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Submitted by Hustle on Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 8:44 AM EST
 Good lookin out for the graphics work, Noc "I'll rub your face off the earth, and curse your family's children like Amityville, and drill the nerves in your cavity filling.. insanity's building a pavilion in my civilian.." Today's intro line is by the late, great Big Pun. It's more me liking the line than having any real relevance to anything, but I included it here, anyway. I can do things like that, you know. It's another day, and that means it's another edition of The HIPE. Welcome back, one and all. I'll be your party host for this little shindig. Who is I be? Let's just say that you Can't Knock The Hustle. Don't test I, kid. I'm locked, loaded, and ready to roll, so I think it's about that time. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!! About a month ago, I did a column called "Happy Happy Joy Joy", where I went over some of my absolute favorite things in the wrestling business, both from the past and the present. It was fun to do it, without question, but there's an opposite side to all that joy and happiness. I'm in a different frame of mind right now, so I don't want to talk about all of the things that I like and enjoy in the world of pro wrestling. Instead, we're going to go in the other direction and talk about a few of the things that I dislike. The things that I hate. The things that make me mad. The things that make me sad. I have no idea where I'll be going in this column, as I'm going to try and freestyle the entire thing from my brain to my fingertips, but I'll apologize now, just in case my language in this edition is a little more.. foul.. than usual.  John Cena Haters: For those of you out there that know anything about me, you should've expected this one right at the top of the list. Of course, I'm not referring to each and every person alive that dislikes John Cena. No, I'm referring to those that either dislike him for the wrong reasons, jumped on the bandwagon to dislike him, or are just full of shit and dishonest with people about the entire thing. There are times when I feel that I discuss these Cena Haters too much, but for every time that my mind begins to think that way, I'll get an IM or an e-mail from someone who completely misunderstands what I'm trying to say, so I keep bringing it up. Like I said, this isn't about every person walking on creation that dislikes John Cena. It's perfectly fine to dislike a wrestler, as you'll find proof of with the rest of this column. That isn't the problem whatsoever. I'll never put someone on Front Street just because they dislike a certain someone. I'm just tired of the bullshit reasoning and the misguided hate that is tossed around by the IWC in their attempts at "fitting in". Some people need to figure out just what the fuck it is they're talking about, formulate their flows, and then just go from there. Let's see here.. People have gone on record and said they hate Cena because he "wins too much" or is "too dominant", or that they "already know he's going to win" various matches. Can someone bother explaining to me how that is John Cena's fault? Did I miss the news report that informed us about Cena purchasing the company from Vince McMahon, and therefore, taking over all of the decision-making, storyline writing, booking, and promotion work? I need a link to that report, posthaste. Until I read this bit of news, it appears that some of you are channeling your anger in the wrong direction. Hate the people in charge of his push. Hate the people who book the winners and losers of the matches. Hating a guy for doing exactly as he is told isn't exactly fair, in my opinion. In a day and age where some sites will post any "news" they can create for the sake of getting extra hits, you still don't read reports about John refusing to job to so-and-so, complaining about having to do this, or trying to kiss the asses of the "higher-ups" in the company. One of my favorite excuses of Cena Haters is the tried-and-true "his offense isn't believable" jibberyjoo, which is usually related to and/or followed by something like "he's just a brawler and nothing else". This is something that is usually said by people who like to think they're some sort of an uber-smart mark. You know the ones.. the people who won't admit to liking a wrestler unless he has at least 877 moves in his bag-o-tricks. I've heard this lame-ass reasoning for a few years now, and I still fail to see why it's such a problem for a guy with the raw strength of Cena to just beat the hell out of his opponents. Why would he need to chain wrestle if he doesn't have to? For years, Shaquille O'Neal dominated the NBA with his brute strength and dominating low post game. Why wasn't he out on the perimeter, chucking up three-point shots, though? Because he didn't need to. You play to your strengths (no pun intended). Everyone does it in the wrestling business, from the lowliest of jobbers to the mega-est of megastars. Hulk Hogan didn't need to bust out a Shooting Star Press in his matches, and he did pretty well for himself for a while. He may have even won a match or two in his career. I'm not sure. It was a long time ago. Don't even get me started on you mindless fucks that hopped aboard the "Cena Sucks" bandwagon so you wouldn't be ridiculed on the internet. Half of you clowns are wearing Cena shirts while you punch away at your keyboards with your grubby hands, talking about how he isn't this, shouldn't be that, should be this, etc. Me, personally, I don't give a rat's ass what the "popular" line of thinking is. I cheer for who I want, and I boo who I want. That's how it should be for everyone, but it just can't be that way when most of you are sharing the same brain. My personal favorite moment is still the return of Cena at this year's Royal Rumble. When his music hit, the face pop that he received could've blown the roof right off of Madison Square Garden. See, what THAT happened to be was the "mark" side of the fans coming out. They were exposed as the frauds that they are. After a few seconds, the "smark" side of them returned, and some of them started booing him, but it was too late. It was documented on live pay-per-view, and then forever immortalized on DVD for generations to enjoy. Quit being phony, people. As the saying goes.. real recognize real. I know I've said all of this before in my different columns. I realize that. I also don't care. To those of you who have given me intelligent debate about John Cena through the years.. damnit, I salute each and every last one of you (even though you're still wrong). To those of you hypocrites, I'll be back a little later to continue this subject as I speak on a few other people.  