TNA Impact Report for 12/27/2007
Submitted by "Godly" Ken Davison on Friday, December 28, 2007 at 12:30 PM EST





TNA Impact Review (12//07)

Hey kids, welcome to another edition of my TNA Impact review. AJ Styles is being forced to pick sides tonight. In case you haven't been watching, we get a video package to remind us. TNA's Leticia Cline replacement asks AJ if he's made a decision. He says that Karen Angle says that he can play for both teams. Gentlemen, never trust a woman who wants you to play for both teams. That's just greedy. Tomko tells AJ that's just not going to happen and to wake up. He tells AJ to make up his mind because he already has.

We get a brief rundown of the card, including AJ and Tonko vs. the Motor City Machine Guns, Booker T vs. Robert Roode and Abyss speaks. Senshi is out first, and tonight he is a late night snack, I mean, facing Judas Mesias. For those who haven't gotten to see Senshi work, he's an amazing striker and could easily take down the former WSX World Champion, Judas Mesias. Yeah, Mesias looks all bad ass, but his ring gear is simple average. If he wrestled in his entrance gear, people might be a little more intimidated. Senshi looks concerned, and Mesias charges before the bell. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp stomp, it's like my buddy Gordon'd marriage. Senshi fights to his feet, only to get pushed into the corner and chopped. He stumbles to another turnbuckle and gets the same before Mesias throws him to the mat head first. Mesias plays with his food with a double choke lift and... shock here, kids... more stomps. Whip into the rope and Senshi slides underneath, and Mesias shrugs off a couple of dropkick before Senshi hits a springboard enziguiri. Senshi hits some stiff kicks, but Mesias rakes the eyes. Senshi ducks a clothesline and gets behind him hitting a one man flapjack. He goes for the Warrior's Way, but Mesias rolls out of the way, gets up and drills Senshi with a clothesline. He points and nails Senshi with the "Straight To Hell", which upon further review looks like a jumping variant of the complete shot.

WINNER: JUDAS MESIAS

Karen Angle walks in on JB helping Kurt Angle with his clothes. Looks kinda faggish. JB says that if Karen was doing her job, he wouldn't have to. "There comes a point when a boy becomes a man, just like Kurt Angle. By the way, honey, which shirt should I wear?" Way to prove your point, Kurt. Karen Angle looks like she's going to bust out of her dress, and JB is looking directly at Kurt the entire time. Karen whines, pisses and moans about Sharmell. Two women who can't fight in the same ring at the same time? Sounds like Kelly Kelly vs. Layla. Anywho, Cage is shown on his way to the ring and it's off to get some nachos as TNA pays the bills.

Back with my little snackypoo just in time for the as usually dapper Christian Cage makes his well dressed way to the ring. OK, I'm going to give you the short, angry, Valley Girl version of the promo.

I like (BLEEP)ing hate it when, like, people can't make up their (BLEEP)ing minds. Like, people who can't or, like won't make up their (BLEEP)ing minds. You can be great by, like (BLEEP)ing acheving it, having it, like thrust upon you, or you can like be (BLEEP)ing born that way. So, like, I (BLEEP)ing embraced it cause I'm like the greatest (BLEEP)ing star in this (BLEEP)ing company. So, like, AJ, you and (BLEEP)ing Tomko need to make up your (BLEEP)ing minds. So, like, get your (BLEEP)ing asses down here and (BLEEP)ing tell me where your loyalties (BLEEP)ing lie.

AJ wonders down to the ring, but Christian is asking where Tomko is. AJ calls him boss, and Christian says that you respect your boss, that you'd take a bullet for. AJ says he's take a bullet for Christian. Christian tries to tell AJ that everything he has is because of him. Rewind: AJ Styles is TNA's first Triple Crown Champion, all done without Christian Cage, who is still trying to take credit for it. Cage is telling AJ that he's Angle's punching bag and that Kurt is using him. Angle's music hits and he and Karen are on the way to the ring and AJ looks like that kid in 'Ole Yellow' who had to shoot his own dog. Angle asks what he's using AJ for, not for muscle, not for brains. So all this means is that Cage has been using AJ, so AJ is coming with him. The two start throwing punches and AJ gets in between. Cage grabs the belt and nails AJ as Kurt ducks. Tomko runs down and separates them. Cage on the mic and says the decision needs to be made tonight.

