|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Degenerate on Tuesday, April 1, 2008 at 7:43 PM EST
 What's up, everyone? It's the one and only Degenerate, that Puerto Rican dude who seems to have disappeared once he step foot into the United States. I swear, I am not doing anything illegal, like 90% of my other Latino peeps. It's been a crazy month, both for myself and the entire wrestling biz as well. New York City is a fucking crazy place to be in. Although I have to work a whole lot, there's just so many distractions out there. My free time has been spent just knowing the city better, and getting drunk a couple of times. Let me tell you, there's no better place to meet new people when you're in a new city on your own than in a bar. As usual, you people didn't click on the link to this column just to hear my drunken tales, I'm guessing you want to read some wrestling stuff, so let's go on with it! Note: I haven't watched last night's edition of the Post-Wrestlemania Raw. I'll watch it tonight, but if anything happened that makes what I write here invalid (or just plain stupid), then feel free to ignore them. * Another year, another Wrestlemania is in the books. Every year it seems to go by faster and faster. Anyway, before the show started, I had a feeling that the show was going to be awesome. After the show, I felt a bit disappointed, but probably because I had high expectations for it. I was able to watch most of the show again yesterday, and I have to admit this Wrestlemania was pretty damn good. There were a couple of matches that felt out of place, such as Batista vs. Umaga (which I thought would be a violent match, like Umaga had with John Cena last year). But the rest was solid. * I was so damn tired of reading about the WWE warning everyone to avoid everything TNA during their stay in Orlando. It just seemed so childish of the WWE to ban their wrestlers from just spending some time with old friends that they haven't seen in months or possibly years. If I went back to Puerto Rico, I would expect to be able to go by my old job and say hi to my former co-workers. It was just plain stupid, like the WWE almost feared TNA would take their superstars away from them or something. If a WWE wrestler was interested in TNA, he would get that information by any other ways. Although I must say I have almost no sympathy for Highlander Robbie who was in the TNA Impact live show and was promptly shown on TV. Dude, you're 6'2" and have a long-ass beard. How did you not expect someone to spot you? TNA just did what any scrappy little business would've done. * Quite possibly the shocker of the year: Randy Orton retains the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania, defeating not only John Cena but Triple H as well. No one I've spoken to or anything I read about around the Internet thought this would be possible. Even that poll shown before the match had 8% voting for Orton (compared to 50% for Cena and 42% for HHH). I'm guessing at least 7.5% of that 8% who voted for Orton did it just to fuck with the polls a bit. It was a great swerve, since I feel that Orton has not only grown as a wrestler, but as a man too. It's been a while since I've heard about him getting into any kind of trouble. So kudos to him for finally growing up and stop shitting in people's bags. * So it's finally over - Ric Flair is done wrestling. I had a feeling this would be his last match, but the feeling of seeing something special and historic didn't sink in until the last couple of minutes of the match for me. Although I seemingly have a strong bias towards Shawn Michaels (although some will say it's a borderline man-crush), I really have to applaud his efforts on slowing down and doing everything he could to make Flair look as strong as he possibly could. There's a reason why Flair was retiring. Age doesn't make physical activity any easier, much less when you're almost 60. Those last moments, where Shawn Michaels whispered "I'm sorry... I love you" will be what I will mostly remember Wrestlemania 24 for. * When reading about how Floyd Mayweather wasn't picking up the whole wrestling thing as quickly as expected, and how WWE officials were worried about the match, I was expecting a total trainwreck. But to me it was a really good match, probably as great as it could've been considering one of the two isn't a professional wrestler at all. The structure of the match was well done - Mayweather running away from the larger Big Show, then Big Show finally catching him and just physically man-handling him, finally all hell breaking loose with Mayweather's entourage. The ending was fitting too, with Mayweather delivering some decent chairshots and then knocking him out with some brass knuckles, which is a realistic way of a 5'8" guy knocking out a 7'2" dazed giant. It wasn't