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Submitted by Hustle on Sunday, November 2, 2008 at 12:47 PM EST
 Good lookin out for the graphics work, Noc "You walk around mad, you let your anger blind you.. we walk around, just playin the violin behind you.. enough with all the pissin and moanin, whinin and bitchin.. sit and observe, listen, you'll learn if you pay attention.." Like Eminem, I'm just tryin to brush the haters off right now. I hear there's a lot of them out there. That's fine. Keep motivating me. Thanks to "Arn Anderson's #1 Fan" for pointing me back in the direction of those Em lyrics. Welcome back to the HIPE, ladies and gentlemen. Of course, it is I, your host for this party that gets on and poppin err'day.. ya boy, Hustle, back in the LoP building. This isn't what you're here for, though, so, uhh.. I think it's about that time. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!! In yesterday's edition of the HIPE, I took a look at different events throughout the last several years that would/could be considered "failures" in pro wrestling. Today, I continue that look, because, damnit, there's just so many things to choose from. For Vince McMahon fans out there, do not worry.. today's edition will be considerably less geared towards Vinnie Mac and some of his decisions. "That'll put a lot of butts in the seats": During the height of the Monday Night Wars, numerous dirty tricks and underhanded tactics were displayed by both the WWF and WCW, but especially on WCW's side of the fence. One of those little tricks involved giving away the results of certain episodes of Raw before Raw had even come on the air. Ted Turner, being the owner of both WCW and the TV station, TNT, had the ability to place WCW Nitro on the air 5+ minutes early to get a jump start on getting viewership and ratings, and at the time, Raw wasn't aired live every week as they are now. They were on a live-taped-live-taped type of schedule, so as I mentioned, Nitro would come on the air early and read the results for Raw in weeks where it was a taped episode, and usually complete it with some snide, sarcastic remarks about particular wrestlers or matches. That's probably the dirtiest trick that took place during the entire MNW, if you ask me. Fast forward to January 4th, 1999.. in a heavily-hyped match, WWF Champion The Rock was putting up his title against Mankind (Mick Foley, for the rare few of you who don't know) in a no-DQ match. Unfortunately (well, maybe not so unfortunate, as it turned out) for the WWF, this came in a week where Raw was taped. In a bit of a strange twist, WCW waited until later in their show to give away the result of the Rock VS Mankind match, instead of doing it as they came on the air. Reports say that it was Eric Bischoff who ordered it to happen, but WCW announcer Tony Schiavone, leading into a Nitro commercial break, said the following.. "Mick Foley, who wrestled here as Cactus Jack a few years ago, is going to win their world title tonight. That'll put a lot of butts in the seats." The sarcasm was just dripping off of the "butts in seats" comment. Ironically, instead of hurting the WWF with the remark, WCW actually helped them out, as TV ratings show that nearly half-a-million viewers switched from Nitro to Raw once Schiavone made the comments, so that they could watch the match. Once the match was over, there were still between 5-8 minutes left of Nitro's broadcast, but the damage had already been done. Raw had beaten Nitro in the ratings that week, and most "experts" look at that incident as the "beginning of the end" for WCW. You know, speaking of this particular episode of Nitro.. "Fingerpoke Of Doom": In one of the nWo's several hundred thousand twists and turns throughout their time together, Hulk Hogan had just returned to the company, only this time, he surprised people by coming back as a face, standing up to WCW World Champion (and his former nWo running buddy), Kevin Nash. Nash challenged Hogan to a match, offering him a title shot to lure him in, and people were excited for it. There was a portion of the fan base that was getting tired of the nWo and their weekly antics. You could predict every single segment of Nitro before it even came on the air.. an nWo promo would take place at least once during the first hour, two or three random matches would end in a DQ or some sort of a No Contest due to nWo interference, and the main event of the night would end in another DQ or No Contest due to nWo interference, ending with fans throwing trash in the ring. There would also be somebody who ended up with the "nWo" name spray painted in black somewhere on his body after he had been beaten up by all 279 members of the group. The sheer dominance was beginning to wear thin with fans, to say the very least, and for really good reason. It was difficult to tell what week and what month it was when you watched WCW back then. The nWo remained in a permanent time warp, mowing through any and everyone on the WCW roster, including other factions like the Four Horsemen. The Nash VS Hogan match was hyped up big-time, and the buzz in the arena was obvious when the opening bell rang. More hype.. more buzz.. hype.. buzz.. hype.. buzz.. then Hogan pokes Nash in the chest with his finger, and Nash sold it as if he had been shot with a bazooka. He then dropped to the mat and Hogan covered him.. 1.. 