Commercial... personal time. Booker and Sharmell are heading to the ring and Crystal is with Robert Roode. Roode tells her to shut up. Roode lets us know he's a main eventer. The era of veterans, rather, the era of has beens in TNA is over. Ms. Brooks says bringing Sharmell into it was wrong. Roode tells Ms. Brooks that she speaks because he tells her to. The only reason she exists in TNA is to take orders from Robert Roode. All in all, some of Roode's better work. And now Roode's on his way to the ring. Ms. Brooks finally follows behind him. We spy Roode's number one fan in the crowd. By the way, I was wrong. Roode's number one fan is actually Rain, half of the Minnesota Home Wrecking Crew of SHIMMER fame. Thanks to my friends in HCW for that heads up. Booker T comes out next, with the usual posing for the crowd. Karen Angle is out and takes Sharmell down with a take down that would make The Great Khali jealous, but not anyone else, because they have this magical thing called talent. Angle comes down to save his wife when Booker T tries to separate them. After a two on one beat down, Booker rolls out and gets a chair. Booker challenges Roode and Angle to a tag match against him and a partner of his choosing. Let's do the matchamatics, shall we. And yes, I just invented a new word. Booker T + Roode and Angle has to equal Christian Cage as a partner. AJ Styles is in the back bemoaning his sorrows to Borash. Borash tells him go with the Angles, yeah, that's unbiased.

Dewey Cox commercial. The only thing I have to say is that it's disturbing to think of all those "fans" in the movie chanting "We Love Cox". Fast forward time.

Nice little package piece hyping the Ultimate X match between Team 3D and Devine vs. the Guns and Lethal. Speaking of which, it's time for the Guns vs. Tomko and AJ, non-title. AJ asks Tenay and DW, and DW says "Do what's best for you." Yeah, like that helps. The Motor City Machine Guns make their way out to the ring and Tomko is stalking the ring. AJ climbs in and it looks like AJ and Shelley are starting. AJ is like a shiny object kid, Shelley with a side headlock, AJ reverses into an arm wringer, which Shelley grabs the rope and flips, reversing the torque on his arm. AJ slips behind with a waistlock into a belly to back. Shelley kips up, kicks Styles in the stomach and a scoop slam. Slingshot elbow, Sabin in with a diving somersault senton. Tomko rushes in, but Shelley hits a drop toe hold, and Sabin nails an elbow to the back. Shelley flips, holding Tomko's neck and Sabin with the dropkick. AJ nails Sabin, goes for a sunset flip on Shelley who rolls through and sweeps the legs. Shelley sets up a Moreno stretch, and Sabin hits a faceplant. Tomko got in at some point and hits Shelley with a military press into an impressive fallaway slam as we cut to yet another Nation Treasure 2 commercial.

Eric Young is at ringside now, trying to talk to AJ. AJ runs in but is caught by a springboard arm drag. Tomko is getting abused by the Machine Guns because AJ keeps trying to talk to Eric Young. AJ back in the ring, but gets a springboard clothesline from Sabin. Tomko gets an enziguiri sandwhich by the Motor City Machine Guns, and AJ eats a powerbomb from Sabin that gets a two count before Tomko steps in. Sabin bitch slaps Tomko. Tomko hits him back and goes to bounce off the ropes, but Shelley low bridges Tomko. Styles and Sabin go forearm for forarm before AJ hits the ropes. Shelley puts himself between Sabin and Styles and takes a flying forearm for the team. Sabin hits a tornado DDT, and Style kicks out last minute. Shelley hits a frog splash which Sabin takes the cover from for a two. Shelley hits Tomko with a suicide dive on Tomko to the outside. Styles catches Sabin with a Pele, and sets up for the Styles Clash. Eric Young attempts to talk to AJ again, who releases the Styles Clash set up. Shelley catches AJ Styles with a crucifix, and Sabin uses a Mexican jackknife at the same time for the icing on the cake and the three count on AJ Styles.

WINNERS: THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS

Team 3D is arguing with Cornette saying they won't compete in Ultimate X. Cornette says they will. Basic stuff here. Gail Kim, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky are shown walking in the back for their six woman tag match. I would love to fly the friendly skies, HEY YO!

