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Submitted by Hustle on Saturday, November 15, 2008 at 9:48 AM EST
 Good lookin out for the graphics work, Noc "Pay homage, respect.. Hus is the vet.. acknowledge the rep.." Why yes, yes I can paraphrase Nas. How may I help you? Welcome back to the latest edition of The HIPE, folks. Who am I? Well, I'm in the lab yet again, so that must make me the Charles Hamilton of this column-writing shit.. ya boy, Hustle, back like cooked crack. The weekend is now here.. college football and the UFC 91 pay-per-view is on today's agenda, even without the suitcase in the Sentra. Before that, though, is this, and I think it's about time, ya dig? Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!! Just like last week, it's time to go over my brief thoughts and opinions of last night's Smackdown episode. Yes, this is a cheap way for me to boost my word count in my columns, but at least I can admit to that. I'm not trying to bullshit my way through things. I have things to say after each show, but I know damn well they wouldn't be enough to have their own column, so I do it this way, and things seem to be working out.  - The Undertaker cuts the same lame-ass promo that he's been cutting for most of the last 18 some-odd years, but he's interrupted by Jeff Hardy who goes ahead and.. cuts a really good promo? No, seriously.. a really good promo. Easily the best promo he's ever cut, but I don't mean a good promo for his standards.. I mean good, period. I had to rewind the DVR four times and watch it over and over, just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. I don't know where those mic skills have been for all these years, or what it took to bring them out finally, but I was very impressed. It was short, to the point, well-delivered, and he didn't have any real awkward moments in it. His voice changes even had real purpose for once. Usually, he seems to just change volume and tone at random times, mixed with the occasional squeak, but not last night. Very nice. - Damn, the company really is letting Shelton Benjamin shine in 2008, aren't they? Even when he loses, he's booked in such a way that he continues to look strong. His match with Matt Hardy was 15 or so solid minutes of action. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Shelton is, at the very least, ECW World Champion sometime in 2009. Personally, I wouldn't mind that one bit. There was a time where I wasn't so sure about saying something like this, but he deserves it. - Wouldn't it be a smart idea for Triple H to help put over his opponents so that the fans can see them as a more legit contender? All he does is go into "too cool for school" mode and makes fun of his opponents, making them look like shit each and every time, and the fans buy into it completely. I'm not saying he has to make it as if he's deathly afraid of every person he steps into the ring with, but my goodness, he needs to stop making everyone look like a joke. It's a stupid move because of a simple line of thinking.. if Wrestler A faces Wrestler B, and Wrestler B is a joke, what does it do for Wrestler A to win? Wow, you've beaten a punchline. Hooray for you. Do you want a cookie for that? On the other hand, if Wrestler A loses, he comes out looking twice as bad as he would if he lost to someone who was, at worst, his equal. Then again, this point is irrelevant, because Triple H doesn't lose very often (but Cena is apparently the wurst wresslur evurrr for his win/loss record). Also.. Trips is going to be 40 next year. Because of that, it would probably be best that he steer clear of the "Bulgegaria" jokes. He sounds like a fucking idiot who's trying desperately to cling to his teenage years by making bad jokes from yesteryear. I now anxiously await my "Cease & Desist" letter from WWE for doing a column that isn't making Triple H look absolutely amazing. God forbid he be portrayed as anything less than that. - The MVP Squash-A-Thon continues, with the guy losing to Kung Fu-Naki, and then getting beaten down by The Great Khali several times, followed up by being on the receiving end of a kiss from a woman named Talulah. That shit needs to stop already. If they're punishing him for something, the point has been proven already. If they're not punishing him for something, then, well, you could've fooled me. Completely burying one of their top midcard talents is a stupid move on so many different levels. - I, like the Manchester crowd, couldn't have cared less when Michelle McCool won her match against Maria. Sure, the crowd cheered for both women during their introductions, but they were deathly silent for the decision. The match ended a lot sooner than they probably expected, sure, but they didn't even cheer once the initial shock had worn off. Further proof that either McCool needs to go, lose the title to someone else, or the entire Divas division needs to be canned. Even the "lower level" Divas on Raw get reactions for their matches. Oh wait.. I almost forgot.. she's not going anywhere until she does something stupid and pisses The Undertaker off, ending their relationship. - The main event was solid enough. I don't think it was as good of a match as Matt Hardy VS Shelton Benjamin was to start the show, but it was good nonetheless. This wasn't even as exciting as the Taker/Jeff Ladder Match from 2002, but that's to be expected, as A, Taker was a lot more mobile then.. B, the WWE Undisputed Championship was on the line.. and C, Jeff was a bigger underdog then than he is now. The aftermath, with Vickie Guerrero booking Triple H VS Jeff Hardy for the 1908762nd time, was decently done. Overall, the show was its usual "meh". They had really solid matches to bookend the show, but most of the stuff in between those two matches were average at best. Triple H is easily the least entertaining of the World Champions in the company right now, and that's saying a lot, because I think Matt Hardy is about as exciting as walking in on your parents having sex. Any time Triple H is on the