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Submitted by Morpheus on Friday, October 10, 2008 at 3:51 AM EST
 Volume Sixty-Two – The Company Ink 10/09/2008 Welcome, Dreamers, to the slightly overdue and grossly underpaid Sixty-Second Edition of Enter The Dream Realm. I am Morpheus, Master of the Dreaming, and I will be your guide through this land of Nightmares and Dreamscapes. I managed to get caught up in some serious research workloads over the last few weeks, which is why this little monthly slice of heaven ended up actually being delayed by about two weeks, and for that I sincerely apologize. Seriously, September, I'll make it up to you next year, I promise. Also, to those of you that emailed me that ended up getting a response long after you sent your email, I do apologize. I am trying something new by having all of my email accounts filter through a single Gmail source, and I am still working out some of the bugs. Hopefully I've got it mostly worked out now and will have some faster turnaround. I had a decent couple of weeks over the last fortnight or so. I had another paper published, this one in the international journal High Pressure Research. Anyone who is overly curious and/or more than mildly masochistic can check that bad boy out HERE. Now, after a ten-plus hour drive this past Friday, I am spending a week in lovely downtown Columbus, OH on a research trip where I am working on preparing Diamond Anvil Cells for my X-Ray time at the end of the month. The upside? I'm working in my wife's lab, so I get to spend some quality time with the little lady. So how am I spending that good old quality time, you ask? By ignoring her and writing a column for an internet wrestling news site. Good times. Enough banter. Hopefully you will find this sojourn through the Dream Realm both enlightening and entertaining. So, without any further ado, let the Dreams begin!  - Line Of The Month: Jim Ross's Blog – kmSlick7 asks: "Hey JR, How's it going? Do you consider Jeff Jarrett as one of the greatest champions in wrestling history? He held 10 world championships by becoming a 4 time WCW world champion, and becoming a 6 time NWA champion. Plus he had a record for being a 6 time Intercontinental Champion, but Jericho broke his 6 with an 8. He's still in second place. Just wanted to get your opinion on this. Thanks." Jim Ross responds: "No." - Seriously, if you're not keeping up with Jim Ross's blog (and not just the snippets here on the LOP news page, but the full blog and Q&A sessions) you are really missing out on some good stuff. Anybody who PWNs Jeff Jarrett so effortlessly is ok by me. - It would appear that SmackDown!'s move from its old home to MyNetwork worked out well for everyone but their old CW stomping grounds. The debut show pulled a respectable 2.4 rating, which is on par with what they were doing on the CW and was by far the highest rating anything has ever received on MyNetwork. CW, on the other hand, had a peak of 1.3 in that old slot and finished last for the night. Hindsight, eh fellas? - In another interesting note regarding this switch of networks, as it turns out SmackDown! Will be available in 96% of the homes that were originally able to view it on the CW, so that "drastic drop" turns out not to be so bad after all, and as MyNetwork expands, that gap should close completely. Why is it then that in a poll conducted on the LOP Main Page, it says that 49% of voters do NOT get MyNetwork? Could it be that 49% of LOP readers live in the 4% of areas that lost access to the Blue Brand? - I want to say that I am absolutely loving Jericho as champ, and am enjoying a hearty told-you-so at the expense of the people who were so sure he would never make it there again because of one "WWE Sucks" issue or another. I was worried when I first heard about his lost tooth during the Ladder Match on Sunday, but thankfully is was only broken rather than completely knocked out, so it can be more easily repaired. Imagine how his promos and pompousness would have to change with the lisp that would set in? "Thekthy Beatht" just doesn't have the same ring to it…  YOUR Top Five Entrance Themes In the last edition of ETDR, I gave you all my picks for the Top Five Wrestling Entrance Themes of all time, and I found that there were a lot of you who both agreed and disagreed with me on that one. This time out, as promised, I am giving you Dreamers a chance to have your voices heard as you all picked YOUR choices for the top five, and some of the reasons behind those choices are given, along with credit to the person who wrote them. A total of 132 votes were received and tallied, and the winning five themes are shown below, along with their counts. If you disagree with the list this time out, you only have yourselves to blame. Let's do it, shall we? 5. Break The Walls Down – Chris Jericho – Receiving 