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Submitted by Hustle on Thursday, September 18, 2008 at 8:05 AM EST
 Good lookin out for the graphics work, Noc "Y'all don't realize y'all released the beast, untamed.. speech all flame.. streets y'all blame.. it should be an honor for y'all to speak my name.." This week's opener is from Beanie Sigel. There are people out there who just don't realize that I'm getting into the swing of things with this column writing shit. Doing a new column every week has energized me, instead of draining me, like it usually ends up doing with people. Welcome, welcome, welcome.. not to the jungle.. not to paradise (close enough, though).. but to Hustle Is Posting Right Now. I am the man with the master swag.. the awards show host with the most pimptacular open-handed slap around.. indeed, ya boy, Hustle, is back in the building once again. I want to first take this time to thank everyone for the love they've been showing me about the Hussie Awards column. I haven't gotten that much feedback for a column since the Lady Luck Edition, and my page views for this past column have gone way up, as well. I keep telling people when they ask me about it, but I'm just here grindin, trying to deliver something different for everybody to read each week (although "different" may not be the best word of choice for this here edition). I'm not the best columnist that LoP has to offer, nor would I ever claim to have that title, but damnit, I bring something unique to the table every single week.. As the song says.. you just do you, I'ma do me. You know.. it's unexplanatory how I gets wicked, but it's mandatory that I kick it, so shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!! The last time that I did a column like this, the feedback I got was some of the best I've received since making my main page debut at the beginning of this year. People enjoyed the column, and people asked for a second edition of it (and have been asking on a regular basis since then), so here it is, ladies and gentlemen.. I present to you.. at the request of many of you.. a little game that goes by the name of.. What If..?  What if.. Steve Austin didn't have his neck broken in a match against Owen Hart? For those of you that aren't hip to the game, allow me to take you back to SummerSlam 1997. Intercontinental Champion Owen Hart was defending his title against rising star Steve Austin, in a match where Austin would have to literally kiss Owen's ass if he lost. Needless to say, there was a lot on the line for both men. In the middle of a good, hard-fought match, a spot was called where Owen would deliver a simple run-of-the-mill Piledriver to Austin. Owen lifted him up and delivered the move, but as soon as Austin was laid out, it became obvious that something wasn't right. Either he was suddenly one of the greatest actors we'd ever seen, or he was having a difficult time moving his arms and his legs. Then came more "confirmation" in the form of Owen being told something by the Referee and then going into "stall and play to the crowd" mode while Austin was being looked over. Owen wasn't going for a pin attempt, he wasn't going to inflict further damage.. he was just walking around the ring, telling the fans that the match was soon to be over and that Austin was going to be kissing his ass. After what had to feel like days to Austin himself, he was able to get some sort of feeling back in his arms, as he began crawling towards Owen, albeit as gingerly as possible. He then rolled up Owen in the world's worst Small Package of all-time for the win and the title. It was obvious, both to those watching at home and those in attendance, that the finish was ad-libbed due to the apparent injury to Austin's neck, but people didn't seem to mind much, as their guy had won the match and was the new IC champion. Austin was then helped back up to his feet by a team of Referees, and even then, it seemed to take all the physical ability he had in him to remain standing, but it continued to show how tough he really is, mere months after having passed out from the pain (and therefore, not quitting) from Owen's brother Bret's Sharpshooter at WrestleMania 13. From that, the moniker of being the "World's Toughest Son Of A Bitch" was born. Had Austin not been injured in the match, his meteoric rise to pro wrestling superstardom would've continued just as it did, but this particular injury was the catalyst for Austin's body breaking down on him as the years went on. Without the botched Piledriver, I think Steve Austin could possibly still be wrestling on a regular basis today. He's still "only" 43 years old. If Triple H (39 years old), Shawn Michaels (43), Batista (39), Kane (41), JBL (41), Finlay (49) and The Undertaker (43) can still be around, then Austin damn sure could still be around and going strong at his age. Austin VS Orton? Austin VS Cena? Austin VS Jeff Hardy? Austin VS MVP? Austin VS Punk? Yeah, I think I could handle that, and I'm sure that there's a whole bunch of you reading this right now that could also handle it.  