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Submitted by SkittleZ on Sunday, July 13, 2008 at 5:45 PM EST
 Ahoy there my Fruity Followers! This is LoP's resident Candyman coming at you once again from the lush hills of Connecticut. It has been humid as shit out lately and although this trip was originally scheduled to be a vacation, my Pops has drug me to work with him during the busy summer and I've officially been on the payroll for over a month. How I get sucked into these situations I may never truly know. But as I was saying, welcome back to the latest installment of Taste My Rainbow. The column that's banned in most states across the country. Let me take a quick second to congratulate the newest member of the Main Page, SUPERFAN!, on his well deserved promotion. His material is as unorthodox as you'll find on the internet but its well worth the time so make sure you check out his work before I poison you with spoiled candy. With that being said, it's on with the show.  I wasn't able to order Night of Champions but I read some detailed results and now wish I would've watched it. The night as a whole, and especially the HHH/Cena rematch, sounded like great stuff all around. Not the best PPV of 2008 thus far but certainly nowhere near the bottom of the list. So it appears like DaveyBoy is safe this time around as I wasn't able to make up any ground in our now famous Prediction Contest. The important thing to take away from Night of Champions is that I didn't fall back any further. Me and DaveyGirl had two different predictions but both were practically negated. The Divas Championship match never made the card and we picked Big Show and Kane to walk away with the ECW Title just to see Mark Henry steal the victory and the belt. So after eight pay per views, the overall standings are as such: Tell me whatever you want but the Draft Lottery was a huge success in several different aspects. Initially, fans were complaining (what's new?) that the WWE moved around all of their top stars but screwed over all of the lower card guys. Well the Supplemental Draft took care of that. My only complaint would be all of the unnecessary split ups of tag teams. While it is no secret that the tag team division has been overlooked for years now, breaking up a few of the more well known duos was a bone head move. Cade & Murdoch, London & Kendrick as well as Deuce & Domino now all reside on separate shows and I can't really figure out why. Besides that, I'm happy with mostly all the big moves except for maybe MVP remaining on SmackDown. I think at this point in his career, Porter would benefit most from performing on the RAW brand. ECW received the shaft but we're all use to it by now so I just discount them as a whole. Hmmmm... so the newly crowned ECW Champ Mark Henry has a WWE Hall of Famer working briefly as his manager? I can dig it. Henry has a very small following but has served the company for over a decade altogether and kind of deserves a small push like this. As long as his stint doesn't run too long or become stale, everything should turn out fine and dandy. Hopefully, the WWE uses Henry's reign to put over an up-and-coming babyface in the near future. Although Tony Atlas is mainly on television to promote his new book, I believe having him in Henry's corner on a weekly basis gives the ECW Champion's character another aspect and brings something relatively fresh to his dull character. How long will it last? I say Atlas hangs around until SummerSlam at the latest (or until Henry drops the belt). I'm still not completely sure why Big Show isn't champion yet. Great American Bash, anyone? So this Cena/Mickie backstage lust episode has me a little underwhelmed. I really don't know nor care where this is heading but I'm feeling like we have to be heading towards a heel turn for one of them.... right? Fuck if I know. You tell me. Perhaps Cena and Mickie have been so overexposed since debuting on RAW that the writers have basically ran out of things to do with them. It isn't as if Cena is still his invincible self and needs a damsel in distress to knock him back down a few pegs. The guy has failed to win any big marquee matches since the Royal Rumble. Why does Mickie James need to be hanging around with Cena? She's in the midst of her fourth Women's Title reign. Yes they're both young, good looking and successful. I get that part. But does it mean we need to see them on RAW every week trading inside jokes and articles of clothing? Absolutely not.  I remember reading it last November on a handful of wrestling websites.... WWE was planning on pairing up Vicky Guerrero with Edge immediately upon his return. And not just in a manager role no. Vicky was the new SmackDown General Manager (a dark day in WWE history) and she would find herself in a tangled web of love with the Rated R Superstar. Upon hearing the news, I felt a little uneasy. Perhaps even disgusted. Edge is probably my overall favorite wrestler and to see him return after a four month layoff to this abortion of a storyline did not sit well with me whatsoever. I understand the 'Ultimate Opportunist' gimmick but was it really necessary to take it to this level? Yeah... it worked for Triple H but I can excuse that one as Stephanie is fairly attractive. Vicky, on the other hand, isn't exactly easy on the eyes if you get my drift. While I don't plan to turn this into a 'Vicky is fugly' column, you must agree with me that she's pretty hideous. Her face is all distorted, she has a lazy eye and isn't what I'd call in top physical condition. But despite all of those flaws, I am not the type of guy to hold a grudge just because she isn't identical to Kelly Kelly or Candice Michelle. There could be a huge Vicky fan club out there somewhere and that's perfectly fine. The SmackDown GM just doesn't do it for me. My initial reason for despising her and Edge's unrelenting lust for one another was based solely on the fact that I felt she was weighing down the former