DaveyBoy’s Wrestling Menu – SummerSlam Review + Football’ing Wrestlers!
Submitted by DaveyBoy on Wednesday, August 20, 2008 at 1:28 AM EST






THE WRESTLING MENU #279

Welcome one and all to the 279th edition of The Wrestling Menu, the column that is sure to satisfy your taste buds when it comes to discussing all things wrestling.

I am thankfully steadily returning back to 100% after being knocked about by a virus and a half over the past fortnight. The drugs obviously took a while to kick in, but once they did, the improvement was significant. I still have a bit of a cough which is a pain in the a$$, but I at least have the energy to be able to do normal things like move more than a few meters at a time now.

Unfortunately, this virus has not allowed me to attend the last couple of Aussie Rules Football matches where my beloved North Melbourne Kangaroos have sewn up a finals (“playoffs” for you Americans) spot after a 6 match winning streak. That, plus the fact that the English Premier League has started its season has resulted in my imagination running wild with an interesting 3 part series which I begin today in the ‘Dessert’ section of my column.

Elsewhere, I would like to direct you to 2 other columns on the LOP main page after you’re done getting through the Menu. Firstly, congratulations go to a new columnist colleague of mine here on LOP; Andy Savana. His main-page debut is well worth your time, so give his ‘Chamber of Pain’ a read when you get a chance.

Furthermore, if this Menu doesn’t contain enough DaveyBoy goodness for you, then you can get even more of yours truly in the August edition of ‘Fact Or Fiction’, which has recently been posted by my PPV Predictions sparring partner Skittlez.

But don’t head off to read those 2 columns just yet as there is a 3 course meal about to be served up to you…..


APPETIZERS

More WWE Releases

As most expected, WWE did not stop at the half a dozen or so wrestlers they released approximately 10 days ago. A few more have been released over this past week, so I thought that I may as well remain consistent and spout out a few comments regarding the recently departed “Superstars”…..

STEVIE RICHARDS: Having had extended stays on the sidelines due to injury and other reasons over his WWE stint, I think Stevie and WWE did well to continue their relationship for this long. Hell, there was even some kind of a promotional push given to Richards earlier this year when WWE ran a couple of vignettes regarding his throat surgeries over his career. Most fans like Stevie and you can count me as one of them, but in truth he was nothing more than an enhancement jobber and I can see why WWE are moving on to give a younger body a try in that same role.

COLIN DELANEY: This release surprises me a little. While Delaney was never going to be a long-term ingredient in WWE, I can’t see the point of signing him to a contract in the first place if they were to let him go this soon. Furthermore, once the trigger was pulled on his heel turn (a turn I disagreed with by the way), I don’t know why a couple of storylines were not at least explored. Strangely enough, I never discounted Delaney having a short ECW Title reign in a Mikey Whipwreck kind of way. Hell, it seemed consistent with the way the title is booked!

THE HIGHLANDERS: Poor old Robbie & Rory… WWE never really took them too seriously and tended to treat them as a comedy act more than anything else (“I’m Robbie”). Before they even debuted, I recommended in my column that they would work best as a part of a stable and I still believe that to this day. They definitely had some talent in an old-school tag-team kind of way, but with the way WWE books tag-teams these days, I guess the writing was on the wall right from the very beginning. If it wasn’t then, it surely was when they half-a$$ed a heel turn a while back!

CHERRY: WWE gave Cherry a try in the ring, but wrestling was never her strong point and the company knew that right from the beginning as she was brought in as a professional manager as such. With Deuce & Domino breaking up & Domino flicked the week before, I guess that WWE didn’t see much worth in Cherry, especially since she didn’t have the diva look similar to Maryse. No great loss I suppose.

Referee WES ADAMS: This decision amazes me. After giving veteran referee Nick Patrick the boot, getting rid of your next best ref seems absurd. Ahhh, who am I kidding, I have no idea which referee Adams was.


