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Submitted by SkittleZ on Sunday, October 5, 2008 at 4:01 AM EST
 Greetings my legions of Fruity Followers! I swear you seem to multiply by the hundreds with each passing week. My mother would be so proud if she knew how popular I'd become. For you few still out there who aren't hip and cool, I'm SkittleZ and this is Taste My Rainbow. The column that gets in touch with its' inner most feelings. I watched RAW this past Monday for the first time in six weeks and I was pretty damn impressed. One thing that jumped out to me was the attention that's being devoted to the younger guys as of late. It's about time Vince let go of the Attitude Era characters already. Oh and by the way, thanks to everyone who showed me love for my last column. I'm glad to report that I'm still married for the time being and the situation has gotten better as of posting time. Now that the soap opera update is over with, lets talk about some actual wrestling.  Starting this week and from now on, I'm going to cover my pay per view predictions a little quicker to save time and effort. There are three PPVs left in me and DaveyGirl's contest and I trail him by four matches. For those who need a standings update, here you go: DaveyBoy (50-27-1) / SkittleZ (46-31-1). Don't give up faith just yet. I still have some fight left in me and I'm going to make sure this foreigner gets what's coming to him. As for this overall competition, I wanted to let everyone know that it will be continuing after this one concludes in late November. Depending on the outcome however two different things could happen. If I manage to upset DaveyBoy, that will tie us up at one apiece and we will face off once again in a third and deciding contest. If I do end up losing, Columns Forum member MavsMan will be stepping up to the plate in December to see if he can hang with the big boys. And it isn't like the guy comes in with no credibility. He's a beast in LOP's Official PPV Prediction Contests. Not like that'll matter when he goes toe to toe with me. Anyways, on with my No Mercy Predictions! Like DaveyBoy pointed out in his last column, Kane/Mysterio is the safest bet to open the show. I'll give the WWE Creative Team credit. They caught us all off guard when Kane pulled Rey's mask out of his bag back in late July. But what has transpired since?! Practically nothing. WWE is the king of building up feuds and letting them quickly lose steam and this here is exhibit A. Perhaps the company feels they have nothing better to do with these two veterans for the time being as I can't see this really going anywhere. The stipulation added late doesn't leave much doubt about the result since there's no way Rey loses his mask and exposes his 12 year old face to the entire world... again. Therefore, Rey Mysterio will steal a win over Kane. The only thing I like about Batista versus JBL is that I know its not a long term feud. These two have already worked a program and it was decent at best. Is it sad that I'd rather see HBK vs. JBL for the WWE Title instead of Batista/Jericho? Well unfortunately, it isn't about what I want because the Animal isn't losing this bout. Batista will beat JBL decisively. Although I'm not too confident about this pick, Candice Michelle will upset Beth Phoenix for the Womens' Championship. Its been rumored around the internet that the company wants to get the most out of Candice now while they can before she's too old. The ever amusing Santino/Beth feud will do just fine as well with Marella being the only one wearing gold for the foreseeable future. I just hope what should be a lengthy Candice title reign isn't cut short due to another injury. I don't find myself too enthralled with the Big Show/Undertaker feud either. Why should I be? We've only seen it a dozen times since 1999. And screw another Big Show heel turn. The guy isn't going to be around much longer and he's a lovable big man. It makes no sense to me. I regret to inform you that this program will run for a while and I expect there to be plenty of interference during this match. That's why I believe the Undertaker will win later tonight by disqualification. With the shallow number of contenders on the ECW brand, Matt Hardy should truly rule as champion for years to come. Mark Henry served his purpose but now its time to move on. There's a good chance the blow off match will take place at Cyber Sunday with some sort of hardcore match/street fight. Henry has his career highlight to cherish and Matt is on his way to the top. Placing the belt back on the World's Strongest Man would be like moving backwards. Alas, Matt Hardy retains the ECW Title against Mark Henry. This is the night his brother Jeff needs to step up to the plate. No way he beats Triple H under these circumstances but he can show his worth to the company. Triple H will cleanly beat Jeff Hardy to retain the WWE Championship. And as for the main event, I'm really looking forward to it. Point out HBK's nagging injuries all you want but they have medicine for that. Shawn will probably take time off after this match so you know he's going to pull out all the stops in his ladder match against Jericho. This was an awesome feud in my opinion and the mic work was especially terrific. Y2J and Michaels will tear the roof off the place and Cade will have a hand in this bout. Ultimately, Chris Jericho disposes of Shawn Michaels and snatches the World Heavyweight Title atop the ladder.  