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Submitted by Hustle on Thursday, October 16, 2008 at 9:38 AM EST
 Good lookin out for the graphics work, Noc "Ain't nobody dope as me.. I'm just so fresh, so clean.." Sleepy Brown drops that little gem from Outkast's "So Fresh & So Clean", and it fits here just enough for me to use it. Welcome, one and all, to the silver anniversary of Hustle Is Posting Right Now. I'm the man called "New Money", they say I have no class.. hell if I care, cause I'm just here to get my cash (good lookin out on that, Calvin).. bourgie-ass bitches, they can kiss my ass. Indeed, it's Hustle, back in the building and coming with the sickness, so get your vaccines. Damn.. the 25th edition of HIPRN. That's just pure unadulterated craziness right there. Thanks to every single one of you that is riding with me, whether you've been along from the beginning or just hopped on board. There's no better time than right now to get started, so let's get it poppin like bad silicone implants. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!! WrestleMania 25.. Reliant Stadium.. Houston, Texas.. April 5th, 2009. It's the silver anniversary of the biggest pro wrestling show ever created. Each and every year, WWE tries to pull out all the stops for WrestleMania, and with the 25th one creeping up on us, you just know it's going to be even bigger and even better. Before this year's edition of WrestleMania even arrived, there were rumored ideas for next year's show floating around on the internet. In front of his home state fans, will it be The Undertaker's final WrestleMania? In front of his home state fans, will it be Shawn Michaels' final WrestleMania? Will WWE have the balls to have John Cena end The Undertaker's undefeated streak at Mania? How will the company top this year's Hall Of Fame ceremony, with Ric Flair being inducted and The Rock there for a speech? There are lots and lots of questions, and it's probably far too early to really try and answer those questions, but I don't like to always do the "usual", so trying to answer those questions is exactly what I plan on doing here. I'm looking to get my Miss Cleo on (call me noooow fer yer freeee reedin~!) and make some predictions and educated guesses as to what we'll be witnessing during that special weekend. First up, we'll work with the night before WrestleMania itself, and let's take a look at who I think will come together to form the WWE Hall Of Fame Class Of 2009.. Two of the first names that came to my mind for possible induction into the Class Of 2009 were Jake "The Snake" Roberts and Ron Simmons. With both men having done time in rehab recently (both paid for by the company, by the way), I looked at it as something along the lines of Vince McMahon telling them that if they can prove to him and, most importantly, to themselves that they want to fix their lives and stay away from their personal demons, a reward will be theirs, with that reward being their inductions. With Roberts, it's a little tough to picture him staying clean for that long, if you know about his problems with addiction, but for the sake of this column, let's say he succeeds in that difficult aspect of his life. There are numerous people that could be chosen to induct Jake into the Hall, with names like Steve Austin, Paul Ellering, Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat, and Diamond Dallas Page in the mix. I'd go with Austin as my choice, though, to add another "name" to the ceremony. For Simmons, it would almost certainly be his long-time tag team partner, JBL, that would induct him. I'd almost be shocked if it were anybody else, unless there's some sort of deep-rooted hatred between both men that was never reported or something. I suppose, for the sake of drawing interest from the world of sports, WWE could reach out to the legendary Head Coach of the Florida State Seminoles (and the man who coached Simmons during his fantastic career there), Bobby Bowden, to do the honors, but spring camps and workouts will have begun around the time of WrestleMania 25, so I doubt that Coach Bowden would have the time to make a trip to Houston, even for a day or two. Other names that I predict will be inducted, as well as my picks for who will induct them: - Terry Funk (or, perhaps with his brother, Dory Funk Jr, as a tag team), inducted by Tommy Dreamer - "General" Skandor Akbar, inducted by Percy Pringle aka Paul Bearer - Ted DiBiase, inducted by Mike Rotunda aka Irwin R Schyster (or perhaps by Ted's sons, Ted Jr, Mike & Brett) - "The Doctor Of Style" Slick, inducted by Theodore Long My pick for the "headliner" of the class is a choice that a lot of people are going to disagree with. Not because they don't think this person deserves to be in, but because they don't think this person will ever be given a chance to get in. To be really honest with you folks, I still don't know how much of me actually thinks this person