|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by YourAyatollah on Monday, August 25, 2008 at 12:54 AM EST
Hello, all, and welcome to the very first edition of Ask Your Ayatollah. Some of you may know me, most of you probably don't. Whichever side of that fence you fall on, I do welcome you, and thank you kindly for checking this out. This should be the beginning of quite the interesting run. For the Ayatollah uninitiated, a brief backstory. I've been kicking around this place for over six years, now, mostly bombing through the Columns section of LoPForums.com. I strongly encourage you to click that link and head on down that way for some of the absolute best wrestling writing on the net. They got some damn fine moderators in there, too. I've won a few awards in there, had an unfortunately brief stint here on the main page of Lords of Pain a few years back, and have since done, well, not much of anything. Last time I was up here, outside a couple Fact or Fiction appearances, was in November of 2006 after winning the October Column of the Month contest of that year in, you guessed it, the Columns section of LoPForums.com. Get used to me whoring that out as much as possible. I love that place. Anyways, after some very strong and quite entertaining convincing by someone I'm rather fond of, I have decided to give this main page writing gig another shot. This time around, though, will be a bit different than your typical wrestling column. For the star of this show, my friends, is you, the reader. If the title wasn't a dead giveaway, this will be all about you guys sending me questions and me, well, answering them. Along the way, you'll see some green text here and there. Nothing spectacular, just a little thing I do where I like to let you guys in on what exactly I'm listening to while I write. Like this. (i believe in a thing called love by the darkness) Spiffy, ain't it? Well, I thought so. So, enough idle chatter. Introductions are complete, the format is pretty basic, and you won't be wondering what the hell's up with all the green song titles. So let's rock it, shall we? As this is the debut edition and I have yet to receive any questions from you fine folks, I called upon some of my favorite folks in the, you guessed it, Columns section of LoPForums.com to provide me with the first round of queries. They came with the goodness, as ever, and I do appreciate them all for agreeing to participate. On with the show. Back to the front. Pnk asks... What do you think of the Kane/Mysterio angle? If you could have seen anything else be done with the answer to Kane's mysterious bag, what would it have been and why? Well, I shall answer this question by giving you my actual reaction upon seeing him pull the mask out of the bag. *Ahem* What. The. Fuck. Yeah, that about gets it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for anything that gets Kane on my television more often. I love that dude, and even though these weird "tortured soul" storylines they keep giving him get redundant after, oh, I dunno, the 83rd fuckin' one, it's still great to see the guy being all productive and stuff. (sweet child o' mine by guns n roses) That being said, Mysterio? Really? The little tiny luchador guy? REALLY? I'm not passing judgment on it quite yet, as I like to consider myself an optimistic kinda guy, and I allow that this feud just may wind up blowing the doors off of RAW. Bout as much chance that monkeys will fly out my butt, but hey, I guess there's a chance. The only part that really pisses me off about it is that they're probably gonna job the Machine to the little dude, and that's weak. Really weak. As to what I'd have rather seen in the bag, well, that's easy. Is he alive or dead is a very vague question, and could have been intended towards many folks from Kane's past. Paul Bearer, Taker, other Kane, etc.. I was cool with the mask in the bag, but I'd have rather seen one of the leather variety. One that covers half the face. One that's black.... and green. That's right, I wish Kane's sack (so wrong) would have contained the mask of his greatest...well, most entertaining, tag team partner. The Hurricane. Sugar Shane has been out for a long time, and it would have been awesome to see him come back to stand alongside his big red pal, the Hurri-Kanes reborn. Yeah, that's bullshit, though it would have rocked. I just wish it had been his old mask, really. (breakdown by tom petty and the heartbreakers) Thanks, dear. sheepster asks... When the division is filled out well, I really enjoy tag team wrestling. Over the years, I've seen many teams that I've taken a liking to almost immediately. Some (Edge and Christian) go on to do great things. Others (The Self Proclaimed World's Greatest Tag Team) sort of fizzle out and never reach anywhere near what you wanted them to do. These days, it's common for a tag team to be torn apart or released after 2 months... but back when tag teams were awesome, what was the one tag team that you fell in love with but were left seriously disappointed by? Good question, my oh so wonderful partner in mod crime. I think the team I would have to say I'm most disappointed in would be what was my then favorite team of the era, the New Age Outlaws. They were so all fired up about pushing Billy Gunn that they broke the team up entirely too early, well before their run had gotten stale at all. Any longtime fan knows what happened next. (interstate love song by stone temple