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Submitted by Pnk on Wednesday, June 25, 2008 at 12:36 AM EST 
 Thank You, Noc. Pnk's Thnks 4: How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.... And she's back, the pnkiest of pnks, Pnk. While you risk your all, I pick out all your flaws. I want to take a moment to thank everyone for dropping me some feedback, feedback oh. Good or bad. Good feedback motivates, bad feedback educates. Remember that my friends. They are words of wisdom I could only come up with when I'm chilling in my homeland with a beer in hand and absolutely no worries. Did you write it down? You should because someday you'll need my advice. Really quickly, I want to say THANK YOU! Yes you, whoever decided to finally let Jericho beat up HBK and turn heel. Sweet holy things, it was about darn time Jericho did SOMETHING that wasn't ALMOST hitting someone, then chicken out and cry his way back to gorilla. For those of you who haven't read my past columns (And really, why haven't you? Its good stuff man. Some written under the immense pressure of a week deadline compared to two weeks. Also, you will understand why I have in fact written 6 columns, including the one you are about to read. Yes, this is numbered 4 but I have 3 columns I consider special editions and a collaboration with The Godfather. Read his stuff too. You won't regret it. Actually read his Kennedy stuff. That'll make his year.) I am a huge Jericho mark. Huge. It's been a thorn in my side that his return to my television set on WWE didn't happen the way I wanted it to, with a huge bang. Let's be honest, the return flatlined for 'bout a minute. So again, Thank You. So now, to today's topic. I hate you Orton. That's right, I hate everything about you. Frankly, I hate you so much it's hard to explain the depths of which I hate you. After much thought, and a couple shots, I finally found the perfect way to tell you how I feel. To describe just how deep and complicated the hate I bare for you is I have decided to use a little poem from an awesome movie I love. Orton here are.... Orton, your mic skills drive me insane. It's so... entertaining. And I don't want to be entertained by you. You have a way of making everyone in the room listen to you. You cut promos that make your character even more twisted and complicated than before. I don't know how you do it. I remember sitting back the day after Wrestle Mania, so mad you were still champion, as RAW came on the air. I had been there, witnessed you take Triple H's win for your own. You'd taken out not only one guy I liked but two. When Cena's music hit I marked as usual but alas, no Cena. When Triple H's music hit I marked as usual but alas, no 'Trips. At this point I had it in my head that the WWE was just having some technical difficulties until you showed up with your arrogant air. There you were, kissing your belt like a billionaire kisses a trophy wife, like you'd earned it. And yet from the moment you began to speak I could see I was wrong. You were proving to me why you'd earned the belt. That night you gave us one of your best promos, one in which you reminded the world why the heel had won instead of dropping the belt as you'd been expected to do. You dubbed this time the Age of Orton. You reminded us how many people you'd taken down to get where you were. It was a great opening to what would become an amazing RAW. And I hated you for it. As for your hair, I hate how damn good looking you became with a simple haircut. You went from this:  A green as grass prospect with potential to...  ... A cocky bastard accomplishing what others were dreaming of. I even forgot about your douchey tribal tattoos. It's scary how much a good haircut can do for a person. I have a thing for guys with nice cars. It's a sad sad fact but a guy with nice cars wins me over in a split second. Then you go and do this: Randy Orton's Car Unlike most females, the way I see it, if a guy takes care of his car, he knows how to take care of other things. But then here I was loving you and then you go and yell at a fan for throwing a rock at your rental car. While I can understand how it would be annoying to have fans throw rocks at a car you have to return to the people who rented it out to you, jumping out of your car to tell off a couple unruly kids isn't going to help much. It happens to rock bands all the time I'm sure and while I can see why it would bother you, you're giving them EXACTLY what they want. You end up looking like the douche of the century and they look like typical fans which isn't much different then how they are seen in the first place. Hopefully with things going on in your life now, your temper will stop getting the best of you. In the end, it's a car you don't even own. Just pay the insurance and be done with it. Seriously, Orton you have one of the