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Submitted by Hustle on Wednesday, November 12, 2008 at 7:18 AM EST
 Good lookin out for the graphics work, Noc "Let me explain, my brain is on a different wave.. everybody get it now, fuck it, it's a different day.." Styles P, A Gangster & A Gentleman, brings us today's intro line. I'm trying to come at people from a different angle, and I'm doing it on the daily, so there you have it. Welcome back to The HIPE. I'm your HIPEmaster.. the Charles Hamilton of this column-writing shit.. the man who never knew competition.. indeed, it is I, ya boy, Hustle, stepping back into the building again. I'm rockin, rollin, and ready to go, so I think it's about that time. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!! I was talking to a friend of mine today (who happens to be my roommate, and who will be referred to as "C" from here on), and we were discussing another friend of ours (who happens to be our roommate, as well, and who will be referred to as "J" from here on) who is wearing on our last nerves. He's never here, for one, and when he is here, he'll leave trash or dirty dishes behind. He'll leave all of the electronics in his room on while he goes out (PS3 on pause, laptop running, fan on, etc), running up the bill. He has trash and old food in his room, which is starting to bring ants into the place. Hell, even the little things he does irritates us, such as: - Set up shows to record on the DVR, and then he never watches them, so they just take up recording space until we reach the maximum level and start to delete them. - The cable/internet is in his name, so the bill comes addressed to him, but he doesn't do anything with it until the day the bill is due, where he then gives it to us, along with his portion of the payment, leaving us to race off and pay for it at the last possible minute. - He's supposed to be our friend from way back (5th grade for me, and I believe the 7th grade for "C"), and yet, he never spends any time with us, never wants to hang out, and just locks himself in his room to play video games when he does come home. Oh, and I forgot to mention the best part.. I own this place, but I'm too nice to people sometimes, so I'm not charging him a dime for rent. You'd think that, being on the receiving end of such a sweet deal, he'd find a way to make up for it in the areas of cleaning up or, at the very least, being an actual friend. You're not going to find a place for rent in this neighborhood for less than $1100-$1200 a month, unless you're getting "government assistance" of some sort, so I'm saving him A LOT of scrilla. Anyway, "C" and I were discussing the "J" and what we should do, because we're both beyond sick of this shit already. I won't get into all of the ideas we came up with, but I will say that the entire discussion gave me an idea for this column. You ever look up and down at the WWE roster and just think that a certain wrestler has basically worn out his welcome and is no longer needed? That's what I'm going to be doing here. I would include TNA here, but then I'd end up having only a half-dozen or so people left. Getting it started..  Tommy Dreamer. The Innovater Of Violence. The O.G. Of Extreme. He's the one name that most people immediately come up with when you ask them about Paul Heyman's ECW, and for very good reason. He's shed blood, sweat, and tears for that company, its wrestlers, its fans, and just for the letters E, C, & W, in general. He's been involved with ECW since before the "E" stood for "Extreme", ferchrissake. That's 1993, ladies and gentlemen. Some of you reading this weren't even born in 1993, which is both funny and incredibly depressing for me, all at the same time. His ECW career has seen more ups and downs than your run-of-the-mill porno movie. He's won gold on 4 different occasions (Tag Title reigns wth Johnny Gunn aka Tom Brandi aka Salvatore Sincere, Masato Tanaka, & Raven, as well as a half-hour-long World Title reign that came at the end of the original ECW's operation), and he also suffered through one of the longest-running feuds in recent wrestling history, having lost to Raven on a near-nightly basis for over two years without ever getting a victory himself. I will never put down the passion that Tommy has shown for ECW, and for the wrestling business, as a whole. However, I feel that the time has come for Tommy to retire and focus on whatever it is that he does in a backstage role for the company. The ECW brand could definitely use a veteran presence that is around to help put the younger talent over, but I fail to see how Dreamer works in that role. The way I look at it, if Wrestler A beats Tommy Dreamer, it doesn't really do much for Wrestler A because Dreamer always loses. He's one of the most popular jobbers in pro wrestling history, for the most part. It's not as if his matches are setting the world on fire, anyway. I've watched every episode of ECW, and I couldn't