7 votes put this classic theme at the bottom of our little list of Five. As reader JoeyShinobi puts it: "Don't think I need to go over this too much, everyone else seems to love it too. It has fitted Chris Jericho perfectly, regardless of whether he's out there to rib Stephanie about her fake boobs or tell Shawn Michaels he's a pathetic little worm." 4. Sexy Boy – Shawn Michaels – I would first off like to say that I did not know so many wrestling fans (well, at least 8 of them) were so gay. Then again, I did receive votes for Billy & Chuck and Too Cool. Secondly, I do have to admit that this one is a truly iconic entrance theme, even if the lyrics are somewhat sexually ambiguous. (I kid, I kid.) Bloodline may have put it best when he said: "The song has stood the test of time. It doesn't matter if you talk about the whinny 28 year old Shawn Michaels that didn't want to listen to anybody, or the 43 year old Shawn Michaels that's a born again Christian. His music stayed the same and it's a constant reminder of just who the The Showstopper is. When you hear it, you know it's him. You know exactly what you are fixing to get. Even 16 years after he started using it." 3. Glass Shatters – Stone Cold Steve Austin – Adrenaline rush in audio form. Long time friend of the Dream Realm and MNC Ziggety Z was one of 12 people who voted for this bad boy, gave this reason for doing so: "Like I said…crowd reaction. That glass breaks and you’d think Jesus is about to hit the ramp. A crunching guitar riff that perfectly accents his march to the ring. I’m sure if Austin had his own way, he would have come out to a country tune, but this was no bullcrap, bang your head against the wall, beer guzzling music. Most appropriate." 2. Real American – Hulk Hogan – See my gay comments above, but substitute the number 14 for 8 (not kidding here at all). LOP's resident Superfan tells us: "Hulk Hogan's theme song was without a doubt a great fit to his wholesome character and while it was cheesy 80's almost sitcom like style, reminding me of Full House's catchy theme song, it encapsulated Hulk Hogan as the American hero and always brought crowds to their feet. Ah, the good old days. I can still hear that black chick screeching at the top of her lungs with her background vocals." 1. The Game by Motorhead – HHH – Turns out my pick for the top slot was also the top pick of you Dreamers out there, garnering 19 votes for the top slot. As Sheepster very Britishly puts it: "I have seen Triple H wrestle twice, once at each end of the live-event-spectrum. I saw him just a few months ago at Wrestlemania XXIV. That was kinda cool. But I first saw him wrestle at an untelevised house show in Cardiff. The 2,000 people attending were enough to fill the arena. There wasn't a big screen, a stage or even a crappy sign saying "WWE RAW". Just a black curtain. That music was all we needed though. There weren't many people but when that first chord played, we made a hell of a racket. There were no flashy lights, no moving pictures, no smoke, no other extraneous bells and whistles. Just one single spotlight on Triple H... and that music."  The Company Ink Many professional workplaces, if not most, have a very strict and daunting policy regarding dating between employees. Basically, it boils down to the fact that any beyond-platonic relationships within the workplace are severely frowned upon, and often can be a serious enough offense that termination can be the result. Different places have different little catchphrases that they use to bring this rule to the attention of their workforce, such as "No fraternizing with your fellow employees," or, one of my personal favorites because it involves vulgarity, "Don't shit where you eat." I have no idea what that has to do with anything, but it is used quite often, I assure you. By far, however, the most common cute little saying used to deter intra-office dating, at least here in the good old U. S. of A. is the age-old "Don't dip your pen in the Company Ink." This one is definitely my favorite for a few reasons. First of all, you have the blatantly obvious sexual innuendo, which is always good when trying to tell your underlings not to undertake such biblically persecuted acts with one another. Second, it drives home the point that you are doing something you shouldn't be doing by likening it to another thing you shouldn't be doing: stealing from your job. It's a nice way of saying, "If you're going out of the house with the intent of shoplifting some trim, we won't stop you. Hell, we're all for it! But, you'd better not be doing it at your place of employment. We're watching you." In theory, there are a plethora of good reasons for having a policy like this in effect. For example, by decreasing the potential distractions of interpersonal relationships in the workplace, an increase in productivity