most intense looks in wrestling today. Its up there with the stare downs we got from people like Stone Cold and The Rock. It tells people, and your opponent, that you mean business. You aren't going to back down for any reason and you'll keep fighting until you either: A) Win the match or B) Can't get up anymore. Makes me so upset because I know that whomever you are up against better be playing their A-game because if they aren't, they are going to get their behinds handed to them on a silver plater. Hell your stare is so damn good it gave us what I think is one of the most intense Pay Per View posters ever:  Yeah, if anyone walked up to you and you were doing this exact pose right in front of them, they would be a fool not to be worried for their internal organs. I hate your boots. I hate them. You want to know why? Because you think they give you the right to give people a swift kick in the noggin. First you start by injuring Cena Sr. He's not a wrestler! He's definitely not a football last time I checked. Man had a bruise the size of Vince's grapefruits courtesy of your dang boots. Then we return to Wrestle Mania. I had to watch you use those big black boots to take away what I thought, what I wanted, to be Triple H's Wrestle Mania win. Look, I know Citrus Bowl is a football stadium, I'd been there plenty times to watch the Knights win (and lose but that's besides the point). Just because you are in a football stadium doesn't mean you need to treat 'Trips' head as a football. Sure it's just as brown as one, from all that sun and ass kissing, but it's not. Stop it already. As for your mind reading abilities, it makes me angry to know during matches that you will always have the perfect comeback. That RKO of yours is yet another best you seem to have. It is, hands down, the best finisher in the WWE right now. I've heard arguments that beg to differ, some throw out the Pedigree, the Spear, the Batista Bomb, the Mic Check (Really people? It's Kennedy pretty much tripping someone on their face. Big deal, I fall on my face all the time, klutz that I am. I jump right back up two minutes later like nothing happened. If I can do it, anyone can). It's all a pile of crud. Your finisher comes out of nowhere and totally takes beezies out. Hell you got extra points for pulling an assisted RKO with Cena, something that I watch over and over again sometimes just to witness the magic happen and feel like I did that night, in awe. Up until I saw you perform the RKO for the first time, the Stunner was my favorite finisher. Blast you for making it my second favorite. There are times when I am watching you do a promo and I feel the most intense anger inside. It's completely insane how badly I hate you in those moments which tells me what a great heel you are. Any time you are on screen, all I do is flip you off or turn my back to the screen as you walk down the ramp like the proud peacock you are. You don't deserve my attention and yet demand it. You are also the only wrestler who has the distinct pleasure of having a song dedicated to him by yours truly. I used to sing it when your old theme music hit (Really, you need to go back to it. Your new one sucks... much like you). Here are the lyrics, I hope you enjoy: Hey! Randy Orton is gay! I like to roll around with men in the hay. I don't want to whine, but I want to get hit from behind.... When you tell us you are going to do something, 9 times out of 10 you get the job done. It's crazy how it always seems to work out in your favor. So many times fans bet against you, thinking that your bad deeds are bound to catch up with you and you will lose. How silly we feel when it doesn't catch up with like we hoped. You are the bad guy that always gets away with his crime, even when you get caught once or twice. I can't stand it. You came out to tell us you were fighting John Cena. I thought to myself, Like I didn't know. Then you tell us you will be fighting John CenaSr., I'm thinking, What a fricken douche. Really? You HAD to fight the old man? That night made me sick to my stomach, how you pulled a fast one. But it really isn't the only time you lie. You lie to yourself all the time. You act like you deserve all the good things that come your way when in fact the way you get there is far from honorable. You live in a state of denial similar to the one Edge is in. Guess that's why you two were a team huh? You can be funny. You can make me smile just by doing bad things. And then out of no where you come out and start doing stuff just to piss me off. I hate that about you. Usually I either love or hate a person, with you it's so hard to keep any one type of feeling. I can't keep myself angry with you and as soon as you are on my good side you go back to being a douche. Without you, the main event scene at this point in time isn't going to be the same. I