World Heavyweight Champion. I mean Edge was with Lita for a year and a half and had done extremely well on his own once she left the company in November of '06. He cashed in his second Money in the Bank opportunity successfully and he did it all by himself. Why throw him to the dogs by teaming him with Eddie's widow? It just didn't seem to register with me. Surely, the WWE could pull better shit out of their asses than this. Couldn't Edge do just as well with solely Ryder and Hawkins by his side? The Rated R Superstar looks a hell of a lot less extreme when he's tonguing down Vicky in every backstage segment. However, I've found as time went on that the storyline hasn't gone all that terrible and not only won Edge two more World Championships but has given him a huge stable to run roughshod over SmackDown in La Familia. And as I mulled over it more and more often, I realized Vicky couldn't possibly get any worse. Working with a talent like Edge must be beneficial in many ways especially when it's a long term program. I noticed I've been watching SmackDown much more consistently now than ever before and I stumbled upon a bewildering conclusion... Vicky Guerrero has done a good job thus far! Not only that but she's improved considerably since she replaced Teddy Long early last fall and has made tremendous strides in evolving her ruthless character. Naturally, Vicky needed direction if she was slated to remain on television for a lengthy duration. You see it with every heel General Manager (Eric Bischoff, Kurt Angle, William Regal, Coach, etc). What sense would it make for her to aimlessly take shots at random babyfaces and bombard them with unfair and distasteful scenarios? While you can make a case for other past and current GM's, Vicky just doesn't fit the mold. She doesn't have the business experience to portray that role effectively. That's mainly why Vicky was paired up with an established veteran such as Copeland. Someone to learn the ropes from so to speak. An individual to work off of and more importantly, someone to carry her. This is where I believe the SmackDown GM has upped her game over the past eight months... getting herself over with the live audience. Argue it to the death if you want but Vicky generates some of the best heel heat from a live audience that I've ever seen. While it's pretty obvious that she receives more of a Khali-esque heat than good natural heel heat, it still comes down to getting over in some way, shape or form. That's the bottom line. Every Friday night when Vicky comes out, I know that ninety nine percent of those people detest her while half of them wish a legit injury upon her. That's doing your job right there. The crowd groans when Vicky blabs on the microphone with that awful screechy voice. They shout in protest when Undertaker or Batista are placed in yet another outlandish predicament in which their chances of triumphing are slim to none.  Vicky has learned how to gauge the crowd. When to egg them on and when to pause and allow the heat to engulf the arena. Not everyone can do that. This is where I believe Vicky not fitting the prototypical mold of a WWE Diva works in her favor. Not being graced by God's good looks helps keep the male portion of the crowd from catcalling out of lusty desires. Vicky's pitbull-like look she has going on really appears to be doing the trip. Her wheelchair escapades, on the other hand, are not. Half of the time, I can't tell if she's injured or faking it. One minute she's hobbling around, the next she's getting dropped on her head for the umpteenth time and the next she's running to her fiance's aid. Why the hell is the handicapped storyline there in the first place? It doesn't add to the angle whatsoever. I mean it isn't like Vicky poses much of a physical threat on her own two stubby feet. The SmackDown GM is obviously still very green in many aspects of her role. The progress has been steady but there's still several ways in which Vicky can pick up her game. While she can simply stroll out on the ramp and cause the crowd to erupt in a chorus of boos, her mic skills have many flaws that need fixing. While favoring Edge, Chavo, Ryder and Hawkins gets the job done, taking verbal stabs at the audience would help get the audience really riled up. Perhaps even have Vicky treat SmackDown's top face Divas like garbage. I wouldn't go as far as to have her unfairly win the Divas Championship (circa Stephanie McMahon-Helmesly 2000) but placing Guerrero in a few one on one or mixed tag team matches would really throw a few more logs on the fire. I'm still not entirely convinced that this angle is bumping Edge up any further up the ladder than he'd previously been. The power he now has in his grips is a definite plus but beyond that pro, quite a few negatives have caught my eye over the last eight months. Where does Edge go from here? Is WWE planning on turning this into the second coming of Triple H and Stephanie? Will this angle prove to be much longer than we all assumed? And if so, will the Rated R Superstar continue to enjoy constant championship matches and title reigns? If that's the case, will Edge begin to get the same rap as Hunter amongst the wrestling world and IWC as a guy who's hogging the top spot and always benefiting from it? I'd venture out and say the Ultimate Opportunist is clean of the crime in that regard. The storyline is just that after all and I'm pretty damn sure far more wrestlers and fans believe Edge has earned his spot (as opposed to The Game). All of Edge's short spurts as champion are really hurting him in the long run in my opinion. They're losing him credibility and making the Rated R Superstar out to look like a transitional champ. The facts are that Edge is a five time World Heavyweight/WWE champion and his longest reign to date was three months and two weeks. Shit.... the guy may be injury prone but only one of his reigns has been cut short because of it. With the vile Vicky at the helm, a lengthy title