The MadRanter: WWE Porn


Hi ho girlfriends. I am MadchucK and I like to think of myself as the sensitive one. I have to admit first of all that I am gay and I am free. So my perspective on the world of wrestling may be a bit different. I do hope you enjoy. My goal is to entertain not just gay people, but everyone. There is no discrimination from my keyboard. So enough with the boring introductions, lets get nasty. Rainbow Power!!!

The United States and the world in general are facing one of the worst economic depressions ever. It may not be the Great Depression, but things are definitely bad all over according to the media. The unemployment rate is at an all time high. Those who still have a job are no doubt scratching and clawing to save their hard earned cash to whether the storm. Financial powerhouse Lehman Brothers has gone bust while American powerhouses like AIG and GM faced or are facing the horrific prospect of bankruptcy. How is the WWE doing during these turbulent times?

If you take a look at their current stock price it is hovering around the $12 per share mark. It is really not bad people. Despite the bad economy the $12 per share is an amazing achievement. The WWE stock price always ranges between $12 - $14 during the months between May to March. So it is essentially holding on to its trend. A really good indicator of whether or not the economy really affects the WWE is to check out their stock price in the month of Wrestlemania where usually the stock tends to spike up to $19 per share.

So unless the WWE stock drops below $11 or it does not reach its usual high of $19 during Wrestlemania month it could be safe to say that the WWE is pretty much recession proof and that the company could be save from the evil clutches of the current economical climate.

But despite its good numbers during these bad times. The WWE has begun to cut costs. A lot of fringe players or underused talent has been released. Elijah Burke, Chuck Palumbo, and Kenny Dykstra amongst the more news worthy names. Do I agree with this move? Yes. During lean times dead weight has to be cut. It’s nature; it is the smart thing to do. Its like in the movie ‘The Pirates of the Caribbean’ whenever the heroes’ ship was being pursued by bad guy ships. The heroes always end up dumping everything that is not needed to gain speed. That is what the WWE is essentially trying to do. Lose the dead weight in order to run away from unnecessary costs which could hurt the company financially.

See during good economic times when everything is smooth and hunky dory its okay to keep shit that dont make money. But when the going gets tough the shit gets going. As per Mick Foley in his book Foley is Good, Vince would often hire talent that couldn’t draw to give this talent a chance to make a living. Its a noble thing to do. But in hard economic times nobility doesn’t count for much.

I applaud the WWE and its decision to cut costs when necessary. It shows a forward thinking company that knows how to deal and meet with challenging times. But I would like to offer some other suggestions to them to help them out during these testing times:



Stop the WWE films division.

I dont know why WWE even bothers. Arguably the best and most profit making film the WWE has ever produced is See No Evil starring Kane. The WWE was on the money with making this horror film as Kane and his horror flick was a hit with horror film buffs. But the same could not be said for WWEs other cinematic offerings. The Condemned was shit. The Marine was a bust at the movies and only covered its costs from DVD sales and rentals. WWE films all seem to have a cheap B movie feel. Ughh enough. Stock prices dip whenever one of these films, except Kane’s came out. If Vince is so hell bent on movies I instead urge and implore him to go into this……



WWE Porn

Think about it, its cheap to make, you dont need expensive sets. You could make 15 porno films a month. Think about the possibilities. WWE has image and copy rights to so many WWE character names and images. Imagine a Hardcore Royal Rumble where the All Lesbian participants eliminate each other by trying to make each other cum with their hot tongues and hand dildos first. Or how about a back stage skit where Melina (with a sexy Hispanic Chick playing the role of Melina of course) gives MNM some motivation before a match by fucking the both of them before a match. Or how about a gothic setting featuring a fake Undertaker having three demon girls pleasure him. What of a porno casting call like session featuring a fake or real Vince having diva’s to pleasure him in order to move up the WWE ladder. Porn and Wrestling goes hand in hand for Wrestling fans why not make an empire out of it. Heck Porn is a 50 million dollar industry. I am sure WWE could make awesome profits from this. WWE Porn is the way to go. I mean put it this way. Would you rather watch The Condemned or would you rather watch characters portraying the Undertaker and Kane double team a massive tit Candice Michelle. Hell you could even cut costs and use Matt Striker as your John Holmes of the WWE Porn brand, I have heard that he is hung like a moose. Hell the WWE should take all its fringe or fired players like Elijah and Kenny and offer them porn film roles. Shit you can even use Val Venis as the host or face of the WWE Porn division. I am a genius.




