TNA Impact Results 1/3/08
Submitted by "Godly" Ken Davison on Friday, January 4, 2008 at 10:58 PM EST



Happy New Year! Hey kids, it's "Godly" Ken Davison
with your TNA Impact Report for January 3rd, 2007.
First off I'd like to thank Plissken, Michael,and
Tyson for their feedback, and now onto the show.

We have our usual show opening montage recapping the
last show. Tonight's episode "Ranking by Gauntlet."
It looks to me that we've got another theme show. JB
is at AJ's house where he is greeted by MJ, AJ's
sister. JB knocks on a closed door and AJ says that
he's not here. AJ asks him to leave and JB persists.
AJ tells JB again to go away, but JB assures us that
he's here until AJ gives us an answer. Even if it is
Gainesville, I don't think anyone could be as
bumkinified (I made that word up) as the people in
AJ's house are portrayed to be.

The Gauntlet Matches are going to be for each division
to decide the rankings, so I will sum up all of that
at the end of the review. Also, I will have my Final
Resolution predictions at the end of the column as
well. Jim Cornette is running down the card when
Sloppy Joe interrupts Cornette.

"How is it that we have a pay-per-view and Samoa Joe
isn't a part of it? How is it that I've destroyed
everyone you've put in front of me and I haven't got a
title shot? How is it that Nash and the 'Phantom of
the Impact Zone', Scott Hall get a tag team title shot
and I don't even get the card?" Hate to admit it,
Joe's right about Hall. Nash comes down to defend
Hall. Nash puts Joe over as reminding him of a young
Hall and Nash. But Joe isn't there yet. Joe says he
recognizes that even the most historically powerful
pack leaders are either step aside or are pushed
aside. Nash steps up to Joe and Cornette gets between
them. Well, Hall's out, Joe's in. If Nash and Joe
can't work together, then neither one is on Final
Resolution.

Robert Roode comes in threatening to slap the taste
out of Sharmell's mouth. Tracy says it takes a big
man to hit a woman and she hates Roode, and apparently
Robert Roode thinks that's a good thing. This Sunday
at Final Resolution, Roode's problems are Brooks'
problems and if they aren't, then he will become Ms.
Brooks' personal problem. He makes Brooks say his
catch phrase and we cut to commercial.

Crystal is sick of Brother Ray and shoves the mic in
his chest and runs off. Team 3D is complaining about
LAX and the Motor City Machine Guns in the gauntlet.
They blame Cornette, Morgan, then the fans. They've
been jumping and scaling buildings. Devon has been
swinging and running and jumping and flying like ...
like.... Devine chimes in with King Kong. Devon grabs
him and Devine tries to pass it off as Devon's huge.
Kip James comes in looking for Crystal. Devon says he
ate her and Kip says he needs to lay off the carbs.
Team 3D takes a shot at Kip's pink tights and leave,
and Kip goes off on BG for not picking him for the
title shot he received for feast or fired.

So when it gets down to the last two men, their tag
team partners will come back out and we'll have
ourselves a tag team match. Lance Hoyt is out first,
without Christy Hemme in tow. Next out is Kip James
with his pink tights with cherries on them.
Seriously, Kwee-Wee wouldn't even be caught dead in
them. Hoyt knees Kip in the stomach and then we have
some rope bouncing and Kip hits a drop kick. A lot of
mobility from the big man, and Hoyt hits a big boot.
Some more back and forth before Kip hits a swinging
neckbreaker. Devon comes in house of fire, dominating
both men until Hoyt nails Kip and they start double
teaming him with chokeholds. Next out is Alex
Shelley. Hot shot on Hoyt and a flying elbow into the
ring on Hoyt. Devon goes after Shelley, but nails an
enziuiri. Shelley goes for a move, but Devon ducks it
and nails Shelley with the Saving Grace. Homicide is
out and going after everything that moves. Devon is
brawling with Homicide, while Shelley is on the ground
with Hoyt choking him. Next out is Jimmy Rave. So
both members of the Rock 'N' Rave Infection are in the
ring. Rave is going after Homicide Devon is working
over Shelley. Rave 'n' Hoyt try to throw Homicide
out, but he gets back in as we cut back to Devon with
Shelley in the corner and out comes BG James. BG is
taking out everyone with punches, and hits his punch
combo on Devon. Devon charges and James back body
drops him out. Next out is Brother Ray, who is now
left to fend for himself. He seems to be giving Devon
some grief for getting thrown out as Brother Ray
stalls his way to the ring. Ray goes after Shelley,
but as is the status quo, he goes after everyone
before going back after Shelley. Sabin's out next,
and we've got two Guns against one former Dudley.
Sabin hits a nice drop kick on BG James and sends him
out of the ring. Hernandez comes into the ring with a
double clothesline over the top on both members of the
Rock 'N' Rave Infection. Ray wants a test of strength
on with Ray, but clotheslines him before Ray can get
his second hand up. Shelley's out, and we still have
LAX, The Rock 'N' Rave Infection, Brother Ray and
Sabin. Sabin throws out Brother Ray and we cut to
commercial.

