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Submitted by SkittleZ on Tuesday, October 21, 2008 at 1:00 AM EST
 Oh what's the matter? Not excited to see me? Well tough cookies, folks. It is I, SkittleZ, and my super duper extra awesome column Taste My Rainbow. Don't believe me? Look for yourself. If you scroll up and down the page at top flight speed, the vast array of colors is almost enough to trigger a seizure. Pretty impressive shit if you ask me. Do you know what it feels like to be divorced? Because I do. Unfortunately, things didn't exactly pan out with the wifey. Try as we might, the relationship just wasn't getting anywhere remotely back to normal so we both threw in the towel. Being around her was too painful so I packed up my bags and drove nearly 1,000 miles to Connecticut where my Dad's side of the family lives. Its obviously going to be hard getting over this but I can sense a gradual improvement with each passing day. In fact, I received the divorce papers in the mail today. To be 21 and single. Ah yes.... it's a beautiful thing.  DaveyBoy is a fucking machine. The guy is impenetrable (no homo). Seriously, I think he told me once that he hasn't missed a pay per view since like 1995. No wonder I'm getting my ass kicked on such a constant basis. I'm six matches behind with just two pay per views remaining in our contest. Is the doubt starting to set in a little? Yeah you could say that. Check out the latest standings: DaveyBoy (57-27-1) / SkittleZ (51-33-1) How am I suppose to overcome those odds?! Come hell or high water, I will never bow down to DaveyGirl. It appears as if the foreigners have triumphed over us yet again my fellow Americans. Nonetheless, we must carry on. I think Cyber Sunday has the potential to be a pretty damn good show. When the final card was set for No Mercy, no one really expected anything above average and yet it turned out to be one solid ass show. Here's hoping that trend continues through this Sunday. Personally, I dig the 'Pick Your Tag Team Match' idea but could the eventual choice be any more clearer? Of course fans are going to pick a championship bout over a standard tag team contest. While I wouldn't mind at all seeing Cryme Tyme vs. Miz and Morrison, the Priceless/Punk and Kingston match offers more from a value standpoint. I strongly believe this is the surprise match of the night as far as the end result. With heel champions like Jericho, Santino and Beth Phoenix dominating RAW, Monday nights could use some faces walking around with gold. Not to mention a pair of talents such as CM Punk and Kofi Kingston are too damn talented to be walking around without titles around their respective waists. This should be a great bout and I'm picking the upset. Punk and Kingston will defeat Rhodes and Dibiase to win the World Tag Team Titles. Now for the comedy bout of the night. I've heard conflicting reports about whether the Honky Tonk Man would in fact be available for competition come Sunday night. Since I've yet to hear anything concrete, I'm assuming the longest reigning Intercontinental Champion of all time will be present at Cyber Sunday. He would be the best choice solely based on storyline purposes. Goldust is the lost man here as I can't honestly see him getting more than 10% of the overall vote. The safe beat here is the Rowdy One. Piper is a long time fan favorite and I have no doubt he and Santino will put together some classic mic work before the match. Marella will hold on to his title but I see little to no wrestling taking place. Therefore, Santino retains the Intercontinental Title against Piper by getting himself disqualified. From the outset, the ECW Title match doesn't appear to offer very much at all but it could actually steal the show if the right man gets the nod. The last thing fans want to see is another one on one match between Matt and Henry so the World's Strongest Man is out of the equation. We'll probably end up seeing Hardy/Finlay four or five times on ECW before Christmas so he's eliminated and who does that leave? Newcomer Evan Bourne. This face vs. face encounter could provide some serious entertainment. I've got Matt Hardy successfully defending the ECW Championship in a hard fought battle with Evan Bourne. Cyber Sunday also see's the continuation of the Kane/Mysterio feud. We're not talking Benoit and Guerrero here so the 2 out of 3 falls stipulation can be canceled out. Falls count anywhere and no holds barred are practically the same type of match. However, No Holds Barred just sounds cooler and more intense so I'm taking that one. No doubt about this one.... Kane destroys Rey Mysterio in a No Holds Barred match. The Undertaker/Big Show program hasn't been too bad thus far and this should