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Submitted by Degenerate on Tuesday, November 13, 2007 at 7:54 PM EST
 Hey peeps, how's it going? Welcome to yet another edition of the column that asks itself "Why do people have to start their columns with some witty line?" Yes, this is Struggle For Power and yes, this is your usual host, the one named Degenerate so my friends and family don't realize why I spend so much time on the Internet. It's good to be back again for one more column. It's always fun to write these things. Before I start with this one, I need to clear some things up. I got a lot of E-Mail from people for my previous column. A lot of people took offense that I not only compared Santino Marella with a legend in Stone Cold Steve Austin. While I'm still liking Santino Marella a whole lot on Monday nights (you have to admit his segment with Stone Cold last week was just gold), in no way while I'm sane I can say he'll be bigger than Austin. The entire column was just one big joke, a column I had a lot of fun writing, but some difficulty explaining to some people. So if you thought I was crazy, I'm not. Just don't take me serious all the time, and we'll be fine. Enough about the past, let's write about... the past again, I guess. * So Booker T quit his cushy WWE job (which I imagine paid him a shitload of money, being a veteran and all, not to mention his wife also having a job there) to join good ol' TNA. I commend him for not putting up with the supposed politics backstage (which is the reason why he allegedly quit), but just heading to TNA seems like a step down. Something tells me he took the job just because he's pissed with the WWE. I'm sure he has no real need for the money, and he's done much more inside a wrestling ring than many others, and he seems to be in good enough shape to just go and retire peacefully. So why bother? It'll be interesting to see what Booker's role will be. In any case, it at least makes TNA start looking more like WCW by the minute - established wrestling company with an awesome array of wrestlers gets as many WWE rejects as possible and pushes them instead of the capable wrestlers. Hope it doesn't end the same as before. * Boo WWE for just giving fans one or two weeks to promote the Survivor Series matches! Just another sign that the WWE needs to remove at least two additional Pay-Per-Views from their yearly batch. The traditional Survivor Series match seems to be a really good one, and could've been an awesome selling point for the show, except that I found out about it just last night. Just to show how rushed the entire promotion for the show was, they had to bring almost all involved Smackdown wrestlers on the show (poor dudes, they had a house show here in San Juan, Puerto Rico the night before that ended at around 11:00 PM, to fly up to Topeka, Kansas for Raw) and showcase them throughout the whole show. By doing this, they had no time to showcase Snitsky, Hardcore Holly, Val... On the second though, thank you, WWE! * In the second least-surprising news of the year (after Nick Hogan's dumb ass almost killing himself in a car accident), Chris Masters and his steroids have been sent hom by the WWE for good. Who didn't see this coming ever since he was suspended the first time? After he slimmed down, no one gave a shit about him in the ring. So unsurprisingly he bulked up again, and got suspended again. I'm sure when his name was mentioned in the Signature Phamacies scandal and he didn't even arrive to WWE Headquarters when summoned didn't help his cause either. He had way too many chances. I hope he gets his life on track and seriously gets off the juice. I'm sure no one else wants to see another fucked up or dead wrestler. Sadly, Chris Masters was nothing without his physique. He was a victim of what brought him to the dance. * But wait, Masters wasn't the only one caught recently on the juice. Harry "D.H" Smith was also caught and suspended. Now this was legitimately surprising for me, not only because he's a newcomer to the WWE roster, but because of all the problems his father, the late and great British Bulldog, had throughout his career. It's bad enough that you've probably ruined a good opportunity to get a nice push in the start of your young career, but knowing that your own father had multiple steroid-related troubles? Sounds very ignorant and immature to me. I hope it's just a small bump in the road for lil' Smith, and he can achieve as much greatness that his father did. If not, sic the dogs on him. Get it? Dogs? His father was... Ahh, forget