We're back and we've got the Motor City Machine Guns
against the Rock 'N' Rave Infection. Sabin hits an
enziguiri and Shelley hits a shirinu, Sliced Bread #2
for you Kendrick fans. One, two, three and it's over.

WINNERS: MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS

Order in:
1. Lance Hoyt
2. Kip James
3. Brother Devon
4. Alex Shelley
5. Homicide
6. Jimmy Rave
7. BG James
8. Brother Ray
9. Chris Sabin
10. Hernandez

Order Out:
1. Kip James
2. Brother Devon
3. BG James
4. Alex Shelley
5. Brother Ray
6. Hernandez
7. Homicide

Devine jumps the guns, and Team 3D comes down and
we've got a pair of 3Ds for the Guns. Devine slides a
table in and they set it up. Brother Ray nails their
fingers with a Singapore cane before the X-Division
makes the save. Crystal is in the back with the
Angles. Kurt seems to be offended that the match
could go either way. Basically, Kurt says that you
don't say no to an Olympic Gold Medalist. He's going
to call Tomko out since he's here.

Kurt: "Never underestimate the brains of Kurt Angle.
Because in a drawer full of knives, I might not be the
sharpest."

Kurt walks off.

Crystal: "Did he just say what I think he said?"

Karen: "I didn't marry him for his brains."

To quote Slappy the Squirrel, "Now, THAT'S comedy."

We go to commercial and back to JB at AJ's
grandmothers house. JB is interviewing AJ's third
grade teacher. He had bad skin, he was shy. AJ says
it's a lie. She tries to get AJ out and he won't come
out. We're going to stay until we get an answer.
Joy.

We get a run down of the card, and then Angelina Love
comes down as the first woman in the Knockouts
Gauntlet. An obviously unhappy Ms. Brooks comes out
next. Ms Brooks starts off with a kick, chop and head
smash into the corner. She runs in on Love who kicks
her in the head a few times before taking control.
She tries to throw Ms. Brooks out, twice, but both
times Brooks fights her way back in. Brooks is still
fighting to get back in as Jackie Moore comes out and
nails Love with a nice double arm suplex. Brooks
throws her off and they take turns trying to throw
Love out. They start chopping, but get interrupted by
Love and the entrance of Velvet Sky. Sky and Love
start double teaming Moore and Brooks with a double
snapmare and a double hip toss. They continue to
dominate as Christy Hemme comes down to the ring.
YUM! Double Cross Body on Love and Sky helps the
heels take control. You have to know Kong is going to
come out and kill them all. Hemme hits a nice
inverted DDT on Love, then misses her Flying
Firecrotch Guillotine. No, I didn't make that name
up, either. ODB comes out and the Impact Zone pops.
ODB hits some power moves on the women before Tracy
Brooks comes and charges, getting thrown out by ODB.
ODB and Jackie Moore are trying throw Velvet Sky out
as Roxxi Leveaux comes out. ODB grabs Roxxi and gets
a kick to the chest for her troubles. Roxxi and ODB
are going at it with Roxxi getting the better of her
with a Samoan Drop. Roxxi tries to throw out Jackie
Moore, but ODB makes the save. The women are all
regrouping as Awesome Kong comes in and starting
playing with her food. Kong throws out Velvet Sky and
Christy Hemme out at the same time. She flips
Angelina Love over, and Love comes back with a Cross
Body, but she gets caught and tossed out by Kong.

We come back and Jackie Moore, ODB and Roxxi hit three
triple dropkicks, knocking Kong into the ropes. The
women struggle and finally get Kong out. Roxxi grabs
Jackie Moore as she's celebrating as throws her out.
We're down to ODB and Roxxi Laveaux in a singles
match. Roxxi does this weird voodoo walk and ODB hits
her with a kick and clothesline for a two count.
Roxxi spears her as she gets up and puts her on the
top turnbuckle. ODB starts hitting the dirty dozen
before Roxxi gets a boot up and throws her off the
top. ODB gets up and Roxxi hits a spinebuster. The
crowd is cheering ODB on as she reverses a whip with a
boot to the face. She comes off the top with a Thesz
Press, smothering Roxxi with her breasticles and
getting the three count.

WINNER: ODB

Order in:
1. Angelina Love
2. Ms. Brooks
3. Jackie Moore
4. Velvet Sky
5. Christy Hemme
6. ODB
7. Roxxi Laveaux
8. Awesome Kong

Order Out:
1. Ms. Brooks
2. Velvet Sky and Christy Hemme
3. Angelina Love
4. Awesome Kong
5. Jackie Moore

Tomko is in the back with Crystal. He says that no
one is demanding that Tomko does anything. He's going
to the ring to call Kurt Angle out and get the respect
he deserves. He's dealt with it from Christian, Angle
and now because of AJ. He's sick of all of it.
Short, but unusually strong promo from Tomko.

