When in Rome XXV - The Great Debate + No Way Out Predictions
Submitted by romans_3:23 on Thursday, February 14, 2008 at 8:14 AM EST
Welcome to When in Rome, the column that still believes that revolution is possible – someday. As for now, I’m settling into the groove of a new semester at seminary. Well, at least I’m trying to settle into a groove, but it’s hard. The start of a new semester is always strange and exciting. Finding out about all the cool new stuff you’re going to learn about is fun, but that fun soon turns into the drudgery of quizzes, papers and exams. At least I genuinely enjoy the stuff I’m learning about. But, enough about that – let’s get started with some…
Apocrypha
Well my Super Bowl pick was wrong, and I couldn’t be happier. What an excellent football game! Belated congrats goes out to the New York Giants and Eli Manning, who slayed the dragon, the once unbeaten New England Patriots. The Pats might look a bit different next year as some are reporting that defensive stars Junior Seau, Tedi Bruschi and Asante Samuel will all be gone from the team next year. Rodney Harrison reportedly will be returning for one more season. Losing Samuel will hurt the Pats because he’s a quality corner, but losing Seau and Bruschi probably won’t hurt that much. Yes, they are leaders, but the Pats have a lot of leaders on their team like Tom Brady, Richard Seymour and of course coach Bill Belichick. If anything, it will help the Pats to get a little younger on defense. Now, if Spygate reveals that Belichick taped the St. Louis Rams walk-through before Super Bowl XXXVI, Roger Goodell will suspend him for the season. Goodell won’t have a choice to do otherwise. Now that might hurt the Pats a bit…
The biggest recent wrestling news item is the severing of the WWE - CW Network relationship. Now, Smackdown will have to find a new home for the fall 08 TV season. Speculation abounds regarding what network will air the big blue brand. I’ve heard plenty of ideas, mostly about Smackdown winding up on one of the NBC/Universal networks (NBC, USA, Sci Fi.) but I really question whether NBC would allot two hours of prime time scheduling to WWE, which has a loyal but stagnant and small audience on its major NBC network. I’d figure that out of the NBC family USA or Sci Fi would be a much more likely home for Smackdown.
I reckon that WWE will not air on NBC. If you compare the current situation of one of my favorite shows, NBC’s Friday Night Lights to Smackdown, WWE has no chance of getting airtime on NBC. FNL consistently draws over a 5 rating during its 9 pm Friday timeslot, but is in danger of being cancelled by the peacock. If NBC is considering canceling a show that draws over a 5 in ratings, why would they put Smackdown, a show that mostly rates in the 2’s on their flagship network? It just doesn’t make much sense. So in the end, WWE will probably be off of network TV this fall and for the foreseeable future. Will this damage WWE? We’ll soon find out. It probably won’t help…
There’s a lot going on in this column this time, so let’s move on to…
Inside the Sanctuary
Revelation 15:5-8
After this I looked, and the sanctuary of the tent of witness in heaven was opened and out of the sanctuary came the seven angels with the seven plagues, clothed in pure, bright linen, with golden sashes around their chests. And one of the four living creatures gave to the seven angels seven golden bowls full of the wrath of God who lives forever and ever, and the sanctuary was filled with smoke from the glory of God and from his power, and no one could enter the sanctuary until the seven plagues of the seven angels were finished.
In the Bible, the Sanctuary typically refers to a place in which God’s presence dwells. The temple, tabernacle, the holy place and heaven are all referred to at one time or another in Scripture as the Sanctuary. One had to become holy to step into the presence of God, and during the old covenant times only the chief priest could enter the most holy place once a year to make a sacrifice for the people. He acted as an insider for Israel. In the age of the new covenant, Jesus Christ became an atoning sacrifice for his people on the cross, and he now serves as high priest before God the Father. Jesus is the one mediator between man and God; he is his people’s insider. In the new heavens and earth every place will be a sanctuary. Rev. 21:22 says that the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb will be the temple in the re-created universe, and everyone will then be an insider.
I’ve titled this column section “Inside the Sanctuary” because now that I’m a columnist for Lords of Pain.net, I’ve got sources – inside sources, and I’m about to take you behind the curtain. The WWE had planned to kick of their “Smackdown the Vote” campaign in style by airing a debate featuring two all time sports entertainment greats on the Sci Fi Network on Super Tuesday, which took place this past February 5th. Due to some unforeseen circumstances, the debate did not air as planned, and WWE broadcast its usual ECW programming, which featured a “Throw the Mexican in the Ocean” er, “Gulf of Mexico” match.
WWE did tape the unaired debate on February 1st and one of my sources was good enough to secure a copy of the transcript of the event. So, I present to you the exclusive transcript of WWE’s “2008 Great Debate.”
