DaveyBoy’s Wrestling Menu - ONStand Review, Absences + WWE’s Best Heel?
Submitted by DaveyBoy on Friday, June 6, 2008 at 3:02 AM EST




THE WRESTLING MENU #271

Welcome one and all to the 271st edition of The Wrestling Menu, the column that is sure to satisfy your taste buds when it comes to discussing all things wrestling.

As I settle back into cold & wintry Melbourne I don’t really have much to waffle on about in this introductory part of my column. Umm, I’m cold but I think I already alluded to that. Work is busy for me also, which always sucks. Unfortunately, it will probably be that way for the next month or so due to end of financial year reporting. Yes, I deal with numbers… Borrrrring!

Music-wise, I attended a concert (Story of the Year) this past Monday night which practically left me deaf for standing so close to the stage. I would love a dollar for every time I have asked someone to repeat what they have said to me in the last few days, that is for sure.

As for my album reviews, I haven’t had the chance to do many of late, but on a semi-wrestling related note, I do have all 4 albums by the band Saliva now reviewed. Many will know the band for their countless contributions to WWE through PPV themes and entrance themes for the likes of The Dudleyz, Chris Jericho & Batista’s current theme titled ‘I Walk Alone’. My reviews are available to view on the following link: http://www.sputnikmusic.com/user_reviews.php?memberid=268913

On with the show…..

Oh, hang on a tick, there has to be one last minute addition to this section of my column. Just as I was about to post it, I noticed a fair bit more color had been brought to LOP. No, that wasn’t some kind of racial comment, it was in reference to our first recent columnist promotion. The new column is called ‘Taste My Rainbow’ and it is written by Skittlez.

I am proud (presuming he lasts as long as he should on the main page) to say that I had a little to do with Skittlez in the early days of his column and maybe even helped shape it a tad. I congratulate Skittlez on his promotion and would like to recommend that my readers take a look at his first few editions on the main page to see if they like it. Just ignore his personal shots towards yours truly… It’s simply his way of overcoming small penis syndrome! ;-)

And now it's on with the show…..


APPETIZERS

WWE’s Best Heel?

Right from the outset I must make it clear that there is a question mark in the title of this topic. I am not making a statement… Not yet anyway. I may indeed talk myself into making a clear statement come the end of this writing.

The scenario that I suppose I am posing here is if I were to unexpectedly ask you who is currently WWE’s best heel, who would you answer…??? Would it be that steely-eyed cocky legend killer Randy Orton? Would it be the ultimate opportunist Edge? How about the rich & condescending JBL? It may even be a lower or midcard heel such as MVP, Chavo or Umaga who you simply cannot stand for whatever personal reason.

One thing to consider when making your decision is the criteria used to choose what makes a successful heel. Well, for simplicity’s sake, how about if I suggest that there is only 1 criteria; Who gets the most& loudest boos from the live crowd. Would you still choose one of those aforementioned WWE employees who I just mentioned? Possibly, but is there someone you may be forgetting… Or maybe even 2 people who don’t actually wrestle very often.

One person I am referring to is the owner himself Vince McMahon. But he is not the heel I am specifically suggesting in this piece. The person I speak of and the person who one could very reasonably argue is WWE’s best heel currently is none other than SmackDown General Manager Vicki Guerrero!

Seriously, I have not heard the volume of booing which she received at the end of the World HeavyWeight Title Match at Judgment Day reserved for anyone else throughout this year. The noise was seriously insane and she was genuinely right in waiting for it to subside a little. The woman could hardly hear herself think, let alone speak on an important matter which both live fans and viewers at home were required to hear.

I will be honest & state that Vicki is actually a rather poor worker of the microphone. She often fumbles over her words and occasionally does not react to crowds in the way an authority figure should. But in the case of Judgment Day, I don’t think she had any choice in the matter! Is it her poor mic work (& general ability to carry out her on-air role) that actually results in some of the booing she gets? I would say “yes” but not to any large extent that would cancel out genuine heel heat obtained through her heel GM and Edge sympathizing character. In old-school language, there isn’t a huge amount of “X-Pac heat” there.

No, Vicki has somehow fumbled her way to becoming a successful heel for WWE. Is she currently their best heel on any of the 3 rosters…??? For the time being, I would most likely answer “yes”! Who would have thought that 6 months ago!?!?!?