MAIN

’SummerSlam’ Review

For those that cannot recall my previous PPV review columns, this is the key that explains what the final PPV Rating means:

<50: Ask for a refund for not only your money, but also your time. [F] (Armageddon '04)
50-54: Mediocre & disappointing. [D] (EG: No Way Out '07)
55-59: Average. [C] (EG: Vengeance ‘07)
60-64: Worth A Watch. [C+] (EG: Great American Bash ’08)
65-69: Good event that was worth the money. [B] (EG: Night Of Champions '08)
70-74: Very good. [B+] (EG: Judgment Day '08)
75-79: Make sure you add this ppv to your video or dvd collection. [A] (EG: Royal Rumble '08)
80+: Make sure that the video or DVD is locked in a safe & cannot be erased. Memorable. [A+]

MVP defeated JEFF HARDY: MVP goes for his kick to the face pseudo-finisher multiple times at the beginning of the match, but Jeff is seemingly ready for the strategy & able to counter. A belly-to-belly throw by the heel gains him control and he follows up with 3 interesting looking submission holds. An attempt at a 4th – a backbreaker – is countered however, leading to solid back & forth action. The finishing sequence then sees Hardy hit a Whisper in the Wind to set up his Swanton finisher. But a distraction by Shelton Benjamin at ringside leads to the Swanton missing & MVP following up with his drive-by kick for the victory after 10 minutes. This was significantly better than the previous ppv match these 2 had and made for a handy opener. Thankfully, the mid-match heel offense was at least something different here, although I still believe these 2 could theoretically put together something better. Match Rating… 7.5

SANTINO MARELLA & BETH PHOENIX defeated KOFI KINGSTON & MICKIE JAMES to Win the InterContinental & Women’s Titles: The 2 ladies kick things off with some pretty intense action before Santino is tagged in to allow Mickie to get some crowd-popping offense on the man with the unabrow. Some mixed signals between Glamarella then allows the champs to hit a flurry of offense, with Mickie especially impressive when handing it to Beth. The Women’s Champion then takes it one step further by hitting her DDT finisher on Santino, but the distraction by the Italian allows Phoenix to hit her chicken-wing faceplant finisher on James for the pinfall at the 6 minute mark. This was a sufficiently entertaining intergender match which delivered what WWE intended it to. I was once more very impressed with the action the 2 women delivered, while both men were disappointingly tame from a wrestling perspective, but contributed well to the entertainment factor. A solid overall package that could have done with a couple of extra minutes. Match Rating… 7.5

SHAWN MICHAELS & CHRIS JERICHO SEGMENT: HBK comes to the ring with his wife Rebecca (who looks a lot different to the Nitro Girl I remember from a decade ago) and announces that on doctor’s orders he has decided to retire from professional wrestling. Michaels highlights some of his career highs & lows before being predictably interrupted by a suit-wearing Chris Jericho. Y2J demands an admission that it was he who retired HBK. Shawn admits that, but throws in some unpleasantries for good measure before asking Jericho to promise to tell his wife & kids that he will never be Shawn Michaels. This leads to an intense stare-down and Jericho eventually throwing a straight right towards his adversary. HBK ducks and the punch hits Rebecca flush, knocking her out. These 2 have been great on the mic throughout their feud & this 14 minute segment was no exception as they took fairly simple subject matter & made it engrossing, as well as a means to an end which is of course to continue the feud while adding an extra ingredient. Segment Rating… 7.5

MATT HARDY defeated MARK HENRY by Disqualification in a Match for the ECW Title: 20 seconds of to’ing and fro’ing ends with Matt hitting the Twist of Fate out of nowhere. But Tony Atlas drags Hardy off the cover and lays into him at ringside, causing the DQ result after just 30 seconds! Jeff Hardy then emerges to make the save and the brother’s double suplex the huge ECW Champion at ringside. Well, it looks as if nothing has changed when it comes to the booking of ECW Title matches on pay-per-view, as this becomes yet another short nothing match which only succeeded in gaining an after-match crowd pop due to a non-ECW roster member! Occasionally I ask myself why I haven’t been watching the weekly ECW show of late. This answered my question. Match Rating… 2.5

CM PUNK defeated JBL to Retain the World HeavyWeight Title: JBL takes less than a minute to lock on a headlock, but CM Punk gets the better of the opening exchanges, ending them with a dropkick, suicide dive to the outside and then a top-rope cross-body for a 2 count. The heel challenger works his way back into the bout though & gets a 2 count of his own with a fallaway slam off the turnbuckle. The pace then predictably slows as JBL alternates between restholds, suplexes & clubbing blows. Punk eventually hits a flurry of moves, but his ribs cannot complete his GTS finisher and JBL scores with a clothesline & numerous elbows.