Enjoy
The Great Debate
Mr McMahon: “Good evening America. Tonight the WWE is pleased to present the “2008 Great Debate.” Tonight two all time great WWE Superstars will debate key issues by representing the point of view of the presidential candidates they have decided to endorse. The format of the debate is as follows: The moderator will grill the Superstars on five key issues, and each Superstar will have three minutes to compellingly present the position that their favored candidate holds.
Let me introduce the Superstars.
First, representing Republican candidate Mike Huckabee, the 16 time former World Heavyweight Champion, the “Nature Boy” Ric Flair!”
Ric Flair:“WHOOOOOO”
McMahon: “Now, representing Democratic candidate Barack Obama, WWE Hall of Famer, the “Immortal” Hulk Hogan!”
Hulk Hogan: “Good evening Hulkamaniacs! You dudes ready for a debate, brother!”
McMahon: “And finally, Let me introduce tonight’s moderator, a true American if I say so myself, good ol J.R!
Wait… J.R. where’s J.R? King! Lawler! Take the microphone! Where’s J.R?!?”
Jerry Lawler: “I don’t know Mr. McMahon, but J.R’s notes are here. I can start the debate if you’d like.”
McMahon: “Ok, King, you start the debate. We all know that America needs celebrities to tell them how to vote, so tonight’s debate is crucial. It must go on. J.R better have a damn good reason to not be here right now or he’s fiirrrrrred!!!!”
McMahon angrily storms off the stage…
Lawler: “The first question is for Hulk. Hulk, what would your candidate, Senator Obama, do about taxes?”
Hogan: “Well you know something, King. Barack Obama represents change, brother. And Senator Obama would definitely change the way that the nasty old IRS runs things, brother! Senator Obama is a lot like the Hulkster, dude in that he’s about change. If there’s one thing the Hulkster has consistently done, brother, is change the world of sports entertainment for the better. From the time that Hulkamania started running wild in the 80s, to the time when the nWo was just too sweeeeeeet in the 90s, brother – the Hulkster has been about change. So whatcha gonna do - when change sweeps this nation and runs wild on you!!”
Lawler: “Alright, Hulkster! Ric, what will your candidate, Mike Huckabee, do about taxes?”
Flair: “Well Jerry, let me begin by saying that the Nature Boy isn’t going to stand up here and use meaningless slogans to get his point across. Hogan, you say that you stand for change – that Obama stands for change. Do you even know what Obama stands for? You want change? Mike Huckabee’s the real deal! He supports the fair tax and will eliminate the IRS completely. What does Obama suggest? To end tax shelters? What politician doesn’t talk about ending tax shelters? Hogan, you want to talk about change? Ric Flair changed the world! You talk about your nWo. You say they changed sports entertainment. I say you’re a fraud! The nWo was a fraud! The Four Horsemen changed sports entertainment and the nWo didn’t do anything but drive down the path that the Horsemen tread. You can talk about Hulkamania and use all the slogans you want big man, but that doesn’t change the fact that you and your candidate are all talk and no action. You want real change? Look at Ric Flair! Look at Mike Huckabee! No IRS! Permanent tax cuts! What do you got Hogan? Nothing! WHOOOOOOO!”
Lawler: “Wow! Ric, you get to answer first for this question. What will your candidate, Gov. Huckabee, do about immigration?”
Flair: “Well Jerry, Mike Huckabee believes that a strong America needs a strong border. Mike Huckabee supports the Senate’s $3 billion plan for border security, opposes any form of amnesty for illegal immigrants and will not sanction sanctuary cities for illegals. No open borders! No loss of American sovereignty! If you want a safe America that takes seriously immigration laws and looks to keep America the greatest nation on the face of the earth, then Mike Huckabee is your man. If you want someone who allows for weak borders, look to Obama, and look to Hogan. In fact, look at Hogan’s nWo. Hogan let any jabroni that owned a pair of boots to join his little group and he allowed it to be watered down and rendered meaningless. Not Ric Flair! Ric Flair always understood that only the elite could run with the Nature Boy! He ran with Double A, the Enforcer and Tully and Windham and Pillman. That’s what the Horsemen were all about – being the best, and Mike Huckabee will do what’s best for America!”
Hogan: “Ric, you can try and paint Barack or the nWo how you want, brother, but all my Hulkamaniacs know the truth. Barack Obama wants strong borders, brother, but he also wants to reach out and help the people of Mexico economically so that the incentives to enter the US illegally are diminished. Ric Flair says that the nWo was diluted, but Ric Flair knows that the nWo was the revolutionary force in the 90s in sports entertainment and Ric Flair is jealous, brother! I reached out to wrestlers who weren’t the so called ‘elite’ like Virgil, Scott Norton and Buff Bagwell, brother, and I helped them become star players who could positively contribute to what WCW was trying to do. I helped them make money, brother, more money that the ‘elites’ like Paul Roma ever could make as a Horseman. So, Ric Flair – you are the one trying to talk a big game for your boy Huckabee, but neither of you can bring about real, positive change. All you can do is whine while the trendsetters pass you by, brother!”