will be inducted, and how much of me is just making a wild prediction just for the hope of it coming true, which would then give me the chance to say I called it first. In case you haven't figured it out, I'm referring to none other than "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Vince McMahon has shown that he isn't against burying the hatchet with anybody that he's ever crossed paths with, especially if there's money to be made in doing so, and I fail to see why Savage would be any different. A few columns back, I mentioned the "urban legend" about Savage having some not-so-legal contact with a then-underaged Stephanie McMahon, which many people claim is the reason why Macho has been ignored by Vince through the years. I also said that I don't think the rumor is true. Whatever it is that Vince is upset about (or whatever it is that Savage is upset about), I'm hoping for it to get taken care of in the next few months so that things can be right in the wrestling world, and a man who is as deserving as anybody to ever lace up a pair of wrestling boots can become a Hall Of Famer. If Savage gets in, I'm going out on a crazy limb here by saying that Hulk Hogan and Lex Luger can probably have their names scratched off of a "potential inductor" list. I would think that Ricky Steamboat gets the nod for that honor, although names like Ric Flair, Jerry Lawler, Jimmy Hart, and Diamond Dallas Page would also be fitting choices. When people think of "Randy Savage" and "WWF", they usually think of "Hulk Hogan" or "Ricky Steamboat", as well, which is why I'm choosing Steamboat here. That would give us 7 inductees (8, if Dory Funk Jr goes in alongside his brother), which is a nice-sized class. For reference, 8 names went into the HoF this year, so the number isn't too small or too large. As an added bonus, the class I listed has a distinct Texas flavor to it, with the Funks, Skandor Akbar, and Slick being inducted, as well as Steve Austin inducting Jake Roberts. Yeah, I think I like how that class looks. With Saturday night out of the way, it's time to move on to Sunday.. time to move on to WrestleMania 25 itself. Just for the sake of suspense, I'll work my way up the card, ending with my pick of what will close the show. I don't wanna shoot my load too early, of course. Nope. Definitely can't have that. It'll make for a better column read if I do it this way. Besides.. what are any of you going to say? No? Psshh.. my column, my rules. First up.. There were early rumors that Layla was brought to the Raw roster during the Supplemental Draft because she was going to be the next WWE Diva to pose for Playboy. Allow me to say a couple things to that.. 1. Thank you, Jesus. 2. Hef, I swear, if you don't keep her hair straightened for that pictorial, I will break your legs. With the recent word from Kelly Kelly that she won't be posing for Playboy, it's looking more and more like Layla will be gracing the pages of a softcore pornography magazine. If she's going to be taking no0diez for the world to see, she's going to be involved in a high-profile storyline on Raw, whether people like it or not. Hey, come to think of it, she already is, in a way, isn't she? It may not be main eventing every week, but the entire Jamie Noble/William Regal/Layla storyline has been going on for a while now, and it gets plenty of time in comparison to a lot of midcard feuds through the years. However, with that said, I'm going to go against the grain a bit. Sure, Layla will remain involved in storylines during that time, but she won't be wrestling at WrestleMania. Instead, I'm picking a feud that has been put on the back burner because of an injury. WWE Women's Champion Beth Phoenix will still have the title heading into Mania, in my opinion, giving her a really strong 7-and-a-half month reign of momentum to build on. Her opponent at Mania will be someone who has been out of action since late-June because of a heel injury, which put the kibosh on her feud with Beth that was just starting out. Of course, I'm talking about Melina. Word on her return to the ring ranges from "early-January" (sort of a best-case scenario) to "early-February" (sort of a safe scenario), which would be just enough time to restart the feud with Beth, as well as allowing her to shake off any ring rust she may have before the biggest show of the year. With both women being amongst the best female wrestlers in the company, and with their feud already developing, it will make for a much better addition to the card than a random throwaway match that ties into Playboy somehow.  