WWE Sex Inc

The adult market crosses over to many other products as well. I shit you not but I have seen cute penis shaped Vibrators with Hello Kitty’s head as its penis head. If Hello Kitty merits a penis shaped Vibrator, so too does the WWE. I would label the division WWE Sex Inc a division that offers adults sexy toys. Think about it you could have a penis shaped Vibrator shaped like Stone Cold Steve Austin’s infamous Middle Finger. Instead of fake Vaginas why not use the same materials and shape it into the shape of the Boogeyman’s Head with his mouth full of worms. Can you imagine the sight of fucking Boogeyman’s worm stuffed mouth with you pecker. Blow up dolls featuring the beautiful WWE Divas or the WWE Superstars. I would personally like to have a blow up doll of HBK with his hair line still intact. Though of course I am just going to use it to fake wrestle with.

Sex costumes would be great too. I once saw a Jap porn where this one guy was wearing an Austin 3:16 vest fucking two chicks. Imagine dressing up like the Undertaker but with your nipples and private parts sticking out through the costume and having amazing sex with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Then we got to go into the condoms. Glow in the dark condoms must feature Jeff Hardy on the packaging since the glow in the dark thing is his thing. Flavored condoms could feature different divas on the packaging, I don’t know why but I keep thinking of Candice Michelle’s condom to be Strawberry Flavored. Spiral shaped condoms could use Kane’s image for packaging. While Mick Foley should have a condom that looks like Mr. Socko, could you imagine putting Mr.Socko on your rod?

Kane could be the face of WWE Sex Inc’s S&M division too, you know your run of the mill handcuffs, chains and whips. It’s a shame Albert is not here any more otherwise he’d have been the better face for the S&M products.

I could also see Candice Michelle as the image for WWE Sex Inc’s more sensual products like hot wax candles, Sex inducing aroma oils, you know shit that men don’t give a shit about but women think is sexy.

WWE Sex Inc another hit in my mind, the WWE really ought to hire me to run this division.



WWE Gay

This would be an amazing money maker. The genesis of this idea is gay men and their fascination with Randy Orton. WWE Gay would be my answer to Playgirl. Girls and gay men would flock to buy WWE Gay as each edition would feature photos of scantly clad male WWE superstars flexing and working out at the Gym. You don’t even have to have the Superstars in compromising situations. All you need for example are constant close up shots of Superstars Crotch, Balls and Ass while they are doing squats. I’m sure this will be huge.



WWE Strip Clubs

The WWE has a restaurant in New York I think. Blah. WWE should convert the joint into a strip club. It makes perfect sense, you could have all the girls from the Extreme Expose dance their. Imagine it, you could have WWE programming shown on the monitors while you have sexy pole dancing going on. This one is so simple I am not even going to go into details with it. Its simple Alcohol, Sexy Women Stripping equals Money.

That is about all the free advice that I’m going to give the WWE for now. If they want more they got to look me up and get on down to business at: dilnaylomo@yahoo.co.uk




Random Rants of Wisdom:


Jeff Hardy Should Not Be the World Heavy Weight Champion Yet:

First of all, I must say I love Jeff, he has great fashion taste and he is good looking to boot. I must admit that I get a bit dizzy when he takes off his shirt in the ring sometimes. Jeff is a Dreamboat. But I must say Jeff has been on a roll lately. Instead of going down the path of self destruction since his suspension and house burning down last year. Jeff has been better than ever. He has established himself as arguably the hottest superstar on Smackdown ahead of that political animal HHH. Children, Women and Men love him. But I see one problem.

No the problem is not that he does not have a World Heavy Weight Title run yet. I think the problem that I am about to headline supersedes a WHC run. Jeff's problem to me is that he has never ever had a chance to show us a character that we could follow. Think about it. All these years in the WWE when has he really ever cut a promo that meant something? When has he ever been involved in an angle that really mattered? I am not talking about a Championship Title angle. I am talking about an angle that had us emotionally involved or really gave us a swerve. You cannot think of any huh?