can be expected. Of course, there are plenty of other ways to waste time at work, so this one really doesn't hold as much water as it used to. Especially since the advent of MySpace and Facebook. Employers also want to cover their asses as much as possible, and there can often be a fine line between harmless consensual flirting and sexual harassment, especially in today's hyper-sensitive, lawsuit-happy society. Perhaps the most compelling reason for such a policy, though, is the potential problem that can arise from a messy breakup. When a relationship reaches its conclusion on poor terms, oftentimes the only thing that stops the parties from murdering each other is the distance they can maintain between each other, which is obviously a solace that cannot be taken if the individuals are forced to see each other on a daily basis. This can lead to a great deal of unavoidable friction that employers simply do not want to be caught in the middle of, and with good reason. While a mandate banning interpersonal relationships in the work environment may be somewhat harsh and almost fascist in some ways, it is easy to see why many employers choose to take such measures to protect themselves, their employees, and their work environment. There are a couple of professions out there that I can think of off the top of my head that do not have such a policy in effect. Porn, animal husbandry, and international espionage all come to mind. Thankfully, Academia is also one of them. Sure, there are rules that must be followed regarding dating between students and teachers in the University setting, but those are obvious no-brainers. If you're sleeping with someone, you shouldn't be able to have control over the grade they get in a course. Common sense. Beyond such baseline requirements that are more for ethical reasons than anything else, the dating scene within the realm of Academia is largely a free market economy, for which I am very thankful, because it is through my work in this field that I met my wife. I attended a workshop in Chicago last December that was designed to present cutting-edge research and techniques in high pressure Mineral Physics and Materials Science. Since Mineral Physics and Geochemistry are what I do for a living, it was something I was looking forward to in expanding my horizons as a scientist. It turns out, in retrospect, that the meeting was much better than I anticipated for a very different reason that I intended, because it is there that I met my now-wife, Sara. On the first day of the workshop, I scanned the crowd and found who was undisputedly "The Hot Chick" at the conference. That afternoon at lunch, I decided to venture a shot at talking to her, figuring I would be shot down within mere seconds and could go about eating my lunch in a corner by myself in shame. Oddly enough, and I was quite shocked by this, she started to talk back. I didn't know how to handle this unprecedented success in first impressions with the opposite sex, so I tried to go with the flow and play it cool. Of course, I failed miserably and was as transparent as a picture window. Yet somehow, despite my fumblings, there was a definite connection between us, and for the next 2 days, we didn't leave each other's side. Fast forward about 10 months, and here I am sitting with her in Columbus, OH, married (for the second time) to one of the most beautiful and kind-hearted people I have ever had the good fortune of meeting in this life (for the first time). What she sees in me, I doubt I'll ever know, but I'm glad she hasn't had her eyes checked recently because it's definitely working out in my favor. Our relationship is not without its hardships, what with me finishing my Ph.D. in Long island, NY and her finishing her M.Sc. in Columbus, OH (yeah, she's totally a genius too!), but we definitely make it work. I have no doubts in my mind that I have found my soul-mate, as it were, and all because of a chance meeting at a work conference 800 miles from home. As I've been a huge wrestling fan for most of my life, but have lacked the physical conditioning necessary to be a wrestler myself, I have always subconsciously tried to find little ways in which my life is similar to the wrestling life. Needless to say, I have found very little, outside of speaking in front of large crowds and the occasional piss test, that really compares. One place that there is common ground, however, is in the high proportion of people who are card-carrying Company Ink Dippers, just like me and so many of my colleagues. Whether it's a relationship that goes on strictly behind the scenes that we learn about through the modern-day wonder of the internet, or one that is brought to our attention by carrying over to the televised shows, there is no disputing that wrestling has a long history of being a very "incestuous" business, kind