pilots) Billy's push (and the one after that, and The One after that, and the one...) went over about as well as a fart in churth, and Road Dogg, while a damn entertaining participant in the Hardcore goings on of the time, never really had the in ring skill to stand on his own. They tried to put them back together later when the McMahon/Helmsley Facgime was running game, but much like DX altogether at that time, it just didn't feel the same. So yeah, I was a big Outlaws fan, to the point that even when the magic was kinda gone, even when they were VKM or the James Gang or whatever in TNA, I still enjoyed seeing them together. But breaking them up was a big mistake, and the resulting fallout disappointed me more than has the demise of probably any other tag team in the history of the ever. Thank you kindly, my sheep pal. Degenerate asks... How do you think rock music is going to evolve in the next 5-10 years? Do you think some musical genres will emerge on top, as it occurred in the late-90's / early-2000 (like Nu Metal, Metalcore or Rap-Rock)? Do you think some of those aforementioned genres that have faded will re-emerge? Or do you think that things will remain more or less the same as it is now? (inconclusion by dee snider) Honestly? I think it's going to be status quo for the most part. Metal seems to be making something of a resurgence, but that genre has never really been the biggest thing ever, even back when Quiet Riot and Poison were selling out stadiums across the world. And yes, before some disgruntled metalhead writes me, I do feel kinda ashamed of myself for implying that Poison are metal in that sentence. But yeah, I don't so much see things changing around a whole bunch. I, personally, am hoping for something along the lines of the grunge movement to come along again. Less emphasis on eyeshadow, looking badass, and being cool, and more emphasis on just making some good fuckin' tunes. Of course, those things aren't mutually exclusive, as I enjoy My Chemical Romance a good bit, myself, and think they have a knack for writing some damn fine tunes. But Nu Rock, Metalcore, and Rap-Rock are all, quite thankfully, dead and buried. We'll continue on with the metal underground, the radio friendly Seether/Shinedown/Hinder style mainstream rock, and the indie scene will continue to thrive as well as it has over the past few years, probably even moreso. Of course, I'll still listen to the same shit I always have. Speaking of which... (master of puppets by metallica) Thank you, sir. Immunist asks... Which WWE Diva do you think might actually be a man? Which Superstar would you be most likely to stalk? Which Male Superstar stuffs their trunks? How much pain would the Hunter sell if the Helmsley could sell pain? Ah, the rapid fire ones. Gotta love 'em. Beth Phoenix would be the obvious choice, there, but call me crazy, I think she's pretty hot. I think I'd go with Jillian. She just looks like she was assembled from spare lady parts in some demented plastic surgeon's office one drunken weekend. Not a bad looking chick, mind you, but just, like, fake looking. Hmmm. I think the Superstar I'd be most likely to stalk would be My Ayatollah, Chris Jericho. The dude's just cool, and has a lot of spiffy stuff going on in his life. Be pretty boring to stalk any of them, though, as you'd pretty much be driving, sitting in airports, and hanging out in arena parking lots for the most part. If any male Superstar stuffs his trunks, I'd say it's Orton. Call me a homo all you want to, but dammit, I can't be the only one that notices that fuckin' thing all sticking out in every goddamn match. The entirely too small trunks don't help matters much. Motherfucker needs to invest in a jock. Though someone would likely fill it with Icy Hot as soon as his back was turned. Hell, I would, and I don't even know the dude. And not fuckin' much, sir. aisce asks... The John Hughes film Pretty in Pink is based on a misinterpretation of a track by The Psychedelic Furs. If you were to extrapolate an entire movie from one song, what would that song be, and what would be the basic plot outline of your film? As ever, my friend from across the big pond, you force me to use my brain. (black no. 1 by type o negative) I've always been a massive fan of the album Antichrist Superstar by Marilyn Manson, with the title track standing out as one of my very favorites from his overall body of work. The story behind the album and song is very intricate and, for me at least, mentally stimulating. Good, quite rockin' tune and album overall, but even moreso when you take a bit of time to look into the concept behind it all. And yes, Manson haters, it was a simple concept album, not his declaration of being the Antichrist and wanting to end all of mankind. The basic outline would be the story of a young man who has been ostracized and cast aside for his entire life, eventually growing to feel only apathy and hatred for those around him. As this change in perspective took hold, though, it brought with it other changes that had a much larger impact on the world surrounding him. As he came to embrace his hatred, he would be growing into a more powerful entity, drawing those who once mocked and ridiculed him to follow him as he rose to power as a rock star. Eventually, this power would culminate in his gaining a larger following than any religion, made up of fanatical, cultlike devotees who quite literally worship the ground he walks on. He