What if.. Randy Savage had never snapped his slim jim inside of a young, pre-fame Stephanie McMahon? Alright, so this one is a rumor and nothing more, but it was still worthy of inclusion in a column like this, in my opinion. As the rumor goes, a young Stephanie McMahon (possibly even an underage Stephanie McMahon, depending on which version of the rumor you've heard) felt Macho's Madness, ruled over King Macho's scepter, or whatever clever joke you can make. The version that I first heard had Vince McMahon finding out about Steph and Macho's "experience" only a few years ago, which is what brought the "heat" between Vince and Macho, and is why Macho will never be in the WWE Hall Of Fame, according to the "experts". I'll admit.. to this day, I don't know how much I buy into the rumor at all, but it is hilarious to the umpteenth degree, I'll tell you that much. If.. again, IF.. it happened.. then let's say I'll also agree that Macho won't be inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame for as long as Vince McMahon has anything to do with it. Hell, Vince would probably use his powers from the grave to keep Macho out of the HoF even after he doesn't have anything to do with it. Of course, the opposite of all this is if it didn't happen, which means that Macho WILL be inducted into the HoF. Personally, as you'll find out in a future edition of HIPRN, I do think we'll see Randy Savage in the WWE Hall Of Fame, and not only that, but I think it'll happen much sooner than a lot of people think it will.[/cliffhanger]  What if.. Jake Roberts never had to battle all of his personal demons? While I don't exactly think his in-ring career would've been affected all that much, I do think that Jake's career after he retired from in-ring performing would've been drastically different. He's easily one of the all-time masters of psychology in wrestling, whether it's in-ring, on the mic, or just with his movements or the way he walks. Because of that, it's an understatement to say that Jake would be needed to help mold younger wrestlers when it comes to their own psychology. Without his demons in the way, I think he would've been a great trainer, either at a school of his very own, or working for Vince McMahon down in OVW (or currently at FCW, now that the affiliation with OVW has ended). There wasn't a whole lot of wasted moments with Jake. Everything he did or said seemed to mean something, and that's a trait that most of these younger wrestlers coming up today just don't understand. They're too worried about the way they look or the depth of their moveset.. both of which weren't exactly Jake Roberts specialties back in the day. He was never going to be confused with anybody on the cover of Muscle & Fitness magazine, and he wasn't the guy who seemed to know every wrestling hold that was known to man. The psychology aspect of his game more than made up for all of that, though, and if he never had his problems with alcohol, cocaine, crack, and who knows what else, then I feel he would've made several new waves of young wrestlers just that much better, improving the product all-around. I fail to see the negatives there. It really is a damn shame to think about the problems Jake has had in his personal life through the years. It's still kinda sad to watch the "Beyond The Mat" movie and see him in the condition he was in, especially knowing that there would be worse times to come.  What if.. Ultimate Warrior wasn't batshit crazy? Good ol Warrior. For damn near 20 years now, people have seen this guy appear to be as off-the-rocker as humanly possible, and just when you think things have settled down a bit, he does something else that we'd classify as "crazy". From his rambling, often times incoherent promos back when he was a full-time wrestler, to his rambling, often times incoherent speeches that he gives now to just about anybody who will listen to them.. it seems as if his brain, his heart, and his mouth are in the middle of some sort of a lover's quarrel, and they don't communicate with one another. Or, of course, you could always just blame cocaine, which is a pretty good idea. Blaming cocaine, that is, not cocaine itself. Please don't go out and try cocaine, folks. If Warrior wasn't so crazy, he wouldn't have the track record that he has, as far as no-showing events, holding out for more money, etc goes. You can speak negatively about the guy's in-ring skills until the cows come home, but one thing you can't deny is just how over the guy was during his prime. To say fans loved him would be an understatement of near-biblical proportions. Because of that crowd response, the guy would've been a permanent fixture