I'll give Hustle his due. I actually enjoyed his 'Cena Top 11' quite a bit and agreed with the ordering as well. I may have ranked the Cena/Umaga Last Man Standing match from the 2007 Royal Rumble a little higher but that's just me. I noticed Hus talked a bunch of trash in his column but I'm above that, folks. This fruit doesn't associate himself with wannabe gangsters from Hawaii. Although we are suppose to conduct ourselves with class on the Main Page of Lords of Pain, Hustle's toilet humor does not surprise me. And if this two part column series fails, I just want to let it be known this was all Hustle's idea. So just send all negative feedback directly to him. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, lets go back in time and visit some of Cena's least favorite moments. 10. Cena Loses to The Great Khali at SNME in June 2007 Wrestling fans in general hate The Great Khali. They despise him. He's slow, lanky, immobile, bland and just overall frustrating to watch (especially you poor bastards who have witnessed him live). How the World Heavyweight Championship ever even landed upside down on his shoulder is one of life's great mysteries. He aimlessly moves from feud to feud and his manager Runjin Singh does little to add any real depth to Khali's character. So doesn't it say something when fans would rather watch Khali stumble around the ring than sit through one more Cena match? Well Cena and Khali marks must have been sipping some serious haterade last year in May and June. Cena's main threats to his WWE Title had been HBK, Orton and Edge all year long basically until Khali reared his ugly head in early May. A beat down of Cena and all of his current challengers made it clear that Khali wanted his rightful shot at the WWE Championship. Cena was in the midst of an impressive title reign and Khali was repackaged as an unstoppable monster after jumping to RAW in January so something had to give when they met up at Judgment Day. In what was a pretty dull short bout, Cena forced Khali to tap out to the STFU and the Champ retained his title. Although he'd lost cleanly, The Great Khali felt he rightfully deserved a rematch for Cena's title and he was granted it at One Night Stand in a falls count anywhere contest. Cena may have defeated Khali on that night as well with an FU off of a crane but it was the night before that had Cena haters jumping for joy. For some stupid reason, Cena and Khali were booked to meet one on one in a non-title match at Saturday Night's Main Event. Without any outside assistance, The Great Khali dominated Cena before putting his ass down for good with a massive chokebomb for the impressive victory. The happiness may have only lasted for roughly 24 hours but its still something that Cena haters can hang their collective hats on.  9. Cena Loses an Ironman Match to HBK in April 2007 Unfortunately, I missed this episode of RAW and had to settle for multiple chopped up clips of the match on YouTube. Good thing I went back and checked it out though because this bout was a splendid surprise. Fans in attendance and watching at home expected a competitive pay per view-like contest between Cena and HBK but what they received was an instant classic. Now even at his age, we all know that Shawn can hang for an hour if called upon to do so. But considering how Cena 'can't wrestle', you would assume that placing him in a sixty hour match would lead to disaster. Think again. The WWE Champ and the Heartbreak Kid duked it out for roughly 56 minutes before Michaels finally caught Cena courtesy of sweet chin music. The hot London crowd exploded when Shawn TKO'ed Cena with one last super kick to pick up the huge non-title victory over the Champ just six days before their pay per view encounter. While the match was definitely a highlight amongst Cena's decorated career, he still walked away with an L on this night and he didn't exactly do too much losing during 2007 so that's definitely something for Cena haters to get excited about.  