it. * Last, but not least, while this is a bit old news already, I want to just give some props to the recently deceased Fabulous Moolah. No, not props because she died, but props for everything she did for women's wrestling. My earliest wrestling memories of women wrestlers were from Moolah (I remember seeing her against Wendy Richter in the '80s and thinking she was way too old to be in wrestling - fifteen years later there she was still there) and Sensational Sherri (I remember actually being scared of her). It's a shame that those two pillars of women's professional wrestling are now gone. I don't think there will be any single one of the current batch of women that will achieve the kind of fame the two aforementioned women got. So we may have lost one of the final true classic of the female wrestlers. May her soul rest in peace. A couple of weeks ago, I was hanging out in my apartment with a buddy, and he was bored out of his skull while I did some programming work. He noticed my DVD collection next to my computer and started browsing through them. His first words were obvious, as I've gotten them from many non-wrestling fans before: All of these DVDs are about this stupid wrestling shit. No biggie, I'm used to ignorant people already. His next words were also predictable: You know you can pirate DVDs nowadays, right? Well excuse me for wanting original DVDs. It's my money, I can blow it on whatever I want. His final words, however, were almost going to be his last. He pulled out one DVD case, looked at me square in the eye and uttered the dreadful words: Now who's this fag on the cover?  I almost dropped the can of Rockstar I was drinking at the time. Hate filled my insides, rage gleaming from my eyes. I rose from my chair and gave him the most evil look I could possibly give anyone while my eyes twitched. I probably blew a couple of blood vessels along the way. My friend simply laughed at me and said "I'm sorry, I didn't know I was insulting your boyfriend." After that, I realized how silly I was being, so I dropped the act and calmly proceeded to tell him that he was Shawn Michaels, my absolute favorite wrestler of all time. He looked at the cover one more time, looked at me, and simply said "He just looks so... gay." I ripped the DVD from his unworthy hands and proceeded to put Disc 1 of the set. This column wasn't written to shill about that particular DVD or anything, but it's one of my favorites, so if you haven't seen it, you should consider buying it soon. I showed him the Ladder Match between Michaels and Razor Ramon from Wrestlemania X, and he seemed to like what he saw. I skipped the Iron Man match because it was so damn long, but I explained HBK's glorious rise from ladder match mid-carder to WWE Champion. In Disc 2, I showed him the No Holds Barred match against Diesel and in the process I explained a bit about the Kliq and how wrestling has its fair share of backstage politics. He seemed a bit more interested in that backstage stuff, so I immediately went to the extras and put the infamous "I lost my smile" speech (hidden as an easter egg in the menu) Shawn Michaels gave back in '97. I proceeded to explain what happened during that period: Shawn Michaels won the WWE Championship in Wrestlemania XII against Bret Hart, and there were rumors that in Wrestlemania XIII, the Main Event would be a rematch between Michaels and Hart, with Hart regaining the WWE Championship. There was apparently true dislike between both men and Michaels, seemingly refusing to drop the belt to Bret Hart, declared he needed to have knee surgery which would probably end his career. The thing is, the alleged injury was... My mind went totally blank before I could finish that sentence. My friend was puzzled. He kept on asking what happened. The injury was what? It was cool? It was ugly? It was gay? He shook me a couple of times and I finally snapped out of my trance. "The injury was... fake," was all I could say. "Fake?", he said. "So what? Girls fake all the time with you. You should be used to it." I was so distraught that I couldn't slap my friend for that comment. My mind started racing a million miles per hour. A WWE Champion who had the belt for the better part of the past year... Supposedly had to drop the belt soon to someone else... An injury was faked to get out of the job... No, it couldn't be... There's only one other person who fits those exact same descriptions. John Cena. Cena, you son of a bitch. You thought you could get away with it, didn't you? You thought you could avoid being jobbed to Randy Orton