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Submitted by SkittleZ on Sunday, June 29, 2008 at 5:01 AM EST
 So here's how it went down, people. I initially planned to write up a Chris Benoit related column until Degenerate covered the topic in his latest piece a few days ago. I shrugged it off after a little contemplation and prepared to proceed with my original plans. That was until big bad Tito, who I thought would touch on the Draft Lottery instead, stole my remaining thunder. Ultimately, I decided to take a different route and alas here we are. So be happy bitches that you aren't getting the thirty fourth Benoit rehash because I could've taken the easy way out. With that being said, welcome to the latest and greatest volume of Taste My Rainbow. The sole column on this entire website that finds happiness in butterflies and unicorns. Very little bullshit to blab about today so lets get right into it.  I believe old DaveyBoy's beginning to feel the pressure as I've narrowed the gap between us considerably over the last couple pay per views. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he ducked out of the contest altogether to spare himself the humiliation. I seriously doubt it will compare to the embarrassment I suffered last year when I went down in defeat to DaveyGirl. Anyways, I'm actually looking forward to tonight's PPV. People have been whining about how the Draft has forced fans to downplay and/or look past Night of Champions. As long as I get my forty bucks worth, who the fuck really cares? There are a few matches I'm not sure about specifically but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Here are the latest standings in the prediction contest: Mickie James vs. Katie Lea for the Women's Championship This feud had progressed nicely up until this past Monday when Lea didn't even make it onto live television. Whoever made that decision should be spray tanned with a blow torch. Since dropping the title to Mickie back in April, Beth Phoenix has been practically nonexistent. James has done well thus far in her reign as she's no stranger to carrying the Women's Title. Katie's not too bad in the ring though I'd put her in the same category as Maria who isn't yet prepared to lead the Women's Division. I like the idea of Lea as champion but right now is simply way too soon. The match in general will be kept short and I wonder if big brother will get involved somehow. Either way, I expect Mickie to make quick work of her hot foreign foe and walk out still Women's Champ. Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. & ??? for the World Tag Team Championships I strongly believe this will be more of a storyline bout as we are likely to see very little (if any) wrestling in this match. As reported many times earlier, Dibiase's mystery partner was likely to be DH Smith. Since then, the 'Canadian Bulldog' has been drafted to SmackDown and the word going around the IWC lately is that Dibiase's partner will be none other than Cody Rhodes himself. I kind of like that idea. It makes sense logically. The show is stacked and this will be one of the matches which gets pressed for time. So I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Dibiase will likely come out by himself and then Cody will turn on Holly a few minutes into the match. Rhodes receives the heel turn, he and Dibiase walk out with the belts, Holly is toast and the groundwork will be laid for a second generation stable. No matter how it plays out, we will have a title change here. Natalya Neidhart vs. Michelle McCool for the vacant Diva's Championship Hooray. I'm so... excited. Actually, I like what I've seen from Neidhart up to this point. She sort of reminds me of a slightly smaller Beth Phoenix while teaming with Victoria never hurts. This new championship has me a bit puzzled and I fear a major flop so lets pray that the WWE know what they're doing or that a unification bout is in our not-so-distant futures. While it hasn't yet to be officially announced, McCool seems like the best competition available for Neidhart from SmackDown or ECW. With the shallow Divas wrestlers on the blue brand, it's in the division's best interest to stretch this program out to maximum length. Much like Beth in her earlier days, look for Nattie to be booked impressively in convincing fashion to claim the new Diva's Title. I'm definitely NOT happy about this. Where are thou Cruiserweights? John Morrison & The Miz vs. Finlay & Hornswoggle for the WWE Tag Team Championships As I've mentioned previously, Miz and Morrison have grown on me during their title run. Finlay as a babyface on the other hand has proved to be a complete debacle. I want the bad ass Irishman again and Horny the little bastard pest. I have to settle for this little goody goody act? Really? Seriously? Alright, I'll do it. Just don't expect me to like it. The chances of Finlay and Horny pulling this off are minimal but perhaps this is the big surprise of the night? If that turns out to be the case, WWE and their writers need to do some serious soul searching. Miz and Morrison have a good thing going and they aren't about to waste it on these shmucks. The heels retain and move on to another tag team which measures up better. Matt Hardy vs. Chavo Guerrero for the United States Championship From memory, I can't remember these