Sting: While he wasn't my favorite or anything, I can admit being a decent enough fan of Sting when I was a kid. Well, except when he was up against Ric Flair, but usually, he was entertaining enough for me as Young Hustle. The bright colored face paint and wrestling tights, the blonde hair, the trademark yell of his, and an intensity that was pretty much unmatched in the business were all reasons to like the guy. It helped mask the fact that he wasn't exactly a technical sorcerer in the ring. He was one of WCW's top names for over a decade, teaming up with and feuding against some of the biggest names the business had ever produced. When it was announced that he was heading to TNA, it left a bit of a bittersweet feeling with me. On one hand, it was disappointing that he wasn't heading to WWE, which was clearly the final piece of his career puzzle.. the one thing he hadn't accomplished yet. On the other hand, there was a roster full of young, hungry talent in TNA (just like he was young and hungry in late-80s NWA/early-90s WCW) for him to work with and help put over. I'm still waiting for that to happen. What the fuck has Sting done during his time with TNA, other than put himself over? When was he the "Ric Flair" to the "Sting" of one of the younger talents, like the real-life Ric Flair was for him at the very first Clash Of The Champions event? He debuted with TNA nearly five-and-a-half years ago, and it hasn't happened yet. He's obviously a step slower than he used to be, but that's to be expected, seeing as how he was 44 years old upon arriving with the company, and will be hitting the ripe age of 50 in March. I'm not even referring to that, though. I don't know many people that were expecting him to be putting on five-star classics to begin with. Again, he was looked at to be there for the younger wrestlers. He was an established veteran.. one of the biggest names to ever work for TNA.. and he could "pass the torch" to someone like an AJ Styles, a Samoa Joe, or even someone like a Christian Cage. I don't want to say that he's only out for himself, but I'll be damned if it doesn't appear that way most of the time. He comes across as no different than the "old guard" in WCW who were so paranoid and insecure that they couldn't let go of whatever "spot" they held. Like I mentioned in the Cena paragraph, I can't hate on the guy for winning his matches, unless I find out that he has some sort of creative control over his character. I'm talking about the no-selling of moves, making some of his opponents look like complete assholes. I'm talking about the times when he plays to the crowd, face-style, when he's a heel, when he knows that will get the fans behind him when they're not "supposed to". I'm talking about the fact that, here we are, five-and-a-half years later, and he's still around. He damn sure doesn't appear ready to "pass the torch" to anyone now that he's a member of "nWo 2008".  Triple H: This one just about goes hand-in-hand with the Cena Haters section. Remember the hypocrisy I mentioned? Yeah.. why would you dislike John Cena for "winning too much", yet turn around and cheer for Triple H, especially when you know for a fact that Triple H does have some "stroke" backstage? Why would you look down upon Cena for his "Five Moves Of Doom", when Triple H has as well-known of a "..Doom" set, if not more well-known? Why would you hate Cena for "not having any sort of a gimmick", and then cheer Triple H, who doesn't have one, either? "The King Of Kings" is a nickname, not a gimmick. "The Cerebral Assassin" is a nickname, not a gimmick. "The Game" is a nickname, not a gimmick. Triple H hasn't had a true "gimmick" since he was Hunter Hearst Helmsley, the snob from Greenwich. I'll give Triple H credit where it's due.. he obviously loves his job, the wrestling business, and going out there and doing what he does best. Nobody in their right mind could ever try and take that away from him. I'm not even one of those people who get mad because he used his relationship with Stephanie McMahon to get ahead in the business, and move him up the totem pole. I realize that he was a main eventer long before he even began dating Steph. However, let's not kid ourselves here, ladies and gentlemen.. he gets preferential treatment within the company. He's able to get away with things that other people wouldn't be able to get away with because they aren't "family". If you listen to interviews with the people that are former WWE employees, they usually have good things to say about the people that work there.. except for Triple H himself. Sure, some of it might be jealousy, but there are plenty of people that work for the company that have achieved great success, but you don't often hear the "Fuck Shawn Michaels" interviews, or the "Fuck The Undertaker" interviews. No, it's always "Fuck Triple H". Where there's smoke, there's fire, people. It's almost unfortunate, too, because he comes across as a decent enough guy when you hear him outside of the wrestling ring and in the "real world".  