Lawler: “Ok, this is for you Hulk. What will your candidate do about the health care crisis?”
Hogan: “Well King, you know that the Hulkster has always lived by the three demandments – to train, say your prayers and eat your vitamins. The Hulkster knows that you’ve got to be fit if you’re going to achieve the American Dream, brother. That’s why he supports Barack Obama – because Barack Obama wants to enable every person in America to have healthcare with guaranteed eligibility, affordable premiums and choice, brother. Under an Obama presidency, every American will have the opportunity to have quality healthcare and to purchase whatever vitamins they need, brother!”
Flair: “Hogan, I just have to ask you one thing. How is Obama going to pay for this program? He’s going to raise taxes – that’s how! Mike Huckabee knows that universal healthcare is a pipe dream. He realizes that America needs its private sector to rise up and bring about innovative ways to cut the cost of healthcare. We can’t trust the government and its huge bureaucracy to fix the problem. The American people will fix this problem, not by asking for handouts that will only create additional costs and diminish the quality of care, but by opening the way for healthy competition, fair prices and transparency for all.”
Suddenly, a maniacal laugh is heard over the loud speaker. The camera cuts to the backstage area. It’s Kane!
Kane: “Enough is enough already! I want to ask you Jerry Lawler why I wasn’t invited to this debate. I’ve been supporting a presidential candidate by the name of Ron Paul a lot longer than these attention hounds have been supporting their sorry candidates. So why wasn’t the Big Red Machine allowed to participate and spread Dr. Paul’s message of freedom?”
Lawler: “Ron who? I guess we only invited wrestlers who supported candidates who actually have a chance at winning. Sorry, Kane.”
Kane: “That’s what I’ve had enough of, Jerry. People like you who squash Dr. Paul’s message, by saying that he doesn’t have a shot at winning. It’s all the media folk like you who have painted the perception that Dr. Paul doesn’t stand a chance, but tonight Dr. Paul’s message will get out to the people! Dr. Paul advocates that America only use force when she is attacked, and you and your mainstream media have attacked Dr. Paul and his supporters over and over again – and I’ve had enough! I have no choice but to use force to ensure that Dr. Paul’s message gets out. Cameraman! Look over there!”
The cameraman pans his shot to reveal a battered J.R, tied up and hanging from the ceiling by a rope. Mr. McMahon angrily storms back onto the stage and takes the microphone.
McMahon: “Kane, you are proving why I didn’t invite you to the debate. You’re crazy – just like all the Ron Paul supporters! I mean, only a crazy person would advocate having a smaller federal government, eliminating the IRS and Federal Reserve, changing American foreign policy to one based on peace and free trade, and protecting American’s God given Constitutional freedoms! This is the message of a madman, and it must be silenced at all costs! Hogan! Flair! Put your partisan differences aside right now and go back there and stop this Big Red Revolutionary!”
Hogan and Flair give each other a wink and run to the back. As Hogan opens the curtain to head backstage, he is greeted with a chairshot to his bald dome! It’s another Ron Paul supporter – Val Venis!
Flair immediately crumples to the ground and begins begging when he sees Kane and Venis standing armed for a fight.
Kane: “That’s right! Beg, Nature Boy! No one’s going to save you! Val, tie him up so that he can watch me finish what I started a long time ago. It’s time I set J.R on fire!!”
Venis begins to tie up Flair and Kane begins dousing J.R with lighter fluid. He then fumbles around his pants pockets, looking for a match. As he is searching, suddenly the lights go out!
After a few seconds the lights come back on and J.R, Flair and Hogan have all vanished! Kane and Venis suddenly find themselves face to face with the most awesome man walking the earth – Chuck Norris!!!”
Norris: “Kane, Val you rebels are in trouble. Don’t you know that Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird? That Chuck Norris has two speeds – walk and kill? That the chief export of Chuck Norris is pain?”
Kane and Venis, mouths agape, stand dumbfounded.
Norris: “Now, I suggest that you two nutjobs leave the presence of Chuck Norris stat! Don’t you know that Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes? That Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child, but the bed wet itself out of fear? That Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know – except the definition of mercy?”
Kane and Venis run away screaming in terror.
Norris: “American folk, hear this. I, Chuck Norris, support Mike Huckabee for president. If you know what is good for you – you will too. Thank you and good night.”
For a second time, the lights go out. When they return, Norris is gone!
Well, that’s the transcript of the unaired WWE “Great Debate.” My sources tell me that the debate did not air because Vince McMahon was unable to work a deal to pay Chuck Norris for his airtime. McMahon did plan to air the debate in an edited format, but Norris then reminded Vince that Chuck Norris does not sleep, but waits. McMahon then decided to scrap the debate entirely.
