TNA Impact Report 12-20-07
Submitted by "Godly" Ken Davison on Friday, December 21, 2007 at 6:36 AM EST





Hey everyone, this is "Godly" Ken Davison here with
your weekly TNA Impact report. We open with TNA
promising us Christmas carnage with a variety of
Christmas themed matches. Eric Young is trimming the
tree with his family and Jeremy Borash. I like Eric
Young and all, but sometimes they give him some crappy
segments. Bruno Sassy and Big Till, if you remember
Phi Delta Slam (and I hope you don't) are apparently
his cousins, as is Cousin Luke, of Bushwhackers fame.
Of course, if you remember the Sheepherders, then you
know how brutal the Bushwhackers could truly be.

TNA runs down the matches for the evening, and they
cut to Matt Morgan in the ring saying Jim Cornette is
there, but Merry Christmas from everyone. The Rock
and Rave Infection comes down to the ring with Christy
Hemme. Amazing thing that Hemme is such a bitch in
TNA but so nice in person. James Storm comes down
with the "Pride of Tennessee" Jackie Moore, followed
by Robert Roode with Ms. Brooks. The cut to Roode's
biggest fan in the crowd. I'm not certain, but she
reminds me a lot of Indy wrestler Bobcat, who could be
best remembered as the Godfather's 'ho' that won the
WWE Hardcore title a while back. LAX is out next, and
Tenay and DW run down the recent attacks on Hemme by
that 'member of the Latino Nation'. Scott Steroider
comes down next, and we get a video package of Steiner
winning the four way match and switching cases with
Petey Williams to get an X Division title match
against Jay Lethal. Finally out comes Booker T with
Sharmell, and to keep us up to speed, Sharmell
confronting Robert Roode about his treatment of Ms.
Brooks.

8 Man Tag inside the six-sides of steel, Steiner and
Storm start out the match. Steiner with a double arm
wringer, but Storm backs him in the corner, Big Poppa
Vein reverses and chops him a couple of times before
hip tossing him out. Quick cover after an elbow drop,
Storm kicks out and tags in Rave. Steiner tags
Hernandez and Rave begs off. Rave with a knee and a
flurry of punches. He bounces off the ropes and gets
chokeslammed for his trouble. Homicide gets the tag
and LAX with some nice double team moves. Hernandez
hits his overhead choke throw with Rave face first
into the cage. Homicide gets a cover and Rave kicks
out and hits a cheap shot to tag in Roode. Drop toe
hold as Roode charges. Homicide hits a corkscrew
elbow. A few elbows to the face later and 'Cide
bounces off the ropes, but Roode throws him face first
into the cage as we cut to commercial.

Spike runs a commercial for... SPIKE TV! No offense,
guys, but we're already watching your programming, you
don't need to advertise.

More commercials and we're back with 'Cide getting
thrown into the cage by a Hoyt military press. Storm
gets tagged in and after some abuse, hits a nice
neckbreaker variation. He tags in Hoyt, who plays his
power game with Cide before getting side stepped and
thrown into the cage by Homicide Tag to Booker T who
comes in house of fire. Everyone jumps in and we have
clusterf... well, we've got a lot of brawling. Hemme
tries to slip something to Hoyt and the member of the
'Latino Nation' chases of Hemme with the flapjack as
Booker T hits the Book End for the three count.

WINNERS: LAX, SCOTT STEINER AND BOOKER T

Back to Eric Young's party where Velvet Sky and
Angelina Love offer to service the hot guest... Eric
is thinking milk and cookies, it seems. ODB shows up
looking for the bar. Then, Awesome Kong walks in,
saying nothing as Eric asks if she's services the
guest like Velvet Sky and Angelina love. Kong sneers
and walks off. Now, Team 3D and Johnny Devine come
down dressed as a couple of Santa's and their favorite
elf. They wish the crowd a Merry Christmas to a choir
of boos. Brother Ray says they are giving... I think
he's right. He's giving me a headache. He says they
are apologizing for being so mean to the "Black
Machismo" and the Motor City Machine Guns. We get
midgets instead. Why do they want to be called little
people? Do they think that if we aren't politically
correct, we don't consider them people. The crowd
chants 'Overrated' and I have to agree. Ray does the
whole 'What's you name and what do you want for
Christmas?' routine. Little Sabin wants a Red Rider
BB Gun... at least it's implied. 'You'll shoot your
eye out kid.' Little Alex wants a computer so that he
can put himself over on his myspace page. And little
Lethal seems to want a night with So Cal Val. Little
Sabin finally bitch slaps Ray after too many little
jokes. After Team 3D and Devine attack the little
people, the real Guns and Lethal make the save. Sabin
challenges them saying the while "Spike TV pays the
bills, let's have the crew set up the candy canes if,
of course, Team 3D doesn't eat them first." Looks
like our double North Pole Match is next.

