising Superstar that has impressed wrestling fans with sufficient charisma has still been ill equipped for mega success by being plagued with a shit finisher.

Realistically, the only recent breakout stars in WWF have been John Cena, Randy Orton, and CM Punk, each of whom has a credible finisher that has exponentially benefited their overall match quality as well as confirmed their credibility as top draws.

But they were the lucky ones.

This infectious disease is still spreading to current rising stars that are also being pegged as the future. And it's going from bad to worse…



More Money, More problems!..

Ted Dibiase, Jr. is widely predicted to be the next future mega star in WWF. And just like his famed father, he is also rich in ring prowess, flush with technical skill and extremely well off when it comes to wrestling ability. Including his undeniable charisma with his excellent mic work and wealthy arrogance and you have a persona that is priceless. But is his finisher on the money?

While The Million Dollar Dream is a fitting finisher, its best days are behind it. The move worked better in the 80's during Ted Dibiase Sr's time but cannot work today as a viable finisher because it already ran its course and is now old and boring. This should be elementary considering that Steve Austin was going nowhere fast with The Million Dollar Dream finisher during his failed Ringmaster run more than ten years ago!

And while Ted Dibiase Jr. has attempted to bring new life to the hold by putting his own twist on it, in reality his finisher is just a glorified Russian leg sweep. Punishing yes, but believable as a credible difference maker in a Wrestlemania Main Event match? Not for a million dollars, man.



From Russia with Love!...

Vince Mcmahon recently purchased a Russian male order bride that turned out to be a spy for the Soviets leading a double life as Moscow's biggest whore. This communist prostitute shows up for a quickie, giving head and quickly leaving thereafter and thats it.

The Moscow Mauler has the vital statistics to be the next great dominant heel in WWF. But while the competent commie has incredible size, power, and ring presence, he will unfortunately prove to be the biggest disappointment yet. He'll also be gone from us too soon, probably in a year, because, like all whores, he also has contracted the deadly sickness that will kill him in the long run, a shit finisher.

A glorified headbutt? Absurd.

Does WWF expect fans to even take a headbutt seriously for a finisher?

And if so, are wrestling fans actually supposed to be excited for a headbutt?

Kozlov also has a maneuver that involves him uselessly lifting his opponent and setting him up in a slam position before stopping short and ending the unnecessary production with an inverted DDT. Either way, as capable as he is to be a successful future superstar, Vladimir Kozlov is still showing the early signs of having a shit finisher. If not treated early on, it will no doubt affect his future health as a major player.

So what's the solution? Superstars are going to have to spend more time and energy on developing better finisher moves rather than solely giving attention to their characterization. Because while these charismatic individuals all have very attractive personalities, their finishers are totally off putting.

And while it is true that Hulk Hogan carried the industry without necessarily having a quality finisher, it is also true that Hulk Hogan not only had a shit finisher but wrestled shit matches during a different time in wrestling. Today, Hulk Hogan is respected for being the man in the industry and bringing it to global prominence but he's also despised for his lack of pure wrestling talent. This same formula is not working today despite WWF's unyielding efforts to instantly gratify wrestling audiences with style over substance.

And undoubtedly, with rosters as extensive as ever and quality finishers scarce, this will be a daunting task for any future superstar but nonetheless it is imperative that the first major change these stars make is getting better finishers.

And there are many credible finishers that these wrestlers could substitute that should be looked at as possible replacements. For starters, lets bring back the F-5. Fuck Brock Lesnar, WWF doesn't owe him shit. Sure, it would seem a bit cheap and even "stealing" but at this point wrestling fans have no other recourse than to just get over it for the good of the show. They have this awesome finisher just lying on a shelf collecting dust while capable athletes like MVP flounder in the midcard without a decent finisher. Imagine Kozlov with the F-5!

Vince should go to Japan and import some of their fine tuned finishers. A quick scroll online and you’ll find many functional and flashy vehichles that could get many of our stranded motormouths on their way.

One in particular recently caught my eye and would be perfect for Kozlov:

Now there’s a quality finisher. The "burning hammer" should be given to Kozlov and renamed the Russian Hammer. Its a good fit for him and could really get fans attention.

MVP should take this sporty move for a testdrive. He could even rename it the “Touchdown” and take off with it today. If not, Carlito or Kennedy could also take it and rename it the “Apple Slicer” or the “Mic Distortion” respectively.

And there’s many more quality finishers to choose from with one for every different type of wrestler. The Japanese are industrial people, working hard day and night coming up with more inventive ways to make the modern finisher better and its time to act now and save big.

A finisher is also known as a signature move. For a wrestler, it's his specialty, his calling card, the one move he has mastered and is recognized for. Sadly today, wrestlers aren't able to succeed because before they can even start, they're already finished!

.............................................................NOC!