We're back from commercial and Tomko is already in the
ring, calling out Angle. "You want your answer, Kurt,
come and get it." Kurt and Karen both come out and
Kurt says he doesn't wait for anybody. He's tired of
Tomko and AJ playing games. Kurt wants to know what
kind of army is this? "Tomko, are you with me, or are
you without me."

Tomko said that he's patriotic and the army is about
respect. What it means is that would Tomko take a
bullet for Kurt or Christian. Bottom line is that
Tomko would take a bullet for Tomko. I'm with Tomko
and I'll let you guess you makes the decisions for
Tomko.

Kurt and Tomko shake hands and Kurt charges Tomko, but
Tomko goozles him. Tomko tells Kurt that because of
their history, this time he gets a pass. But next
time, he'll break Kurt's neck permanently. And we're
back to the AJ saga. We get some country hick
claiming to be AJ's high school wrestling coach. GO
GRAZING GOATS. God bless the fast forward button.

"Black Machismo" and Sonjay Dutt are going back and
forth about The Guru stealing a kiss from So Cal Val.
Lethal compares it to Hogan/Liz/Savage... even calls
Sonjay Adonis at one point. Cage takes over when
Lethal and Dutt leave and says he's the next world
champion. He's proud of Tomko for taking a stand.
But he needs to know where AJ stands. He invites Kurt
to come down during the gauntlet match and 'match
wits.'

The X-Division gauntlet match is next and Sonjay Dutt
is out first. His first opponent is Petey Williams,
which makes no sense that he's go a world title shot,
but is ranked next to last in the X-Division. That
makes a LOT of sense. Commercial time.

Sonjay and Petey go back and forth and Sonjay hits a
nice guillotine leg drop on Petey. Petey takes some
control as Shark Boy comes into the ring. I don't
like Shark Boy, I'm not even going to lie. He comes
in with a sunset powerbomb on Petey, which Petey
superplexes Sonjay. Shark Boy hits a one kneed
codebreaker then hits Petey as Elix Skipper comes out
next. Springboard leg lariat on Shark Boy, and Petey
tells Elix to work with him. Double whip, double
clothesline missed, double dropkicks by Shark Boy and
Sonjay. Skipper goes for a move in the corner but
Sonjay ducks and Elix Skipper is gone. Good bye,
Elix. We hardly knew you. Johnny Devine is next out,
and if the bookers have any brains, they have the
remaining X-Division wrestlers in the ring jump him
and throw him out right away. Would be smart booking.
And they do. Good bookers. Devine gets away, and
eliminates Shark Boy with a back body drop. Petey
drills Devine with a dropkick and allow Devine to beg
off. They grant him mercy as Senshi comes out next.
Devine shakes Senshi's hand Senshi throws him to the
other guys. Dropkick by Senshi with a drop lift by
Petey and Sonjay eliminates Devine. Senshi goes after
Petey and Sonjay slides out of the way of a corner
attack. He springboards and Sonjay goes for a
Sit-down Senton on Senshi, who ducks, and hits Petey
instead. Senshi grabs Sonjay and throws him out, and
we are down to Petey against Senshi one on one.

Senshi boots Petey in the chest and backs him into the
corner with some shouldertackles and a hard snapmare
followed by a kick to the spine. Quick two count, and
Senshi waistlocks Petey. "Maple Leaf Muscle" elbows
out and hits the ropes, but Senshi hits a flying
forearm before he can. Petey's on the outside, and
jumps in with a codebreaker. He goes for a Canadian
Destroyer, but Senshi throws him into the corner. He
sets up for the Warrior's Way, but Petey rolls out.
Petey sunset flips back into the ring, the rolls
through into the Canadian Destroyer for the pinfall.

WINNER: PETEY WILLIAMS

Order in:
1. Sonjay Dutt
2. Petey Williams
3. Shark Boy
4. Elix Skipper
5. Johnny Devine
6. Senshi

Order Out:
1. Elix Skipper
2. Shark Boy
3. Johnny Devine
4. Sonjay Dutt

We now have James Storm in the back who spouts of
about being the best beer drinker in the world.
Instead of the Gauntlet Match, he's worried about
beating Eric Young in the Drinking Championship
Series. They are going two out of three at Final
Resolution.