screen now, it's "stop paying attention" time for me, and the same goes for any time MVP is on the screen, but for a different reason, obviously. Alright, so I decided to order Ring Of Honor's new PPV, "Driven", and I sat down to watch it with a friend of mine ("C", for those who have been paying attention to my recent columns). It's a definite recommendation to those of you who have the capability of ordering it, but that's not why I'm writing this. We were watching the show unfold, and we found ourselves saying a phrase multiple times during the two-hour event. "That don't make no sense." Forgive, for a moment, that it isn't exactly grammatically correct. People speak that way from time-to-time. It's surprising to some of you, I know. Anyway, when we'd say it, we meant it in more of a good way, as in "that just isn't fair that so-and-so is able to do that" or "I can't believe so-and-so isn't dead after that", etc. Adam Pearce being folded in half after a Half-Nelson Suplex by Brent Albright? "That don't make no sense." Jerry Lynn flying around the ring at the ripe age of 129? "That don't make no sense." Bryan Danielson getting his head smashed underneath a steel chair that Claudio Castagnoli just stomped on? "That don't make no sense." Claudio Castagnoli tossing wrestlers and ring attendants into the crowd and right into the laps of people in the front row? "That don't make no sense." The Necro Butcher hitting a senton on six people from the top rope to the outside? "That don't make no sense." Pretty much the entire Nigel McGuinness VS Roderick Strong match? "That don't make no sense." The more we ended up saying it, the more ideas went through our heads about what I should do for my next column. The idea was pitched to take the "that don't make no sense" phrase and use it in more of a literal sense, and my column would be about things in wrestling that, for one reason or another, really don't make a lot of sense to me. Some are funny, some are not. Before anyone says it, I understand that kayfabe has a lot to do with some of these. I understand that. I'm just saying that sometimes, things don't make a whole lot of sense. This is just something that needed to be discussed, really.  The Undertaker performing "Old School": Alright, I've never quite understood what was so special about this move. First and foremost, if it's so easy to prevent Taker from hitting you, why is it so difficult for some of these people to wrap their heads around how to do it? He grabs your arm, and he slowly makes his way to the top rope.. and you schmucks just stand there with a "OH NOES~!" look on your face? Shake the ropes, jackass! Fall to the ground and cause him to come crashing down with you! Do something! Anything other than just stand there and watch him as he gently walks his old ass across the ropes until he jumps off and hits you. It makes you look dumb. Really dumb. It was one thing when he could get the move performed in under an hour, but it just takes him sooooo long to do it now. That's what happens when your social security number is 8, though, I guess. While I'm discussing "Old School", does anybody else realize how dumb of a name it is? How is it "old school" or "vintage Undertaker" when he never stopped doing it? Even when his character changed from someone who was dead to someone who was apparently not dead, he continued doing the move. When he switched back to being dead again, he continued doing the move. Well, damn, the "dead", "not dead", "dead" switch is something else that makes no real sense to me. Fuck, does ANYTHING about The Undertaker make sense? His character, his storylines, his promos, etc. None of it does. How he's even made it this far without people really questioning all of that, I'll never understand. That don't make no sense. Shawn Michaels "warming up the band": Let's see here.. I'm in a match with Shawn Michaels, and he's just knocked me to the mat. I'm facing away from him, but I hear this noise, and it's somewhat rhythmic. It kinda sounds like.. like.. like someone's stomping on the mat. I'm not new to this wrestling thing, so I've seen my share of matches.. I know that's what Shawn does as a set-up to Sweet Chin Music, but that can't be what I hear now, can it? I dunno.. let me get up, so I can turn around and find out.. *WHAM*. Ouch. I probably shouldn't have done that. Maybe next time I'll just roll out of the ring and see what's going on instead of just blindly stepping into something that realigns my jaw. That don't make no sense. Wrestlers doing gorilla presses during battle royals: If you're in a match where the sole purpose is to eliminate your opponents by throwing them over the top rope and onto the floor, why wouldn't you take advantage of every opportunity you have to.. I don't know.. THROW THEM OVER THE TOP ROPE?!? It happens at least once in every non-TV, non-five-minute-long battle royal.. some idiot wrestler (usually one of the dumber-than-rocks "hoss" wrestlers) shows off his power (and vast intelligence) by pressing someone over his head, only to slam them down to the mat, instead of tossing their vulnerable competitor over the top rope and out of the match altogether. What makes it even funnier is when it's a face that is doing the pressing, and the crowd pops when he lifts the opponent up, only to quiet down completely when he slams them down, as if they're saying "hey, asshat, try to win the match next time". I agree.  