8. Orton defeats Cena to retain the WWE Title at No Way Out 2008 Some of you may look at this one a little funny but rest assured that I know what the fuck I'm talking about. Like Hustle mentioned in his shitty ass column, Cena haters were stunned when Cena (less than four months after tearing his right pectoral muscle) came out #30 in the 2008 Royal Rumble. They then quickly realized when the excitement died down that they were in fact marking for the wrong guy. Not only would Cena go on to lastly defeat Triple H to win the Rumble but he wanted his title shot immediately following the event. Orton pushed it back to No Way Out but things were still quite a bit ahead of schedule. Cena haters were absolutely disgusted. Not only was Cena about to swoop back in and win the WWE Championship but he wasn't even intent on waiting until WrestleMania! We all knew what was going to happen and some of us still bothered to order No Way Out even though the end result was a no brainer. When Orton slapped the referee and intentionally got himself disqualified, the haters nearly shat themselves. Cena tried to talk some sense into the referee but Mike Chioda was pissed and probably having a bad day to begin with given his job position. Most intelligent wrestling fans knew Triple H was going back upon his throne at WrestleMania 24 and this was Cena's big shot at walking into Orlando with the title. And he blew it! Well... the Legend Killer blew it for him but a Cena loss is still a Cena loss. 7. Cena Suffers a Herniated Disk at SummerSlam 2008 Win-loss wise, 2008 has probably been Cena's worst year since he started gaining fame in 2003 with his white rapper gimmick. After putting together a pay per view record of 10-1 last year, Cena has followed it up with a subpar record of 4-4 in 2008. Still, his Superman-like status was only one of the long list of reasons Cena fans hated his guts. So despite putting over several more superstars this year than he did in the previous three, Cena was still a lot of WWE fans' worst enemy. Is that fair? Fuck if I know. That's just the way the cookie crumbles, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sure thousands of Cena haters wish serious injury to Cena every time he graces their television screens. Well each and every one of them got their wish at SummerSlam when, unbeknownst at the time, Cena herniated a disk in his back during a blockbuster match with Batista. Being the impatient bastards that they are, the WWE went ahead and scheduled Cena to be in a Championship Scramble match at the upcoming Unforgiven pay per view. Only to find out that Cena's injury would require surgery and sideline him for a little bit. Suffice to say, the haters were extremely happy. With John Cena off of their wrestling show, all was right with the world. 6. Edge Slaps the Taste Out of Cena Sr.'s Mouth... In His Own Home! Edge is a guy that enjoys getting under his opponent's skin. He had done everything possible to piss off Cena up to this point yet the Rated R Superstar couldn't seem to shake his challenger. Edge therefore wanted to make it personal and how do you do that? Involve family. Works like a fucking charm. In general, Copeland is extremely skilled at being a dick and was at his best in early August of '06 when he and Lita showed up on Cena's front porch. No not that Cena.... Cena Senior! Edge and Slutty McSlut Slut strutted in like they owned the place and proceeded to smack talk his longtime nemesis right in front of his own father. Cena Sr. had a few choice words for the Rated R Superstar and Edge showed his distaste with an unmerciful bitch slap. Cena Sr. collapsed like a woman and Cena Jr., who was live at the RAW arena watching via satellite, could do nothing but watch as his old man's cheek swelled up like a grapefruit. Now of course Cena Nazis hate absolutely everything about the guy. The way he walks, talks, wrestles, always wins, tries to be funny, and so on and so forth. However, it never hurts to settle for a beat down on one of his family members. Though they knew Cena would inevitably get his revenge, the sight of his Dad curled up in a ball on his own living room floor was one of pure bliss. 5. Cena Gets Pinned by Kevin Federline on New Year's 2007 January 1, 2007 is a day in history Cena would like to forget. WWE held a super show in Los Angeles in October '06 and several celebrities made guest appearances such as the Jackass Crew and Kevin Federline. After annoying the crowd for minutes on end, Cena was actually cheered for a change when he interrupted former Mr. Spears and shut him up with a FU. K-Fed would exact his revenge come Cyber Sunday where Cena had things well in hand during his Champion of Champions match against King Booker and Big Show. Federline would have none of this as he stormed the ring and clocked Cena from behind with the title belt. His interference allowed Booker to roll over and cover Cena for the win. It certainly didn't help Cena and Federline's relationship. A one on one non-title match was signed for the upcoming New Year's episode of RAW. If Federline wasn't already enough of a joke, he illustrated on January 1st how he didn't even know how to fake fight. Lucky for him, Umaga wanted to soften up Cena for their approaching PPV bout and made his presence felt by blindsiding Cena and laying him out cold. K-Fed made the most of the situation by pinning Cena 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring. Wow... that's embarrassing. I don't even need to resort to any cheap shots or shitty put downs.  