2.. 3.  Hulk Hogan was the new WCW World Champion. Everyone had fallen for it. The nWo was back and stronger than ever, angering fans across the country. Of course, the way WCW was booking their own world title wasn't helping people's opinions. It's one thing when Shawn Michaels and Triple H have a real mockery of a match for the WWF European Title, but it's a different thing altogether when Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan have a mockery of a match for what was the biggest and best title in all of wrestling at the time (if WCW was winning the MNW, which they were at the time, that makes their world title "bigger" and "better" than the WWF one, at least for that particular time). WCW had just placed themselves even further down the slippery slope with this decision, and it wouldn't stop until they were out of business for good. You know, speaking of devaluing the WCW World Title.. David Arquette = World Champion: I understand that there are people out there who wouldn't label the move to put the WCW World Title on David Arquette as a failure because of the publicity that WCW received by doing it. Trust me, I understand that. I really do. However, I just can't shake the fact that it's David Fucking Arquette we're talking about here. This isn't some big in-shape actor like Vin Diesel as the champion (not that it would be any better if that talentless asshat was the champion). This isn't even some martial artist like Jet Li as the champion. This is a goofy-looking actor who stands at 5-foot-nothing and weighs 100-and-nothing pounds.. as the WORLD CHAMPION. Again, I understand that mainstream publicity is very valuable in the world of pro wrestling, and I'm generally for moves that will get air time on ESPN or even on shows like Entertainment Tonight, but to take the WCW World Title.. YOUR world title.. held by some of the greatest names in the history of the business, and to give it to a person like David Arquette just feels like a slap across the face to the business itself, and to those who watch it and support it.   I don't blame David Arquette for any of it, of course, especially seeing as how he donated his entire WCW paycheck to charity. While that's extremely commendable, and I respect the guy for doing something like that, but WCW seriously couldn't find a better way to get publicity? I know that it was just a tie-in to the ridiculously stupid "Ready To Rumble" movie and all, but it's not as if we're talking about one of Hollywood's biggest celebrities or anything. I would just imagine there were plenty of ways to get some sort of mainstream pub without shitting all over your own world title and its lineage, and probably ways to involve an even bigger celebrity, gaining even more shine from non-wrestling media. That's all. Doesn't sound like too much to ask for. Then again.. apparently it is. Alundra Blayze "trashes" her own career: In yet another dirty trick put on by WCW, they were in contract talks with WWF Women's Champion, Alundra Blayze (known previously in WCW as Madusa), to jump ship upon the impending end of her current contract. Alundra had no problem with jumping to WCW, but she had a concern that she took up with Eric Bischoff.. what was she supposed to do with her title belt? Should she return it to Vince McMahon before she left? Bischoff told her that she should bring the belt with her to Nitro, and even though she didn't want to, she eventually agreed. She walked out on Nitro soon thereafter, and sure enough, had the title belt with her. She came out to the announce booth and proceeded to cut a mini-promo against the name and character of "Alundra Blayze" and said she was returning to the "Madusa" character. She then picked up a small trash can and dumped the belt into it as Steve "Mongo" McMichael sat next to her with a stupid looking smile on his face.. as he always did. I believe he even had that dog with him, which is also a ridiculously stupid thing to think back on, but not quite enough to get its own pararaph here. Within a year or so, Madusa was completely gone from the company, after having several short-lived feuds in a half assed women's division that WCW (unsuccessfully) tried to start (she would return about 2 years later, though, as a part of Randy Savage's Slut Squad). She never did come close to the level of success that she had in the WWF, though, and you know what that means, don't you? Failure. Oh yeah.. big failure. The move was a step back in her career, and she burned a bridge in the process, leaving her with no opportunity to head back to work for Vince McMahon if she wanted to. On another level, the entire "trash can" thing was widely believed to have been the main reason Vince McMahon was so adamant that Bret Hart drop the WWF Title to Shawn Michaels before he headed to WCW. So, basically, from the ashes of this failure rose