the best match ever, but it got the job done - the news of Mayweather's job in Wrestlemania was shown all over the national news shows and newspapers. * The WWE is extremely lucky that their fireworks accident didn't hurt more people than it did. If you haven't seen the video, it can be seen in this link. When that streamer fell into the crowd, it lit up pretty big, and looked like it could really kill someone. While I hope the WWE helps out with any medical bills that come up to those injured, I really hope some idiot doesn't come up and sue them for $25 million for some made up bullshit, trying to make it seem like the WWE is at total fault over this. It was an accident, plain and simple. It's not like some of the pyro dudes were setting up those cables and thought "I'm going to keep one loose so it can fall into the crowd, just to see if I kill someone." On a lighter note, I found that video posted really funny - while the fireworks fell in the crowd and everyone was getting the hell out of the way, The Undertaker's theme music is heard in the background, creating a scene like that was going to be the end of their lives. Or maybe it's just funny in my warped mind. The following is an open letter to the recently-suspended Jeff Hardy. Dear Jeff Hardy, On March 11, just a couple of weeks ago, the WWE announced that you were suspended for 60 days for a violation under their Substance Abuse and Drug Testing policy. This is your second suspension, not even a year after your first suspension in the middle of 2007. Being a big fan of yours, seeing the seemingly-countless times you've either been suspended, pulled from shows, and even fired, I thought you were going to grow up, learn from your mistakes, and get the opportunity to realize your full potential. In the last couple of months, it seems like you were heading that direction. We all thought you had completely destroyed your demons and were going in the right direction. Apparently the WWE brass thought the same way as we did as well, giving you one of the biggest pushes I have ever seen anyone get in a long time. Then, on March 11, you proved us all wrong. You have no idea how disappointed and sorry I felt for you. Disappointed, because I felt you were going to be the "feel good" story of 2008. I thought you were going to have a story and happy ending like Eddie Guerrero had before you. I thought we would see you win a World Championship, have a DVD about your fall and subsequent rise, and be talked about forever. Yet, I also felt sorry, because you angered me for squandering possibly the best chance you had to achieve professional wrestling immortality. In a world where corporate leaders can easily break you as they made you to begin with, the WWE gave you a chance to shine, and you simply blew it. Do you know how many people have come before you, just dreaming to have a fraction of the success you had in the last months? Thousands and thousands. How many athletes, as gifted or even more gifted than you, never got the chance to reach the top? Tito Santana, Owen Hart and Mr. Perfect are a few names off the top of my head now, but I'm sure there are many, many more. And by making a dumb mistake that could've been avoided completely, I feel like you disrespect each and every one of them. Thanks to the magic of technology, information about previous wrestlers who went down the same road you appear to be walking through is easily accessible to anyone. Even the WWE has released many DVDs featuring these stories. If you take some time, watch the "Superstar" Billy Graham or Jake "The Snake" Roberts DVD. It'll show you what you're probably going through, and where you'll end up if you keep on this way. You can even read up on Eddie Guerrero or Shawn Michaels' biographies to see how they also succumbed to the same demons as you. Yes, I do know it was just a mistake. Anyone can make mistakes. Anyone can also rectify mistakes. That's why pencils have erasers, and Liquid Paper was invented. But when you make the same kind of mistakes over and over again, it makes me question if you're ever going to learn. But it shouldn't matter if I question it. The problem is that now you have your employers questioning it as well. That, you should really care about if you give a damn about keeping your job. But not all is lost. Vince McMahon is a forgiving person, much more forgiving than I think he's credited for. He's brought back people who have sued him in the past, people who even tried to put him out of business, and people who have done the same mistakes as you. Just look at Randy Orton right now. He has been suspended multiple times for both drug violations and behavioral problems in the past. It took him a while to figure it out, but he apparently learned from his mistakes, and has been rewarded with a lengthy title reign. Hopefully