and losing your precious WWE Championship by faking a torn pectoral muscle in a match. But no, I'm here, and I see right through your stupid charades. I know you don't like young Orton at all and didn't want to dump the WWE Championship to someone who doesn't deserve it. You also want to leave to give those fans who are booing you a chance to miss you a bit. That way, when you get back from your 'injury', you can just waltz in to a ton of fanfare and just rape the person holding the championship at the time and get it back just like that. I wonder how many people think I went crazy right now. I'm not crazy, peeps. You all are crazy. Crazy and blind to not see the truth. You're all Cena lovers, and are trying to hold on to any shred of dignity he had left now that I'm about to show you his dastardly plan! I have three pieces of evidence against Mr. Cena, and I'll show you all how evil he really is. Exhibit A: Shawn Michaels fake knee injury from 1997 Like I said before, Michaels was scheduled to face Bret Hart in a rematch of their excellent Iron Man match from Wrestlemania XII and 'return the favor', so to speak. He was to drop the title at the biggest stage of them all. Now, whether it was jealousy towards Hart, utter hatred toward him, or he just didn't want to job in Wrestlemania after busing his ass for years to get to the top, he thought the only way out was the injury. A lot of people kinda knew he faked the injury, and while it was never proven to be a legit injury, it was never disproved either. Still, a lot of people sorta knew it was fake. Even when he had the opportunity to set the record straight in his autobiography, Michaels instead took the easy way out and wrote that he forfeited the title because of one opinion from a doctor and he didn't seek out a second opinion. Surprise surprise, he didn't need any surgery and was back four months later. I've read about wrestlers who aren't even shampions, and they go fetch two or three different opinions when injured. I'm sure Cena had seen this entire debacle before. Now that he's actually part of the business, he undoubtedly has to have heard a lot of inside stories about the incident. So he saw his chance and got out when he could. He knows when he returns he'll be off much better. When Michaels returned from the fake injury, he quickly formed a reluctant team with and up-and-coming Stone Cold Steve Austin, winning the Tag Team Championships. Then later on he engraved his name in wrestling history forever in orchestrating the infamous Montreal Screwjob and getting the WWE Championship around his waist again, never dropping it to his hated enemy. It's virtually a perfect crime. Exhibit B: His Wikipedia page Seeing that people know him for his "5 Moves Of Doom", I'm sure Cena took pride on that moniker, making sure to keep it going strong and proving to the haters than even with five moves, he still has more money and more chicks than Dean Malenko and his thousand holds. So imagine the shock of him going to his Wikipedia page (as I'm sure every wrestler does, just to see if the information is as accurate as Wikipedia is), scrolling down to his signature moves section and seeing not five moves, but eleven moves which were the following as of this writing: * FU (Fireman's carry powerslam) * STFU (Stepover toehold sleeper) * Killswitch / Protobomb (Spin-out powerbomb) * Five Knuckle Shuffle (Fist drop with theatrics) * Throwback (Running neck snap on a standing opponent) * Freestyle / Protoplex (Jumping release fisherman suplex) * Flying shoulder block * Twisting belly to belly side slam * Sitout hiptoss * Running one-handed bulldog * Diving leg drop bulldog With his 'injury' in place, now he has the perfect excuse cut that list down to five, using his 'mangled pec' as a pretext to not use them much. In that case, he can drop the spin-out powerbomb, running neck snap, belly-to-belly side slam, hiptoss and even the FU. For the hell of it, he'll drop the STFU under the pretext that "it just looks gay". That drops him down to five moves again, and he'll now be able to sleep happy knowing he can be the over-achiever the fans want him to be. Exhibit C: Tha Trademarc Back in 2005, John Cena was hard at work. Not only was he busy carrying the WWE Championship for the first time in his young career, he was also busy filming a starring role in the WWE movie The Marine. On top of that, he was recording his debut CD which would prove to people that he wasn't just another 'wigga' from Massachusetts. But while his name was the main selling point of the CD, he wasn't