two ever going at it before; let alone on a pay per view for a singles title. Can't say much about the build since Vicky just handed Chavo this match as a gift. Matt will have to thwart Bam Neely's constant interfering but I don't see that factoring into the final result since Chavo's bodyguard will find some blatant way to get himself ejected from ringside. Matt has represented the United States Title well and there's no reason to end it so abruptly. Being Hardy's first major singles title and all, it would be wise if the WWE milked it and allowed Matt to carry the championship into the fall. These two should match up well and a solid ten minute contest appears like the right way to go. I'd like to see Matt continue to feud with La Familia but this may be a one and done deal. Hardy finds a way to escape with his gold intact. Chris Jericho vs. ??? for the Intercontinental Championship What an awesome feud Jericho and HBK have going on. I had my doubts but they've turned me into a believer. Unfortunately, Michaels 'eye injury' will keep him out of action though I don't think that will keep old HBK from at least attempting to cost Y2J the match. Part of me wants to think Shawn will further the feud by screwing over Jericho but I ultimately see it going differently. As for Y2J's opponent for Night of Champions, I'm picturing a popular babyface to step in and challenge Jericho. Maybe even a newcomer by way of the Draft Lottery. Y2J will work the crowd over with his heel tactics and bitter attitude before finishing off his opponent rather decisively. I may lack the knowledge to correctly predict who will step in to challenge Jericho but I can promise they won't be walking out a happy customer. Kane vs. Big Show vs. Mark Henry in a Triple Threat Match for the ECW Championship See, I don't like Henry being placed in this championship bout. All he will do is slow down the pace even more and that's really the last thing this match needs. By themselves, Kane and Big Show can put on an entertaining contest when given the opportunity. But the fact is they're monsters and monsters slug it out. Henry is the master of this and likes to play a game called "how slow can you move before the crowd stops believing". With Kane off to RAW, I can't picture ECW without a major title (if you can even call it that). Henry doesn't alter my pick whatsoever; just makes the ring appear smaller when they're all in there. Since jobbing to Mayweather at WM24, Big Show has been nearly unstoppable. So with that, I'm choosing Big Show to capture his second ECW Championship. Edge vs. Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship Again? Thank Lord for the Draft. If the Animal weren't on his way to RAW, I'd be really concerned about the direction of his character from here on out. Who was their left for Batista to feud with? Luckily, he's been off RAW long enough to find some freshness on the premier brand. Poor Edge. Its always either an injury or a short title reign that plagues the Rated R Superstar. I had a ton of trouble trying to predict the outcome of these last two matches. I am well aware that Edge just reclaimed the World Title four weeks ago. But what can I say.... the guy always ends up on the short end of the stick. A lot of different ideas are swimming around in this fat head of mine but the one that sticks out the clearest is Edge strutting into SmackDown Friday night with the World Heavyweight Championship still firm in his grasp. It just feels too early into Edge's title stint for this epic of an event to take place. Edge will use Vicky to bail him out or will weasel out a win. I say Batista thrashes the Edgeheads but Edge upsets the Animal to retain the World Title. Triple H vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship Perhaps I'm in the minority but I've been eagerly awaiting this rematch since WrestleMania 22. Not that the first encounter was all that good. But right now, any intelligent wrestling fan knows that a match of this magnitude on this stage is serious business. While it may not exactly be Rock versus Austin, this is about as close as we're going to get. You would think that Triple H would be the obvious choice. Cena still owes The Game for putting him over two years ago and this would seem like the best possible time. But something tells me H is out to prove us all wrong. Shit.... he already agreed to jump to SmackDown (just disregard it making H's current schedule easier). Having The Game as the chaser once again wouldn't hurt, right? I foresee an Edge/HHH clash at SummerSlam but who the fuck will walk in with the title? Triple H is going to give it up like a cheap whore tonight when Cena stuns us all by triumphing over The Game yet again to win his fourth WWE Championship.  