We're back and the first woman down to the ring is Roxxi Laveaux. Ms. Jackie Moore is down next, without James Storm. ODB is next next woman down to the ring, with her usual routine, getting a decent pop. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky come out together, leaving us with the Women's Champ, Gail Kim. We get a replay of Gail going nuts on Awesome Kong last week, before we see Jackie Moore and Gail Kim lock up. Go behind by Gail is reversed by Moore who follows it up with a forearm to the spine and some knees to the gut. Moore sends Gail into the corner and follows her in, but Gail Kim jumps over the charging Moore. Arm drag on Moore by Kim, and she gets a cheap shot to the eyes. Jackie Moore tags in ODB, and Gail Kim gives her a drop toe hold. On a side note: why would ODB grab her breast when she lands, wouldn't it hurt her face?

Tag to Velvet Sky who hits a double axe handle on ODB, following it up with a snap mare, kick to the spine and a drop kick to the face. This might be the best she's wrestled since coming to TNA. After the two count, Sky hits a flying head scissors and bounces off the rope. Angelina Love gets the blind tag and we get some double team goodness by Love and Sky. Sky goes for a cross body block, but Angelina Love dropkicks Sky on top of ODB. They both get up and drop a double elbow drop that reminds me off Too Cool, but much, much hotter. Two count on ODB. Love with a forearm shot before getting whipped into the corner by ODB, and Roxxi pulls her down by the hair before tagging in. ODB and Jackie Moore take turns choking Love before Moore puts Love in a camel clutch then delivering some crossface punches. Roxxi is officially tagged in now. Love with some punches and bounces off the ropes, but Roxxi recovers with an exploder suplex. for the two count. Roxxi shoots Angelina into the corner and comes in behind her with a hip check. The "Voodoo Queen" sets Angelina Love up for her finisher, but Love slides down and hits a jumping thrust kick that Kaz must have taught her because it looks just like his. Love hit an enziguiri and tags in Gail Kim. Clotheslines for Roxxi and ODB, elbow for Jackie Moore. She takes Roxxi by the arm, OLD SCHOOL! OK, not really, but you get the set up. She comes off and catches ODB with a huracanrana in addition to the bulldog to Roxxi. Jackie Moore comes in and caught with a cross arm neck breaker. ODB breaks up the pin and Sky makes the save for Gail. Moore, ODB and Velvet Sky roll to the outside and Angelina Love comes off the top with a cross body block onto all three knockouts. Inside the ring, Roxxi nails Gail with a spinebuster for the two. Roxxi tries to set up her finisher again, but Gail reverses it into an Emerald Fusion. NICE! The ref counts, one, two, three and it's done.

WINNERS: ANGELINA LOVE, VELVET SKY, and TNA KNOCKOUT CHAMPION, GAIL KIM.

It's nice to see women who can actually wrestle. All six women gave it their all in this match. Best match so far. And considering the Guns wrestled, that's saying something. Cornette is in the back chewing out Matt Morgan asking what any of this has to do with wrestling. Morgan pulls out a bonus check for Cornette and a letter of commendation from corporate and makes everything better. Slow-mo-a Joe walks in and Cornette says stop bad mouthing TNA in public. He then tells Joe either go wrestle or go home and be fired. Joe says the choice is his, isn't it.

After the commercial break, we have Mike Tenay's sit down with Abyss. Tenay begins by asking if Chris is Abyss' real name. Abyss says Abyss is Chris Parks. Abyss says he's known Mitchell too long. Tenay asks Abyss about his parents, saying that Mitchell said some negative things about his mother and positive things about his father, but who really raised him? Abyss adamantly tells Tenay his mother raised him. Tenay then asks about the secret, and Abyss says it will die with him. Tenay pushes the issue, and Abyss stands up and tears off his mic. Pretty good for what it was.

"Prime Time" Elix Skipper comes down to the ring, and now we get to see if Awesome Kong, I mean Samoa Joe is coming to the ring. Sadly, he is. He bull rushes Skipper with a flurry of punches. Chop to the chest, punch to the head. Joe just doesn't seem to care about the match. Oddly, neither do I. Elix kicks Joe in the midsection, he got some offense in! Powerslam as he comes off the ropes for a two count. Joe throws Elix into the corner and more punching. Skipper reverses and Irish Whip, goes for a monkey flip, but Joe turns and sits him in the corner. Elix punches Joe and stuns him, then goes for his rope walk huracanrana, but Joe hits the ropes and crotches Elix Skipper. He pulls Skipper off the ropes and nails the Muscle Buster for two. Mind you, it's only a two count because he pulled Skipper off the mat. Watching this match has been like getting a rectal exam by a protologist with VERY cold fingers. Joe sets up Skipper in the tree of woe and shoves the ref, not once, but twice. The ref says to hell with it and DQs Joe.