See how easy that is? He lifts him up, walks to the ropes, and he shows that man can, indeed, fly. (Rest In Peace, Bam Bam.) It happens in regular matches all the time, but when entered in a battle royal, wrestlers suddenly forget how to do it? That don't make no sense. Wrestlers blowing a spot, and then repeating the spot right away: This one only makes partial sense to me. I get that some wrestlers script their matches to the very last detail, and I get that they want to follow that script as well as possible to prevent themselves from freaking out and messing everything up. With that said, though, I don't get why they'd immediately repeat a spot after blowing it the first time. The most famous example of this that I can think of is a few years back when Randy Orton tried to hit the RKO on Chris Jericho during a match on Raw when Jericho had Batista in the Walls Of Jericho. For those that don't remember what I'm referring to, click the following link to check it out on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZDACnHYyCc Do you see how dumb both Orton and Jericho look there? It really doesn't matter who is at fault for the move being botched. The fact of the matter is that there was a botch, and it was handled very poorly. When Randy got back up, he should've just punched Chris or something, and then ad-libbed a few more moves in before then hitting the RKO and getting out of there. Instead, he had to do it all over again, making Jericho look like the dumbest person to ever step foot into a wrestling ring. "Gee, what the hell was that? That looked like an awful lot like Randy Orton. Now he's running away. I wonder where he's going? Oh no, I'm being hit with the RKO now. Ouch." Personally, I think that more had to do with Randy being young and relatively inexperienced at the time. He's been around the block a few times now, so I think he'd be better equipped to think on his feet if something were to go wrong like that. If it happens again, though, you might as well go ahead and cancel his test-taking appointment for Mensa. It just looks ridiculous that he'd try the move again after it was botched like it was. That don't make no sense. Hitting a top-rope move VS Missing a top-rope move: Alright, to help me explain this, let me use some random wrestlers as an example: Let's say that Rey Mysterio is facing Kane. Rey climbs to the top rope and jumps off, hitting a missile dropkick or something on Kane. Rey lands, gets back up, and either goes for the pin, or continues on the offensive. You've seen that time and time again in matches throughout the years, I'm sure. However, let me use those same wrestlers and paint a different picture: Rey Mysterio is facing Kane again. Rey climbs up to the top rope and jumps off, but Kane steps out of the way. Rey lands, but this time, he's selling it as if he bungee jumped without a cord. Isn't he landing on his back in both scenarios? Therefore, wouldn't both scenarios hurt him when he lands? Why would he no-sell it just because he hits the move? Does it make that big of a difference when his body connects with his opponent, and then hits the mat? Again, it's just something that makes me wonder whenever I see it happen. That don't make no sense. How people can hate on me: Seriously, with the recent turnover on the LoP main page, this place would be really empty without me. Am I the best columnist out there? Regardless of some of the kind words I've been getting from you fine folks, no, I'm not. I'm still staying on my grind each and every single day, though, trying to provide the readers something to.. well.. read. I just don't understand the way a hater's mind works, that's all. Why people would be so pre-occupied with what I do, don't do, say, and don't say just boggles my mind. It's one thing if you care enough to want to read my columns to get my thoughts and opinions on things, but damn, to start crying like babies over things that don't even concern them.. That don't make no sense. Writer's Note: This is going to be the exact same Writer's Note that I posted yesterday, but I need to make sure everyone gets a chance to see it. I'll probably end up posting this for the next several days, at the very least. On the front page of LoP, some of you may have noticed that only my most recent edition of the HIPE is posted. It's not that the others are gone, it's just to make sure the other columnists get their shine, as well. Do not worry, loyal readers. The rest of the HIPE columns, as well as all of my main page HIPRN columns, are located at the following (just click the link, of course): Click Here For The HIPE & HIPRN Archives Writer's Note Part Deux: I want to take this time to thank everyone who has sent positive feedback for yesterday's UFC 91 column. I'm glad to see that it was received so well, and that people could allow me to indulge in something different for a day. At this rate, I might just bring Treisk back for a monthly UFC PPV preview column. Enough people have enjoyed the column we did, and I haven't seen any negative feedback about it yet. Hopefully, as time goes by and I become a bigger and bigger MMA fan, I can actually contribute more to my own columns, instead of sitting back and letting Treisk do most of the work. We'll see. What Hustle Is Listening To Right Now: "Put On" by Young Jeezy & Kanye West.. "Only You" by 112 & Notorious BIG.. "Cocktales" by Too Short.. "I Did It For Hip-Hop" by Ludacris, Jay-Z, & Nas.. "Gutta" by Ace Hood & Trick Daddy "Project: 50" is getting closer and closer, ladies and gentlemen. Yet another column of mine is in the books. This one was a lot shorter than I originally wanted it to be, but I'm going to be completely honest with you all.. I'm really tired, it's 4:45 in the morning, and I need to get my usual one hour or so worth of sleep in before I fall asleep in this chair and wake up with a spine that looks like a question mark. Believe The HIPE. It's real (sleepy). I stay in the HIPE Lab non-stop, and my grind never ends. I still have a few things bubbling under the surface, but I'll probably be bringing back "Ask Hustle" tomorrow, or the next day at the latest. Keep your peepers peepin for that. I'll be back.. same Hustle time, same Hustle page.. with another HIPE banger. Until then, from a place that's probably a lot warmer and nicer now than wherever it is you are, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa. "I'm exceedin expectations, you barely meeting quota.. I give it to em straight, you cut it with baking soda.." Hustle HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com 
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