you will see this as a beacon of hope, a reason to get clean once and for all, and reach your full capacity. Show us the Jeff Hardy that we have expected for years to see flourish. But for now, you're sitting at home... wait, my bad. You're sitting in your brother's home, watching all the great moments you were supposed to have be given to others. You missed the opportunity to be part of a great Wrestlemania, possibly winning the Money In The Bank, like I think you were going to. You're also probably going to miss someone using that Money In The Bank contract - your contract - and winning a World Championship, which I also thought you were going to do later this year. To top it all off, when you return, you probably won't get the same push you were getting recently. It'll probably be more than a year since you win the Intercontinental Championship again. You'll probably have a decent run, probably as Tag Team Champion or something. But that singles push, the one that will make people remember you forever, will probably elude you for the rest of your WWE days. I will honestly be very surprised if you get a similar push anytime soon. Sadly, if history dictates what will happen next, you'll be "burned out" once again and leave the wrestling business for good. That will be a shame. While I try to refrain from name-calling most of the time, I feel like it's appropriate this time around. You, Jeff Hardy, are a dumbass. Simple as that. I really like the entire buzz around this time in the professional wrestling world. There's no other time of the year when so many news, rumors and predictions appear all over the Internet. So when it's over, there's a small void in me that remains there until the next big event. So since that's happening again right now, I decided to just go crazy and present to you... * Triple H is winning at the Main Event next year, guaranteed. News will then break that Triple H got this win because he threatened to kill all of Vince's grand-children if he, and I quote, "lost another god-damned time at Wrestlemania". * Next year's Main Event match will end with a submission hold. Since it's Triple H winning the big one, it'll be with the Crippler Crossface, automatically earning him a spot in Hell in the minds of fans who still can't fucking accept anyone using that move. I heard someone call that "The Devil's Submission" recently, to which I laughed for probably ten minutes straight, because this person seemed serious when he said that. * Jeff Hardy will job in a lower-card match, because the WWE will still be wondering a year later if he's on drugs during the time of the match. * Some Diva will pose for Playboy - again - leading to another boring Wrestlemania match - again. * Batista will be continued to be shoved down to mid-card status, fighting against someone as big as him just to give the illusion to the fans that "two monsters will destroy each other." Possible candidates will be The Great Khali, Mark Henry and Snitsky, who will unfortunately - for Batista - still be employed by the WWE. * The WWE will slap Booker T and anyone associated with his PWA independent promotion in Houston. Because you know the WWE doesn't want VIP, Brett Idol or Rubio to show up to their events. Yes, I spent five minutes searching for the roster and those names, and yes, there's someone called "VIP" who oddly looks like Montel Vontavious Porter. * No celebrities will unfortunately be present to tell us that more than 70,000 fans are present, and that the amount of fans is "really big". Thanks for letting me know a full football stadium is really big, Kim Kardashian. Stupid bitch. * Snoop Dogg vs. Santino Marella will happen. The feathered boa will hopefully be on the line. And Snoop better bring his Pimp Cup. Damn Mayweather had to set the bar too high this year. * ECW will have either a pointless tag-match with wrestlers most regular wrestling fans don't care about, or a 1-on-1 match lasting less than a minute. Don't hold your breath for an old-school hardcore match. It'll never happen at Wrestlemania. Or any other show throughout the year, for that matter. * The Money In The Bank match will feature not one ladder being snapped in half, but two ladders. No one will care about the poor ladders, because the match will probably deliver the goods once more. There you go, my pointless Wrestlemania predictions, more than 365 days before the actual event! Do any of you have a good one that I can add to this list? Feel free to send it along to my E-Mail (dennmart@gmail.com) so I can include it in my next column. Only the weirdest, pointless ones will make the list, so make 'em good! Feel free to send your comments on this column that way as well. See y'all soon, Degenerate ***DIRECT LINK*** VERY CONTROVERSIAL Shots of LETICIA CLINE on Howard Stern!! WHOA!!
|
|