The 2 then look out on their feet as JBL counters a top-rope move for a powerslam & a 2 count. Back up on the turnbuckles, JBL hits a back superplex for another 2 count, but he then has a huge clothesline attempt countered into the GTS for the champ to retain after 11 minutes. This was not too bad of a match at all. To be honest, I’m uncertain that these 2 are capable of much better than this and they struggled to make it last it’s not so long duration. But that duration was about right and this was pretty good for what it was because it contained enough action when all was said and done. If anything, the out-of-nowhere finishing sequence could have been performed a little better, even if it is putting over the suddenness of the GTS. Match Rating… 7.5

TRIPLE H defeated THE GREAT KHALI to Retain the WWE Championship: Triple H goes for an early Pedigree but has no luck as Khali lands an early 2 handed choke-slam. The giant Indian then goes for the kill with his vice-grip finisher, but H escapes and hits a chop-block. To ringside the 2 go, where Khali gets the better of the action following a chop to the head. Back in the ring, the heel challenger goes to work as the crowd chants “You Can’t Wrestle”. Of all things, Khali replies with a resthold before H eventually escapes & attempts another Pedigree. Khali counters with a backdrop to the outside though, before the 2 go back & forth on the apron. The vice-grip is once more locked on, but H hulks up, avoids a clothesline & hits the Pedigree for the win after 10 minutes. I suppose these 2 did well to get to that match duration and there was less dead time than I thought there would be. But this was still pretty average and brought down by its predictability & inevitability. Match Rating… 6

BATISTA defeated JOHN CENA: Despite the lack of a favorable crowd reaction, Cena slightly has the better of the opening back & forth’s, which even includes a near-fall for both men. Cena has an early F-U attempt countered & Batista takes the opportunity to hit a chop-block. Big Dave then continues to channel Ric Flair by locking on a figure 4 leglock, but Cena buys some time by eventually getting free & dumping his opponent to ringside F-U style. The trademark Cena offensive flurry follows, before Batista scores with some intense shots of his own. It is then Cena’s turn to go low & he subsequently locks on the STF-U, which Batista eventually breaks by reaching the ropes. The Animal then counters an F-U attempt with a messy looking rear choke. A spear follows for a super close near-fall, before Cena amazingly counters a slam attempt to land an F-U for a 2.9 of his own.

The 2 then slug it out on the top-rope, before Batista counters a Cena leg-drop attempt for a messy looking powerbomb and yet another false finish. This literally enrages The Animal who scores with a huge kick to the head & follows it up with the fatal blow that is the Batista Bomb at the 14 minute mark. Wow, that was one hell of a back & forth high-impact match that was simply a non-stop ride and a half. In fact, maybe it was too much so as there was hardly a spare second to take it all in. They seemed to be in a rush to get where they were going and in retrospect the duration was never going to get to 15 minutes. Don’t get me wrong though, while this did have a couple of messy moments, it was still very involving, entertaining & memorable, whilst having no wasted moments at all. Match Rating… 8.5

THE UNDERTAKER defeated EDGE in a Hell In A Cell Match: Edge successfully conveys pre-match eagerness for the challenge he is about to face & takes that attitude into the bout as he attacks from the get-go. But his eagerness is used against him by his opponent who quickly takes the action to the floor & begins to use the cage as a weapon. Edge has some success with the help of the steel steps though & then follows it up with some chair-shots while setting up tables & ladders everywhere. The first use of the furniture comes when Edge uses a chair to help him put ‘Taker through a table for a 2 count. Back to the floor they go where Edge hits a huge spear on the Phenom… So huge that the 2 went through a panel of the cell in a crowd-popping spot! This brings the announce tables into play and Edge hits another huge spear across & then through one of them to the amazement of the crowd! The 2 eventually get back in the ring where Edge gets a 2 count with a camera shot to the head, but ‘Taker gets the same result by countering another spear into a choke-slam.

