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Submitted by XanMan on Wednesday, October 15, 2008 at 1:42 PM EST
 "When stupidity is a sufficient explanation, there is no need to have recourse to any other."--Mitchell Ulmann I've never claimed to be the smartest guy in the world, but why the hell is TNA so fucking stupid? I just don't get it. They continually have the chance to grasp the world in the palm of their hand and every fucking time, they let it slip through their fingers, and it's getting to the point where I can't even consider it to be unintentional. It certainly appears to me at least that these idiots are grabbing the brass ring that Triple H keeps speaking so eloquently about and tossing it out the fucking window into a fathoms deep pool of tar and hoping that they can locate it, dig it out, and go through the whole process over again. Seriously, what in the goddamn hell is wrong with them? I don't know who's running TNA right now. At the last PPV, in the middle of the AJ Styles/Frank Trigg "match" the crowd chanted "Fire Russo." If the other Vince is actually the one in charge of--again, as Triple H so eloquently put it--booking this crap, I agree. If it's Kevin Nash, Jeff Jarrett, Jim Cornette, or Ms. Dixie Carter herself, guess what? I still agree. And, yes, I realize Carter can't fire herself, but she can sure as shit grab a needle, some fabric, and a nice comfy chair and knit me a fucking sweater. Tell you what, let's start with the tag division. Do you know who the champs are? Probably not, as TNA is apparently watched by less than a 10th of the wrestling watching public, and with good reason. It's "(Tennessee) Cowboy" James Storm and Robert "Don't Call Me Bobby No More" Roode. Remember back when Storm was part of the greatest tag team of all time and Roode was running around with Team Canada? Yeah, me too. Instead of keeping Team Canada together, they decided to split them up in a move that has had mixed results at best. Petey Williams has been amazing at times in the X Division, but as I recall he was amazing in that division all the time as part of Team Canada. Johnny Devine picks up and eats shit from the Dudley Boys. Eric Young is running around in a cape calling himself Super Eric in a role that's obviously going to go absolutely nowhere. And Roode was in a headlining program against Booker T mere months ago, and is now back to being a team player. James Storm, of course, is back to being a team player because he never should have been anything else. Chris Harris may have grown lazy and out of shape after being passed over time and again by TNA's awesome talent evaluating management, but he was still, as I have said many times the class of America's Most Wanted and--at one time--possibly even the entire promotion. So in order to correct the obviously grievous errors made in the past, the current book calls for these ragtag members of previously highly successful teams to be paired together, and that's all fine and dandy, but I'm supposed to believe that in a promotion that boasts the team formerly known as The Dudley Boys(and why the hell didn't they just go with The Deadly Boys instead of Team 3D?), the Latin American Exchange, a pair of monsters in Abyss and Matt Morgan, Christian Cage and Rhyno, and, of course, the real best tag team in the world: The Murder(it's not Motor, you dumb fucks) City Machine Guns; Beer Money is the absolute best? Ridiculous. Yes, it's scripted, but goddamit, even in the scripted world of wrestling the best people should hold the belts at some point. In this organization, there currently isn't a single champion that anyone can legitimately say is a) The best that the division has to offer or b) the most over in the division. Is it me, or is there something very wrong with that situation? I'm going to assume it isn't me, if it's all the same to you. "It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful."--Anton Levay Here's another example: why the bloody fuck is Prince Abdul Bashir the X Division Champion? And, here's an even better one for you: how in the hell can you call Bound For Glory your biggest show of the year and have the title that put you on the goddamned map be challenged for by Consequences Creed? There's no goddamned way in the world you can tell me that the best two guys in the X Division right now are the guy that used to translate for the man who got the rawest deal in the history of the fucking business--Mohammed Hassan--and the guy who was once managed to a TNA World Tag Team Title with Ron "The Truth" Killings by Adam "Pacman" "Don't Call Me Pacman unless you're my teammate" "I fucked up yet a-goddamned-gain" Jones are the two abosolute best that the X Division has to offer. Not only does that argument hold no water, but the entire goddamned ground is flooded. Yeah, I'm cursing a lot. I told you, I'm tired and pissed. I think I have every right to be, as does anybody who paid money to help get TNA off the ground. This is not the kind of shit that I supported way back