Commercial. I hate the whole 'Black Machismo'
gimmick. I remember in Jersey All Pro Wrestling, Jay
Lethal cutting a promo saying "I'm a wrestler. I
don't need a gimmick." Look at him now. Enzyte
commercial... wouldn't you think 'Smiling Bob's wife
would get jealous of all these women jumping all over
him. OK, the idea to get the stocking with either
Ultimate X or the Plate Glass Tables match. So we
have a gimmick match to decide the next gimmick match.
Seems a little redundant to me.

Sabin and Devine start out, arm wringer by Devine,
reversed into an arm drag after some impressive
acrobatics by Sabin. There's a lot of back and forth
before Devine gets a foot stomp to Sabin's chest. Tag
to Shelley after Devine tries to get his team's
stocking. Devine takes over on Shelley and tags in
Devon. Devon clubs Shelley in the spine and...
another punch and a choke on the ropes. Amazing
technical prowess! (Insert Sarcasm here.) Shelley
goes for the stocking, but gets caught with a
superplex, and in comes Brother Ray. Shelly reverses
into an arm wringer and tags in Lethal. Lethal hits a
fling axe handle then jumps to the outside holding
Brother Ray's arm. He hits Devon and Devine, but gets
thrown across the ring by Ray, who hits Lethal and the
Guns with back elbows. Lethal pulls him down and
bounces off the rope, only to be on the losing end of
a uranage. Yep, used Booker's finisher. Must be
tribute to the Rock night or something. More
commercials, lucky us.

I have to admit, the actions moving quickly tonight.
I'm having trouble keeping up.

We're back and everyone's brawling on the outside.
Looks like the faces have the advantage, for now.
Lethal and Ray are in the ring now and Ray hits the
punches and the Bionic Elbow. Team 3D goes for the
headbutt to the twig-and-berries, but Lethal reverse
into a roll up. Little Alex Shelley hits Ray in the
Southside of Dudleyville. Devine goes for the
stocking, but the little people grab Devine's legs.
The Motor City Machine Guns double team Team Brother
Ray then Lethal and little Lethal nail double elbows
drops, allowing Shelley to grab the Ultimate X
stocking for the win.

WINNERS: "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL AND THE MOTOR
CITY MACHINE GUNS

The Christmas party is back, with Kevin Nash walking
in and becoming the meat in a Velvet Sky/Angelina Love
sandwich. Lucky bastard. OBD throws some party snack
at Sky, and of course the women all start fighting and
we cut to break. Oh, and Kong knocked out Till and
Bruno, which was actually the best part of the
segment. The Angles come in and Young tells them to
be on their best behavior. Eric asks if he can
service Kurt, and Kurt asks if he's a cupcake. Kurt
pulls Eric aside to tell him that there is no Santa,
like Spider-Man or Shrek. This is almost too hard to
watch. Thank God for the fast forward button. Next
up is an 8 woman Christmas workshop match. Non-title
of course, meaning Gail will lose. First out it ODB,
and followed by Roxxi Laveaux. ODB is way over, I
have to say. Jackie Moore is out next. I wonder if
anyone knows, or even cares that she's from Houston.
I know I don't. There's an actual toy chest in the
ring, UGH. Christy Hemme is out next. Ms. Brooks
follows her out. Samoa Joe is out next....er, Awesome
Kong is out next. My bad. Sadly, I think the Kong
could take out Joe. It would be an interesting match,
I'll say that much. They announced this as an 8 woman
match, turns out it's 9 with Gail Kim. Velvet Sky and
Angelina Love come out together. And now Joe is shown
entering the Impact Zone. Speak of the devil and he
appears. Angelina and Velvet are shaking their asses
for the camera. Remember how I was thanking God for
fast forward? I'm even more thankful for the rewind
button. Commercial, I'll spend this time I would be
watching commercials rewinding to the ass wiggling and
watching it. Again. And again. And again. And in
slow-mo.