4. Cena Drops the WWE Title to Edge at New Year's Revolution 2006 By the time 2005 came to and end, the Cena haters were in full force. They were full of piss and vinegar and probably would've been content with any joe shmoe taking the WWE Title off of Cena. Edge had won the Money in the Bank briefcase at WrestleMania 21 and had no problem with waiting for the right time to strike. The atmosphere seemed right for Cena to finally drop the WWE Championship at New Year's Evolution. His first Elimination Chamber match and he was up against stiff competition such as HBK, Kurt Angle and Kane. Come hell or high water, Cena escaped with his title reign still intact and it appeared The Champ would live to fight another day. Guess again, Cena Nation. Mr. McMahon's music hit the loudspeakers and a blood soaked Cena could hardly believe his eyes and ears as the Rated R Superstar came out to cash in his opportunity. Cena managed to kick out from a first spear but the second put him down for good as Edge celebrated his title victory with Lita. Was it something to be proud of? Of course not. But the belt was off Cena and that was the most important part. I'm sure a ton of Cena haters became Edge marks on that night.  3. Cena Loses the WWE Title to Rob Van Dam at One Night Stand 2006 Damn Hustle for putting this infamous night in his countdown! He makes valid points without question. Perhaps no specific individual has ever entered such a hostile environment and picked up quite the moral victory as Cena did on this night. No matter which way you slice it, this evening showcased how disliked Cena was to the wrestling public. Sure marketers loved him. As did Mr. McMahon, officials and the majority of the locker room. But fans had grown tired of him and what he stood for. They wanted a bad ass anti-hero such as Stone Cold Steve Austin. Or a homegrown circus act like Rob Van Dam who could captivate them with daring maneuvers and insane feats of athleticism. Rob Van Dam had won the second annual Money in the Bank Ladder Match and found the perfect time and place to cash it in. Despite the home field advantage, Cena appeared to have the upper hand in the closing seconds of the match until a mysterious figure wearing a motorcycle helmet hit the ring and demolished Cena with a spear through a table propped up in the corner. As the crowd erupted into pandemonium, RVD capitalized with a five star frog splash on a prone Cena and covered him as Paul Heyman ran down and administered the three count. Van Dam celebrated his career milestone with the ECW audience for what seemed like 15 minutes and I never saw Cena's face on television whatsoever during that time. Most likely, a few ECW marks carted Cena off to the back and had their way with him but that could just be some bad information that was passed along to me under the table. 2. Orton Punts Cena Sr.'s Head Like a Football As if Cena Sr.'s head hadn't taken enough of a pounding when Edge stopped by a year prior, things were about to get much worse. After his hotel incident in April, Orton turned it around and had a strong summer on his way to becoming the undisputed number one contender for the WWE Title. Cena had been Champ for what seemed an eternity and fans felt the time was upon them for a title change. Orton received his shot at SummerSlam and looked on his way to upsetting Cena in front of the normal pro-whoever fights Cena crowd. Their cheers were suddenly silenced when Cena nailed Orton with an FU out of nowhere to escape with his championship. The final result didn't sit too well with Orton and in true heel fashion, he wanted to hit Cena where it hurt. He found his chance during a Cena match where The Champ's Dad was sitting in the front row. The Legend Killer made sure the coast was clear and pulled Cena Sr. over the barricade before knocking him out with a stiff punt to the head. I'm pretty neutral when it comes to Cena but I couldn't help but laugh my ass off when his old man was sent into la la land compliments of RKO. It made for great television. 1. Cena Tears His Pectoral Muscle in October 2007 Does this one surprise you? Because it shouldn't. It goes without saying though I'll ramble on anyway. Most fans were fed up with Cena by the end of 2005. Then just when he dropped the title and fans thought they would enjoy a change of scenery for a while, Cena won the WWE Title back a mere three week later. He would hold the belt until June which meant he held the WWE Championship for the first half of the year and the better part of the last year and a half. Now Cena was new to the main event scene and he'd made an impact. There's nothing wrong with that. But instead of taking a different direction, Cena remained in the title picture and won his third WWE Title just two and a half months after losing it. At this point, a number of fans were probably cursing their television at the simple fact that Cena was once again The Champ. I'm sure the next year didn't cheer them up either since Cena would go on to defeat challenger after challenger. From Edge to Umaga to HBK to Khali to Orton. Win after win had WWE fans filing into the LOP Forums to complain. You should have seen the amount of Cena haters me and Hustle (him much more than me) witnessed bitching and whining throughout the