As we cross the 20 minute mark, it is then Edge’s turn to score a near-fall with an Impaler DDT and he gets just as close with yet another spear. A Last Ride Powerbomb then gets a 2 count for The Undertaker, before Edge foolishly attempts old-school only to be choke-slammed through 2 ringside tables! It is then revenge time for the dead man as hits a spear, a camera shot & a conchairto before ending this grueling match with a tombstone piledriver at the 27 minute mark. A thoroughly satisfying main-event, this may have had a couple of slow passages, but they were more than made up for with a few huge spots and a terrific finishing sequence which cleverly played into the long feud that these 2 have had. It is a little shame that WWE had to go overboard afterwards and have Edge choke-slammed through the ring & then set on fire! This match of the night is a genuine match of the year contender. Match Rating… 9

PPV RATING (56/80) = 70

Looking at the key, I have basically given the 2008 version of ‘SummerSlam’ a 'B+' grade & said that it was ‘very good'. I am ultimately glad that this event was able to reach that mark as I thought it was exceptionally solid when discounting the ridiculously short ECW Title Match. All of the undercard bouts (& segment) did their job well with most providing good quality entertainment in one form or another. Meanwhile, the 2 main-events very much delivered to their potential despite not being entirely perfect. This wasn’t quite up to the standard set by the 2002 version of SummerSlam, but in a way it was structured similarly and was all the better for that.


DESSERT

3 Part Football’ing Wrestlers Series

I seriously don’t know how this topic idea entered my mind not long back, but it did and I’m going to run with it for some fun. Starting today and then to be included on my next 2 columns, I am going to name what I believe would be the most appropriate team that the current WWE roster would field in 3 separate football codes. Today I list (and explain) which WWE superstars would make for a good soccer team, while in the following weeks I will do the same with both Australian Rules Football and American Football.

I hope that is clear enough. If it is not, I am certain you will get the gist as you read on (presuming you at least have a basic knowledge of the sport of soccer)…..

WWE’s Soccer Team

Goalkeeper: Edge

Defenders: Jeff Hardy - Finlay - Paul Burchill - Shelton Benjamin

Midfielders: Rey Mysterio - Shawn Michaels - Chris Jericho - Carlito

Strikers: John Cena - Randy Orton

Substitutes: Kane - Vladimir Kozlov - Matt Hardy - Santino Marella - Mr.Kennedy


EXPLANATIONS

EDGE (GK): Edge best fits the bill as a soccer goalkeeper because he is the most athletic of the taller WWE wrestlers. While he is not built as solidly as most goalkeepers, he does have near-perfect height. Meanwhile, his seemingly long reach should work well in combination with his athleticism to be able to give him the best chance possible to keep out those well-directed shots heading for the top corner.

JEFF HARDY (Def): Most soccer teams have a wing-back who seems to spend more time running up the sidelines trying to set up goals rather than staying back and defending them. Jeff fits this role perfectly as you could just picture him bursting past his midfield team-mates trying to get involved in a piece of the offensive action, while his manager frantically urges him to get back and play his role in defense.

FINLAY (Def): The Irish are decent soccer players and Finlay fits the role of a defender (or maybe a defensive midfielder) who is able to handle the opposition's strongest forward, while also serving out some physical punishment to scare the pretty boys in the opposition out of their tiaras. In other words, he is the team thug.

PAUL BURCHILL (Def): It is arguable that the English are decent soccer players as well (although their non-qualification for the latest European Championships would suggest otherwise). Burchill has deceptive height and strength which should serve him well as WWE's centre-back, while he also has above-average speed & athleticism which suggests that swifter opposition strikers shouldn't take too much advantage of him.

SHELTON BENJAMIN (Def): If one wide defender is usually enigmatic like Jeff Hardy, the player in the position on the opposite side of the field is usually the player full of potential, but who can never quite take that next step to greatness. Benjamin fits this role perfectly from both a wrestling perspective, but also in terms of his stature as he is about the right height, weight and has all the athletic factors required to fill the role.

REY MYSTERIO (Mid): Often soccer teams will have a tiny but lightning fast wide midfielder-come forward who terrorizes opposition teams and looks most dangerous without ever actually doing a great deal (similar to Tottenham's Lennon or Arsenal's Walcott). Rey Mysterio fits this role perfectly and if he was to be on the same side of the field as Jeff Hardy, it would literally be the entertaining train-wreck that a wrestling match between the 2 would be!

SHAWN MICHAELS (Mid): I thought the closest thing the WWE has got to someone who could control the midfield of a soccer team would be Shawn Michaels. This position on the pitch is usually reserved for someone around the height of 6 foot tall, someone with experience and someone who can move around fairly well without being the very best athlete on his team. Shawn Michaels fits the bill well and the clinching factor is that he may be the most reliable person come game time that WWE has.