be a step up from their No Mercy bout. I'm hoping, for both men's sake, that this feud concludes at Survivor Series. There's just so many better things the company could be doing with these two. We love drama so I'm saying the fans side with the Last Man Standing match here. I also envision a huge spot taking place with Big Show coming out on the short end of the stick. The Undertaker will dispose of Big Show in a Last Man Standing contest. I think the writing staff has done a great job of handling the WWE Championship scene on SmackDown. Vladimir Kozlov is still receiving the same reaction that Khali did in his early days so don't expect him to be granted a one on one title match. Jeff is the hands down front runner but after blowing his shot at No Mercy, its likely that we'll see a three way here. No matter the match up, the Game isn't losing his championship any time soon. That's why we'll see Triple H defeat Jeff Hardy and Vladimir Kozlov in a Triple Threat match to retain the WWE Title. And as for the Diva Halloween Costume Contest, I'm taking.... just kidding. Who the fuck really cares? Lets be serious now. Lastly, we've got Batista (the #1 contender) challenging Y2J for the World Title in what I'm guessing will be the show's main event. I'm not really too thrilled about this match but the referee should add enough spark to make this somewhat satisfying. No way Stone Cold doesn't rack up the votes here. It won't bee too lopsided but the Texas Rattlesnake's appearances are few and far between so he's the top candidate. That's unfortunate in a sense given the chemistry HBK and Jericho have had since WrestleMania 24. And Orton would definitely cause chaos if selected special referee. Don't kid yourself though. If the fact that the event is being held in Austin's hometown isn't evidence enough, I don't know what is. Stone Cold will be his usual defiant self here. Nonetheless, the action will break down and Y2J will steal a win over Batista to escape with the World Heavyweight Championship.  One of the most overlooked aspects of professional wrestling. Refereeing. By wrestling terms, they lead a pretty miserable existence. In a world of muscular misfits looking to inflict pain upon others, who would want to be a puny little official who's forced to keep matches from losing control? Seems like a lost cause to me. But seriously, referees get absolutely no love. They spend the majority of their time arguing with men double and triple their size or taking inadvertent shots to the head or body. Sounds like a sucky job to me. And referees don't get any kind of love. Other than the rare occasion when a ref is knocked over during a Divas match and rolled over by scantily clad women, what's there to look forward to? It isn't exactly what I'd call a rewarding position. Most refs spend more time taking shit from the fans than getting patted on the back for 'doing the right thing'. The bottom line though is that referees play a big part in your typical wrestling match. They can add to a bout or play a big hand in ruining one. Honestly, I never gave referees any thought whatsoever until ECW was resurrected in 2006. I remember wondering whether the WWE had extra referees who would switch over to the new brand or if the old officials from ECW would return. I shrugged and concentrated on the finer points of professional wrestling. Then I guess there was an instance during the summer of 2007 on an episode of ECW where Wrestler A pinned Wrestler B (help me out if you know who the hell I'm talking about) 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring despite Wrestler B's shoulders never being pressed against the mat. Now obviously it was a nationally televised match so the majority of viewers picked up on the botched pinfall (never thought you'd hear that did you?). Surely, a meeting between WWE management and the ECW refs took place shortly afterward in hopes to prevent something similar from happening. That's perfectly understandable and I would expect the world's top wrestling promotion to take such actions. But what followed infuriated me to no end. I realize employment in the WWE is a fickle thing. People are in and out of the company like a French whore house. WWE apparently likes to do a little spring and fall cleaning every year and while Stephanie McMahon sitting at home with her two kids may be saving a few shmucks their jobs, a lengthy tenure is never guaranteed when it comes to professional wrestling. This was taking it a little far however. I had nothing better to do during last summer so I decided to start watching ECW on a consistent basis. And slowly, I started noticing that something was off during some matches. But it wasn't just a few matches.... it was every