alone. His cousin, affectionately known as Tha Trademarc in wigga circles, was the other half of the hip-hoppin' duo for the CD. After the CD was released and quickly ran its course two days later, John Cena continued to be in the spotlight as WWE Champion for months on end. Trademarc? Nowhere to be found. Too skinny to be a wrestler, too white to be a serious hip-hop star, he had nowhere to go. So who picked him up? Good ol' WWE Reject country, also known as TNA. He had a brief stint in the company as Karen Angle's supposed love interest (he wasn't, it was part of a storyline I won't repeat so you readers don't fall asleep). So not only did TNA give him the change to be in the wrestling business, they also allowed him to play producer and remix Kurt Angle's theme song. Neither the WWE nor Cena allowed young 'Marc to get those opportunities in the WWE. While it's not exactly known, but I'm sure Trademarc felt betrayed by his cousin's fame and fortune, along with his lack of helping him around. There had to undoubtedly be a falling out between family members. I'm sure Cena felt bad about this for months while he was on top of the wrestling world. So he would do what any caring family member do: take some time off and spend it with his cuz. But how? I could imagine that it's no easy task going up to Vince McMahon while you're champion, the go-to guy, the #1 public face in the company and say you want time off. How to drop the belt, take time off and still keep the boss happy? An injury, that's how. Easy as pie. So there you have it. Three very clear and completely valid reasons that show why Cena faked his injury. I don't know how much more I have to put out there to show that Cena's a faking liar, incapable of fulfilling his obligations - nay, his duties - as a professional wrestler to put over your fellow man just to get more fame, notoriety and a couple of months off banging random groupies with his cousin. Cena, if by any chance you're reading this, know that I'm on to your lying ass, and I'll bring you down, you bastard. Or, now that I think really hard about it, maybe... Just maybe... You did suffer a ligit torn pec. Ouch. Sucks to have been you when that happened, dude. Take it easy on that pec, okay? Okay people, just to make this as clear as possible: this column was written for comedic purposes only. I don't know if Cena faked his injury, and I doubt he did anyway. I just found the fake injury story to be hilarious enough to write. I hope most of you did too. Before this Struggle is closed, here are some very awesome (and also very humorous like my own) picks straight from the Columns Forum over in LOPForums.com. Seriously, if you have some time to spare, head on over the boards. Lots of cool people to interact with and some fun times all around. 2 Girls, 1 Cup By Uncle Joe I know some of you will immediately skip this link, thanks to it sharing the same name at the disgusting viral video (If you haven't seen a video with that name, please don't. Ever. Save your sanity while you can.) But Uncle Joe still got some time to make sure this video is still about two girls and one cup. Read all about the legendary tournament finals between “The Razor Back” Lindsey Davis and Veronica “Ice Heart” Misakawa in the finals for the NAPJW Women’s Super Cup. The Superfiles!--Edition 17.0: Mr. President By SUPERFAN! I'm sure a lot of younger wrestling fans from the Attitude Era and beyond don't have a clue who Jack Tunney is. Thanks to SUPERFAN!, you'll get to know who this very integral part of WWE programming from the early '90s was, and why today's wrestling product is missing someone like Tunney in our televisions every week. I am a Hawk: And the Next Wrestler to Go Postal Is...(Vol. 1) By hawkeye You think there's only going to be one professional wrestler who'll go crazy and on a killing rampage? I don't think there is. Apparently CF newcomer hawkeye doesn't think so either. So he started his list of wrestlers who he thinks will be the next Benoit - and not inside the ring. As always, I hope you all got a kick out of reading this. If not, you just lost 15 minutes of your life. Sorry, no refunds. I do hope you drop by next time, though. There's a 50% chance you'll get your refund there. Let me know about it by E-Mail: dennmart@gmail.com or in public by heading to my feedback thread in the forums. All comments are appreciated and will be answered. See y'all next week (hopefully), Degenerate ***DIRECT LINK*** Over 14 Total HIGH QUALITY Maria 2008 PB Photos! MUST SEE!
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