WINNER: ELIX SKIPPER BY DQ.

Post match beatdowm leads us to more punches and the Kokina Clutch. And now Slow-mo-a Joe is on the mic blaming Cornette for what he just did to Skipper. The beatings will continue until Joe's morale improves. And now they've cut Sloppy Joe's mic. We cut to the back where Storm is sleeping, and AJ is talking to Eric Young about making choices. Eric Young compares it to breakfast cereal, burger's at Wendy's and Baskin Robbins. Funny as it is, none of this is helping AJ Styles. Commercial time.

Scott Steroider is in the back with Petey Williams and Crystal. Steiner feels that Petey lied to him. He is a small man trying to make it in a big man's world. Petey says he has the most defined body in any division. The heavyweight division, the X division, the women's division, well, maybe not Awesome Kong. (his words, not mine.) Petey gives us a 1000% garantee that he's the next TNA Heavyweight title.

Dustin Rhodes is out talking about how Kaz attacked him out of nowhere last week. Black Reign did it, he's not responsible because he doesn't remember it. Don't these guys watch video of the shows? Dustin calls Kaz to come down and explain to him man-to-man why he did it. And here comes Kaz, right on cue. "Dustin, I don't know what reindeer games you're playing, but one thing you need to know is I hate rats. So maybe I attacked you because you put your rat on my face." Dustin says he's just here trying to get a job. Now I get this whole dual personality gimmick, but I'm sure his bank account recognizes TNA paychecks. Finally, Dustin slaps Kaz and security tries to separate them. We get the prerequisite brawling into the crowd, and security separates the two men. Kaz, hasn't had enough and slingshots himself out of the stands onto Dustin and security, who separate the two men.

And now, the AJ saga continues. This time, he's talking to Dr. Nash, who tells him figure out who's going to stab him in the back. Sounds like some of my relationships. Next up is the TNA 2007 recap, which I'm just going to skip, because it's nothing but a fluff package that spends no large amount of time on any one topic.

Main event time, YAY! Robert Roode comes out first, with Ms. Brooks in tow. Brooks takes her seat and Angle comes out next. Booker T comes out and grabs a mic. "It doesn't matter how my partner and I feel about each other. What matters is that we both hate you." Christian's music hits and Captain Charisma runs right to the ring and the brawling begins. Booker and Christian stand in the middle of the ring as Roode and Angle regroup. Booker is in against Kurt and the lock up, with Booker powering Kurt into the corner. Kurt reverses Booker into the corner, the ref tells them to break, and Kurt throws a punch, which Booker blocks and gives Kurt one of his own.

At this point, I got pulled out of the room. Sorry, that's what sucks about having kids. AJ is down by the ring, has a chair, but throws it down because he can't decide who to give it to. It throws it down and goes to the back. Christian has Kurt in the corner and beats him down. Roode hits Christian right in his cage, and sets him up for a stuff piledriver. Booker makes the save and Kurt hauls ass out of the ring. Cage hits Roode with the Unprettier for the three count.

WINNERS: BOOKER T AND CHRISTIAN CAGE

Christian tries to get AJ out from the back. Angle says he isn't AJ's boss, that AJ takes orders from him. AJ finally emerges from the back. Christian Cage tells AJ to let the world know he's going with him. Angle basically tells him the same thing. Christian and Kurt are arguing back and forth as Tenay tells us we are out of time.

I think the first half of the show was far better than the second half, which had a lot of filler. The women earned match of the night, but mostly because of the AJ Styles distraction angle. The Motor City Machine Guns were their usual amazing selves. I think TNA needs to stop paying attention to their competition in Conneticut and do what they did when they had one hour. Give us more stuff and less fluff.

As always, if you have any comments or insight of your own, feel free to
contact me.

“Godly” Ken Davison
godlykendavison@yahoo.com








*NEW GALLERY* Must See! Lots of Rare and Hot Photos of Randy Orton's New Wife Samantha!

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