in the main event scene within the company until he retired, until he left for WCW, or until the "better wrestling" era was ushered in, whichever came first. On one hand, "Warrior VS Hogan 2" would've been a bigger and better event, instead of it being that complete farce that WCW delivered to us. That match is, to this day, one of the single worst matches I've seen in all my years of watching wrestling. I'd probably even go out on a limb and say that we would've seen a trilogy of matches between both men, with Hogan taking the secnd match, leading into the final battle somewhere down the line to settle the score, once and for all. Those matches would've been epic, just like the original match was, without question. Then again, that was usually the blueprint for matches involving either guy.. epics, from the fan response to the hype, and then people gladly ignore the lack of quality in the actual wrestling aspect of them. On the other hand, had Warrior not been crazy, we would've missed out on one of my favorite WrestleMania moments of all-time. WrestleMania 8.. Hulk Hogan VS Sid Justice.. Papa Shango is out for the double-team beatdown of Hogan.. until Warrior makes his unexpected return to the company to save Hogan, blowing the roof off of the Hoosier Dome in Indianapolis in the process. Of course, it didn't really lead to anything, as Warrior was gone once again not too long afterwards, but it was still an electric ending to one of the most underrated WrestleManias ever.  What if.. Hulk Hogan had never defeated The Iron Sheik to win his first WWF Title? January 23rd, 1984. Madison Square Garden. The birth.. of "Hulkamania". Fresh off of a recent face turn (yes, kids, Hulk Hogan actually played a heel character long before his role as "Hollywood" Hogan, although he was obviously nowhere near as big of a star in the early 80s as he was when he formed the nWo in 1996), Hulk Hogan pinned The Iron Sheik to claim his very first WWF Title. From that point on, he was forever etched in history as one of the biggest megastars to ever step foot inside a wrestling ring. The world of wrestling would be ridiculously different right now had Hogan not defeated crazy-ass Sheiky Baby for the belt. Would Vince McMahon have had a chance at even half of the success he's had? Would pro wrestling, as a whole, have had a chance at even half of the success it has had? No nWo? No movie career for "The Hulkster" No "Thunder In Paradise"? Hmm.. now that I think about it, maybe those last two don't really fit here, as both of those things not happening would've made the world a better place, and probably would've prevented the 9/11 attacks from happening. The bottom line here is the fact that a lot of us wouldn't even be watching wrestling if it wasn't for Hulk Hogan. Say what you want about the guy (Lord knows I have).. his in-ring skills, or lack thereof.. his reputation, deserved or not, for holding people down and having an ego the size of his daughter's Adam's apple.. but even the most hateful of haters can't deny what Hulk has done for the business, as far as helping to build its popularity goes. Every single wrestling-watching friend that I have owes their fandom to Hulk, whether they'd prefer to admit it these days or not. I really don't think anyone else would've come along at that time that could've taken pro wrestling to the heights that Hulk did. WrestleMania probably could've and would've happened, but there's no way I could picture it becoming the worldwide phenomenon that it has become today. My goodness.. there's actually so many things that would've been different had Hulk not won the title that night that I could almost make an entire "What if..?" column out of it. If the feedback for this column is anywhere near as positive as it was for the first edition of this game, I'll work on that column for a future edition of HIPRN.  What if.. Brock Lesnar had been fully commited to being a pro wrestler? Ah, good ol Brock Lesnar. I could never hate on someone for trying to pursue their dreams, but hindsight being 20/20 like it is, Brock obviously made a big mistake leaving WWE to try and become a member of the NFL's Minnesota Vikings. When the news broke that he was leaving the company, he happened to be one of my favorite wrestlers on the planet, so I was a bit disappointed, to say the least. The news came rather suddenly, which didn't help matters much. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say that I expected Brock to make the final roster for the Vikings, but I definitely was a bit surprised to hear that he didn't make it. I knew that he had spent a bunch of time away from football, but the combination of size, speed, and power that he has been blessed with goes a long way on the Defensive Line, which is where he was trying to play. Defensive Lineman in the NFL would kill to have Brock's natural abilities. When it became clear that his NFL dreams would not be coming true, I knew he wasn't going to tuck his tail between his legs and crawl back to Vince McMahon. Not after bailing on Vince the way he did. A guy with his background could've gotten into MMA rather easily, which is, of course, what he eventually found himself doing after a brief stint wrestling in Japan. Had Brock not been sidetracked by non-wrestling dreams, I think he would've continued to improve as an in-ring competitor, like he was doing before he left the sport. That mix of size, speed, and power that I mentioned earlier was enough for him to go off of for a while, but it would only take him so far if he didn't continue working hard and learning more and more, like the young guys in the business are supposed to do. Brock going on to feud with guys like John Cena, Randy Orton, Undertaker (the current Deadman version, not the American Badass version that Brock already feuded with), Triple H, Shawn Michaels, amongst others would've been fun to watch. You know, now that I really and truly think about it, Brock tossing Big Daddy V around for the F5 is a hilarious mental image. The funny/sad thing about that is the fact that I think Brock could actually make that happen. Yikes.  What if.. WCW had allowed DX to enter the arena during their "invasion" of a Nitro telecast? This one is an interesting one. For those who don't know the story.. smack dab in the middle of the Monday Night Wars, Raw and Nitro just so happened to be running shows in the same state one week. Raw was being held in Hampton, Virginia and Nitro was coming from Norfolk. The cities are less than 20 miles apart, if my research team did their job correctly. DX (Hunter Hearst Helmsey aka Triple H, Chyna, X-Pac, Road Dogg aka BG James in TNA, & Billy Gunn aka "Kute Kip" in TNA) was one of the hottest things going in all of pro wrestling, and they loved pushing the envelope every week. Well, on this particular week, they decided to take the "Monday Night War" to the next level, with the emphasis being on the word "war". They dressed up in wild military fatigues and camoflauge, with Gunn wearing a tree branch on his head, and they hopped onto a military jeep, complete with cannon. They went from Hampton to Norfolk, and arrived at the Norfolk Scope, where WCW Monday Nitro was being held. All sorts of ruckus ensued, with DX getting WCW fans to say, on-camera, that WCW was inferior to the WWF (WWE, as it is known today), or that they got free tickets to the show (a big rumor going around back then was that WCW had a hard time selling tickets to Nitro and to their pay-per-view events, so they'd have tickets given out, whether it was through contests, radio giveaways, or corporate "gifts", just to make the arenas look fuller on camera). Finally, DX found the entrance to the arena, and they made their way towards it, ready to drive the jeep right into the Scope, just in time for Nitro to come on the air. WCW Officials were notified of the events taking place outside, however, and they had the door closed on DX just in time. Triple H has gone on record as saying WCW made a huge mistake in not letting DX into the arena that night. He figured that, if fans tuned into Nitro for the beginning of their telecast, and they saw DX, there's no way they would've switched over to Raw (Nitro was coming on the air a few minutes before Raw was, to get a jump start on ratings), and they probably would've even called their friends to tell them to switch to Nitro, as well. At that time, I was more of a WWF fan than a WCW fan, although I did watch both shows, usually flipping to Nitro during Raw's commercial breaks and then switching back after a couple minutes, or whenever something lost my attention. With that said, though.. if I flipped to TNT (the station that aired Nitro) and I saw DX drive into the arena, I'd prove Triple H right. There's no chance in hell that I would've flipped over to Raw, except when Nitro went to a commercial break, and even then it would only last for a few seconds, and I'd flip right back out of fear that I'd miss something else. Obviously, both companies were being driven by their TV ratings at that point. A mere two weeks prior to DX's "invasion" of Nitro, Raw had beaten Nitro in the ratings for the first time in 84 weeks. Yes, ladies and gentlemen.. for 84 consecutive weeks, Vince McMahon and his company played second-banana to someone else. Sure, the companies would trade ratings victories for a while, but the fact is that the WWF was starting to finally come around, and WCW could've used something like this to their advantage. Raw won that week, but I guarantee you that Nitro would've won had they allowed their competitors to get into the arena. Not only would they have won that week, but the next couple of weeks, as well, with fans tuning in to see just what in the hell WCW would do next. Of course, it would then be up to WCW themselves to deliver product that would keep those fans from going back to watching Raw again. That's much easier typed than done, though, as evidenced by the fact that.. well.. WCW just couldn't do that, and they eventually went belly-up, blah blah blah.  