MAIN

’One Night Stand’ Review

For those that cannot recall my previous PPV review columns, this is the key that explains what the final PPV Rating means:

<50: Ask for a refund for not only your money, but also your time. [F] (Armageddon '04)
50-54: Mediocre & disappointing. [D] (EG: No Way Out '07)
55-59: Average. [C] (EG: Vengeance ‘07)
60-64: Worth A Watch. [C+] (EG: No Mercy ‘07)
65-69: Good event that was worth the money. [B] (EG: Backlash '08)
70-74: Very good. [B+] (EG: Judgment Day '08)
75-79: Make sure you add this ppv to your video or dvd collection. [A] (EG: Royal Rumble '08)
80+: Make sure that the video or DVD is locked in a safe & cannot be erased. Memorable. [A+]

JEFF HARDY defeated UMAGA in a Falls Count Anywhere Match: These 2 do not waste too much time bringing out the spots with both getting early near-falls with a Whisper in the Wind & Spinning Side Slam. It’s a hint that it is only 2 minutes before they head into the crowd! Jeff uses a barrier & a fire extinguisher to get the upper hand, before sliding down the hand-rail of a staircase into a clothesline for a 2 count backstage! Next stop is the car park where the 2 don’t do a great deal until they climb up a semi-trailer, which Jeff hits a Swanton off of for the victory after 9 minutes. The only thing is that we never saw contact on the Swanton, nor the actual 3 count itself! I’m not a fan of that decision at all. Apart from that, this started out as a pretty fun match, but ran out of legs about half-way through, especially when they hit the car park. Furthermore, this wasn’t a great opener due to the 2 being away from the crowd for so long. Match Rating… 6

THE BIG SHOW defeated CHAVO GUERRERO, JOHN MORRISON, CM PUNK & TOMMY DREAMER in a #1 Contenders Singapore Cane Match: Importantly, 4 canes were hung off poles on each corner post of the ring! It is Big Show vs the rest initially & he lasts for about a minute before getting hit by multiple moves. While he is down, the other quartet all grab canes & start wailing away. A ringside incident sees Chavo accidentally cane NFL player Shawn Merriman, before the Charger retaliates with help from Punk. Upon return, Big Show is dropped into the steel steps which opens up a gash on his head. A couple of nice spots then occur in the ring and by the time Big Show is back up, a bin full of canes mysteriously appear. It’s all academic from there as the big fella rolls his way through the other 4 men with many cane shots & a big one to Dreamer to end it all after 8 minutes. Like the opener, this was fun for a while but soon got old. And yet another booking idea befuddled me as what was the point of having 4 canes on poles if a bin-load of them were to be used later? Match Rating… 6.5

JOHN CENA defeated JBL in a First Blood Match: Cena again gets a predominantly positive crowd response which does say something for JBL’s heel character. Standard brawling to begin with & it isn’t too long before we head to ringside where JBL uses fists & a microphone for repeated head shots. Back in the ring, Cena fights back & momentarily turns it in to a wrestling match, but it’s back to ringside where Cena gets some microphone revenge. At this point, the referee begins to slow the match down too much by checking for blood with every single piece of offense. At one point, I would swear he was examining every follicle of JBL’s hair! JBL then uses a steel chain for a shot to the ribs, but he gets an F-U for his trouble. Soon after though, the face gets caught in the ropes & JBL pulls a whip out from under the ring (I’m serious, but Devo don’t come out to sing). Cena counters with a low-blow & then uses a chain-assisted STF-U to make the heel cough blood at the 14 minute mark. Again, the gimmick initially made this better than their match at Judgment Day, but it again got old quick as the pace slowed down & things got a little silly. Match Rating… 6

BETH PHOENIX defeated MELINA in an “I Quit” Match: Melina immediately heads for a submission hold with some sort of reverse choke, before the 2 throw in a few standard wrestling moves. It’s mainly submission hold after submission hold though as the crowd remains silent (not helped by the fact that Melina’s face turn has yet to be confirmed). Disappointingly, the holds are not even applied cleanly as the pace simply slows to a halt. Things finally pick up when Melina counters a wheelbarrow suplex nicely sending Beth into the ring-post to hurt her shoulder. She then concentrates on that body part with an arm-bar & arm-breaker, but Beth survives & shows her strength to fight out & hit a nice face-buster into an impressive chicken-wing like seated surfboard kind of hold for victory after 9 minutes. The final 3 minutes almost saved this match & proved the potential of the idea. But overall, this was unfortunately a failed experiment due to all the factors I’ve mentioned above. Disappointing. Match Rating… 4.5

BATISTA defeated SHAWN MICHAELS in a Stretcher Match: Batista adds impressive intensity to his greater strength to have the best of the early going as HBK takes an early nasty shot to the back on the stretcher. HBK gains control at ringside though & some of the shots are full of impact. Michaels then switches methods & locks on a choke-hold, which works to some extent, but the finish line cannot be reached. Back in the ring, Batista regains control and his usual offense seems to have more effect when performed on HBK. Back & forth it goes as Shawn hits a top-rope elbow-drop and follows it up with Sweet Chin Music. Michaels again cannot roll the stretcher to the finish line though & it isn’t long before The Animal hits a spear & Batista Bomb back in the ring!