match! The timing and fluidity of all the matches was all fucked up. And yes, I know we're talking about ECW matches here. I began paying more attention to detail and it may have taken a week or two but I picked up on it. The referees were killing the matches with their pinfall counts! Every single time a wrestler would attempt a pin, the ref would drop down to their knees to make the count and take an extra two or three seconds to make sure both shoulders were down. Now that might not seem like much but when the referee is doing it time and time again, it detracts from the match completely. Things stayed that way for the next couple of shows and I had seen enough. Needless to say, I quit watching out of aggravation because the referees were butchering matches left and right with their delayed counts. I've watched ECW a handful of times since and I've noticed that the C brand doesn't appear to be suffering from the same issues any longer. The incident made me understand something though. Referees get such a bad rap. And undeservedly so. Its no secret that refs control the match. They wear earpieces that connect them with officials in the back to let them know how much time is left in the contest or if an audible is needed due to previously unforeseen happenings. I'll never mark for referees but give credit where credit is due. And that isn't all. Referees need to know how to take bumps and be prepared for them at all times. It makes sense that a tiny untrained referee would take longer to recover from a blow than John Cena or JBL. But I swear they lose track of time now and then when they're laying 'unconscious' in the ring until the time comes for them to crawl ever so slowly over to administer the grandfather-like three count to end the match. Suspending your disbelief my foot! Take Undertaker and Triple H's WrestleMania 17 bout for example. About halfway through the match, Undertaker gets pissed after the Game kicks out of a chokeslam when he thinks the count was slow and decides to just take out the referee for shits and giggles. All bets are off then as The Game and The Phenom take the fight into the crowd and up onto some staging area. They trade chair shots as they move up level by level until they ultimately reach the top. Undertaker ends up choke slamming Hunter off the stage onto some nice fluffy padding and follows that up with a nice elbow drop to a prone Triple H. We're even treated to a spot where the EMTs come to H's aid with a stretcher only to get decimated by The Deadman for interfering in the melee. Both men make it to their feet, brawl all the way through the crowd and back into the ring. The Deadman and Triple H go back and forth trying to gain the upper hand. And keep in mind, the referee (which I believe was Mike Chioda) was down on the mat that entire time! Exaggeration to the tenth degree. Not one person can convince me how the ref could possibly be incapacitated for that long. It isn't like Chioda took a wicked chair shot or a stiff tombstone either. Try a fucking elbow to the back! How about the lack of intelligence most referees are labeled with? Take for instance a match where the ref has to stay distracted while all kinds of nonsense goes on right behind his back. Or when he's pushed out of the way only to turn around and purposely play dumb while the face wrestler grabs for his nuts like they just fell off. And there's the always popular make sure you're in the exact position so you can't see the bad guy using the ropes or holding the tights for leverage. The referee has to play off all of those scenarios to perfection or else the crowd will automically catch the bullshit and voice their displeasure. Its like an ever lasting balancing act when you're wearing the zebra stripes. And what about utilizing the count out when both guys are brawling at ringside when they aren't paying attention and the match is suppose to end clean? Doomed to fail if you ask me. Last night's RAW was a unique situation. During the double gauntlet match between Jericho and Batista, Y2J was fighting Mark Henry when he scurried to ringside and grabbed his World Title. Jericho had untied the turnbuckle padding and while the referee was attempting to fix it, Y2J clocked Henry over the back of the head with the belt but the Animal was there to notify Mike Chioda of the shenanigans which were going on. The ref saw it all play out on the TitanTron and wasted no time in disqualifying Jericho for breaking the rules. How often does that happen? Rarely ever. See it doesn't hurt to give the referees some credibility once in a while. Though now that I think about it, why the hell do they bother with the turnbuckle padding in the first place? Don't they realize its a trick?!? Sue me