What if.. Jeff Hardy was able to avoid his recent stretch of bad luck? Jeff's problems have not only been well-documented, but well-speculated about, as well. No matter how much some of us think we know, we may never know what he's actually been going through in the last couple of years. What we DO know, however, is that his personal problems have derailed some serious momentum that he's had building up for himself on TV. He's been given pushes that nobody could have predicted for him a few years ago, and he's basically pissed them away. It always seems to happen at the worst possible time, too, which just makes this story even more sad/pathetic, depending on what side of the discussion you find yourself on. There was a long-running debate at LoPForums.com about whether or not Jeff Hardy and Matt Hardy would ever become World Champions, and if so, which one would get there first. Obviously, Matt got to that level first, but I don't think there's any doubt that Jeff would've done so had he stayed away from all of his problems. When Jeff was rising to the top of the rankings on Raw, he was easily the most over face in the entire WWE. It was to the point where his eventual rise to main event status couldn't be denied, even by people who disliked the guy. He was finding himself involved in storylines with the likes of Triple H and Randy Orton, guys who are pretty far up the WWE Totem Pole, to say the least. When he defeated Triple H for the right to face WWE Champion Randy Orton, greatness was predicted for him. Maybe he wouldn't win the title in his first attempt at it, but he would within a few months, without a doubt. Of course, that didn't turn out to be correct. As I type this, Jeff may or may not be in the middle of getting into some more trouble. It was reported earlier today that he was involved in some sort of a "serious issue" at the Nashville International Airport as he was heading home after the Smackdown tapings. On one hand, this may be much ado about nothing. On the other hand, and with Jeff's track record to this point, it may be the final strike and the end of his WWE career. I'm not going to go off on any sort of speculation here, as I'd rather not have some 12-paragraph rant about the guy, only to find out later that it was something innocent like getting sick in the gate area and throwing up on a ticket agent. I've never been the biggest Jeff Hardy fan on the planet, but I'm pulling for the guy, and I hope that this isn't anything serious. I wouldn't wish his bad luck on most people. Thank you to the following for helping me create ideas for this column: - Back To The Future - Throwback jerseys - Laziness Thank you to the following for helping me get through this column: - Mountain Dew Supernova - Kalua Pork Sammiches - Kind Words Writer's Note: Shout-out to big homie, Chepo, for showing love and for doing the hip-hop thing out in Cali. Bay Area, stand up. His track, "Swagga Jackas", is up on my MySpace page (both my personal page and my HIPRN page), and it came at a good time, considering I'm the columnist that helped all of you build your swag levels up. I recommend that you all check him out at http://www.myspace.com/chepomusic for a dose of that real. Next time I'm in the Bay, I'm definitely gonna have to get at you, my dude. Keep on doing what you're doing. Please believe you'll be involved in the next edition of the Hussies, in one way or another.. lol. I speak the truth.. y'all know what I'm bringing to you.. I bring the truth.. you muthafuckaz know who I be.. I be The Truth.. what I speak shall set you free. Real talk right there. More from Beans himself. Man, you people love me. If I was you, I'd love me, too. This concludes yet another version of Hustle Is Posting Right Now. Hopefully, this version of the "What if..?" game isn't praised like the first version was, as I'm having a hard time coming up with batchfuls of questions for future editions. Ha. In the usual one-week-from-now time frame, I'll be back at you with another HIPRN banger. Until then, I'm gone like Goldie Hawn, nah'mean? Be easy, folks. From mi casa, I bid you farewell. Aloha and Mahalo Nui Loa. "Life can change ya directions, even when you ain't planned it.. all you can do is handle it.. worst thing you can do is panic.. use it to your advantage.. avoid insanity.. manage to conquer every obstacle.. make impossible possible.. even when winning's illogical, losing's still far from optional.." Hustle HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com 
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