even tell you the last time Dreamer was involved in a good match that didn't involve multiple opponents who made the match that way on their own. His body has suffered through so many injuries at this point, and there are times when it looks like he even has a difficult time walking. It takes him longer to run from corner to corner in the ring than it took for Big Daddy V to do it, and BDV weighed more than the ring itself. It's just cringe-worthy to watch him, especially when he's in there with the younger talent who are flying around all over creation while he's moving in s.. l.. o.. w.. m.. o.. t.. i.. o.. n. Please just walk away, Tommy. You've carved your own spot in pro wrestling history through the years, and nothing you've done in the last couple of years is helping that in the slightest. Is this really what you want the younger generation of fans to remember you as? All the ECW DVDs in the world aren't going to help your profile in the eyes of the casual fan who is watching you get beat up, beat down, and beat all around by everyone on the roster. Next up..  Yes, Hardcore MotherF'N Holly. His problem isn't that he's a terrible wrestler or anything. It's that nobody cares about him. He continues to get absolutely zero reaction from live audiences when he comes out, which is the worst thing you could ask for as a pro wrestler. We're coming up on 15 years since he debuted in the WWF as a NASCAR character named Thurman "Sparky" Plugg, and in those 15 years, I can probably name two times that he got any real crowd response at all, and that's when he won the WWF Tag Team Titles with the 1-2-3 Kid, as well as when he got a nice reaction from the ECW fans for wrestling through that horribly gruesome gash on his back during a match with Rob Van Dam. He and Kid were huge underdogs against Bam Bam Bigelow and Tatanka, and when they won the belts, the crowd popped pretty nicely for them. They lost the belts the very next day, though, and that was pretty much it for the big crowd pops. Again, getting no response is pretty much as bad as it gets for wrestlers. If they're getting cheered, fine. If they're getting booed, fine. Hell, it's even fine if they're getting the opposite reaction of what they're supposed to be getting. However, it's a sign that they aren't quite doing their job correctly if they can't get the fans a reason to care about them in one way or another. Like I said, he isn't a terrible wrestler. He's actually a solid midcard-level guy, skills-wise, except for when he wants to be a jackass and become uncooperative with his opponent (which leads to him getting his neck broken by people like Brock Lesnar, who are trying their best to move forward with the match). He just doesn't seem to be carrying much of a personality, that's all, and especially one that fans can click with and get involved with. Another problem of his is the fact that he's 45 years old and seemingly injury prone. Call it his age, call it his stiffer style, call it karma, or just call it coincidence.. but the guy seems to be injured all the time. Multiple staph infections, a broken arm, a broken neck, the aforementioned gash.. the list goes on and on. Even if he does find a way to get fans behind him (or truly against him), it seems like an injury will just derail that progress right when it's getting started. I would say that he should retire and become a trainer for FCW or something, but then we'd never get any new wrestlers on the WWE roster, because he'd just beat them all into leaving the business. I hear he has his own wrestling school in his hometown of Mobile, Alabama.. that absolutely frightens me to death. Those poor bastards don't stand a chance if Bobcore is actually getting in the ring with them to teach them things. Next up..  Charlie Haas is a somewhat interesting pick here because he's currently in the middle of a gimmick that is giving him the biggest crowd reactions of his career. Unfortunately, that gimmick has him dressing up as and pretending to be other people. People that actually are over with fans. When you take that away from him, he's in an even worse position with live event crowds than Hardcore Holly is, and that's really saying something. The guy is one of the better technical wrestlers on the roster, being a two-time All-American collegiate wrestler, but that doesn't mean a damn thing in the world of pro wrestling if you aren't connecting with the fans. While he hasn't been in the company for all that long, his crowd responses have been laughable most of the time. Before this current gimmick of his, the most over that he got was when he was a member of "Team Angle", and even then, most of that had to do with how good of a heel Kurt Angle was and how exciting of a talent Shelton Benjamin was. Again, all the pre-pro wrestling accolades in the world won't guarantee you success in the pro wrestling business, as evidenced by the former football players, amateur wrestlers, bodybuilders, etc, that