While this issue is anything but new, I figured it was about damn time I vented my frustrations on Carlito and his nonstop bitchiness. Every time the heat begins to wear off and his name goes a few months without popping up in various wrestling reports, Carlito lets loose and starts flapping his gums. I understand the frustrations over his uninspired booking but he knows how this business works. Unless you're Triple H or the Undertaker, do your job and keep quiet outside the realm of kayfabe. Carlito's latest qualm took place mere days before he was drafted to SmackDown. Coincidence? Hell no. I personally believe that Carlito's diatribe last week played a part in his demotion. Though at this point, a change of scenery and writers may be just what the doctor ordered for the former Intercontinental and United States Champion. Will Carlito ever really learn his lesson? That Puerto Rican temper of his always seems to set back his floundering WWE career. The first outburst that comes to mind was last year when Carlito was upset about him and the Nature Boy being left off the WrestleMania card. The two were both babyfaces and Flair had sort of taken Carlito under his ring. This of course led to a short term tag team run in which we all knew Carlito would turn on his veteran partner some time in the near future. I'm not sure what exact plans the WWE had in mind for the feud but it obviously wasn't to add a Carlito/Flair bout to the show. Both men expressed their disappointment although Carlito couldn't contain himself and sounded off to the media. As you can imagine, the WWE doesn't take too kindly to their own talent blasting upper management. And it isn't like the following treatment Carlito received was cruel and unfair. Numerous well-known wrestlers have dealt with worse luck or tougher times than this slacker. Carlito isn't what I'd call a rookie yet the fact remains that he's been with the company for three and a half years and has enjoyed moderate success during that time. So due to his unprofessional comments, Carlito was in the doghouse..... for the rest of 2007. Now I remember Carlito's booking during the latter of last year and I felt like things began to look up for him around SummerSlam. WWE fell into their usual habits and Carlito's respectable ascent to the upper midcard lasted much shorter than he would've liked. In what appeared to be the opportune time to switch the Intercontinental Championship onto Carlito, WWE thought best to allow Umaga to simply plow through both him and Mr. Kennedy at SummerSlam. An unfortunate circumstance was erased after Umaga's name came up in the Signature Pharmacy scandal and thus Carlito was chosen to take his place in a feud with the returning Triple H. Even though Carlito was basically keeping Trips occupied until Umaga returned from suspension, the way Carlito was squashed in a month long program with H was ridiculous. Yes I know Trips had just returned and needed to be built strong but what happened to making both parties look good even in defeat? Carlito was made to look like a joke against the Game and then spent the remainder of 2007 off television. Around the beginning of December, Carlito was at wits end with his subpar position on RAW and let his feelings be known once again. This time however Carlito repeatedly claimed to be contemplating whether he should just get out of his contract and leave the WWE. Carlito is a second generation wrestler with seemingly endless potential and Vinnie Mac would have none of this. After an extensive meeting with the Chairman where Vince supposedly promised him that things would get better, Carlito assumed he could trust McMahon at his word. Hmmmmmmm..... how did that turn out? Not so swell I'd say. After months of teaming with Santino, a Tag Team Title reign appeared to be in the duo's future but it never materialized. The losses and squashes piled up once again so Carlito turned his hate and anguish towards Triple H.  The Puerto Rican informed us all how Trips was in a good place (being married into the McMahons) and didn't have to worry about working too hard as it was the talent lower on the card busting their asses. Now this is where I have to put my foot down. At this point in time, I would take a Triple H match over a Carlito match any day of the freaking week. Carlito runs his mouth about not getting places in the company when it's fairly obvious he gives it less than 100 percent inside the ring. For an individual with his size and athleticism, Carlito should have a far more advanced moveset. I don't expect the second coming of Rey Mysterio but he just seems so basic and appears to run through the motions. All these punches, kicks and clotheslines are putting me to sleep. Carlito doesn't catch my attention in the ring. Heels can be spontaneous too dammit! And a moonsault once a month doesn't count either. Get creative and get noticed I always say (not really but it sounded good). The Backstabber is a solid finishing move without question. Problem is when you try to name any other moves that Carlito regular executes. Struggling to think of any? Yeah, me too. Carlito and Santino were firing on all cylinders earlier in the year and I was telling anyone who'd listen that Holly and Rhodes' days as champs were numbered. Let face it. Hardcore and Cody suck balls as World Tag Team Champions. While Rhodes has exhibited a little spunk like his old man, the team overall is bland and unexciting. Taking a shit is more enthralling than watch one of their matches. February was, in my mind, the best possible time to switch the titles onto Carlito and Marella. It's no secret Carlito on RAW is a midcarder at best. Even in the lifeless tag team division, Santino and Carlito were over with the live crowd and had the hot manager in Playboy Covergirl Maria. Instead of granting the heel duo with even a short tester reign, WWE felt the belts were better suited