when. You know what kind of X-Division matches we got once upon a time in TNA? We got Chris Sabin vs. Michael Shane vs. Frankie Kazarian. We got Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles--and many matches involving those three one on one. You want to watch the entire series of them? Here, go download the entire thing. It fucking rocks. You know what else rocked? The triple threat match between Styles, Jerry Lynn, and Low Ki for the strap and its Triple Ladder rematch. Those were the times in which the X Title meant something. You know why it doesn't mean anything now? If you've been paying attention you do. The people that run TNA are fucking idiots. A few weeks ago on Impact!, they had another triple threat X Division match. This one wasn't for the title; instead it was for the #1 contendership. Want to know who was booked in this "classic?" I'm going to tell you anyway. It was Sonjay Dutt and the two guys who just fought over the championship: Bashir and Creed, and you know what? It was a complete fucking brawl that made me want my money back for a free show, the same way I wanted it back for Bound For Glory's match. It wasn't necessarily that Bashir and Creed put on a bad match; they didn't, but it wasn't an X Division match. There were restholds galore, brawling all over the place, and a distinct lack of cruiserweight style wrestling. Yes, I know, the X Division isn't about weight limits, it's about no limits, but this was ridiculous. I'm sure you're wondering, "Well, Xan, didn't you know going in who the competitors would be going into the match? Surely you weren't expecting a classic." When an organization--even one as ill run and pathetic as Total Nonstop Action--bills an event as its biggest show of the year, you expect them to pull out all the stops. So, while I understand the limitations of both men, I expected them to at least attempt to pull out the best match they could. They clearly didn't. There is no lack of talent in the X Division, and yet two of the three that least fit into it were put center stage and wrestled a very mediocre match. Hell, a 3 Way Dance between the Prince Justice Brotherhood would have been better. At least those guys know not to kick out before the ref hits 3 on the move that's booked to be the deciding pinfall. "We're in a giant car, heading towards a brick wall and everyone's arguing over where they're going to sit."--David Suzuki You know, I intended to write a section on each division in TNA, but while Supes wrote an entire column about just one of its members, I don't know that right now I can really muster up three paragraphs worth on the Knockout Division. I think since it's inception this division has been the brightest light in the organization, much like the X Division was when Total Nonstop Action first started, was called by the initials NWATNA, and I was paying ten bucks every other week to watch what was the best, most complete wrestling show out there. I think the Knockouts division has been a success for TNA because, much like when the X first started, they've got a wealth of talent the majority of the viewing public hasn't seen before and wants to see more of, and it has been booked very well since the start. That probably leads me to the biggest mistake I believe TNA has made with the division and why I'm getting pretty annoyed with both it and their original knockout now. You know, I may just be able to do a whole section after all. I don't mean to suggest that Gail Kim was the first female commodity TNA ever had; she's far from it. Trinity was amazing during her stay in the organization both as a member of Sports Entertainment Xtreme and as valet for Kid Kash, Traci Brooks has been there almost from the word "go," before Mickey James stalked Trish Stratus on the way to the WWF Women's Title, she was part of Raven's stable The Gathering as Alexis Laree along with former ROH and WWF Champ, CM Punk, and, of course, there was the ditzy blonde interviewer who thought she had a career in Hollywood beckoning, Goldilocks. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, Christy Hemme was also in TNA before Kim. But, Gail Kim somehow became popular with the fans even as a valet to America's Most Wanted after they'd become vicious heels, and thus it was she who became the inaugural Knockout Champion and has been declared by that awesome announce team of Mike Tenay and Don West to have put the division on the map, though she was actually injured shortly after winning the title. You don't put a division on the map just because you're the first champion of it. AJ Styles didn't make the X Division because he won the title first, he made it by having classic match after classic feud. Likewise, Gail Kim didn't make the Knockout Division. If you think I'm rewriting history a bit here, I cry your pardon, but really, who's the longest reigning Knockout to this point? Awesome Kong, and on paper she should still be the most dominant female. I don't know why they never really allowed the feud between Kong and Kim to end properly. Perhaps it's because they knew Gail's contract was running out soon and didn't know if she was going to re-sign, or perhaps it's because they're just simply--you guessed it!