of like the crew from the original 90210. Dating between wrestlers has occurred so frequently throughout the years that it is almost a given. The list of wrestlers who have visited the company inkwell in the past is too numerous to write out here, but there are a few notable examples that can be used to illustrate my point. Take, for instance, the years-long relationship between Shane "Hurricane" Helms and Talia Madison, more popularly known now at TNA's Velvet Sky. They've been in a relationship for quite some time now, though there's been no public forum displaying this; partly because they've never been in the same company. Another example of an off-air romance that never showed an on-air presence was the one between John Cena and Mickie James (who used to be engaged to former cheerleader Kenny Dykstra) that has since gone by the wayside. The Undertaker has been on both sides of the screen with his past relationships, as his real-life wife Sara became the target of DDP's stalker stint a few years back, and nowadays he's left said wife behind for an off-camera affair with the WWE Diva's Champ Michelle McCool. For anyone wondering how she got to be champ, well… Nevermind. Then there's CM Punk, who has somehow managed to net some of the hottest tail in the wrestling biz over the years, including TNA's Traci Brooks and the WWE's own resident Sexpert, Maria Kanellis. Keeping neck and neck with the Straight Edge Superstar in the running tally of conquests is ECW Champ Matt Hardy. This guy's bounced from one chick to the next over the years, following up a bad breakup with longtime lover Lita with a high-profile relationship with Ashley Massaro. Now rumors abound about a possible tryst with RAW's Katie Lea. This boy gets around, does he not? I don't know what it is about these two cats that nets them this much quality ass. You'd think they had chocolate flavored cocks or something. Speaking of Matt Hardy, his aforementioned bad breakup with Lita ended up unfolding into a huge real-life drama and then becoming a classic case of art imitates life. For those who have been living in a cave somewhere, or at least without cable, Matt Hardy ended his very long-term relationship with Lita when he discovered she was cheating on him with Edge. He aired their dirty laundry publicly, which led to the WWE firing him, which then led to a campaign for his reinstatement, which then led to an on-air feud between Edge and Hardy wherein Lita was paired with the newly christened Rated R Superstar. This feud catapulted both men into stardom, and though unfortunate anyway you look at it, at least had a small silver lining. There are other examples of life imitating art in the wrestling relationship realm, most notably perhaps being the Randy Savage – Miss Elizabeth pairing, their courtship, marriage, and eventual split, but perhaps even more interesting are the instances of life imitating art, of which there are two prime examples. First, way back in the day, Kevin Sullivan was married to Nancy Sullivan, who was better known as the valet Woman. WCW bookers, of whom Kevin was one, paired Nancy with Chris Benoit, and to make it more realistic insisted they travel together. Well, one thing led to another and their on-screen pairing became an off-screen pairing. Nancy left Kevin for Chris, and the feud between the two men boiled over onto televised wrestling. Again, great feud, but unfortunate for all involved at the time. (For the record, I'm not mentioning how this whole situation turned out in the end on purpose. Benoit is not a bad word. Moving on.) Of course, the most famous instance of life imitating art in the wrestling love realm comes in the form of the Billion Dollar Princess and the Cerebral Assassin. While Triple H was dating Chyna in real life, he was paired up with Stephanie McMahon on screen when the two were married as part of an ongoing series of storylines. Eventually, the more time they spent together, they began to feel the pull of nature taking its course and Trips ended up ditching Chyna (who then went on to date X-Pac and then fuck him on film so Zuma could buy it on DVD) for the lovely heiress to the McMahon empire. While the blossoming of love is always beautiful, this relationship has led to some less than desirable side effects, such as the internet constantly bitching about HHH, and Chyna's over-exposed career in reality television. And amateur porn. So, you can see that these are just the tip of the iceberg in a long history of interpersonal relationships in the wrestling workplace. It makes a lot of sense, especially considering the lifestyles they lead, what with being on the road so many days out of the year with no one to really talk to but each other. It's a good thing that the WWE doesn't have a "Company Ink" policy, as it were. There were a couple of times in the past, as