don't know why I'm saying it but it's the truth. Screw you for making me say this but your injury is the worst injury there has been in a while. It PAINS me to admit, but Cena's injury didn't hurt the WWE one bit. If anything, it allowed other people to show how much potential they had at being champion. This list includes you Orton. Super Cena would have kept that belt as long as people were cheering for him. Then he got injured. Instead of giving the belt to another face like Triple H, you won it. What followed was one of the most interesting title runs in the past year or two. You kept the belt by any means necessary and didn't make excuses for it, just did whatever you wanted. Your injury on the other hand will and is affecting the WWE in a different way. Yes, you were not the champion as Cena was when he was injured, but when you left you took away what Cena didn't, options. We were left with two options for a champion, Triple H or Cena. No one else on the RAW roster as of that time was truly ready to take the belt. So who is fighting Triple H again? Cena. And now that Triple H was taken to Smackdown and we have two champions on one brand, who is going to most likely win at Night of Champions? Yeah... Cena. I'm not complaining really, but I am sad to admit, I miss Champion Orton. Which brings me to my last reason.... I don't. I wish on every Coach purse in my closet I hated you and from me, that's a big deal. Bigger than wishing on my Converse collection. I can't bring myself to hate you because you are hands down the best heel the WWE has to offer right now in my humble opinion. I put on a show about my hate for you, tell people you suck at life and how I hope you fail. When you win however, I can't help but smile. Makes me feel like a bad person. That's what you do to me. It's kinda like Stone Cold. He was meant to be a heel, to make us hate him. But we liked him because he did the stuff we wanted to do. Pour beer all over our bosses and flip them the bird. You are in a similar position Orton. You do the things we wish we had the balls to do. Orton is doing his job correctly. He's an awesome heel and the fact that he'll be gone for a while is a huge loss to RAW, let alone wrestling. For someone so young, you have to admire all the things he has accomplished. Plus who wants to like a guy like this?  Exactly. There you have it. I'm done pretending Orton and I are mortal enemies. God it feels good to get that off my chest. As my posting days happen to be after RAW and this week we got the pleasure of seeing a 3 hour Draft Edition of RAW, I wanted to touch on my feelings about the draft moves rather quickly. Rey Mysterio to RAW: Yeah, I'm sure how I feel about this one. As a wise man once said, Rey is a hell of a lot like Cheese Cauliflower. I like both elements of said dish separately but together, not so much. In other words, I like Rey, but I'm not crazy about him. I'm not sure how this move will affect RAW, if at all. Batista to RAW: One word, heel. Please WWE? CM Punk to RAW: Eh. Kennedy to Smackdown: YAY! Take him away! Triple H to Smackdown: Wow, this I didn't see coming. I can see why but once he's "done" doing his job on Smackdown, how fast do you think they will bring him back to the red brand? Umaga to Smackdown: Duh. JR to Smackdown: Poor man. Let me tell you guys that I won't blame him if he leaves after this. Smackdown announcers have it a tad worse with being on the second ship since there is post production to do due to the non-live aspect of Smackdown. If he were a younger man, starting out in the WWE I can say I'd call him a baby but he isn't. He's an older man who has put a lot of time into his career with the WWE. Let him finish with King by his side on the show he's known for. If anything though, seeing him work with Mick will be fun. Hope you guys got a kick out of this because I interrupted my nice little vacay to make sure you guys got another helping of Pnk's Thnks. You guys know where to find me and give me some feedback, feedback oh! Either on the LoP Forums (I've changed my handle to a simple Pnk since that's how I'm listed here on the Main Page.) or by emailing me at PnksThnksFeedback@gmail.com. I gatta keep telling you guys that if you love the columns you get here on the Main Page, you have to keep your eye on the LoP Columns Forums because there are some talented writers in there. Okay yall, I'll catch yall on the flip of the jack. Give me 'bout two weeks to bring you yet another awesome edition of the pinkest column about wrestling about. Hell last time I checked, it's the ONLY pink column about wrestling in the history of wrestling columns. Guess that makes me a trail blazer! A pioneer of sorts! Ha! Beat that SkittleZ! Until then, I am still the one and only, Pnk <3 PnksThnksFeedback@gmail.com
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