We're back from commercial break with more of the AJ
Saga. Now, they are talking to a priest, which I have
fast forwarded. Then AJ comes out to tell us that
they are Baptist. Back to Tenay and DW who are
shilling the Pay-Per-View yet again. All we have left
is the Heavyweight Gauntlet, but first Booker T and
Sharmell. Booker tells us that he came to TNA to make
an impact. His wife, was here to be his moral
support, not wrestle. Sharmell says she isn't scared,
and she wants to beat the shizznittle out of Roode
herself. Next, the main event.

Booker T comes out first, because he apparently asked
to be out first. James Storm comes out next and the
match is underway. Booker plays to the crowd as the
two men circle. Hammerlock by Booker and an elbow by
Storm. Storm shoots him into the corner and Booker
hits him with a superkick as he comes in. Booker
whips him across the ring and follows him in with and
elbow. Robert Roode is the next man out and Roode and
Storm begin double teaming Booker T with boots.
Booker reverses a punch from Roode and they continue
to go back and forth as Storm looks on. Storm finally
gets a choke on Booker as both men double team him
some more. And now, Eric Young comes down to the ring
and shoulderblocks Roode and we cut to commercial.

We're back and I have no idea who's come in or when,
but James Storm is the first one out as Scott
Steroider comes to the ring. Booker T and Scott start
working together. Judas Messias is out next and Chris
Harris is out at the hands of Steiner. Judas goes
after Booker with stomps to the corner and Black Reign
had Kaz in trouble. Kevin Nash comes out next as Kaz
is eliminated. Nash goes after every heel in the ring
and Booker and Steiner pick up the scraps. Judas
rakes Steiners eyes then bites his forehead, and Abyss
is in as Steiner is out then Eric Young. Then lights
are out. They come up and Abyss goes nuts on Judas.
Abyss hits a clothesline and follows Mesias out of the
ring, eliminating them both. Joe comes in and takes
Black Reign and Rellik. Joe goes to town in Booker T,
who hits him with an elbow out of nowhere. Now,
Christian Cage is out, and Booker T is eliminated.
Angle is waiting for Christian to come out, but Angle
can't find him. Kurt seems confused, and Cage finally
comes out and hits Kurt from behind as Rellik and
Black Reign are both thrown out. Nash and Joe shake
hands and Nash steps over the top rope as a gesture of
solidarity. Christian comes back into the ring and
gets Joe with a surprise roll-up for the three count.

Order Out
1. James Storm
2. Chris Harris
3. Kaz
4. Scott Steiner
5. Eric Young
6. Judas Mesias
7. Abyss
8. Rellik
9. Black Reign
10. Kevin Nash

WINNER: CHRISTIAN CAGE

AJ says he's going with Christian. Then he says
Angle. Look, at Final Resolution, you'll have his
decision. Now get out of his Granny's house. Gladly.

Tag Team Rankings:
1. Motor City Machine Guns
2. Rock 'N' Rave Infection
3. LAX
4. Team 3D
5. Voodoo Kin Mafia

Knockout Ranking:
1. ODB
2. Roxxi Laveaux
3. Jackie Moore
4. Awesome Kong
5. Angelina Love
6. Velvet Sky
6. Christy Hemme
7. Ms. Brooks

X-Division Ranking:
1. Petey Williams
2. Senshi
3. Sonjay Dutt
4. Johnny Devine
5. Shark Boy
6. Elix Skipper

Heavyweight Ranking:
1. Christian Cage
2. Samoa Joe
3. Kevin Nash
4. Black Reign
5. Rellik
6. Abyss
7. Judas Mesias
8. Eric Young
9. Scott Steiner
10. Kaz
11. Chris Harris
12. James Storm

And now for my predictions:

Team 3D/Johnny Devine vs. Jay Lethal/Motor City
Machine Guns
I like the team of the Machine Guns and Lethal in this
one. Team 3D has been involved in this story line way
to long, and need to get back to their bread and
butter, the Tag Team Division.

Kaz vs. Black Reign
They've been pushing Kaz lately, and I would like to
see that push continue. Despite his talent, Dustin
Rhodes has always been and will always be a midcarder.

Eric Young vs. James Storm 2 out of 3 in the DCS
I have no idea how this will play out, but I see Storm
winning 2 to 1 through some form of cheating.

Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong, No DQ
I think that Gail Kim will somehow find a way to win
this, although I also think things would be more
interesting if Awesome Kong won the title. If this
wasn't No DQ, it would be all Awesome Kong.

Roode/Brooks vs. Booker T/Sharmell
Sharmell isn't a wrestler, nuff said. Roode and Ms.
Brooks

Tomko/AJ vs. Joe/Nash
I don't know where this one is going, but Nash hasn't
hurt himself in a while, so he's due. AJ and Tomko
for the win.

Angle vs. Cage
This match is impossible to call. I think that Angle
is going to retain when AJ decides to stay with the
Angle Alliance.

Any comments or insight of your own, feel free to
contact me.

“Godly” Ken Davison
godlykendavison@yahoo.com










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