When in Rome XXII - Get Me a Whopper!
    Submitted by romans_3:23 on Thursday, January 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM EST



    Welcome to When in Rome, the column that carries on through the fire and the flames. I too have been drawn in to the phenomenon that is Guitar Hero, but I don’t have my own copy of the game so needless to say, I’m not that great. I did beat the Wii version of the game on the easiest level (got through every song except “Raining Blood”) and have gone through a few songs on medium, but I haven’t played in a few weeks and my already limited skills have probably abandoned me. FatCat! will rock again, however. Yes he will. Onto the column…


    Apocrypha


    We’re one week closer to the Royal Rumble and the Jeff Hardy as main eventer experiment continues on nicely. I wrote about my furor for Jeff’s push last week, and his performance this week has not lessened my excitement about his upcoming match with Randy Orton. That Swanton off the scaffolding was sick! I know some are complaining that the whole thing was just too staged and protective to be a real “Holy Dookie!” moment, but regardless, I marked. No matter the measures WWE took to protect Jeff and Randy - that spot still had tons of risk involved. I dare anybody to try a similar stunt and tell me that they didn’t find it to be at least a bit “risky.”

    But wait! Remember kiddies, “Don’t Try This At Home!”

    Seriously though, Jeff did steal the show again with the highspot, and he did well on the mic, although he did seem to lean on the “Take Your Title - Take You Out!” blurb a bit much. But hey, the crowd was feeling it, so I won’t complain. That’s one thing I’ve really noticed about this Jeff push – his pops now consist of all members of the audience, not just the prepubescent girls. He’s doing quite well for himself, and I want to reiterate that I would not frown upon a Jeff Hardy WWE title run. In fact, I’m beginning to clamor for it!

    The other “Big” news of the week consists of the rumored upcoming WWE return of “Captain Insano” himself – Paul Wight. With Mr. McMahon making a big Royal Rumble qualifying match between Triple H and a mystery opponent for next week’s Raw, many are speculating that the Big Show will be returning as H’s opponent. Supposedly Show has dropped a lot of weight and is in much better shape now than during his last run as ECW champ, which I might add was one of the best of his career.

    If the rumors are true, and Show is back to a leaner WCW Giant type body, I fully expect him to find himself quickly at the top of the card of whatever brand he happens to land on. If he does end up on Raw as a heel enforcer for McMahon against Trips, I expect him to probably drop next week’s by DQ. I see no good reason for Show to job immediately upon returning. I figure we’ll see Show decimate Trips through illegal means, leaving Trips’ Rumble status in doubt even though he will be an official participant. (But of course, Trips will show up for the Rumble)

    Part of me thinks Show would fit in better on Smackdown at the moment, especially since Batista has run out of opponents on the blue brand. But who knows? Dave could end up on Raw shortly. If Show is a Raw Superstar, I say turn him face and put him in a program with Umaga for Wrestlemania. I could see Show quickly gaining Vince’s ire and becoming a target if he fails to keep Trips out of the Rumble, and a feud with Umaga would allow him to get a nice Mania win – something Show does not possess in singles competition. One problem with Show on Raw is that Raw is stacked at the moment. Do they even need Big Show? Why not put him back in ECW and put him against Big Daddy V? There are so many directions WWE could go heading into Wrestlemania 24, and watching it all get sorted out should make for some compelling TV.

    Another news item that interests me is the report that Vince has put the kibosh on the upcoming Sting and Macho Man Randy Savage DVDs. Canceling the Sting DVD makes sense because he is contracted by TNA, a competing company. But once again we’re all left to ponder just what Vince has against the Macho Man. Are all the salacious rumors in fact true?

    Well, I’m here to tell you that I will be devoting all of my journalistic resources to solving this mystery. I have no idea how long this investigation will take, or where it will lead me, but sometime in the future When in Rome will feature the “Savage Report” and all questions will be answered.

    It’s Championship week in the National Football League. I went two for four with my picks last week. I totally should’ve picked the Chargers. I sat here and wrote a compelling argument why the Chargers would give the Colts more of a game than people were expecting, but I backed off, called the Bolts a “flawed team” and picked the Colts.

    Turns out that the Bolts have more heart than I anticipated. Who would’ve thought that they would beat the defending Super Bowl Champs in the RCA Dome with Rivers, Tomlinson and Gates all injured. The Chargers are coming together at the right time and I believe that they’ve shed the “choker” label that they acquired during the “MartyBall” era.