Money In The Bank is something that people look forward to every year, and for good reason. I'm sure that next year's edition will be as special as the previous ones. For the match, I'm going to add Shelton Benjamin to the mix. Some people dislike his wrestling style, and that's perfectly understandable, but he's built for this style like a tailor-made suit. I enjoy seeing him in matches like these, no matter what feud he's involved in going into the show, and no matter if he's on a roll or not. My next addition to this match is a relative newcomer to the company, but someone that has won fans over almost immediately with his breath-taking athleticism. Yes, I'm talking about Evan Bourne. Go ahead and picture him hitting the Shooting Star Press off the top of a ladder.. go for it.. I'll wait. Welcome back. Wasn't that awesome? He'll up the excitement level in this match by leaps and bounds. My next choice is someone that I've been a big fan of since he first arrived in WWE, and although his career hasn't exactly been on the upswing in recent months, he's still a solid midcarder/upper-midcarder on the Smackdown brand. MVP.. come on down. It's always good to have someone involved in MitB that isn't a smaller wrestler, just for the contrast, if for nothing else. If that wrestler also has the capability to have big "spots" in his matches, that's an added bonus. Hmm.. a larger, "power" wrestler.. someone who has been involved in big spots before, either dishing them out or taking them himself.. that sounds an awful lot like my next participant in MitB, Umaga (by the way, for those of you who read the results for the recent FCW show, and who also read my most recent column.. I TOLD YOU Umaga was returning much sooner than later. My sources were correct). Next up is someone I've been debating about for a while now. I think he may be "above" this level to the point where he doesn't need to be in the match, but at the same time, I just couldn't, for the life of me, find another spot for him on the show, and he's far too over to be doing nothing all night long. I had to go with Kofi Kingston for this spot. For the final slot in this match, I went back to the "smaller, high-flying, exciting" formula, and I went with The Brian Kendrick. A match like this can't get too many guys like Kendrick involved, in my opinion.  The ECW Title, in the eyes of many (some of which happen to be in charge of WWE booking, apparently), is nothing more than a glorified midcard belt. Even the biggest fans of the ECW brand would be hard-pressed to argue that point. Matt Hardy looks to have used that to his advantage. Long considered the "other Hardy brother", Matt went to ECW and was almost instantly given "big fish in a small pond" status. In my opinion, his in-ring work has actually improved a bit since he switched brands. If only I could say the same about his mic skills, but that's an argument for another column. Matt's gotten some nice momentum built up thus far, and look for that to continue on through the rest of 2008 and into 2009, taking us into April and WrestleMania 25. His opponent that night will be someone he's been in the ring with on several occasions, and a former ECW World Champion in his own right.  If you'll allow me to have a little bit of fun with this one, I decided to go with a tried-and-true WrestleMania matchup (Badass VS Badass), but with a bit of a twist. In one corner, you have a man who took part in this type of a match in Orlando this year for WrestleMania.. Batista. In the other corner, you have a man who isn't even on the WWE roster at the moment, and while it may be a bit of "wishful thinking", odds are that this isn't anywhere near as far-fetched as a lot of you might think it is.. Samoa Joe. Again, this is more for my own joy and amusement. As a matter of fact, if you asked me, straight up, if I actually think this match will happen, I'd say that it won't. A part of me just wanted to put this here just to see the types of feedback I'd get for the idea. By the way, the main reason that I would even think to include Joe here is because I can't think of any logical reason for TNA to have Joe drop the TNA World Title to Sting unless Joe was set to leave the company sometime in the not-too-distant future. That's gotta be why they did what they did, right? RIGHT?!?  The next match is the first in a series of interpromotional matches to round out the card, which is a bit of an easy way out for me, but it's my column, so I'll do as I wish, a-thank you. This one, however, is a bit of a strange pick. What makes it strange is that both of these men are heels. They're great heels, at that, so it would be tough to imagine one of them going face, even if it was just for this one feud. Both men are huge stars who have main evented WrestleManias in the past, and are some of the best at what they do, but damn.. a heel VS heel match this deep on a Mania card? I might be losing it here, but it isn't like these two have never had any interaction before, as they're former tag team partners (who also held tag team gold). The fan reaction for this match would be something to monitor very closely. So much so, that if a face turn doesn't happen for one of these men leading into the match itself, we could get one based on the crowd response alone. That makes it a worthwhile pick, in my opinion. In case you still haven't figured out who I'm referring to, I'm talking about Randy Orton and Edge. This one could be really fun.  