Well enough of that - it’s time for…
A Prophetic Word
Here are some predications for this Sunday’s No Way Out pay per view.
Ric Flair over Mr. Kennedy
I believe that Flair will retire at Wrestlemania after an epic match against Shawn Michaels. I’ve thought that since the “Flair must win or retire” angle began and I’m not about to change my thought yet. Flair vs. Kennedy should be a good match, probably similar in length and style to Flair’s Rumble match against MVP. If Kennedy steps up – this match could steal the show – seriously! I see Flair winning by pinfall due to some treachery.
CM Punk over Chavo Guerrero – Punk regains ECW championship
I don’t see Chavo vs. Punk continuing into WM24, so I think Punk regains his ECW title and moves towards a matchup with “The Gold Standard” Shelton Benjamin at Mania. I may be wrong about this because Shelton’s push seems to have cooled a bit since his ECW debut, but I think that Shelton’s just in a stalling pattern (much like Taker) as WWE waits to start the Mania ECW title storyline. Chavo and Punk have some good chemistry together, and I wouldn’t mind seeing them go at it again down the line, but I see Punk winning here and entering Mania as champ.
Edge over Rey Mysterio – World Heavyweight Title match
Like I said heading into the Rumble, Edge is just killing time with Rey until his Mania program with the Undertaker begins. Rey vs. Edge has been an entertaining feud. It’s just unfortunate that Rey obviously has no chance to emerge with the belt. That leads me to…
Undertaker wins Smackdown Elimination Chamber
Obviously, Taker should win this match and head to a WM 24 main event against Edge. I hope that MVP looks good against main eventers like Batista and Taker in this marquee matchup. MVP has a real opportunity to shine here; hopefully he does. Besides that, I really don’t have high expectations for this match. Taker winning seems too evident. Maybe WWE will advance a “Monster Mash” type of match between Khali and Big Daddy V here. They’ve been a “big” part of the WWE this past year and I think WWE will look to include them at Mania somehow. Will Hornswoggle get involved? Maybe, but WWE might hold off because of the big Vince/Horny cage match on Raw the following night.
Triple H wins Raw Elimination Chamber
This EC has more star power when compared to the Smackdown EC. Once again, the winner seems obvious. HBK main evented Mania last year and WWE is giving no indication that he’ll be that high up on the card this year. If anything, they are hinting towards HBK/Flair. Umaga isn’t going to win. JBL and Jericho still need to have their big blowoff match and the EC should just work to continue their feud. Jeff Hardy is the one wildcard who has a shot to upset Trips. All my loyal readers know that I think Hardy has proven to be a bonafide main eventer over the past few months, but Trips vs. Cena II is the big money match for WWE right now. And WWE isn’t going to pass up a sure thing for Mania to experiment with Hardy in the main event. I wouldn’t mind Hardy in the main event, but it’s not happening. (yet)
John Cena over Randy Orton – Cena regains WWE title
Randy’s had a great run, but it’s going to end Sunday. The “Champ” is back and he is deservedly going straight to the WM 24 main event. Yes, having Cena vs. Trips is the predictable route, but it will draw. I know that I’m looking forward to that match because it could go either way. I do hope that both guys remain face because that really adds to the uncertainty of the outcome. As for Orton vs. Cena, I hope that this match gets a good bit of time and that Orton gets a chance to look good in dropping the belt. Hopefully, the ref will take a bump that costs Orton a pinfall win over Cena – just like so many 80s Hulk Hogan heel opponents missed out on defeating Hogan because of a knocked out ref. I just don’t want a repeat of JBL/Cena from WM 21. That match was way too short and anticlimactic for my tastes, but I think Orton will put up more of a fight here. Cena’s winning though – like it or not.
Well, I was 3-2 in my Rumble predictions. (Yeah, I’m counting the JBL DQ win over Jericho as the same as a no contest. Sue me.) Hopefully I’ll do better this time out. Drop me an email and let me know what you think will go down Sunday.
Well, it’s about time to wrap this up, but before I go here’s a…
Proverb
The wise man does not allow his teeth to rot, but you should indulge and read SkittleZ’ Taste My Rainbow Vol. 11: The Adventures of Randy Fagbot
You’ve just finished the uninspired, fallible, opinion only word of Rome. Take it for what it’s worth. I’ll be back in two weeks with some more column goodness for you, but while you wait be sure to check out the LOP Columns Forum .You’ll be happy that you did.
Also, don’t forget to email me, romans_3:23 , at romes_writings@yahoo.com.
Later all
***DIRECT LINK*** Hot PERSONAL & PRIVATE Pix of The Glamazon Beth Phoenix!!
- Quick Links -
[Back to LOP] [News Archives] [Results] [Columns] [Forums]
|
|
