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Submitted by Degenerate on Tuesday, October 16, 2007 at 7:54 PM EST
 What's poppin', peeps? Welcome to another edition of the column that just writes random catchphrases at the beginning without even being sure what they mean. I'm your usual host, Degenerate, the only Puerto Rican who doesn't actually throw cats and dogs from a bridge. Well, not the only one, of course. I know at least three people who don't do it either. The weirdest thing of that entire ordeal is that I actually found out on CNN and not a local news station. Even weirder is that the situation took place about 10 minutes from where I work. So yeah, I'm here say that animal cruelty is not cool. Why can't someone pick up The Great Khali and throw him off a bridge? Would that count as cruelty to animals? Oh, and if there's a seven-foot Hindu reading this, you know I'm just joking. Enough about news bytes that give my country a worse rep than it already has. I can do that on my own. Before you continue, I don't want to mislead anyone by the title. I will not write about Chris Jericho here, just a little bit at the very end. I'm just sick and tired of everyone else talking so much about someone who hasn't wrestled in two years and who isn't guaranteed to "save" wrestling, as some people believe. The title is just my way of saying "Fuck Jericho". If you wanted to read about him and nothing else, there's a nice little "Back" button in your browser window. Use it. * Seems like the Human Resources department in the WWE was damn busy this weekend, granting releases for Daivari and Booker T and Sharmell. Now I'm sure most of us can agree that it doesn't matter that Daivari is gone, since he really hasn't done much for himself since tagging along with Muhammad Hassan. But Booker's release is just surprising. I know there were issues between him and WWE management, but I thought it would eventually work itself out. Somehow I thought the WWE would simply give him a contract and continue using him, so he could at least help elevate newer stars. He could also still go inside the ring, in my opinion. I guess he'll be happy with training from now on. Now comes the true test in any marriage - Will Sharmell reveal herself as a gold-digger and dump his jobless ass? * For the past two weeks since I last wrote a column, the WWE Championship has sure been in shambles. Although I was hoping there would be a title change for a while now, John Cena did bring stability to the championship scene. With his sudden injury, the title scene just seemed jumbled. First we have three title changes in one night (although I think it's stupid to say giving the title Randy Orton counts as one title reign). Then we have Cyber Sunday, where one of three different men can battle for the championship. I do think that the WWE has handled the situation quite well. At least we didn't have a seven-foot Hindu run in and steal the championship. * TNA's supposed biggest show of the year, Bound For Glory, came and went by rather quickly. I did go see the show at my brother's bitching, and to be honest, I didn't find it interesting at all. The matches were nothing special, the ending rather bland, and no memorable moments at all. While I'd prefer that Bound For Glory doesn't turn into a cheap Wrestlemania copy and that they make special moments happen their way, I'd suggest incorporating some of the things that has made Wrestlemania a special event. Make the end memorable (Hogan vs. Andre comes to mind, as well as Benoit / Guerrero embracing in the ring as champions). Have a special match that's talked about for years to come (the Iron Man Match from Wrestlemania XII or the three-team Ladder Match in Wrestlemania 16 are good examples). Do something so that next year around October I can say "Remember last year's Bound For Glory? That match / ending was awesome!" Sadly I won't be saying that to anyone in October 2008. * Speaking of TNA, they christened a new Women's Division at the aforementioned Pay-Per-View. I'm glad to see Gail Kim win the belt. I always enjoyed her work in the WWE, and wished she could've still been there instead of gals like Candice Michelle or Maria - smokin' hot outside the ring, but not much ability to compensate inside the ring. Just imagine the kick-ass matches with Trish in her prime in 2005 and 2006, or now with Beth Phoenix. I'm glad TNA is giving her some props after years with the company. However, I am totally marking out for another woman - The Amazing Kong. When I saw her at last Thursday's Impact, I was just blown away. Sure, the name "Kong" pretty much describes her looks, being 6' 1" and 270+ pounds. But just the way she worked the match with Gail Kim just made me like that match much more. Her crazy facial expressions are just damn amusing. I've only seen her twice, and I know she can make an awesome heel wrestler and help TNA get this division off the floor. Hey, I'll all for anything that shows more Christy Hemme on my TV. * For months, there were rumors of a new Hart Foundation stable forming. I thought this was going to be one of the best things the WWE has done recently. I think stables in professional wrestling are seriously under-rated, especially recently. A stable with four or five young kids trying to make a name for themselves just seemed like a great idea. However, the one who would most likely lead the group, Teddy Hart, was released this past week. I don't think the reasons have been revealed, but from what I've read, the guy has some serious attitude problems everywhere he goes. So if this release was due to something stupid done backstage, this guy just ruined what would probably be not only something that could've gone way over in the largest wrestling company in the world, but he also ruined his single chance at being a huge star. What a douche. Watching Raw last week, I was very pleasantly surprised to see a returning Shawn Michaels to WWE programming. It's pretty well-known that Shawn Michaels is my all-time favorite wrestler, so any time he's on my TV screen, it's an instant mark-out moment for yours truly, no matter what stupid, miniscule role he's playing. Most times, there are wrestlers who don't show themselves on TV for a week or two, but I don't care at all. Still, HBK is probably the only wrestler I'm actually happy I'm able to see on TV any given week, even looking forward to his appearances. However, it wasn't always like this. Back in 1994-95, when I started to really become a total Shawn Michaels fan, I enjoyed his work, but never really thought much about his matches. In 1996, when he became champion and was prominently shown in every single WWE show in existence, I still watched his work and enjoyed it, but still viewed it as just another part of the show. In 1997, when DX was formed and started to get hot, I was the quintessential DX mark - I had the shirts, yelled "SUCK IT" to my other wrestling friends - in