The next match-up is the World Heavyweight Championship bout, and I'm going to go in the direction of a Triple Threat, with the competitors having a lot of comparisons between themselves from members of the IWC. Participant #1 is the current holder of this particular belt, and one that I wouldn't be surprised at all to see still holding the belt come WrestleMania.. Chris Jericho. Participant #2 is a man who has been in the middle of an EPIC feud with Chris Jericho since THIS YEAR'S edition of WrestleMania.. Shawn Michaels. The final participant is the man who was the World Champion before losing the belt (without being pinned or made to submit, of course), allowing Jericho to take part in the Championship Scramble and become the new champion.. CM Punk. To clarify things a bit, having Jericho and Michaels in this match doesn't mean that I think they'll be feuding for an entire year, but when you really stop and think about it.. would any of you be shocked if they did? It's still more of a longshot than anything else, but there aren't that many PPVs between now and WrestleMania, and the next one is one that will allow their feud to continue without actually having them wrestling each other. After Cyber Sunday, there are a grand total of four PPVs until Mania, and two of those (Survivor Series and Royal Rumble) have ways (Elimination Tag and the Rumble match itself) that they can continue the feud without having to be in one-on-one matches every single month. Again, it isn't as wild and crazy of an idea as it may appear at face value.  I can't even begin to describe how much I hope this next match happens. Even if I was going to be watching WrestleMania 25 on PPV, I'd kill for this match, but the fact that I'm going to be there in person at Reliant Stadium.. man alive, that just boosts my excitement level tenfold. At this point, it's almost to the level where I'd be disappointed if we DON'T get this match. On one hand, you have the man who is (arguably) THE name that comes to mind when you think about WrestleMania. He carries an aura, a mystique, and an undefeated Mania record with him. Of course, I'm talking about The Undertaker. My selection for his opponent should be no surprise to anybody following my talk about how excited I am about the prospects of this match taking place. Taker's opponent will be none other than the man with (arguably, again) the loudest overall fan reactions in the entire company, and a man with a lot to prove in his desire to have a big 2009 after having a subpar (for him) 2008. Ladies and gentleman, if you haven't figured out that I'm talking about John Cena, shame on you.  Time for the main event of the evening. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Taker VS Cena was chosen for the main event of the night, but just to avoid the "mark" pick of giving Cena the final match on the card, I figure I'd go with this one instead. The WWE Title is (arguably.. yes, I used that word again) the top title in all of professional wrestling right now, so it's not like I'm choosing the World Tag Team Titles to close out the show (ZOMG spoylerz~!!1!11!). Triple H seems to have a stranglehold on the title at the moment, and I don't think that changes anytime soon. However, even the biggest Triple H haters who like to claim that he wins too often, etc, will admit that he doesn't seem to have a problem with coming out on the short end at WrestleMania. That makes this match a little more believable, because my choice for Triple H's opponent is someone who has faced him several times and couldn't take the title from him. Yes, gay men and teenage girls, I'm giving Jeff Hardy the main event of the largest show of the year. God help me.  That just about does it, folks. That was.. wait, hold on.. you what? You want to know who I'm picking to win the matches, too? Well, that's quite needy of you, don't you think? However, because this is a milestone edition of HIPRN, and because I'm as nice of a person as you'll ever meet in your life, I'll give you what you want. Let's hit the rewind button real quick.. Beth Phoenix VS Melina: I'd really look forward to this match if it was announced. They were just starting to build up something nice before Melina got injured, and the match quality would be better than just about any combination of women they could throw in the ring. Beth has had a great run as Women's Champion, and she's brought a level of credibility and respectability to the division that it hasn't seen in a while. I think her run as champion ends in Houston, though. In a solid, 7-8 minute match, look for Melina to get the pinfall on "The Glamazon", with an emotional celebration to follow. Winner: Melina Money In The Bank: These matches are usually so difficult for me to