would then turn against them all, condemning them to a life of misery and hell on earth. Thus the line at the end of the song: "In the end, know that I have betrayed you. Will be more suffering." Don't know if that was what you were looking for, and I probably just turned a lot of people off with that whole thing. Oh well. I dig flicks like that, but they always seem to be about some demonic kid or something, like The Omen. I suppose this concept would be along the lines of the Left Behind series, only a precursor and from the perspective of the dark side. (antichrist superstar by marilyn manson) My head hurts now. My sincere thanks to you, aisce, as ever. Alright, we'll wrap this first edition up with this one, from probably one of my absolute biggest supporters in all my various endeavors over the years. The Thurl Formerly Known As Cman asks... Were you a fan of the Bushwackers? If not, were you admittedly a fan of any wrestler or tag team who no one else seemed to like? I must admit, I was never really a Bushwhackers fan. I didn't dislike them, but they just never really appealed to me that much. The licking dudes on the face thing was kinda off, sir. But yes, I have liked many wrestlers over the years that weren't exactly among the most popular of their day. For instance, I was always a massive fan of Cactus Jack, long before anyone really recognized him as anything other than that leopard print dude who hung around with Kevin Sullivan. I also was a very, very big fan of the King of Harts, Owen, dating way on back to his High Energy days with Koko B Ware, before nobody really knew or cared who he was. Those guys became popular, or at least respected, eventually, though. I think you were going more for guys that just flat out never made it, but still hold a special place in my heart. (it ain't like that by alice in chains) Among that lot, there is one name that really stands out to me, that I always regretted never got a really fair shake during his time on the national stage. That name? Hakushi God bless you. Sorry for the lame Lawler-esque joke, kids. Really, though, Hakushi was a bad, bad man, and had some classic matches against guys like The 1-2-3 Kid, Chris Candido, and most notably, the Exellence of Execution, Bret Hart. The dude was doing moves that wouldn't be popular among the mainstream wrestling audience for at least two or three more years, and his Japanese Angel gimmick was just all sorts of awesomeness. His stint in the WWF was very unfortunately short, and isn't really remembered by many. Of course, his stint in ECW is even lesser known. Justifiably so, as it consisted of all of one match. But ah, my friends, what a match it was. Hakushi, under the name Jinsei Shinzaki, and Hayabusa vs ECW Tag Team Champions Sabu and Rob....Van....Dam. Awesome match, one that managed to steal the show even on a card as stacked as the event, Heatwave '98, was. Don't take my word for it, though, check it out for yourself. Awesomeness, sirs. That's just the first part of the contest, with the second half easily found right there on the same page. Great match, and one that comes highly recommended from Your Ayatollah. Regardless, yeah, I was, and am, a big Hakushi fan. Thanks for both the question and the pleasant trip down memory lane, Cman. Alright, so that'll just about wrap it up for this very first edition of Ask Your Ayatollah. I do very much hope you have enjoyed it, and that you are now inspired to pick my brain about all things life, love, music, and especially wrestling. To do so, all you have to do is click right here: AskYourAyatollah@rock.com I can't guarantee a response to every question, of course, as there are limitations to just how far I can take this. However, rest assured that every single question will be read and considered for inclusion among the lot. If you toss one my way and don't see it in the next edition, have no fear, as it just may pop up in a later round of Ask goodness. Also, please remember to let me know how you would like to be addressed when answering. You want me to call you Jimmy Ray, WhoWantsToKnow@vaguesongs.com, or whatever, I do aim to please. If you so wish, you can also hit me up via private message on the forums, or via the soon to be created Ask Your Ayatollah Feedback thread in the aptly titled Feedback section of those very same LoPForums. So many ways to hit a brother up, sirs, and I do expect you to do so. I enjoyed this immensely, I must say. This will probably be a bi-weekly deal for the most part, though I very well may pop in on a weekly basis from time to time. We shall see. Irregardless of that, though, I do very much thank you all for taking the time to check it out. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank that certain someone yet again for both talking me into this and for never failing to boost my ego and encourage me along the way. I don't know how it will be received, honestly. I figure either it'll be a rousing success or an epic fail, with no real middle ground. All hinges on you, dear reader. No pressure. The playlist is ending this evening with Perry Mason by Ozzy Osbourne. Perhaps one of his most overlooked tunes, brimming with badassosity. Yes, that's badassosity. You shall see me here once again sometime within the next couple weeks, this I promise you. Until that time comes, do take care of yourselves out there in the really real world. Much love, kids. Fire at will. -Steve AskYourAyatollah@rock.com
|
|