--idiots, but the fact remains that the organization has seriously underestimated the importance of her to that division. For her part, though, Gail Kim has also seriously underestimated how going back to the WWF will impact her career and legacy; especially after the way they treated her the first time. Right now, I think Taylor Wilde is probably the right person to be holding the TNA Championship, but if all parties come to their senses and make an intelligent compromise, that title should be hotshotted back to Kong so the Kim/Kong feud can play out to its conclusion. Until then, this remains a black mark. "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits."--Albert Einstein But, at least it's the smallest black mark in the promotion. The biggest? The fact that TNA continues to make the mistake of overpaying for washed up talent instead of putting their money where their future is. They should offer Gail Kim more money to come back, and they should let Sting go. Yes, he's currently their World Champion, but what does he really do for them? There was a time that adding Sting to the promotion was a fairly good idea, but never on a permanent basis, and certainly not now. Anybody who has ever followed TNA seriously has been begging them for years to cut out this nonsense of pushing high priced older stars ahead of the up-and-comers. TNA is a lot like the WWF in ways that it should not be, but one thing that they have always done a pretty good job of is picking up talent from other promotions and bringing them to a national stage. They need to now--as they have for years--take that step to its logical conclusion; and that conclusion is not, I repeat, NOT to have the best wrestler in your promotion job out to a washed-up has been. I cry pardon to all of those reading this who are still "Little Stingers" at heart, but Sting is not the answer for this organization to succeed. What Sting should be there for right now is to put over the youngsters that are the future of the industry, not to try to relive his glory days(no pun intended, though it's a fairly subtle and good one) by having them job to him so that he can hoist that big gold belt over his head another time. I don't believe the story the organization is currently running that's been dubbed both "The Respect"" and "The New Millionaires Club" angle was doomed to fail from the start, but I honestly don't see how it can succeed now. This angle should have pushed the old guard like Booker T, Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash, and Sting to the side so that the younger guys like Styles, Joe, Kaz, Daniels, Shelley, and Sabin could receive the torch and help the organization continue; so that they could lead them to the future. Instead, they give us the same old shit. I might have a different opinion if the other matches had gone the other way. As it stands, though, we've got Sting as World Champ instead of Joe, with the announcement made before the match even took place that there would be no rematch. We've got Booker T coming out on top against Christian Cage and AJ Styles. And, of course, Mick Foley helping Jeff Jarrett defeat Kurt Angle. So, the "pavers of the way" are now up 2 matches to 1, and the only one of the "young guys" that won is the guy who dominated the organization for years before letting Angle do the same--Jarrett. Meanwhile, Styles and Joe get to job to guys that they are obviously and clearly better than. Yeah, I know, I should let the story play out; the heels have to win some battles in order for the heroes to win the war. But, you know what? It sure as fuck feels like we've seen this story before and every goddamned time, TNA shoves their old guard big name no pay-off bullshit down our throats. I'm tired of being their sucker, I'm tired of being tricked, and I'm sick of guys like Joe and Styles always getting the short end. The future should be now for this company, and they refuse to grasp it. Because they're a bunch of fucking idiots. Thinking not allowed? As if they could. Long days, pleasant nights Points of Light These are the columns that I believe to be the best posted in the LOP Columns Forum over the last 14 days. I suppose you could call them plugs, but these are the recent columns I see as shining examples of stellar work: The Flame by Skaos3010--It's quite long, but well worth the time it takes to read. History Of: The Territories by Sean Taylor The Madranter--Perfect DVD Sucks... by Madchuck Project Cloverfield Vol. VII by James A. You can send any comments by email to me at XanManX@hotmail.com with the words "Northern Star" or "feedback" in the subject line or you can click here to leave feedback if you're a member of The Lop Forums. The Northern Star will rise again, until then... Be Well
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