Up until now, Hardy has always been just a good looking good guy. He/WWE never really let us know more about him. Don’t give me any crap and say that its because he is an Enigma. When the Undertaker first debut in the WWF, that was an Enigma. Jeff Hardy to me is just a guy that I really never got to see talk or display much emotion. Jeff has a world of skill, no doubt. But he never could get me emotionally involved for him. If anything, his character was pretty bland.

Until now. Having tuned into Smackdown for the last couple of weeks I am very glad to see Hardy finally display some wickedness and treachery. His attacks on the Undertaker and HHH I loved. Did you all see how his face looked and how his voice sounded when he went into Vicki Gurrero’s office and told her he will finish off the Undertaker for her? That was great. It’s unclear if Hardy could ever truly turn heel, but I love this mean streak. I don’t think he will ever reach Austin like anti hero status. But I’m sure could be the fist Heel that girls would love regardless of his actions.

I hope that Hardy does turn full fledged heel. It makes sense. Its been said that the best superstars could make you love them or hate them. Case in point look at Hogan, Savage, Flair, Bret Hart, HBK, Rock and Austin just to name a few. Hardy is an unproven entity on the mic, this much is certain, but I can very much see him become and egotistical The Model ‘Ric Martel’ or early heel HBK sexy boy type. A heel turn will only add to his stock.

I am glad that he has never become a champion yet by the way. Do you know why? Because his reign would have fizzled out just like CM Chump’s. I have never been a fan of CM Punk despite all the hype from internet/ROH marks. He was never really given a character that we could follow and it is very safe to say now that his run as champion was deservedly short lived because he just didn’t have that following yet. My man JBL was right on the money, CM Punk will be looked at us an asterisk champion. Looking back now, CM Punk’s championship run was just a transitional run. Had Hardy won the belt in any of his previous attempts I’m sure it would be pretty much the same.

Hardy needs to turn heel and maybe get a mouth piece depending on his promo ability which sorry to say is pretty weak so far in order to be a successful heel. Perhaps Melina would be great. Or better yet I would love to see him team up with Edge; they would be amazing as a tag team together.

I am going to make a prediction and say that Hardy will win the WHC from HHH at this years Survivor Series. Through luck or treachery Hardy will win. It’s his best chance. I can understand the WWE not wanting him to beat their precious HHH as a face because it would hurt HHH, but I can very much see Hardy winning by crook or luck in a triple threat match. If you think about it, the timing is perfect too. The WWE could test out Hardy during the few weeks and months before the Royal Rumble. If he is a success they could possibly use him as Champ thru Wrestlemania 25 and if he bombs they could have him drop the belt at the Royal Rumble. HHH losing the belt could also free him up to feud with Kosolov or maybe even a returning Edge.

That is my two cents on the Hardy situation. Yes I know, I am a genius.


The WWE Universe:

I may be mistaken here, but I think the term “WWE Universe” has been derived from Marvel comic’s term of the Marvel Universe. I don’t know, I feel queasy when I hear the term. I think the term maybe directed to kids mainly. But its probably another cockamamie idea from the WWE to coin an era. From 2008 onwards to whenever the novelty of the term or spirit that the term derives dies, this period may be looked back as the Universe Era. Ugghh. The WWE universe is such a vague term too. I mean fuck, who is the president of the United States in the WWE Universe? Ronald Reagan. I dont get it. Something better come from this term. Its been referenced a lot by loud mouth J.R and that no talent Michael Cole. If I dont see comic books or a whole lot of merchandise derived from this term soon. I am going to be very disappointed with the WWE Marketing team.


Well that is all for now people, I hope you enjoyed this inaugural edition of The MadRanter, I will be here to stay for a while, so I hope anti fag people would give me a chance and read me. Feedback, Fan Mail and Letters of lunacy and hate are all deeply appreciated. Please send them, I beg of you to: dilnaylomo@yahoo.co.uk

(MadchucK is the scum of the LOP Forums, a bad example and representation of chink wrestling fans and is above all a smelly asshole. He is considered a rotten apple in the LOP Forums but because of some controversial votes… he somehow managed to win the LOP Forums Column of the Month award not once but two times in a row, a feat that has only ever happened once before in the LOP Forums long illustrious history. He is currently living somewhere in Asia hiding from Bobby Lashley and The Immortal Hulk Hogan.)