with the Matt Hardy situation, that they had considered enacting one, but never went ahead and did so, which was probably the right move on their part. Can you imagine the backlash that might ensue from that type of action? Lowering morale, resisting the policy, people outright quitting or being fired… Not pretty. I honestly have to say that I am glad that wrestling is not one of those workplaces that has a policy against employees (or independent contractors, if you will) dating one another, particularly because of the unusual demands that their profession places on their lifestyles. I know in my case, I managed to find the love of my life through my workplace; someone who I can talk to about absolutely anything, from love to religion, to work, to politics (though I'm a Democrat and she's a Republican, which leads to interesting debates). After finding this person, it would be akin to torture to have to be without them (trust me, I know on this one) just because of some office policy, and I think this rings especially true for wrestlers. When love is found, it's a precious gift and should be nurtured, not uprooted before it has a chance to grow. Besides, us wrestling fans need something to gossip about on the internet. I mean, other than Randy Orton. While it may be against the rules or taboo to go dipping your pen in the Company Ink, some consideration has to be given to the fact that this ink is easily accessible, comfortable and familiar, and sometimes exactly the ink we need to fill our own wells.  - Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling is beginning to make the trailer heads on TV now, and I can feel a little piece of my soul die every time I catch a glimpse. It's not really the B-List celebrities that I have a problem with (I will always have a fatty man crush on Tiffany), but rather the fact that these poor saps are going to be "trained" to "wrestle" by guys like Hogan, Brutus Beefcake, and that one Nasty Boy, I think. Three guys who, in fact, cannot wrestle. Suck. - No jokes here, just wanted to give a shout out to Matt Striker, whose dad passed away recently. I've been there, and I know how much it can bring the suck. My thoughts are with you, sir. - According to Kevin Nash himself, apparently his hair is the only thing keeping him from heading back to the WWE, as Vince insists that he dye it, and Nash doesn't want to. Personally, I think the whole thing reeks of Kev seeking attention because he's not getting enough to feed his ego properly. Though I do agree with his logic, which boils down to, "I'm old, why hide it?" Of course, then I am also forced to ask Vince the important question: "He's old, why hire him?" - Ok, so I read the news about some dude replacing Ken Shamrock and knocking out Kimbo Slice in 14 seconds or something like that, and I instantly thought of Chris Tucker's character Smokey in Friday screaming "You got knocked the FUCK out!" Somebody needs to make me a sig for the forums that has Kimbo Slice laid out on the mat, and Chris Tucker from Friday standing over him saying with that tagline. I'll be your best friend… - I have always hated it when the WWE has decided to associate with those douchebags from Jackass, but it seems that now they are stooping to an unprecedented low in bringing these asshats in for a storyline based around Khali's Cock. Seriously. Khali's Cock is going to be the center of a new WWE storyline. Do you think Big Show is pissed his junk never got that kind of mainstream attention? I mean besides the T-Shirt that had his name with an arrow pointing in the general direction of his giblets. The only way this angle will be considered a success in my eyes is if someone makes the joke that Khali's spunk tastes like curry. And probably not even then.  As you slowly return to consciousness, the last whisperings uttered from the lips of the Dream Master encourage you to check out three particularly outstanding columns in the LOP Columns Forum: Sean_Taylor – History Of: The Territories CoLd – The Spider's Web: Omega Edition Bloodline – The Blood Chronicles I-V: The Beginning of All Things to End This brings to a close this Sixty-Second Edition of Enter The Dream Realm. I hope it sucked less than cancer of the scrotum. Any feedback you have, as always, would certainly be greatly appreciated and can be sent to me via email at morpheuslop@gmail.com. I hope that those of you that haven’t yet will take the time to check out some of the great writers we have in the LOP Columns Forum. Now. They'll tide you over until the Dream Realm makes its next monthly visit to LOP Land. Until the next time we do this, sleep well, and I’ll see you in your Dreams! Contact Me! Email: morpheuslop@gmail.com Forum Feedback Thread: http://www.lopforums.com/showthread.php?t=3370 Hit me up on MySpace!
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