Finally Gail Kim comes to the ring and going right
after Kong. They show them fighting outside the ring
as the women brawl inside the ring. Gail's got Kong
rocking, and Hemme swings a teddy bear around before
eating a yakuza kick from Roxxi. ODB stuffs Angelina
Love into the toy chest the hits a Thesz press on
Roxxi. Love and Sky are working together, taking out
ODB with the toy chest. Kong is on her way back,
without Gail Kim. The knockouts are all staring at
Kong in fear. Although I heard the Jackie Moore does
indeed have more nutritional value than a Twinkie.
Kong dominates everyone, and finally hits Hemme with
the Awesome Bomb for the easy three.

WINNER OF THE MATCH: AWESOME KONG
THE REAL WINNERS: THE CAMERAMEN WHO GOT TO FILM SKY
AND LOVE'S ENTRANCE

Kim is back with a steel chair, taking down Kong. She
takes Kong down with a chair and security separates
them. Kong breaks through and they go at it again.
Once again they get separated, but Gail breaks
through. They get separated one last time before
going back to the Christmas party. Chris Harris comes
in and starts bitching about not having presents.
Door bell rings again and the Motor City Machine Guns
and their tiny counterparts show up. Lethal and
little Lethal. And next is Sonjay, followed after by
So Cal Val with Mistletoe. Lethal gets all happy, but
Sonjay sneaks in the kiss.

More commercials, more fast forward. Normally I love
segments with Eric Young, but this is just pure
stupidity. They are almost as bad as Rush Hour 3.
Yes, Rush Hour 3 was just that bad. The new interview
tries to get a word with Slow-mo-a Joe, who tells her
to go screw. She's trying to talk Joe into going to
the Christmas party. The money for the party could
have been used for Joe's contract. The message is
simple. Joe's coming to the party, and it's one
Morgan will never forget.

Mitchell/Abyss sage is reviewed in montage format.
Remember, Judas Messias is back, and that's what it's
about. Next up is the "Silent Night, Bloody Night"
match. Rellik comes down first. It's hard to believe
that Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli found himself a decent
gimmick, Next out is the VERY injured Shark Boy.
He's dead. Which sucks, because I heart Shark Boy.
Next out is Silverdust... Gold Reign... whatever he is
now. And out next is the "Monster" Abyss. He would
have been amazing in the original ECW. He'd be good
in Ring of Honor, too. Imagine him and Jimmy Jacobs,
or Abyss again Necro Butcher. It would be great.
Abyss jacks up Black Reign right off the bat as Rellik
spits blood into the air. Rellik has a golf club, and
we cut to Abyss beating on Black Reign. Back in the
ring, Shark Boy has the golf club and he's abusing
Rellik with it. Abyss hits a hip to the head on Black
Reign as Rellik slides into the ring. Kick to the
head on Abyss by Rellik, followed by the Hart Attack
by Black Reign and Rellik.

Finally, a commercial I want to fast forward through
to get back to the match. It will never happen, but I
want Shark Boy to win.

We're back and Shark Boy is going Sandman on Rellik
and Black Reign. And he hits Rellik with a one kneed
Codebreaker. Shark Boy gets the Darkness Falls
weapon, but Black Reign hits the Blackout. Rellik
pulls Reign off Shark Boy, then Black Reign returns
the favor. Rellik and Black Reign exchange punches.
After some arguing, Abyss comes in and clotheslines
them both. Abyss finds a barbed wire bat and hits
Black Reign and Rellik with it. Abyss gets the
thumbtacks and then nails the two with a hockey stick.
He's got another bag with the broken glass. He goes
for a double chokeslam. Shark Boy off the top and he
and Abyss double team Rellik and Black Reign. They
Irish Whip Black Reign into the corner, then Rellik
into him. They throw the barbed wire wrapped
Christmas tree into the corner, but Rellik moves and
it nails Black Reign. Abyss gets a chokeslam on Black
Reign and the lights go out. Judas Mesias is in the
ring and he hits Abyss a jumping DDT he calls
'Straight to Hell'. Rellik hits Shark Boy with the
Demon Driver on Shark Boy for the three.

WINNER: RELLIK

Slow-mo-a Joe party crashes the Christmas party to
bitch out Morgan, then goes nuts, destroying a bunch
of the stuff at the party. And it's our next
commercial break.

JB is with a distraught Eric Young who's upset because
everyone else left. Eric is convinced that Santa will
show up and fix everything. JB is trying to explain
that Santa is make believe. Of course, Santa shows up
and makes everything better. AJ Styles is out first
for the Reindeer Ladder match. Whoever gets the
costume makes the opponent wear it. Kaz is out next,
and let me tell you, he's way over with the crowd.
It's gotta be better than being Raven's bitch. We are
going BACK to commercial.

