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Submitted by anonymous on Thursday, November 27, 2008 at 1:27 PM EST
  Hello and welcome to another of Inside the Mind. My name is anonymous and I’d tell you a bit about myself but that would make my name meaningless. Today, I’ll be writing the column without the usual wine to accompany my ramblings. Instead, I’m going to be opting for a nice stiff glass of whisky. Maybe a few glasses. We’ll see how long it takes. Russian finally loses http://www.themoscowtimes.com/article/600/42/372674.htm . For those who can’t be bothered to go to the website, Karayev was the Mayor of a particularly rough part of Russia and he was shot dead recently. But the state of Vladikavkaz probably means he’d had many assassination attempts on him already. His deputy was already in hospital before that and he had 4 bodyguards looking after him Anyway, it looks like they didn't do a very good job because he’s finally lost his life. Beth is the Soul Survivor! I honestly find that Beth Phoenix is the only female wrestler that I find any interest in as a wrestling character these days. She seems to have been the only one who’s gained any form of heat or emotion from me. And I'm in emotional wreck. Michelle McCool’s got dull. Mickie’s got stale. Some haven’t gained momentum since returning from injury. It's depressing. I still love looking at them. But Beth’s the only surviving diva who I care about as a wrestling character. Jeff Hardy gets attacked! It was Rikishi. He did it for The Rock. Why did Rikishi attack Jeff? How could he turn on someone who once danced with him (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=gcNTAJiE86k)? What did the Rock offer Rikishi so he would to do this horrible deed? Will Jeff ever be the same again? We'll find out on Friday Night Smackdown! Anyway, it’s nearly time to start the main section of our column for today. But, before we start, I’d like to announce that the Random Rant section was boring me too much to write it again. I presume that it was probably boring you too. So, I’ve decided to ditch it for the sake of the readers and for my drunken mind. Instead, I’m just going to post pictures of the things I enjoy the most in the world. You’ve already seen Wrestlemon. Now I introduce you all to... A quick brief comment for people who don’t know me: I like breasts. A lot. Whatever the size, whatever the shape, I’m always willing to have a stare and provide and analysis of these beautiful creatures. The wrestling world provides me with the opportunity to that and I’m basically going to be analysing the Divas of the different promotions and talking about their boobs. I love my job. Let's start. 1). Jillian Hall  I’m picking Jillian first because of the sheer underratedness of that lovely rack. Admittedly they’re fake but why should the viewer care? They look great and they go perfectly with her body. The shape is excellent, with the slight fact that the left breast always seems slightly smaller than the right in photograph? But I’m fairly certain not many people would care about that either. Anyway, I suppose I should rate them. Size: 9/10 Shape: 8/10 Realism: 7/10 Overall Rating: 24/30 Surprisingly, this puts Jillian Hall top of the league table! Admittedly she’s the only member but it’s still a good accomplishment. If you’re reading this Jill- I’m proud of you. Today I’m going to be rambling about something which touched my heart in recent weeks. It’s about another wrestler who’s missing in action. But this man is different. Unlike Val, who is universally loved by every man, woman and child, this man is generally loathed by the wrestling fans of this era. Nobody cares that he’s off our screens (really, really deep down, you care about Val). In fact, most people are happy. Which I find bloody depressing. Depressing enough for me to write a column about. Anyway, I’m glad you’re here to read this piece. Maybe I can try and change your mind. Maybe you’ll start to feel a sense of love for one of my favourite wrestlers. But then again, maybe not. This is:   There are many reasons why this man floats my boat. To give them all would result in a 6,000 word piece. Neither of us wants that. However, a few points will be given here for you to consider. Let’s start. He’s a badass called Bob Holly! I absolutely love that part of Mr Holly. Given the gimmick of a don’t-mess-with-me hard man, the name “Bob” is probably the last thing which would suit him. It sounds about as hardcore as a kitten. Then there’s the surname. It just completely tarnishes the image of this hard man when you see him with a first name called “Bob” and a girl’s name (or a plant’s name) for a surname. And yet it gives him a more interesting character, a more humane and rational side. How could someone called “Bob Holly” be evil?! If he was evil, he’d want you to call him Robert! Bob makes him sound like your friend. I wish he was my friend He beat up a Frenchman As a British citizen, it is my duty to dislike the French. 