R-Truth: Please stop the stupid dancing. You're one step away from hollering "Yes, Massa" on the mic while you do a soft-shoe and eat fried chicken during your matches (judging by some of his past decisions, Vince McMahon may actually have something like that planned for the not-too-distant future). You're basically a walking, living breathing stereotype, you fuck. Please stop the lame attempts at rapping during your intro, when only "Wassup" can be heard and understood because you're either too out-of-breath or mumbling your words. Please stop trying to expose the business by doing all of your pointless flips, flops, twists, and turns while executing the simplest of moves. It's clear that you'd be getting hurt more than your opponents during those times, and you're not fooling anyone. You know what? Just, in general.. please stop, period.  Lack Of Tag Team Action: I've always been a fan of tag team wrestling, but it doesn't appear to be a very important aspect of the business to people like Vince McMahon and whomever is in charge of TNA. At any given time, it seems like there are no more than two tag teams on a single roster together. Team A feuds with Team B, and that's all you have. It's not like it was before, where you could have multiple tag feuds going on at the same time because those ranks were so full. To make it worse, a lot of the tag teams that we do get to see these days are usually just two singles wrestlers thrown together at the last minute for a brief stint as a team before they go back to their usual places. The saddest part of the entire thing is the fact that I just don't see it changing anytime soon. With the attention spans that the casual/live audiences have (as well as the attention spans that wrestling writers think the casual/live audiences have), it would be hard to beef up yet another division in the main companies, and keep them authentic, while still finding the time to have singles matches and feuds. It seems as if tag team wrestling as I knew it, growing up, is gone. The next time you crack a 40 open, pour some out for tag team wrestling, will ya?  Michael Cole: This son-of-a-bitch is just so phony sounding that it drives me crazy. He tries so fucking hard to be Jim Ross, and he's been failing miserably at it for years. He can't channel a single emotion correctly.. not happy, disgusted, terrified (except when Heidenreich raped him backstage and then read him a lovely poem), angry, concerned, or anything else you learned about in school. He tries to be "hip" by incorporating slang into his commentary, only to pronounce it wrong and make himself look even worse. His use of hyperbole should be illegal, too. When Jim Ross screams out that someone might be "broken in half", it usually came at a moment where, goshdarnit, that person really could be broken in half after taking whatever bump they just took. Michael Cole takes it to the next level and beyond. It could be a simple back bodydrop through the announce table, and this fuck will scream out something like "HE MIGHT BE DEAD!!" when the person is clearly crawling around on the floor. It's almost as if he has a script of things he needs to say during his matches, only he isn't actually watching the matches all that closely. He just knows "duhhhhh wen dis happenz, i gotta say dis" and then he follows through on that, even though it doesn't make a whole lot of sense with what we're watching on our screens. Hate on Jim Ross all you want, but he clearly loves wrestling and everything about it. Hell, even Don "1992 DONRUSS WAX BOX!! 1993 FLEER FACTORY SET!! FLEEEEER!! 1990 UPPER DECK!! KEN GRIFFEY JR ROOKIE CARDS!!" West has a legitimate excitement and enthusiasm to him. Cole just sounds like he's there for the paycheck. What an asshat. You know what's really surprising? There isn't a really long list of things I dislike about wrestling. My list of things I enjoy was pretty long, and before editing it down, it was at least twice the length of what I finally ended up posting. This is just kinda.. there. That's a really good sign, isn't it? Writer's Note: This is going to be the exact same Writer's Note that I posted yesterday, but I need to make sure everyone gets a chance to see it. I'll probably end up posting this for the next several days, at the very least. On the front page of LoP, some of you may have noticed that only my most recent edition of the HIPE is posted. It's not that the others are gone, it's just to make sure the other columnists get their shine, as well. Do not worry, loyal readers. The rest of the HIPE columns, as well as all of my main page HIPRN columns, are located at the following (just click the link, of course): Click Here For The HIPE & HIPRN Archives Writer's Note Part Deux: Thanks to everyone that has sent in suggestions on what I should do about my roommate, "J", as it pertains to yesterday's edition of The HIPE. Some of you came with serious suggestions, while some of you came with more humorous ideas. Some of you are just twisted, by the way, with the things you recommended to me, either because it sounds good or because you've done it yourself. If anything new happens, I'll make sure to let everyone know. Lord knows I've made damn near every other bit of my life accessible in my columns. Might as well continue that trend along, I guess. What Hustle Is Listening To Right Now: "Psychosocial" by Slipknot.. "Heat" by 50 Cent.. "Thug Luv" by Bone Thugs N Harmony & 2Pac.. "The Dream Shatterer" by Big Pun.. "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie The journey to reach DaveyBoy-like numbers continues as, counting my HIPRN columns before I switched to writing on a daily basis, I'm reaching 50 bangers that I've knocked out for my peoples. That's just crazy right there. Once again.. Believe The HIPE. It's real. I'm still in the middle of working on various things, so we'll see how all of that straightens itself out when the time comes. HIPE Lab is where it all continues to go down, so please believe I'm still on my grind, trying to bring new and exciting things to all of you. I'll be back tomorrow.. same Hustle time, same Hustle page.. with yet another HIPE banger. Until then, from this uncomfortable computer chair, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa. "I'm exceedin expectations, you barely meeting quota.. I give it to em straight, you cut it with baking soda.." Hustle HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com 
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