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Submitted by Randomguy#5 on Saturday, October 27, 2007 at 11:21 AM EST
The 16th Stop on the Road - A Smark’s Confession Welcome to everybody who decided they wanted to spend their time reading a wrestling column. I like your style. You’ve arrived at The 16th Stop on the Road. A place for you to disengage from the worries of the real world and delve into that magical realm we all love, known as professional wrestling. I am The Letter P, once again, greeting you from the LOP main page. I hope you have a pleasant stay. Thanks to everybody who supported Volume 13 of my joyous column, especially to the guys who sent me emails. That rocked. While a lot of people said they disagreed with my thoughts on Cena, no one actually came out and ripped my argument to shreds (pun, Ripper). So I must have done something right, right? Anyways, I won’t waste anymore of your time. Let’s get on with this thing! Rest Stops -The world was shocked this week, learning that Chris Masters is an idiot and The Undertaker is a dick stain. Nah, I'm joking. No one was shocked. -ECW is set to continue through 2008 and I'm happy. That show is the best thing currently going in professional wrestling, as far as I'm concerned. -So it seems Diamond and Kimberly have lost their c... nah, no one would consider that a news piece. -I am thrilled that Kristal Marshal was horribly owned by the WWE for thinking she's too good to be an Edge Head (if you get my drift). I am, however, saddened that she is apparently preparing a blog and will own the English language far worse than the WWE could ever do to her. The Road House Figurines that fall like leaves and disappear, Keep calling, Is it real? Is it real?... Dear WWE, My name is The Letter P. I have been a wrestling fan for the last five years. My social life is fleeting at best. I write columns on the internet that are more entertaining than your product (especially Raw). I use the term ‘wrestler’ in place of ‘superstar’. I resent Triple H for abusing his backstage power. I resent JBL for abusing your rookie employees. I resent Vince McMahon’s favouritism of John Cena. I know Batista’s figure was not achieved by natural means. I know Chris Jericho will return to you soon. I know Irv Muchnick is a liar. I am the average smark. I rarely include such terms in my vocabulary. I am one who doesn’t usually segregate wrestling fans into categories. I usually use that one collective term for all of us - fans. After all, while all us fans enjoy wrestling to different degrees, we’re all the same at the end of the day aren’t we? We all enjoy wrestling. There’s no reasons to categorise us is there? I would say ‘no’. Unfortunately, there are many who disagree with me. There are those who both label and judge us wrestling fans. You may not know this WWE (although I think you do), but there are generally 3 categories wrestling fans are placed in. While I do not feel these categories are necessary, I cannot deny their existence. Perhaps you’re confused. Allow me to elaborate. Firstly, are the casual fans. Casual fans are a rare commodity in today’s wrestling environment. They will likely never attend a wrestling event and will only watch the product if they have nothing better to do. Similarly, they will only continue watching if they like what they see. The casual fans are fleeting in this day and age, but they are vital to your success, WWE, as it is their interest that will garner you mainstream media attention. Fox has to appeal to the masses, after all. Secondly, are the marks. The marks are loyal wrestling fans, that are easily suckered into the world of ‘kayfabe’ that you so magically create. They generally applaud the face and boo the heel, some even believing what they are seeing is totally unscripted and a legit competition. I know marks are your favourite type of fan, as they loyally follow whatever you give them and they react accordingly every time. They won’t dislike a match because it was of bad quality, but because their hero lost. With the widespread access of the internet, marks are becoming less and less common in today’s wrestling market place, as I’m sure you are aware. WWE, I am the final type of fan. A smark. Smarks are the active fans. The ones who visit news sites to find out the latest backstage happenings. The ones who judge a wrestler not by his alignment, but by his mic skills, wrestling ability, charisma and backstage attitude. The ones who are often criticised for ‘thinking they know everything’. I know you really can’t stand us smarks, WWE. We are unpredictable. We cheer and jeer what we want, not what you want. We won’t blindly follow what is put in front of us. We will criticise it. We will find it’s flaws. We will judge it. Although that is not the reason why you can’t stand us, is it? It is not because we voice our dislike of certain aspects of your company. It is because we go so far as to suggest how the you could improve. We tell you what you should be doing, rather than what you are. Is it arrogance to assume we know better than Vince McMahon? Is it arrogance to assume we know better than the man who turned wrestling into a global phenomenon? Of course it is. We don’t know better than Vince. We like to think we do, but we don’t. Not really. And while I cannot defend my actions, I am here to tell