    But, again with that said – The New England Patriots are far too good to lose to the Chargers this Sunday. Even if the Chargers’ big three on offense all play and are near 100 percent (which they aren’t) they probably don’t have enough to compete with the Pats’ juggernaut. Igor Olshansky might not agree, but I predict that he’ll be eating his brash words, “They’re more worried than we are” by Sunday evening.

    It appears to me that Igor’s auditioning to become one of Damien’s “Demented Ones.” I’m surprised he didn’t call the Pats “pansies.”

    I do have one question that possibly someone out there with a stronger football background than I can answer. When defending the Pats’ passing game, why doesn’t a team put their best cornerback on Wes Welker to shut him out of the game and then double Moss and Stallworth with their other corners or safeties. It seems that most teams automatically double Moss, using their best corner on him, while Welker kills them all day. What does a team have to lose by mixing it up and putting their best cover man on Welker? Somebody fill me in on this please.

    NFL predictions

    New England over San Diego

    Green Bay over NY Giants

    (Part of me is expecting the Giants to pull the upset. Historically it is quite rare that the best possible Super Bowl matchup occurs, and everyone is drooling over a potential Brady vs. Favre battle. So do not be shocked if Eli’s crew pulls this one out. It’s just the nature of the beast.)

    And that’s enough of that. Let’s get on to…


    The Gospel Truth


    Exodus 30:22-25

    The LORD said to Moses, "Take the finest spices: of liquid myrrh 500 shekels, and of sweet-smelling cinnamon half as much, that is, 250, and 250 of aromatic cane, and 500 of cassia, according to the shekel of the sanctuary, and a hin of olive oil. And you shall make of these a sacred anointing oil blended as by the perfumer; it shall be a holy anointing oil.


    “Get me a Whopper!!” screamed the unkempt, famished patron as he pointed to a defenseless cashier. Yep, that’s marketing for you… I’m sure by now most of you have seen the latest Burger King commercials in which one Burger King stops selling Whoppers for a day and everyone “freaks out.” You’ve got ladies at the drive thru asking to see the manager. You’ve got people nearly fainting in shock after hearing that the Whopper has been discontinued; and you’ve got people angrily yelling at the cashiers, demanding “Get me a Whopper!”

    Thankfully, the Burger King arrives on the scene and provides Whoppers for all of BK’s loyal subjects. Big Macs and Wendy’s burgers are discarded. The once angry patrons now smile and relish their chance at appearing on a TV or online ad. All is right with the world.

    Now why am I rambling about BK’s latest ad campaign and what does it have to do with the biblical passage posted above? Well, the common denominator between the two is this – both deal with sacred items, which are comprised of quite ordinary things.

    Think about it, the myrrh, cinnamon, cane, cassia and olive oil are ordinary elements, but by God’s decree, combining them created the oil that was used to consecrate the articles of worship in the tent of meeting like the altar and the ark of the testimony. This oil was only to be used on Aaron and his sons, who were chosen by God to serve as priests. God also declared that no one should use this formula to make perfume for themselves – it became a holy formula because the holy God deemed it holy. Anyone who disobeyed this command was to be cut off from the people of Israel – an act that also symbolized exile and being separated spiritually from God and the blessings he promised to his people Israel.

    The Whopper is simply a large flame broiled burger with or without cheese, lettuce, pickles, mayo, ketchup and onions on a sesame seed bun. The ingredients themselves are nothing special, but when they are brought together, you have one of the classic tastes of Americana – the Whopper. And Burger King without the Whopper - just isn’t Burger King at all.

    Now, what does any of this have to do with wrestling? Well in the world of wrestling there are many different things that could be considered sacred - things whose disappearance would render wrestling as something less than it was before – necessary things to the sport of kings. Now what I consider “sacred” might differ greatly from what you consider “sacred” in the world of sports entertainment. That’s why I hope you drop me an email at romes_writings@yahoo.com and let me know what things you hold so dear in the world of wrestling. Here are a few ordinary things that I believe are so primary that wrestling would cease to exist as we know it without them.

    The Ring

    No matter how wrestling evolves over time, the contests must take place inside of a ring. The ring acts as the wrestler’s playing field or theater and it is just as important in the wrestling world as the gridiron is to the NFL or the stage is to Shakespeare. Yes there are gimmick matches like Falls Count Anywhere or Backlot/Boiler Room Brawls in which the ring is secondary or not needed, but these are the exception, not the norm. You can put a cage around it, wrap barbed wire around it or even set its ropes on fire, but the ring remains the thing.