around the waists of Holly & Rhodes. Congrats WWE.... you fucking idiots. In the Supplemental Draft, Carlito was drafted back to the blue brand where he began his career. Of the two possible scenarios I envisioned playing out for Carlito, that wasn't one of them. Shipping him to SmackDown isn't the approach I would take when there is much more the WWE can get out of him elsewhere. Leading up to the Draft, I was wishing and hoping that Carlito would get drafted to ECW. What was that? The Land of Extreme = death sentence??? Whoa there people. Not so fast. Carlito is out of place on RAW. He sticks out like a sore thumb. ECW would allow Carlito to headline the brand on a consistent basis, show off his mic skills and enjoy being in the title picture. Allowing Carlito to carry the brand as a top heel as ECW Champ would serve as a nice change and could spike more interest in ECW. I'll take anybody over Chavo. The other option I thought worth while was placing Carlito in the rumored second generation stable. Given that the other members of the group will be relatively young and inexperienced, Carlito can give them a much needed mouthpiece against the opposition. Dudes like Rhodes, Dibiase, DH Smith and possibly even Afa Jr. could gather behind the Puerto Rican and lay waste to countless babyfaces. Now obviously, Rhodes and Dibiase being part of the RAW roster screws up my master plan (which really sucks since it's a great fucking idea). If my prediction of Rhodes and Dibiase winning the Tag Team Titles holds true, perhaps they can flip flop with the WWE Tag Team Champions? I don't know. At this point, it's looking pretty bleak. Despite all of the bickering and obstacles, I have faith that Carlito can still one day main event on RAW. He was kept in the midcard and thus has never feuded extensively with HBK, Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, CM Punk and others. But Carlito needs to crawl before he can walk so that's what I fully expect him to do on SmackDown. The writers on the blue brand will more than likely notice his potential and fully utilize it. Hell... maybe even dump Bam Neely and insert Carlito into La Familia. I personally like the idea of him main eventing multiple SmackDowns alongside Edge. And who knows? When Triple H rapes Edge and takes his World Heavyweight Championship, the Rated R Superstar and Carlito can bully the rest of the tag team division. Just please Carlito.... refrain from flapping your trap.  The answer to my riddle from TMR [22] was indeed "The Union". And after realizing that approximately 78% of you were correct in guessing my last riddle, I knew I'd have to turn up the difficulty level a tad this time around. Have fun deciphering this one. _________________________________________________________________________________________ I've been in the business since before the inaugural WrestleMania. Do I have a talent? Of course... just not the one you'd expect. Unfortunately, I've been 'exposed' to the world at a major event. My appearances these days come on very rare occasions. I'm out of shape and could definitely benefit from a little sun. _________________________________________________________________________________________ Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.  It's crazy how many spoofs you can find on the internet these days parodying the Chris Benoit double murder suicide. The shit is everywhere. From videos to pictures to articles to online virtual video games. I come across it all the time. Look for yourself. Click on this link. I personally have no problem with it as I already have a sick twisted sense of humor to begin with. People need to learn how to let their guard down and relax. It's been over a year since Benoit's horrendous actions occurred. Those who look down or disapprove of Benoit humor are the same who've yet to be able to put the incident behind them. For all we know, the Benoit we knew on television wasn't the same Benoit who killed his wife and son. Who really knows. All I know is the guy was pretty handy with a cell phone.  Bored to death? Library too far away? No worries. I have a few columns you can scan through. Some Moderators bite off more than they can chew. Not this one. Check out this little beauty. - PEN15: The Ego has Landed Column taboo right here. Nah not really. But this kid is on the rise. The Godfather knocks another one out the park. - An Offer You Can't Refuse VI - Awesome Enough is enough. No lie.... I've been typing for an eternity. Well perhaps not that long but it certainly feels like it. I hope you enjoyed this steaming pile of fecal matter. If not, then you just lost twelve minutes of your life that you'll never get back. I know I blab about putting out a column every 10-14 days but I'm going to have to tweak that due date just a bit. The safe bet is every two weeks from here on out. Sheeps is apparently the busy man these days so I've been appointed to keep FACT or FICTION up and running. My schedule is therefore filling up so I'm just trying to be honest with you guys and play it safe. If you have comments or something similar, don't hesitate to hit me up at (Skittlez601028@aim.com) and leave me some fruity feedback. I'm off to bed posthaste. Say no to incest and take care everybody. Later homies.
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