THE SUPERFILES!--EDITION 24.0: KNOCKOUT!
Submitted by SUPERFAN! on Sunday, October 5, 2008 at 6:34 AM EST
Faster than a speeding typist…
More powerful than a bong hit…
And able to leave columns in a single bound!
Look, up on the Main Page! It's a mark?...Its a smark?.............
iiiiiiiits SUPERFAN!
Welcome wrestling fans to the Main Page debut of The SUPERFILES!, I'm your host with the most and you are now tuned in to the next generation of wrestling columns exclusively on Lordsofpain.net
Enough of the love fest, lets talk wrestling…
SUPER THOUGHTS!
*Major commentary goof up by Jerry The King Lawler this pass Monday Night with his slip of the tongue in when he erroneously said W-W-E! Whoops!
*In a stroke of genius, Vince and company has upped the psychological warfare on TNA by enhancing the soon to be next WWF Womens Champion, Diva Candice Michelle, by stealing Christian Cage's finisher, the Unprettier and renaming it the Candy Wrapper. And then just the other week another overhyped bimbo stole Kurt Angle's ankle lock, during CM Punk's match.
*I had a casual dining experience at The Olive Garden recently, and while the soup, salad, and breadsticks were abysmal the spotted dick there was just incredible!
While WWF is the universal leader in the flesh trade, TNA has cornered the market on the women's division.
Women's wrestling has long been designated as the bathroom break portion of the show, but TNA has made that turn from matches being unbearable to watch to surprisingly enjoyable.
The gorgeous ladies of wrestling in TNA glow brighter than the dimwitted tramps in WWF. The days of the ditzy and fake assembly line deluxe whores are getting shorter as wrestling fans are finally spent.
For casual fans, watching the sexy bodies lock up for a brief moment leads to a spike in ratings and the segment is deemed "Good TV," but for a real wrestling fan the dick tease is just a distraction usually avoided during the show. It's no wonder why the Diva Search has been cancelled, it was never a talent initiative, it was a beauty pageant.
In WWF the Womens Division is filled with a bunch of overpriced hookers that don't know a wristlock from a handjob, constantly botching moves and getting themselves injured in the process.
Forget the USA network, WWF Divas belong on Cinemax.
Candice does softcore performances, sure you get to see some boob, but you don't really get to see much else and the action is always simulated. While Beth Phoenix and Mickie James are both good girls that do it all, besides these two, all you have are dime a dozen showgirls given pushes for their sex appeal over the girls that do it all.
However, down in Orlando, beautiful people are putting the Tits & Ass in TNA but at the same time more importantly, giving you more bang for your buck. With their breasts bouncing like WNBA basketballs ,these ladies proclaim they've also got game!
For all the justified bashing of TNA that permeates throughout the IWC for their many many many mistakes, the one thing that no wrestling fan can reasonably find fault with much less bash is TNA's Knockouts Division.
Women's wrestling is finally orgasmic. The tingly sensation in the nether regions of your fandom that are usually never stimulated before can be very enjoyable from watching some hot girl on girl action.
Don't get me wrong, for the most part I just watch the usual shows with guys always in it. But on occasion, I like being naughty and watch two chicks just go at it. Sometimes, I'll sit there in my living room and just watch them get it on. The action gets really sexy and sometimes even graphic.
I used to think watching that type of stuff was icky. And while the holds and positions were interesting and often innovative maneuvers being performed, watching the girls get physical just didn't do anything for me. Nothing against the girls themselves, at the time though, I just didn't like girls in that way, you know, more than just managers. Well, call me a late bloomer as I can say I'm finally out of that stage after seeing the most beautiful creature I've ever laid eyes on…
KNOCKOUT!
I'm in love.
Every morning the birds chirp a sweet song for me, the clouds depart and Mr. Sun tips his cap to brighten my day!
This is it you guys, this is the real thing, and this time its forever. After years of disappointment and loneliness, feeling like a hopeless romantic not being able to find that one girl that I knew was out there for me, I finally found her…
The object of my desire isn't your ordinary diva, she's the sexiest knockout of them all.
In a division filled with barely legal performers, all a plastic parade of barbie dolls, one woman has broken the mold, standing out from every other girl in the industry.
She's not just another pretty face, she's One Dirty Bitch!
My lady love is a super freak, the kind you don't bring home to mother.
When it comes to the women, I like it rough. I like when they aren't afraid to get down and dirty, mess up their hair, scrape a knee, pull a groin, etc. You can tell she loves doing it. I've seen her tag teamed, in 3-somes, gauntlets, and various other hardcore exhibitions, this chick is insatiable and gives it her all in every performance.
ODB is the kind of wild girl I want in my life.
I love her moves. She must have hooked up with the Klique at some point, and learned some things,evident when she's performing Scott Hallish fallaway slams, and shades of HBK as this sexy girl also shows some nip.
She’s not your average performer, she isn’t very technical, or flexible and wasn’t trained by any legends of the biz, she learned her craft the hard way, getting fucked in indy shoots, often getting stiffed after performing her services.
She may not know karate, but she knows karaze!..
ODB is wrestling’s first real butch. She’s a brawler. She’s like Stone Cold with tits, performing Lou Thesz presses, straddling a chick and going to town on her. The action gets pretty hot and heavy and it gets me really excited. She just knows how to take care of me and keep me happy and that’s the bottom line.
She knows what she’s doing in there. She’s a caring nurturer. She’s maternal, she always tells me a story before she goes home. She’s a dynamo on the mat with excellent psychology. She can get a rise out of the crowd by playing the face in peril, before making her comeback back in the end much to my delight.
Sure she's not the most attractive, but seriously, if it means looking at that ugly mug to get the best action I can, I'm ready to make that commitment. That's how much I'm jonezin for a good time.
But honestly, its not just about the action, its really all about her personality. And get this, I actually like listening to her talk, seriously I don’t tune out, I’m generally interested in what she has to say.
This girl's different, she turns me on in a different way. She isn't dainty or ladylike, it’s very refreshing. She's a tomboy; she’s like one of the guys. She parties, gets trashed and then gets it on with another chick for my amusement.
She’s not high maintenance either; she doesn’t need to be wined and dined.
She’s the kind of fun girl you could just take to the park, let her catch some foul balls, treat her to beer, nuts and a wiener and she’d be happy.
She's a real mans woman too...
Eat your heart out, Steve!...
Truth be told this chick is even more of a badass than Stone Cold. She's not messing with silly beer, thats kids stuff! She's whippin out a flask ready to drink that lightweight Texas redneck under the table!
ODB is a sensation that has crossed the line, breaking the gender barrier by getting pops as loud as the major male stars on the show, oh it’s true, its damn true!
This girl is amazing. She’s perfect. She’s got everything I want in a woman and makes me feel like a real fan. Sure, there are plenty of hotter girls out there, but they're just a bunch of golddiggers that don't really care about me and can never fully commit to the ring. They’re just after the bigger and better deal. I'd much rather go steady with this One Dirty Bitch instead.
One wonderful day, she’s going to make me the happiest fan on earth when she wears that brass ring. And I really think its going to happen soon because she's already going ahead over heels!
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