have come and gone with nothing on their records to show for it. My problem with his current gimmick is that it's too "hit or miss". He isn't exactly Frank Caliendo when it comes to perfecting impressions, so it doesn't always work for the guy. It would be one thing if he could come out as Bret Hart and sound just like Bret Hart. That would be cool. Instead, he comes out as Bret Hart, sounding just like Charlie Haas. That doesn't fly, and the fact that the crowd just sat on their hands during his mini-promo proves that. There's only so much he can do with this gimmick, really, until it's time to hear two simple words. Those words, you ask? Well, if you'll allow me to get my impersonation on, let me say those two words as Vincent Kennedy McMahon.. YOU'RRRRREEEEE FIIIIIRRRRREEEEEDDDDD~! Next up..  Can anybody tell me why this guy is even still employed to begin with? He's never been anything worthwhile in the ring, and his gimmick wore thin within a month of his debut. The last new thing he did was when he started eating the worms, and really, what is that doing for anyone? I know people that'll eat worms for far less than what the company is paying this guy to do it, and chances are, they'll be able to put together a better match, as well. Next up..  Hello, ladies. Val Venis is further proof that the thoughts and opinions of the IWC don't mean as much to Vince McMahon as the thoughts and opinions of the casual fans and the live event fans. Every wrestling message board on the internet has something about how underused Val Venis is and how he should be the Intercontinental Champion, blah blah blah blah blah, and yet, when he's out on TV, the fans don't really care all that much. Don't get me wrong, though.. he is a solid wrestler, but what exactly is he supposed to be these days? Well, other than "injured", that is. Back in the day, he was over with the porn star gimmick, even with how silly and over-the-top it was. He was even able to remain relevant as a member of the Right To Censor, but now.. he's just a bald dude that wears a towel to the ring. It's rather difficult to get people to care about that guy. "Oh, look, he has a towel like I have at home! Yay!" "Hey, that doesn't look like a Martha Stewart Living Collection towel! Boo!" If he isn't going to be given something that is going to make the people care, it's probably time to say goodbye. When he's healthy, it's not as if he's always out there on TV as "enhancement talent", anyway, so really, what is he doing on the roster, other than collecting a paycheck? Next up..  Ha. Nuff said. I'll have to end it on that note. Writer's Note: This is going to be the exact same Writer's Note that I posted yesterday, but I need to make sure everyone gets a chance to see it. I'll probably end up posting this for the next several days, at the very least. On the front page of LoP, some of you may have noticed that only my most recent edition of the HIPE is posted. It's not that the others are gone, it's just to make sure the other columnists get their shine, as well. Do not worry, loyal readers. The rest of the HIPE columns, as well as all of my main page HIPRN columns, are located at the following (just click the link, of course): Click Here For The HIPE & HIPRN Archives Writer's Note Part Deux: Just for fun, I figure I'll ask you all this question.. If you were me, what would you do about the situation with "J" that I mentioned earlier in this column? "C" and I have pretty much come up with what we're going to do, but it would be fun to hear from all of you about the situation. Perhaps you've gone through something similar in your own lives, and would like to share the story with me? Whatever it is, just hit me up and let me know. What Hustle Is Listening To Right Now: "The Man I Used To Be" by K-Os.. "What You Wanna Do" by Krayzie Bone & The Game.. "H.O.O.D." by Masta Ace.. "Acknowledge" by Masta Ace.. "Slaughterhouse" by Joe Budden, Joell Ortiz, Royce Da 5'9, Nino Bless, & Crooked I Believe The HIPE. It's real. Another column up, another column down.. I just keep on knockin em out like Mike Tyson in his prime. I'm currently working on a few different things right now.. collaborations with some people you know and some people you may not know.. various sections that will appear either daily or weekly in this very column.. as well as trying to see about bringing back those song titles as the lead-ins for my column sections. Keep your peepers peepin for all of those. There's no timetable set for any of them, but I'm in the lab, cookin em up. I'll be back tomorrow.. same Hustle time, same Hustle page.. with another banger. Until then, from HIPE Lab, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa. "I'm exceedin expectations, you barely meeting quota.. I give it to em straight, you cut it with baking soda.." Hustle HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com 
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