Chris Jericho then perplexingly comes out and attempts to motivate HBK (did I miss something?) as Batista naively just stands there! Another Batista Bomb then occurs as does another Y2J interruption. A spine-buster onto steel steps then gets the job done for Batista at the 17 minute mark. There is clearly a point being headed to in this 3 man storyline, but whatever it may be curtailed what was initially a very good match here. There was great impact & impressive intensity from both men as the action hardly ever let up. And then, well the Jericho stuff totally confused me, Batista’s reaction was illogical & I personally didn’t buy HBK’s lack of a fight-back towards the end. For all these reasons, this bout was very difficult to rate. Match Rating… 7.5

TRIPLE H defeated RANDY ORTON in a Last Man Standing Match to Retain the WWE Championship: Immediately to ringside the 2 go as Orton’s shoulder (ironically) takes a pounding. It is at only the 3 minute mark when the first 10 count occurs and the first 9 count happens at the 6 minute mark when Triple H is hit with a ringside DDT off of an announce desk. The counts then come thick & fast and it is all dead time for mine. A steel steps shot to the head gets Orton another 9 count, as does a choke with a chord. Orton then goes for an RKO, but H counters by dumping Randy over the top-rope. An awkward landing results in a broken collarbone and then the 2 wrestlers plus referee kill some more time before H hits a sledgehammer shot for the victory after 13 minutes. Of that duration, the last 2 minutes was time-wasting & at least 3 minutes were taken up by counts (remembering each 9 count takes up about 25 seconds in real time). Not much left is there? It is difficult to tell what was planned after Orton’s injury, but this was pretty ordinary up until then and the abrupt ending didn’t help it any. Admittedly, I am not a fan of Last Man Standing matches full stop. Match Rating… 5.5

EDGE defeated THE UNDERTAKER in a TLC Match to Win the Vacant World HeavyWeight Title: The dead man starts off best hitting old-school early. Unsurprisingly though, as soon as a ladder gets involved, Edge evens things up. Tables begin to get set up at ringside as the pace slows and ladders begin to get used as weapons. Some chair-shots keep the phenom on offense, but the heel uses the same legal weapon to counter an apron leg-drop. A low-blow follows, as does 2 big chair-shots before Edge comes off of an announce desk to splash his opponent through a table. It is then time for the heel to attempt to climb to victory, but ‘Taker saves the day, even if he subsequently gets hit by a spear. Edge dominates the next few minutes, predominantly targeting the knee with various weapon shots. A low-blow stems the tide and a choke-slam on to a ringside ladder appears to see the match about to end in favor of the face. But Hawkins & Ryder make the save, before getting thrown through tables themselves.

The interference gives Edge time to recover and after another spear, he once more begins to climb. But The Undertaker catches up to him and hits a Last Ride Powerbomb off of the ladder & through 2 tables! Chavo & Bam are next to make the save and when they are also disposed of, it is the dead man’s turn to climb. Edge awakens though and sends ‘Taker hurtling down to the 4 table set-up built earlier at ringside, making the result then academic as Edge becomes the new champ after a grueling 23 minutes. After a sluggish beginning for about the first 7 minutes, this match was excellently & logically booked to include a nice mix of everything as well as entertain us with the expected spots. This was definitely a successful main-event and easily the match of a lackluster night. Match Rating… 8.5

PPV RATING (44.5/70) = 64

Looking at the key, I have basically given the 2008 version of ‘One Night Stand’ a 'C+' grade & said that it was ‘worth a watch’. While a rating score of 64 seems high, that’s why my key gives a letter grade & comment, which I think is a fair enough conclusion when you consider that it was a pretty ordinary event overall, but included nothing too awful and one darn good main event. Naysayers of overloading a pay-per-view with gimmick matches would have been proven correct here as there was indeed a lot of repetition (EG: Too much ringside brawling). Furthermore though, some of the booking ideas left me a little bewildered and definitely didn’t leave me with a positive feeling about the show when all was said & done. So I believe the idea is worth persisting with, but needs to be carried out a lot better than this.