you WWE, that my motives are not born from arrogance. I do not judge because I feel I know what wrestling fans want. I do not judge because I want the wrestling business to achieve higher success. I judge for one simple reason. ...Dark machines that wheeze and breathe and mock the air, Appalling, What is real? What is real?... WWE, do you remember January of 2005? I am sure it is a month you would rather forget, but I will not allow you to do so. In this particular month of this particular year you held a Pay-Per-View in Puerto Rico, named New Year’s Revolution. It was the first ever New Year’s Revolution event and it was also the worst ever. I must admit WWE, you offended me greatly with this event. In case you don’t recall, leading up to the main event, you gave us two injury riddled matches, a non-match, a match featuring a commentator in the ring and it was all capped off with a Snitsky bout. It was a horrible event from all accounts. You should be ashamed of yourselves for making your fans pay for such a hideous creation. Although that wasn’t the half of it. This particular show was headlined by an elimination chamber match, between Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Edge, Triple H, Randy Orton and Batista. While this match may look good on paper, it was just as horrible as any of the matches that proceeded it. Do not mistake my intentions, WWE. The match had excellent wrestling and a great build up. What ruined the match was, simply, the result. Several weeks before the New Year’s Revolution event, Triple H had been stripped of the World Heavyweight Championship. This elimination chamber match was to determine who would be the next World Champion. As I am sure you are well aware, Triple H won this match. You had allowed Triple H to drop the title to no one and put no one over, just so he could bring the number of his World Title reigns into double digit figures. A truly disgraceful act. You angered me on this night WWE. You angered me like you have never angered me before. You angered me so much I vowed to never watch wrestling again. I vowed to never let your political drivel ruin my entertainment ever again. And yet here I am. ...My mind's slipping far away, I'm falling in and out of touch, Could someone please explain?... I can be quoted as saying in the past that my interest in wrestling returned when I saw Wrestlemania 21 on DVD heavily discounted and thought it was worth a chance. I watched Wrestlemania 21 and three matches impressed me enormously – Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker, money in the bank and, of course, Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels. Even if the main event matches were a waste of time, you should be very proud of those three matches, WWE. They made for a wonderful show. However, this is only a half truth. For, you see, there was a reason I was in the WWE DVD section of the store in the first place. It was November of 2005. I had returned from school, like any other day. I logged into MSN messenger. But on this day, something was different. Something was very wrong. Staring back at me, was a haunting message. One of my friend’s username's was set to a small, simple message: ‘Rest in Peace Eddie Guerrero’. I sat, unmoving for several moments. An incredible sadness overcame my being. A quick news search confirmed the news. And I wept. I did not completely break down, but several hot, stinging tears leaked from my eyes. Although as I sat, I noticed my confusion more than anything else. I had never known Eddie. I had never spoken to the man. He had no idea I even existed. And yet here I was, unable to control myself at having lost him. And so I watched Raw. I saw the emotional tribute videos, chronicling Eddie’s successes and triumphs. And then I found myself watching the next Raw. And the Raw after that. I found myself reading and learning of what I had missed over those 11 months. I found myself buying PPVs to see all the wondrous moments that had escaped me. I found myself enjoying wrestling once again. But I didn’t know why. ...Set my mind for open sky, but couldn't fly, So sadly, What am I? What am I?... I continued enjoying what you gave me, WWE. And I soon forgot that I had ever stopped being a fan in the first place. But eventually my interest began to dwindle. Two of the greatest World Title reigns in the recent history of your company in the form of Edge and King Booker had come to a close. In their place were John Cena and Batista – two of the men who had made me originally stop watching your product. Needless to say, I gave up on you once more. I was not angry this time, simply disinterested. There was no reason for me to watch. I did not want to see John Cena, Batista or Bobby Lashley. Nor did I care for Umaga, Donald Trump, Rosey O’Donnell, Vince McMahon or Degeneration X. You gave me no reason to care. So I didn’t. ...Sullen eyes shed teardrop lies and criticize, Now laughing, What is real? What is real?... In June 2007, I once again logged onto MSN messenger. Once again, that same friend had an alarming username - 'Rest in Peace Chris Benoit and Family'. Again, a news search confirmed this tragedy to be true. And again, I sat silently, those same nauseating tears forcing their way through my eyes. It seemed suspicious from the beginning. I knew they had been murdered. It was the