for thinking the refs should get more recognition. The only folks less appreciated then them in the company are the ring crew for Christ sake. An unrewarding job that gets overlooked and taken for granted. I would never want to be a referee that's for sure. Actually, I'd rather spoon with Mae Young than sport the zebra stripes but that's just me. Perhaps there's individuals out there who aspire to be WWE referees? God have mercy on their souls. Tim White is in a bar somewhere showing off that toothy grin of his. Do I need to bring up that suicide angle from late 2005? Poor Tim White and his recurring concussions. Triple H and Earl Hebner might be good buddies but I can promise you two things. Tim White isn't quite so fond of Hunter and will definitelty not be purchasing the new Hell in a Cell DVD (although it showcases his five minutes of fame).  The answer to my riddle from TMR [28] was indeed "Duane Gill / Gillberg". Are you kidding me? An 84% correct guess percentage?! That's absurd. I can't lead a happy carefree life when I know you fags are feeling all special for constantly getting my riddle right. Drastic measures had to be taken so you are now down a clue. That's right... time to crank up the difficulty a notch. My latest experiment has success written all over it. Take a glance at this riddle if you dare. _________________________________________________________________________________________ I'm a veteran who's over with most crowds across the country. Several championships have come my way but never a major one. I strut to the ring looking to take out opponents with my high impact finisher. There's something I have to life with for the rest of my life. _________________________________________________________________________________________ Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.  The Boston Red Sox lost! Oh man I love it. I wouldn't call myself a true Yankees fan but my Dad is so I'm kind of stuck with watching and rooting for them constantly (even though their franchise has seen far better days). And I'm not a Tampa Bay Rays fan either but more of a mark for whoever is facing the Red Sox. You've got to admit however that the Rays Cinderella season has made for a great story and actually gave me a reason to watch baseball in 2008. The Rays are such a young talented team and great job tagging Evan Longoria their franchise player early on because that guy is going to be scary good. Its funny too with me being a semi-Yanks fan since Tampa Bay has reached success using their farm system much like New York did in the late 1990's. The Rays should have a relatively easy time handling the Phillies in route to their first ever World Series victory. Now if only there was a way to combine two of my favorite things.... baseball and Asian women. Cha ching!  And a late congratulations to Columns Forum standout CoLd for winning September Columnist of the Month. He may still be trying to nail down the consistency but the guy delivers every time out. He beat out Bloodline to win his first ever CotM. Keep an eye on this guy too because I bet he's going to be up here writing columns for the Main Page sooner rather than later. Also be on the lookout for his CotM piece which should be up any day now. I hear that it's going to be a collaboration of sorts which offers readers something different than what we're accustomed to from the average CotM winner. So basically, check it out right away or me and Hustle will bomb your house (apartment, condo, town home, trailer, etc) and defecate on your porch. Your front porch of course. Plug me like you've never plugged anything in your entire life. Blood is in the air but I kind of like it. Does that make me a sick bastard? - Blood Chronicles I-VI: The End of All Things to Come MadchucK likes to let the expletives fly but the guy does make some fine points. - The MadRanter: Perfect DVD Sucks / Orton Sucks / HBK Sucks / WWE Sucks Nighty night my good people. Even though I'm a little behind the clock, count on me being back 12 days from now with a brand new TMR for you all to drool over. Believe it or not, I actually contemplated giving up my Main Page spot over the last few days only to realize I'd be making an astronomical mistake. I fucking love this gig and giving it up should have never entered my thought process. Please forgive my stupidity. Anyways, what did you think of this? Are you sick to your stomach? Are you just sick in general and it had really nothing to do with my column? Let me know! Hit me up at (SkitzLOP@aol.com) if you've got any type of testicular fortitude. I'll be around. Never ever under any circumstances get married and you'll be alright. Later homies.
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