a great chain of events.. the Montreal Screwjob, the birth of Mr McMahon, the Austin VS McMahon feud, and so on and so forth. Not too bad, I suppose. With every single rain storm comes a rainbow.. or something corny like that. Paul Heyman's financial prowess: There's a lot that has been said about the original ECW, both positive and negative. They've definitely had their share of diehard fans over the years, and at the same time, they've also had their share of people who cop a squat over every single thing they did. Personally, I've gone from being somewhere in the middle of that discussion to leaning towards the "cop a squat" side, back to the middle again, and so forth. At the time, ECW was something new.. something fresh.. something exciting. However, as time went on, I began to notice just how little "replay value" it had for me. Looking back on it now, I notice just how bad a lot of the actual wrestling was. Rob Van Dam and Sabu are 2 of the biggest spot monkeys that pro wrestling has ever seen. Tommy Dreamer has never been all that spectacular in the ring. Raven, while he was one of the better characters in the history of the industry, was also average, at best, in the ring. Terry Funk was gawdawful at that point in his career. Noticing the trend there? It wasn't all bad, of course, but most of the things people have tabbed as "good" are tremendously overrated and are usually just mediocre in a best-case scenario. Speaking of bad, though, that brings me to the point of adding this to the column.. the way Paul Heyman completely botched the finances of his own company, sending them to an early grave. Love them or hate them, ECW was white-hot for a while as they battled WCW and the WWF. For a company that was as small as ECW to have such a rabid fanbase and such buzz in the business was unheard of at the time. It was a regular thing to tune into Raw every Monday and hear the small (and sometimes not-so-small) chants of "E-C-Dub, E-C-Dub". The "little company that could" continued growing in popularity, even reaching a bit of a collaborative agreement with the WWF, appearing on Raw a few times and working an angle with Jerry Lawler, who referred to ECW as "Extremely Crappy Wrestling". As the popularity of the company grew, there was a problem below the surface that not a lot of people knew about, and that was the fact that Paul Heyman is mostly talk, and not enough walk. For lack of a better word, he conned a large portion of his roster into staying and working for him even though they weren't getting their paychecks (and when they did get checks, they bounced). These guys were going out there and basically killing themselves, and it turns out that a lot of them were doing it for free. I don't know if that says more about the wrestlers' loyalty, the wrestlers' stupidity, or the kool-aid that Paul Heyman was serving to them. It began reaching points where some of the wrestlers had to make some choices they really didn't want to do just so their families wouldn't starve to death. If a company like WCW came calling and offered a contract, these guys knew they'd be at the bottom of the ladder, so to speak, and with the nWo running around, it would be nearly impossible to move up in the ranks.. however, it was a steady paycheck, and that was more important than anything else at the time. Same thing with the WWF.. with people like Steve Austin, The Rock, DX, and the like, it was obvious that guys coming in from ECW wouldn't be immediately placed into any meaningful spots in the company. Things continued to keep breaking down with ECW's finances, to the point where their once-stocked roster was nearly dried out. Rob Van Dam? Gone. The Dudley Boyz? Gone. Taz? Gone. Sabu? Gone. Sandman? Gone. Raven? Gone (although he'd return again). Things were in such a rough spot that Justin Credible became the ECW Champion at one point. For those of you wondering "Who the hell is Justin Credible??", all I can say is.. that's exactly my point. ECW was falling deeper and deeper into a financial hole, and people could see the writing on the wall even clearer than Johnny Nash ever could.. the company was about to fold, and it wasn't long before it did just that. Paul Heyman, in the years since ECW shut down its operations, has gone on record and blamed numerous people for what happened, from Eric Bischoff and Ted Turner to different pay-per-view and satellite companies. He comes across as a tad bitter, although I can somewhat understand why, seeing as how ECW was his entire life.. no lady friends (or guy friends, if that's what he's into), no children, nothing.. just ECW and everything encompassing it. However, his problem is that he has never stepped up and admitted the truth.. that ECW folded because of him. He made all the decisions for that company, and that means any financial mistakes go directly back to him. Paul, you screwed up, and nobody else. This failure lies directly on your shoulders. It would be really nice if you could finally learn to take responsibility for your own mistakes, though. Be a man.  