forums for months and months with the same old arguments. Cena's reign was reaching record lengths and several fans swore they'd stopped watching and were now resorting to TNA. Internet reports began stating that Cena was slated to finally drop the WWE Championship to Orton at No Mercy. Most fans had grown tiresome of hearing that and figured they'll believe it when they see it. However, we'll never really know how things were planned to unfold at No Mercy because the unstoppable Cena tore his right pectoral muscle during a match with Mr. Kennedy six days beforehand. The injury was labeled as serious and WWE.com informed us that Cena could miss anywhere from seven months to a year. After carrying the company as champion for 24 of the last 27 months, fans didn't care what was in store for them next. Anything was better than seeing Cena's same old act. Cena was out indefinitely and his haters couldn't have asked for a better early Christmas present than that.   The answer to my riddle from TMR [27] was indeed "Vince McMahon". Overall, I'm pretty happy with the results. Despite one individual from the LOP Forums calling my last riddle 'way too easy', I still managed to walk away with a 50% correct guess percentage. Unfortunately, I think my long break between columns 26 and 27 lost me a few readers as there was a significant decrease in riddle replies than I'm accustomed to. Hopefully, they'll come back to their senses after I drop a few more columns closer together. Nonetheless, Here's my new riddle... _________________________________________________________________________________________ My main gimmick was all about mockery and crude humor. I won a championship belt that no longer exists. The stable I was once in consisted of some unusual characters. I retired a wrestler who was overshadowed by his valet. Before coming to the WWE, I used the name of this website as my stage name. _________________________________________________________________________________________ Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.  Stop the press! My Kansas City Chiefs finally won a game last week! Yes I know it's hard to believe. Nearly a week later, it still hasn't fully registered with me. And not only against any team. No the victory came against the previously undefeated Denver Broncos (our bitter division rivals). Jay Cutler leads an offensive machine but it was their woeful defense that did them in last Sunday at Arrowhead Stadium. Generic quarterback #36 played well, Larry Johnson dominated all game and the Chiefs claimed a 33-19 win to improve to 1-3 on the season. I celebrated throughout the week until I looked at their opponents for Week 5. Not only does Kansas City have to play the Panthers but the contest will be held in Carolina and the Chiefs... well.... they suck balls on the road. Always have since I've been a fan anyway. I'll be watching later on today with my fingers crossed. I'm confident that LJ can give a strong performance but can the Kansas City defense do the same against Jake Delhomme and Steve Smith? Not likely. If you aren't familiar with Aqua Teen Hunger Force, you should be. What a great invention. ATHF is a cartoon on Adult Swim about three food items who live in South New Jersey. You can catch episodes almost every night between midnight and 3:00am on Cartoon Network. Hilarious shit if you're down with oddball humor. The program's been running since early 2001 but I just recently started watching it earlier this year. I have the first two seasons on DVD. I believe the show is currently between its fifth and sixth season. Most average human beings will find the program to be a complete waste of time but I am far from average if you didn't notice. I now cannot live without a steady dose of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Look me straight in the eye (computer monitor will have to work) and tell me you don't find this appealing.  Yeah I plug for a living... so what? Anonymous, who just happens to be my favorite columnist in the LOP Forums, has pieced together another masterpiece. - Inside The Mind 7.5: No Mercy Predictions Column ds69100 is showing that he hasn't lost the consistency or the quality. - Hot Off The Shooting Star Press: Marking Out It feels good to be back on track. Oh and before I forget, stay tuned for a brand new Fact or Fiction which should be out relatively soon. And yeah that's all I've got for you. Not enough? Well then too fucking bad. Go read someone else's shit. I played football with my friends on Friday so I'm sore and tired and my bed is calling for me like a cheap whore. Make sure you drop me a line though. Did Hustle show me up or did I make him my bitch? Figure it out and hit me back at (Skittlez601028@aim.com) so I can either rub it in Hustle's face or block him on AIM to save myself from verbal humiliation. You know the drill. Count on me being right here two weeks from now with some more fruity goodness. Say no to drugs but yes to alcohol and take care until next time. Later homies.
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