    I’m such a stickler for the importance of the ring that I even shun silly variations of the classic four sided one. I hate, no I abhor the six sided circus version that Total Nonstop Action foists upon its fans. That ring is ridiculous to look at and makes all TNA matches appear second rate. What would you think if the NFL decided to play its championship games this weekend not on a regulation NFL field but on an indoor Arena Football League version? It would suck and be a complete mockery of the tradition of the NFL, and TNA continually mocks wrestling tradition with its craptacular sphere.

    Am I a little too concerned about the ring? Maybe, but the sanctity of the ring is one of the last remnants of an age of wrestling long past, an age in which people believed it to be a legit sport and treated it as such. Now of course I realize that wrestling is scripted entertainment and that it has moved a long, long way from the smoky bingo halls and fairgrounds of the past, but I also think that it is good to have something that links today’s sports entertainment to that of the past. And more than anything else - that link is the ring.

    The Entrance Theme

    The entrance theme is a newer innovation in the wrestling world than the ring, but it has become so ingrained in the fabric of sports entertainment that it is impossible to envision wrestling without it. During the “Rock N Wrestling” days of the 80s, the entrance theme came to prominence and now has reached immortal status. Can you picture Triple H coming down the aisle without Motorhead blaring? Or the Undertaker without his signature gong and funeral procession music? I can’t, and I’m glad that we’ll never have to.

    The wrestling entrance theme has also crossed over into legitimate sports as well. Look at all the pomp that accompanies the player introductions at NBA games. Look at the similarity between the entrances of UFC fighters and that of pro wrestlers. You can’t seem to make an impressive entrance nowadays without having a theme.

    I do remember watching wrestling as a young child with my father and grandfather and hearing them lament about the entrance themes as ruining the spectacle of wrestling as a pure sport. (Ironically I kind of sound like them when I rant about TNA’s ring…) Now, they didn’t think wrestling was “real” and my dad always took time to explain to me that what happened in wrestling was scripted and that the wrestlers weren’t trying to hurt each other and that I needed to be careful if I was going to imitate this stuff with friends. But they held to the idea that wrestling should be portrayed as a legit athletic competition and that the themes reduced the matches to cartoonery. How times have changed! What they thought of as destructive to the core of sports entertainment, I find as essential. And the “legit” sports world has even followed the lead of sports entertainment.

    The Kneepad

    You guys might not think much about the protective coverings wrestlers wear on their legs, but the kneepad is of utmost importance to me. Why? Basically because everyone wears them and it just doesn’t look right when a wrestler doesn’t have them. I remember back in the day guys like Greg the Hammer Valentine would wrestle without leg protection, but nowadays kneepads on wrestlers are as common as syrup on pancakes.

    I noticed how odd wrestlers look without kneepads during the recent Mr. Kennedy/Shawn Michaels match on Raw when HBK unleashed an offensive assault on Kennedy’s leg that included taking down the loudmouth’s kneepad to expose the knee. Kennedy just looked strange walking around and performing moves with his knee showing. I was quite pleased when he eventually pulled up the pad later in the match, for the aesthetic reasons, as well as that I thought he was running the risk of hurting himself by working with an exposed knee.

    I don’t know. I just really believe that kneepads complete a wrestler’s outfit – even if they wear them underneath longer pants and they aren’t readily visible. I know I always notice them anyways. They are like the cherry on an ice cream sundae, and it’s not the same without them. Maybe I’m just crazy.

    So that’s just a few of my “Whoppers” of the world of sports entertainment. I could prattle on about others, but I hope that you drop me an email and let me know what you hold “sacred” in pro wrestling. I’m sure they’ll be most interesting.


    Now before we reach the end – it’s time for some…


    Proverbs


    Shout with joy! Make an exuberant noise and read State of Bliss’s Flight of the Tranquil One: Nonstop Service to EPT(not the pregnancy test)

    The days may be long and harsh, but they will not defeat you if you read Jetsetpoker’s Shuffle Up and Deal: Vol 9 - Grinders

    If you show your best, you will prosper from the beginning. So read aisce and Uncle Joe’s The Best of TMC


    Well, you’ve just finished reading the uninspired, fallible, opinion only word of Rome. Take it for what it’s worth. I hope you enjoyed this week’s edition and I will be back soon enough with some more takes on all things wrestling. Be sure to check out the columnists in the LOP Columns Forum . I promise you won’t be disappointed.

    Also, don’t forget to email me, romans_3:23 , at romes_writings@yahoo.com.


    Later all






    ***DIRECT LINK*** Over 14 Total HIGH QUALITY Maria 2008 PB Photos! MUST SEE!

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