5 trips to France have only increased the levels of dislike and to see someone else who has issues with Frenchmen is lovely. Even more lovely is that Bob Holly actually hit the guy at a time when he should’ve been taking part in a wrestling match. What a plan! I’ve always had respect for those who put their job on the line just to give a few stiff shots to a Frenchman. The fact he could try and pass it off as part of the match was a masterstroke and it’s a shame he got caught. On the plus side, the WWE soon released Dupree, whilst Bob still has a job. I’m happy about that and I can imagine Bob is too. We have so much in common. He’s helping the WWE Some imbeciles amongst you will question this statement. But I can honestly say that no man does more to help the WWE than Bob does. How? Simply by teaching youngsters not to step out of line. Just imagine the mess the WWE would be in if there weren’t people there to stop all rookies becoming arrogant little assholes with huge egos. Demanding that they’re in the main event and causing disruption in the locker room. Not giving respect to those who deserve it or for the business. With a bit of a wake-up call from Bob, they’re given a lesson about the business. Study and learn. Don’t mess around and try to be a big shot. Or they’ll be trouble courtesy of Bob Holly. He might not want to be those annoying little toe-rags but he has to do it. For the sake of the WWE.  I'll be back now. Cookie break His trunks are pretty  Very few superstars wear pretty trunks these days. But Bob’s once again an exception to the dull, one coloured trunks that seem to have infested the business. It’s nice and refreshing and it just makes me love Bob that little bit more when I see him coming to the ring in those flashy colours. Where can I buy those trunks? He’s a semi-decent wrestler No one can say that Bob Holly’s the worst wrestler in WWE history or indeed, the worst wrestler to ever challenge for a major title. I’d argue that at times, his matches have proved to be quite entertaining and nearly all of them have been proven passable. That’s not exactly a bad statistic. He’s also stayed in shape despite being one of the older members of the roster and he can still move fairly well. I’d actually prefer Bob to Bradshaw. But then again, I’d prefer to watch a Mae Young porn movie than JBL in the ring. I wonder if Mae Young has a porno out. *Searches the internet* Dressing up as Carlito was the most amusement Raw’s provided me with this year. If you can’t remember, on one of the Raw’s earlier this year, my favourite Bob was given the chance to dress up as Carlito. What followed was the most ridiculous attire I’ve ever seen and it made me laugh. A lot. Even Holly himself cracked a few rare smiles and was clearly enjoying the opportunity to have some fun. This proves once again that Holly is a fun loving, lovable guy. I'm really scraping the barrel for points. He has the same name as one of my favourite Pornstars. I love Hardcore Holly’s work but I love “Hardcore” Holly’s work even more. She’s absolutely awesome and whilst I don’t condone watching adult material, if you’re the sort of person that enjoys that disgusting and degrading material, I’d suggest you check it out. It's truely the most enjoyable thing you can find on the internet. I’ll be back now. *Clicks on a certain website* That's good. His face.  How can you not love a man who somehow survives despite all these flaws? In the era of pretty boy wrestlers and stupid gimmicks for any unattractive males, Bob is a shining example of the average Joe,(or average Bob) working hard in a world which judges him. As most of my readership are ugly, overweight, single wrestling fans (except my mum- hi mum!), you should all relate to Holly and feel a sense of appreciation that he’s in the business. In the attitude era, Stone Cold was portrayed as the average man-of-the-people. Someone who was just like you and me. I’d disagree with that. Bob was and is a much better example. And that’s exactly why I love him. Because he’s just like one of us. Except maybe worse. Why doesn’t he use Chavo’s hair restoration treatment? So that’s why I love my Bob. It’s also why you should love him too. I urge you all to convert to Hollyism before he gets released (which’ll be soon judging from his disappearance and the WWE's current releases). Because Hardcore Holly is brilliant. And that’s an anonymous fact nb: not a real fact I hope you enjoyed that. I’ve run out of whisky though so we better wrap things up soon. But before that, we’ve got Wrestlemon!  This Wrestlemon always tends to be one of the key parts of the biggest storylines and nearly always takes the role of the bad guy. Hated by crowds, particularly younger children, these young and brash characters often talk too much and usually battles against the main eventers towards the end of a storyline. This battle will usually result in a loss or an unfair victory for The Villain but, they’re always back next time to cause more trouble. That’s all we have for today. However, since I’ve grown very fond of this writer and his columns are half-decent, may I request that you read "Struggle For Power" by Degenerate here: "Struggle For Power" by Degenerate So I bid you fairwell. And remember:  Goodnight my children.
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