stint for Edge should really be no tall task. Unfortunately, I feel it may be too late now that Triple H has been drafted over to the SmackDown brand and the move appears to be a legit one. How the hell is a heel such as the Rated R Superstar suppose to carry the WWE Title for an extended amount of time with The Game lurking around? This whole wedding debacle has me scratching my head as well. How many of these have we seen? And more importantly, how many of these WWE weddings actually accomplish something or advance a storyline? Eh.... WWE will get the memo some day. Talk about taking the label 'soap opera' to the extreme. Check out this list: HHH and Stephanie, Billy and Chuck, Al Wilson and Dawn Marie, Lita and Edge, Teddy Long and Kristal and a whole slew of others I'm probably forgetting. Are these weddings becoming like an annual tradition or something? God, I hope not. When Edge called off their wedding a few weeks go, I was thrilled. However, the big day was put back in motion and I shook my head in disgust. I'm far from gay but Edge can realistically do a hell of a lot better than Vicky. I say murder her and make it look like an accident. THAT I would mark hard for. Will we get much more out of this Vicky/Edge fiasco? I doubt it. The La Familia stable is one positive in a field full of negatives and unanswered questions. As expected, the storyline has raised Vicky's status up a few pegs while Edge has simply remained in neutral the entire time. Honestly, I'll be surprised if the couple makes it to Christmas intact. I just don't see it having enough legs to last for several more months. I could be dead wrong however. I mean when the storyline first began, people shit all over it.... yet look where we are now and La Familia are still going strong. Once Edge and Vicky eventually split, I'm clueless as to what to do with Vicky. The Rated R Superstar doesn't appear to be turning face any time soon and there is little damage the SmackDown GM can inflict once they are apart that will make any sense. I say run the angle until you can't run it any longer and then have Vicky taken off television permanently somehow. Just no more death-related incidents.... Vince seems to have all of those covered.  The answer to my riddle from TMR [23] was indeed "Howard Finkel". HA! I bewildered the majority of you last time out with my complex riddle. In fact, there was a 32 PERCENT DECREASE in the overall guess ratio (46%). I'd like to take this time to credit myself for being such a puzzling genius. Alright then... time for a new challenge. _________________________________________________________________________________________ I've won a championship seven times during my relatively short WWE tenure. Did I get here the hard way? Well that can be somewhat disputed. I can be flashy and dated a gorgeous WWE Diva at one time. I've got a gimmick not quite as ridiculous as the Boogeyman. I can hold my own but have enjoyed considerable success with a partner. _________________________________________________________________________________________ Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.  I'll take this time to throw out a quick congratulations to my boy Andy Savana on his recent June Column of the Month victory. A great diverse writer who I personally would love to see get a crack at the Main Page with a full time gig. Andy's been writing columns on LoP for just about as long as I have. He's written over 30 individual columns and is widely known amongst the Columns Forum. Savana is an oddball no doubt and has been known to raise an eyebrow or two before with his offbeat humor and remarks but I happen to be good friends with the kid and therefore I'm sure he means well (or at least I hope so). You can find his CotM piece a spot or two below mine on the Columns Main Page. Go click the link and proceed with caution. Make sure to keep an eye out for a brand spanking new edition of Fact or Fiction. I've put together an all star cast that I'm sure will deliver. I'll have it up some time between Wednesday and Friday. To keep myself motivated with Fact or Fiction and presenting the LoP audience with some new material every month, I've started to book participants in advance. Plus, it ain't like I have to do any work. I simply gather all the contributions, pull it together and clean it up. So yeah, give me a few days to get it posted. I'm not talking about the same fifteen people over and over either. We're bringing in folks from all walks of life to aid the column's overall perception and demographic. Yes.... I am a fucking loser. Cut me some slack. Let the plugging commence... Sheepster has recently created his own website. If you're looking for a good laugh, I suggest checking it out. - Sheeps' Comic Strips. This new guy Warchild puts an interesting spin on things. See for yourself. - The Indie Playlist #5- Earlimart+Supergrass, Surfing, Rey Mysterio, GAB, and Marella Could it be? A Random AND Ayatollah sighting? Working harmoniously together?!? This you gotta see. - Two Man Power Trip: Topanga Bomb Is our precious time together over already? Ah, indeed it is. Well I had a blast but its time to get a steppin'. I'm a busy man these days and I'm actually on my way out the door right now (even at this hour). But I'm committed as a mother fucker and you can count on me being back here in two weeks with a live report of the July 21st RAW. Why would you be interested and why would I even bother covering such a bland topic? Because I will be at the arena in person and I have fantastic seats! As much as I'd like you to check out my take, make it a point to check out JetSetPoker's RAW reports on LoP's Main Page. Excellent stuff. Alright, I'm gone. If you'd like to throw in your two cents, drop by my mail box and leave my some fruity feedback at (Skittlez601028@aim.com). Make sure to delete all the porn off of your computer and I'll see you next time around. Later homies.
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