CHRIS JERICHO (Mid): Soccer teams with good depth will usually have 2 of the Michaels type and simply play an alignment which is able to fit both men in. Jericho easily fits the bill as the next HBK and could very well play a slightly more defensive midfield role for the time being, while slotting in to the Michaels role if injury saw HBK spend some time on the sidelines.

CARLITO (Mid): What would a soccer team be without some South American flair in it? Carlito is the closest thing to a Brazilian or Argentinian that WWE has and similarly to some of their soccer players, he is also a frustrating youngster with more talent than his output would suggest. Plus, he would have serious cushioning effect when heading the ball.

JOHN CENA (Fwd): Who else would be the man to score all the important goals? Fans of this soccer team would suggest that his team-mates do all the work while Cena simply finished things off, but it would soon become clear that this striker was in fact a rather hard-worker and especially important member of the team overall to the point it wouldn't quite be the same without him.

RANDY ORTON (Fwd): Orton would be the striker that most people (even some of his own team's supporters) love to hate. He would often go games on end without getting a touch of the ball, but would always come good when his place in the side was questioned in the media. Often scoring goals when a game is all over, his height and athleticism shows unlimited potential, but his injury-prone body would also count against him at all the important times.

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KANE (Sub - GK): Backup goalkeepers are usually backups for a reason. They show some talent, but will usually only go so far in their careers. Sometimes it will be the tendency to not quite perform to the best of their ability when it matters most and sometimes it will be an impromptu crazy mistake which will have them only used when injuries and other factors force the #1 man out of the team. Yep, Kane fits that bill perfectly, while having about the right stature for a goalkeeper.

VLADIMIR KOZLOV (Sub - Def): If Finlay was finding it difficult to fulfill his role in the team due to a lack of height (most likely due to the height of an opposition striker), then someone would be required to fill that role as a substitute. Kozlov seems perfect to me and rather does remind me of a few defenders who tend to play very well against the more lumbering opposition forwards, but get turned inside-out by anyone with just a little bit of pace.

MATT HARDY (Sub - Def/Mid): It is always important to include a Mr Fix-It on the substitutes bench just in case a number of occurrences happen. Matt Hardy plays the role of the versatile hard-worker for WWE very well and I could see him also successfully completing such a role on the company's soccer team. Whether he is required as a defender, midfielder or even a striker, just call on Matt and he will try his darnedest to get the job done.

SANTINO MARELLA (Sub - Mid): While many soccer teams have some European stars as their best players, for every superstar there is about 10 of the same type who don't even deserve to be playing in the same division... Yet they do because they are indeed European, even if they probably have been recruited from Serie C in Italy! These players will talk the talk, but will most likely not walk the walk come game time. Marella fits this bill perfectly.

MR.KENNEDY (Sub - Fwd): Lurking on the substitutes bench for every soccer team is a potentially gifted striker who seems to play best when coming off the bench to usually score a late winning goal. Yet, when the same player is started, he tends to not gain the same results that his manager would like over a 90 minute period. Just like in WWE, Mr. Kennedy is poised to take the role of a main-eventer from someone such as Orton... He just needs to capitalize on the opportunity when given the chance to do so.


Well, that was something a little different! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did compiling it. #279 also saw another pay-per-view in the books. If there is anything you agreed or disagreed on with regards to my ‘SummerSlam’ review, please don’t hesitate to email me. Ditto if you believe I missed an obvious WWE wrestler who would make for a good soccer player. Please just be a little patient with my reply getting back to you though, as I still have a dozen or so pieces of feedback to respond to from my last column due to my illness putting me a little behind. My e-mail address is DaveyBoy123@bigpond.com, but if you are an LOP Forums member, it would be much appreciated if you could leave feedback on my thread at http://www.lopforums.com/showthread.php?t=159

With the next pay-per-view only 3 weeks away, I will most likely take next week off from column writing. But fear not, I will unleash edition #280 of the Menu at you on the 3rd of September where I will predict whatever the hell event we are next coming up to, as well as throwing another batch of WWE Superstars onto a football field. My column will be posted at the same Wednesday time on the same LOP channel. Until then, this is DaveyBoy signing off & asking you to remember that dinner is best served in 3 courses.


And remember that DaveyBoy's Album Reviews can be viewed at: http://www.sputnikmusic.com/user_reviews.php?memberid=268913


DaveyBoy’s Wrestling Menu. 2002-2008

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