predict, but I still have fun trying, anyway. The mark in me wants to just go ahead and say that MVP will win this match, but I don't think it's quite that easy of a selection. What IS easy for me to figure out here is that the winner of this match will be "made" by the match. By that, I mean that none of the men I've chosen to compete here are legitimate main event guys, and the winner will use this momentum to boost himself to that level. I don't think the winner of this match will wait until WrestleMania 26 to cash in his title shot, but it's not like that's never happened before. Honestly, and you can call this a hunch, or whatever you like, but I think it's going to be Evan Bourne's time to shine here. For those wondering.. yes, he will hit a Shooting Star Press off of a ladder in this match, and it'll end up as THE visual we remember from the show. Winner: Evan Bourne Matt Hardy VS John Morrison: Regardless of your feelings towards the current incarnation of ECW, you've got to know that their match at Mania won't exactly be getting a large chunk of time to make things happen. They might as well pack as much excitement into the match as they can, though, and this pairing will provide that. They've been in the ring together before, so there's chemistry between them (no homo), and neither one of them brings a slow, methodical lumbering pace to their matches. Not that I disagree with the move, but the company is really high on Matt Hardy apparently, and they seem to want to push him in this role. I have no doubts that he can succeed in said role, and that includes going over Morrison here in a 10-12 minute match. Winner: Matt Hardy Batista VS Samoa Joe: You know, I still can't really believe I even included this match here. With that said, Samoa Joe absolutely has to win this, in my opinion. Not that he needs to go on a huge undefeated streak upon his arrival in the company, but for him to debut with the company and have his momentum cut off at the knees by losing in a match at Mania wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, and leaving TNA is supposed to take Joe away from the booking decisions that don't make sense. It doesn't have to be a clean victory here, but it needs to be some sort of a victory for Joe. I'd really like to see Batista take the Muscle Buster, though. That would make me mark out. Then again, it would also make me mark out to see Batista get choked out. Eh, either way. Whatever's clevers. Winner: Samoa Joe Randy Orton VS Edge: As is the usual with heel VS heel matches, this one would be a bit tricky to pick a winner for. I don't think it'll end cleanly, though, which isn't exactly going out on a limb. I'm not going to say that a face turn WILL happen during this match, but if there IS one, it'll be Orton that turns, as he gets far more face pops than Edge got before he was sent on a temporary vacation at SummerSlam. With Orton getting the better face reaction, Edge would be "heeling it up", either to end the match, or possibly even after the match. Honestly, I'd go with him cheating to win the match somehow, keeping Orton strong because he didn't get pinned cleanly, and putting himself over more as a dastardly heel. They can always hook up down the line somewhere for their rematch, too, so it's not like Orton wouldn't have a shot at revenge. Winner: Edge Chris Jericho VS Shawn Michaels VS CM Punk: I have no doubts that these guys could go in there and put on a helluva match with each other. Jericho and Michaels, obviously, have shown what they're capable of when they wrestle each other, and the combination of Jericho and Punk hasn't been very shabby, either. With Punk "losing" the title the way he did, and the following few months of being booked to remain strong in the face of that, I think the company still has big plans for the guy. He remains as over as just about any face on the roster, and he's still showing the ability to match-up against different types of wrestlers. Versatility in the wrestling business is a huge key to success. He's going to be just fine, haters. This is the match where he finally gets his revenge for being taken out and having to watch Jericho walk out with HIS title. Winner: CM Punk The Undertaker VS John Cena: The placement of this match on the card should almost give away the direction I think the company would be going here. The company usually likes to end WrestleMania with a happy moment for the crowd.. a "feel-good memory", if you will. For this match, that would require the hometown boy getting the victory over someone who is going to get a HUGE heel response from the crowd. As a wise philosopher once said.. NOT SO FAST, MY FRIEND. Taker's streak isn't going to be taken into retirement with him, and really, all ignorant Cena-hate aside, can any of you actually think of a better person to end it than the man who is the company's "Golden Child"? The person who ends Taker's streak needs to already have