only possible explanation. But I had no idea who had murdered them. Someone in the house? Could Nancy Benoit have snapped? Could young Daniel have accidentally been playing with toxic substances and somehow poisoned them? Both of those thoughts crossed my mind - only for the briefest of moments - but they entered, nonetheless. The one thought that never crossed my mind was that Chris himself would have been responsible. Not the Chris Benoit I had seen say he would rather be hurt in a match, then hurt someone else. Not the Chris Benoit I had seen return to his own high school as World Heavyweight Champion. Not the same Chris Benoit I had seen crying at Wrestlemania 20, after finally reaching the top of the business he loved so much. No, that thought never crossed my mind. I had pained myself, thinking of Chris spending his final few moments on this earth, desperately trying to protect his family from whatever was threatening them. And once I learned what had happened, I felt nothing. An emptiness overcame my being. I did not weep. I did not feel saddened. There was only a void, where the memory of Chris Benoit once lived so strongly. As if a part of me had been cut out. A part of me that I admired, that inspired me and that I loved in my own way. It was now gone. Never to return. I decided to listen to a certain internet talk show, by the name of Monday Night Countdown, for the first time in many months, in wake of this tragedy. I also began reading LOP columns once more. I wanted to see how other wrestling fans had responded to this terrible news. Some were more moved by others, but I don't think anyone was completely unaffected. Not a single wrestling fan in the entire world. And then I watched next week's Raw to see how the WWE handled this situation. And then I found myself watching the ECW after that. And the Smackdown! after that. And the Raw after that. I was once again a fan of professional wrestling. And this time I knew why. ...It's really all become too much, I'm not sure how I should feel, I guess I've finally had enough... WWE, you misjudge us smarks. We do not act as we do out of resentment, anger, arrogance or any other faults in our human nature. We act as we do, because of one simple word - love. No matter how ignorant or even despicable, you find our actions, I ask you to simply remember that one detail - that we are driven by the most pure and wonderful thing humanity can ever hope to comprehend. The loss of a human life is the greatest tragedy this world can suffer. Whether it is one life or one million, human beings are irreplaceable. We leave our current plain and everything we have ever known. I cannot know what is on the other side. But I believe in death, we take with us a piece of all those that have ever loved us. We collect those pieces and hold them dear to us for the rest of time. And in this act, we leave a hole in those same people we wish to keep close to us. I knew Eddie Guerrero. I knew Chris Benoit. I viewed them as heroes. As men who were living testaments that any obstacle can be overcome with a strong heart and a refusal to surrender. They taught me that anything is possible, as long as I have the courage and dedication to face it. They were role models. They were men I aspired to emulate. I loved them. And now they are gone. In the death of these two men, I realised that I never watched wrestling for the wrestling. It was never about the angles, the match quality or the politics. It was, is and will always be, the people that draw me to wrestling. The men and women who dedicate their lives to a business - to a world - where every fibre of their being will be tested are why I watch wrestling. To share in their triumphs and be humbled in their defeats. But most importantly - to give them that tiny piece of what I have to offer this world. Sincerely, Your fan. ...I don't know if this is real, I'm crashing in and out of touch, Can anyone explain? - The Seatbelts P-Lugs All About the Game: The AATG <500 Part 2 by YourAyatollah Does this guy even need an introduction? If you were good last week and did your homework, you'll have read part 1 of this awesome series and be eagerly awaiting part 2. So get going! And if you were naughty, well I can't fulfil your sick fantasies, sorry. Not my style. BRING THA NOIZE!!! Volume 8:Three Week Hero by Anthrax As much as I dislike the name of Anthrax's column, he really is an awesome writer. In this week's outing, he takes a very interesting and unique look at WWE Superstar, Dave Batista. He ponders the question of just where things started going wrong for the big man. The Inner Bubble #14 by Couch Potato The guy formerly known as Zombiekid29 has another strong outing here. One of his best yet in fact. He takes a look at a very underrated WWE superstar, who may even be able to take the WWE to that ever succulent promised land! That will do it for Volume 14, my friends. I really hope you enjoyed your stay. Any feedback you wish to send me can be sent to theletterp@gmail.com and will be very appreciated. I will be bringing another Volume out very soon in the Columns Forum and maybe I'll be back here on the main page some day. Until then, always take care of yourself and keep on truckin'. *NEW GALLERY* Exclusive! The WWE Superstars and Divas Out PARTYING HARD!
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