Hmm.. chronological order be damned, this reminds me of another ECW-related failure.. ECW on TNN: The ECW fan base was ecstatic when they found out that their beloved little promotion was finally getting a national TV deal, even though it was on a station that, based on the rest of its lineup at the time, seemed like an odd fit for pro wrestling of the ECW style. The fact that ECW was on TV was enough for the fans, though, and really, you couldn't blame them if you knew how hard the company had fought to get that sort of exposure. Even though the company's roster at the time had already taken a bit of a hit, talent-wise, it was still a chance for new fans to be gained and some new exposure to be made. Almost instantly, however, several things began to go wrong, and it turned out to be the biggest disaster in the history of wrestling on TV, with one side lying repeatedly, while the other side was purposely breaking rules and refusing to follow orders, all in the hopes of being kicked off the air so they could get themselves out of the "contract from hell" and land somewhere where they could feel appreciated. The head honchos at TNN (now known as Spike TV) seemed like they must not have known what they were getting with the ECW product, as they immediately tried to censor things and hold the product, as a whole, on a short leash. Something just didn't seem right, and those thoughts were proven to be correct, as it turned out that TNN was merely using ECW as a bit of leverage.. as a bargaining chip, of sorts.. to bring WWE to their network. When Vince signed the contract, ECW was tossed to the curb, and it was the event that had people really preparing for the demise of "The Land Of Misfit Toys". I don't think Paul Heyman has gotten over his grudge with those TV executives yet. Mr Kennedy: As I've mentioned in previous columns, I have yet to truly understand what the hype over this guy is. His mic skills are praised as being something special, when he's merely a one trick pony on that level. Without him repeating his name, he has absolutely nothing. His in-ring ability is about as bland as a bowl full of drywall. What exactly does he do well in the ring? His striking is subpar (which is pretty bad, considering that he's supposed to be a "brawler"), his selling is really nothing special, he hasn't figured out how to "work" a match yet, and he's not exactly a youngster, meaning that he has considerably less time to make certain improvements than most people of his experience level. All this, and I haven't even mentioned the fact that he has had some really bad luck in his short WWE career, from a misdiagnosed injury that cost him a Money In The Bank title shot to some ill-timed comments about whether or not he's ever taken steroids or other performance enhancers. Although I'm only partially serious in including Kennedy here, and just doing it to get under the skin of you Kennedy marks, you could rate Kennedy as a bit of a failure as far as the level of hyperbole and overhype that he's received by his fans, who may be on some sort of "enhancers" themselves if they truly believe even half of the things they've predicted for Kennedy since his debut a few years back. In a move I looked at to be a mistake, the company decided to turn him face a while back. To continue Kennedy's streak of bad luck, the heel he was playing off of in his newfound face role (William Regal) was then suspended for 60-days, effectively killing the storyline before it ever got started. If you're a Kennedy fan, that's a real shame. If, like me, you don't like the guy, it makes you laugh. That guy just can't catch a break, can he? Maybe he drank milk from the bottle in a previous life, or even worse.. maybe he was an overrated, marginally-talented wrestler in a past life, too. Yes, I did, infact, just go there. I had another "failure" planned for this column, but then I got to typing it out, and I typed some more. Then I typed some more. Then I typed some more. I continued typing, and I realized that I needed to turn that into its own column. Seriously, that particular thing I'm referring to has been all over the place.. it started off well, then it quickly veered off into the land of failures, where it rested a while and became an even bigger failure, before totally switching up on us and turning into something absolutely brilliant for a while, only to start slipping back into some of its failing ways. That column will drop either tomorrow or Tuesday. Also, keep the "Ask Hustle" questions coming in, as that'll be back very soon, as well. Believe The HIPE. It's real. We're about 24 hours away from yet another edition (shame on you cats that didn't even think I'd last this long), so be prepared for v6.. same (I think I've reached the point where I can call it the "same", and not "new" anymore) Hustle time, same Hustle page. From the middle of the Pacific Ocean, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa. "I'm exceedin expectations, you barely meeting quota.. I give it to em straight, you cut it with baking soda.." Hustle HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com 
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