I'm wondering if AJ will take one for the team and
embarrass himself again. Jason Statham in 'The Name
of the King' should be good. After all, it is Jason
F'N Statham.

AJ eye pokes Kaz and runs right out for a ladder. Kaz
runs out and nails AJ with a spear and numerous
punches. He rams AJ's head into the ring apron, but
AJ eye pokes him again. Irish whip reversed and AJ is
in the crowd. AJ springboards into a flying forearm
and a discus clothesline knocks Kaz onto the ladder he
set up outside the ring. AJ slides a ladder in and
slides in himself as Kaz pulls himself up. Kaz
attempts a suplex to the outside, can't get AJ up. AJ
tries one of his own with the same results. Finally,
Kaz gets the suplex onto the ladder. Kaz is climbing,
but AJ catches Kaz with a forearm. Both men are
trying to get up the ladder way to early as both men
keep catching the other. Finally, AJ moonsaults off
the ladder into an inverted DDT. AJ nails Kaz with
the ladder then retreats to the corner. AJ sets up
the ladder in the corner, then the two exchange
punches with AJ getting the better of the exchange.
AJ tries a suplex onto the ladder can't. Kaz goes for
a powerbomb, but AJ fights out. Kaz goes for a kick
using the ladder as a springboard, but AJ ducks then
quickly hits the Pele kick as we go to break.

This match and the "Silent Night, Bloody Night" match
are making up for the show's slow start. The
Knockout's match was better than it had business
being, as well. Then again, TNA has picked up some
quality women. I personally want to see ODB vs.
Awesome Kong.

Back to business, shall we? AJ reverse a whip into
the ladder. Replay of what we missed during the
break. AJ has the ladder set up, and he's almost got
the costume, but the ladder is too far away. Kaz
lifts the ladder and crotches AJ on the ropes. He
stumbles over and AJ drops him throat first on the top
rope. AJ was going for something from the ladder, but
Kaz runs up. AJ has Kaz almost set up for the Styles
Clash, but Kaz back drops him onto the ladder, and
falls down himself. After a replay, Kaz is setting up
the ladder. Kaz is climbing, and AJ's up as well.
Punches on the top of the ladder, and AJ gets a hip
tossy looking maneuver. AJ is climbing and Kurt comes
out and distracts AJ by cheering him on. Kaz hits the
ladder and knocks AJ off. Kaz climbs the ladder and
as AJ gets to the ladder, but it's too late, Kaz has
the costume and Kurt is pissed. Guess what Lite
Brite, you know that AJ Styles is a shiny object kid.
Don't distract him.

WINNER: KAZ

Post match, AJ protests, but the refs keep pulling him
back into the ring. After the expected protest, Kurt
orders AJ Styles to put on the reindeer costume and he
finally does. They really should make Slick Johnson
wear pants like the other referees. AJ won't put on
the head, but Angle finally puts the head on for him
as he throws a temper tantrum. Angle runs AJ down and
tells him he's a disgrace. Eric Young comes out with
Santa Clause while Kurt looks on in the ring. They
make their way into the ring and Kurt tells Eric Young
that there's still no Santa. The crowd cheers for
Santa when Kurt asks if they believe in Santa as well.
The crowd pops, as if on cue. Kurt says he never got
a single present from Santa. Santa tells him he's
been naughty. Kurt says that he never got a present
from Santa. Why do I get the feeling Santa's getting
the gift of anklelock? Kurt actually asks Santa to
get Christian Cage a pair of balls. Kurt clotheslines
Santa and Eric Young and throws Eric Young to the
floor. Obligatory crying child shot. Kurt puts Santa
in the ankle lock and Cage emerges from one of the
presents and goes after Kurt. Christain Cage gets the
upper hand and goes for the Unprettier, but Kurt
reverses into a back suplex, but Cage lands on his
feet. He grabs Kurt by the ankles and drops him to
the mat, putting him in the ankle lock before Angle
rolls out and runs away as the show comes to the end.

All in all, not a bad show, with the second half of
the show far outshining the first half. I think that
they really should have put Roode and Booker T in a
different match, or at least not in a match that
jammed with people. If maybe they had taken Scott
Steroider and James Storm out of the match it would
have been a better opener. Otherwise, there are no
complaints here. I hated all the gimmick matches, but
the quality of the matches themselves was pretty
damned good, for the most part.

Any comments or insight of your own, feel free to
contact me.

“Godly” Ken Davison
godlykendavison@yahoo.com








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