DESSERT

Unexplained Absences

I actually wanted to write on this topic in a timelier manner a few weeks back, but it unfortunately coincided with my vacation. However, the postponement of this piece has (as it very often does) resulted in an extra bit of information surfacing which sees the topic take on a slightly different shape with more content. In this case, that extra bit of information happened to come from a quote by a current WWE wrestler.

Initially, what I wanted to write about was Jeff Hardy and parents! Ok, let me try to explain that better. Some time early on in Jeff Hardy’s 2 month suspension, I stopped to wonder what a parent of let’s say a 10 year old child would answer if their son or daughter was to ask them why had Jeff Hardy mysteriously disappeared from all WWE programming. I don’t think it would be all that uncommon a question to surface, especially in this case as Jeff had been receiving quite the push and he is a huge fan favorite.

Of course, apart from the drugs issue, the other major reason for the line of questioning was because WWE never made mention on their programming (I know they did on wwe.com) of Jeff’s absence. I am not a parent, so I cannot recall actually coming up with a complete answer, but I do remember that honesty was probably the best way to go. Whether the full steroids talk would be required is maybe another subject, but I suppose a drug is a drug to some extent.

Anyway, I would indeed be interested to hear from parents out there who may have been faced with this question from their child, or even similar questions concerning absent wrestlers in the past where WWE have not acknowledged their disappearance.

Then just a week or two ago, I was reading an interview with Mr. Kennedy where he rather honestly (& maybe foolishly) criticized WWE for not making mention of his couple of weeks worth of absence from WWE programming when he was off filming a movie. This was around the time of the one night King of the Ring tournament and he stated that his fans were not only expecting him to be involved in it, but expected him to win it. That last part of the comment may have been partially in kayfabe, but his general point was definitely not.

You know what? Good ol’ Ken has a point. In this day and age where wwe.com attempts to be some kind of wrestling news source, why don’t they just be honest on WWE programming as well. It cannot be a time factor as it would only take 10 seconds to mention that Kennedy was off shooting a film to be released at a future date.

I do understand that it is indeed arguable that in some cases there may be reasons that I cannot see for not being totally honest on the absence of wrestlers from programming (suspensions due to the wellness policy may be one of them), but I definitely believe WWE still should give some kind of reason for the employee’s disappearance. I am of the old school and I definitely have no issues with kayfabe reasons being given in this case. For example; Mr.Kennedy suffered an injury feeding his dog, blah, blah, blah…

What is particularly perplexing about the Jeff Hardy case was not only could they have made something up (hair dye got in his eyes or he stuffed up shaving his sideburns), but they actually had a real life incident to state presuming he didn’t mind. In fact, when he returned to television, Jim Ross did mention his house fire when many of his belongings were lost. But the horse had bolted by then and many parents were left talking to their children about substance abuse a good month earlier most likely.

Bottom line: If a wrestler goes missing for more than 2 weeks, WWE should explain it somehow… Even if they choose a kayfabe reason and most fans realize it is not true!


Ok, that’s another PPV Review in the bag. Thankfully, we don’t get another show for 3 weeks. If there is anything you wish to add to my ‘One Night Stand’ review, please don’t hesitate to email me. That goes double for what I believe to be 2 other interesting topics which I wrote on today. I am especially interested in what parents have to say with regards to unexplained absences of wrestlers, and more specifically those which go missing due to substance abuse suspensions. I may actually include some feedback on that in my next column if anything relevant comes my way! As per my comments last week & at the top of this column, I am flat chat at work, so please be patient for a reply if you email me. My e-mail address is DaveyBoy123@bigpond.com, but if you are an LOP Forums member, it would be much appreciated if you could leave feedback on my thread at http://www.lopforums.com/showthread.php?t=159

I know I have been confusing everyone of late as to which day I am posting my column on, so I think it best that I return to being Mr. Wednesday Morning next time around. That will most likely not be this coming Wednesday, but the one after (June-18). As for what I write about on that date, I have absolutely no idea at the moment, so expect anything. Whatever comes your way, my column will be posted at the same Wednesday time on the same LOP channel. Until then, this is DaveyBoy signing off & asking you to remember that dinner is best served in 3 courses.


And remember that DaveyBoy's Album Reviews can be viewed at: http://www.sputnikmusic.com/user_reviews.php?memberid=268913


DaveyBoy’s Wrestling Menu. 2002-2008

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