credibility stored away, not be using the victory to actually gain credibility, so that takes care of midcarders and people like Kane (sorry, Kane-a-nites). The fans will be white-hot throughout this entire match, which will make the 20-25 minutes they get seem like it's breezing by. Look for Cena to pin Taker after multiple FUs, as I'm not crazy enough to say that Cena will make Taker tap to the STFU. After the match is over, make sure you have your televisions turned up to the maximum volume so you can hear me marking out like a little girl, with my voice drowning out the thousands of Cena Haters in the crowd all by itself. You may even see me run into the ring and celebrate with John. Who knows? Winner: John Cena Triple H VS Jeff Hardy: Like I said in the previous match, the placement of this one on my card should pretty much give away where I think the match is going. Much has been made about Jeff's inability to win "the big one". So much effort has been put into getting that over, in fact, that I'd think it's happening for a reason. They're going to push it to the absolute maximum, until people are almost at the point where they don't think Jeff ever will win, and then BAM.. Jeff Hardy is the brand new WWE Champion. Here's to hoping that Jeff doesn't overthink things and try too hard in the absolute biggest match of his entire career, and that he just lets things flow. In another 25 or so minute match, Jeff hits Swanton #2 to get the pin, followed by a handshake with Triple H, and then an in-ring celebration with big brother Matt. Winner: Jeff Hardy That gives us Jeff Hardy as the WWE Champion, with Edge as a possible first feud for him, and Evan Bourne waiting in the wings with his MitB title shot (I don't think they're ready for him to main event the "A" show yet). Obviously, Triple H would stay in the mix, as well. On Raw, you'd have CM Punk as the World Heavyweight Champion, with John Cena lining up for the next shot. Every feud mentioned, or even hinted at, in this paragraph sounds like a lot of fun to me. Jeff Hardy VS Edge would be awesome, while Hardy VS Bourne could be as exciting as any match in recent wrestling history, and that's not even much of an exaggeration. Thank you to the following for helping me create ideas for this column: - The number 25 - A mind that just won't stop - Attending my first live WrestleMania this year - The WrestleMania 24 DVD - H-Town Thank you to the following for helping me get through this column: - John Legend's "Evolver" album - Devin The Dude's "Landing Gear" album - Bone Thugs N Harmony's "E.1999 Eternal" album - Lauren London - Reagan Gomez-Preston Writer's Note: Special thanks to LoPForums.com's own, airwaves, for handling my last-minute graphics request for this column. You came through big-time, man, and I appreciate that. Now I won't have to shoot you. Consider yourself lucky. Real talk, though.. I'm sorry that my requests kept you up beyond your bedtime. Get at me about that collabo. Writer's Note Part Deux: Yes, I realize there are some big names I left off of the card, but fear not, faithful readers.. they'll all be a part of the annual pre-show Battle Royal, along with some not-so-big names, as well. I didn't include the Battle Royal in with these predictions, because let's be honest here.. other than the fans that are live in attendance, are any of you actually going to give a rat's ass about the match until it comes out on DVD? No, you won't, so I left it out. If you must know, however, Rey Mysterio will win. Well, v25 is now in the books. Another milestone up, another milestone down. The HIPRN train just keeps on chugging along, and I thank you all for riding with me. Like in some of my previous columns, there's probably a more ideal time to talk about what I've talked about here, but I march to the beat of my own drum. That's how I roll, son. You know the bidness by now, all my slices of home cheese.. one week from now.. same Hustle time, same Hustle page.. be here for the 26th edition of Hustle Is Posting Right Now. I might even try to make sure it isn't some sort of a list column, but I can't make any promises. Until then, I'm out like stains with Shout, nah'mean? Before I go, I have a friend of mine who wants to deliver an important Public Service Announcement. Ladies and gentlemen.. Ming-Ming Duckling..  Before anybody asks.. yes, I am rather embarrassed that I've included that in this column. From an expensive apartment in paradise, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa. "Life can change ya directions, even when you ain't planned it.. all you can do is handle it.. worst thing you can do is panic.. use it to your advantage.. avoid insanity.. manage to conquer every obstacle.. make impossible possible.. even when winning's illogical, losing's still far from optional.." Hustle HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com 
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