public, mind you - and did the crotch chop whenever the occasion deserved it - which was almost always. Then in 1998, it happened: Shawn Michaels had a career-ending back injury. At least it was considered career-ending back then. I remember being in a sports bar watching Wrestlemania 14. Everyone, and I mean every single person watching the show that evening, was only talking about Stone Cold Steve Austin. Thanks to the Internet, I knew it would definitely be his last match. I was the only person there who wanted Shawn Michaels win so badly, although I liked Stone Cold as much as the next fan. During the match, everyone was cheering Austin and hoped he beat down Michaels some more, but I was actually wincing every time HBK's face was shown in great pain. When it ended, I knew he wouldn't be back the next night. The absence from the following night's Raw was actually the beginning of about 5-6 months I would see Shawn Michaels back in the WWE. The next time he came out was for a Raw broadcast as a commentator. I remember that return vividly as if it were yesterday: I was in my first months in college, and was doing some homework in my room. My brother, who still lived at home at the time, was watching Raw in the living room. When I heard Shawn's music, my eyes lit up, I literally dropped all my books to floor, and ran to the living room. There he was, Shawn Michaels, in a WWE show for the first time in months. I'm not ashamed to say my eyes welled up a bit. I was just so damn happy. In that moment, I realized how much I had taken Shawn Michaels for granted over the past years. I had all the opportunities in the world to just sit down and absorb all the greatness HBK gave us throughout the years, but always brushed it aside as just another part of the show. While I did see a lot of his matches, I never fully appreciated them until he was there no more. I had the mentality that he would be there forever and ever, and he would continue to provide countless memorable matches for years. And while I thank the Lord above for allowing us to be part of this "second coming" of HBK, a return that's arguably better than before, back in 1998 it seemed that he would be gone forever. Shawn Michaels isn't the first wrestler that I've experienced this with. Last year, I wrote a column about the late Brian Pillman after I viewed the WWE DVD that documented his career. I had never seen any of Pillman's work before he joined the WWE in 1996. Since he was injured injured during that period and tragically died soon thereafter, I didn't see much of him at all. As such, I viewed him as an average wrestler who just never amounted to anything. But, after watching the documentary on his life, his struggles just to live as a baby and the sacrifices he made to get into professional wrestling, it shed a whole new light on him. Now, I viewed him as not only an extraordinary wrestler, but an extraordinary human being as well, and I'm sad I never got to experience more of his career. Yet another wrestler I regret not paying much attention to was Owen Hart, yet another wrestler deceased before his time. Although he spent time in Japan, most of Owen's career highlights were made in the WWE. I viewed most of those highlights myself, but never fully acknowledged them, just like I did with Shawn Michaels. However, a huge difference between the way I thought of Michaels and Hart back then was the fact that I viewed HBK as a superstar, but Owen as a not-so-special mid-carder. After his untimely death in 1999, I've viewed many of his matches, and I don't know if it's because I feel sorry that I never viewed him as anything special, but he seemed like an above-average wrestler who could've done awesome things in his professional wrestling career if his life wasn't cut short. Besides dead wrestlers, there are some that just left the business suddenly and haven't come back. The Rock immediately comes to mind. I know there are some people who say they don't miss him or whatever, but I know that if he says he's coming back, you know you'll mark out just as much as any other Rock fan. The Rock was an integral part of the WWE's success back in 1998 and 1999, when the WWE was at its highest peak ever. His ascension to the top was incredible. Sadly, he left seemingly just as quick as he arrived (for good reason, though). After his last real stint in the WWE back in 2003, I was left wanting more. It never came. It probably won't come again, either. I can continue to drop names from people I miss like I did with my Brian Pillman column. Bret Hart, Chris Jericho (although he may be returning) and a slew of others are seemingly gone from professional wrestling, after I rarely paid full attention to them. The sad thing is that I can't turn back time and be there at their peak, cheering them on when they achieved their greatest success. You never know when the things you ignore today are the ones you miss the most tomorrow. Earlier today, someone from the Columns Forum over at LOPForums.com asked me to use my computer skills to try to figure out the SAVE_US.222 videos that are supposedly hinting at Chris Jericho's return. I came up with a rather amusing answer, and I wanted to post it here. The first screen has files using an .action file extension, which haven't existed for ages (some old Apple computers used them, I think), so they're most likely fake. Also noted is the fact that the files are abbreviated, shortened and all in capital letters (Examples: RAW_LOWER_DISP4, RAW_LOWER_DISP5, etc.). This suggests that the file names shown are very old. However, they are more than 8 characters in length. The old Windows filesystems (No idea if old Apple systems did too) could only store 8 characters in the file name, plus three for the file extension. So these are most likely fake as well. The file name SAVE_US.222 is valid using those old files names. But I have never seen a .222 file extension in my life. Fake too, I guess. Some screens are really interesting. They have complete UNIX path names (like /usr/share/Insight/library/SGI_bookshelves/Sal_.........). These paths are really only understood by über-geeks, so that means that the WWE employs some hardcore nerds. Link to send my curriculum vitae, please? The last screen, however, is the kicker. There are full UNIX-like paths (/sparks/setups/s), but it's mixed with SAVE_US.222, which is a simple filename, which no UNIX command can do, from my understanding. So unless all the gibberish shown on screen means that the user has a corrupted disk drive that's about to go dead in minutes, no backup and will be given the dreaded pink slip soon, I have drawn my conclusion: This is all fake. Stop reading too much between the lines. Of course, I have no earthly idea what those videos mean, so feel free to ignore my computer-based theories. Before I bounce out of this place, I'll leave you with some more reading material. Because reading is cool and stuff. The girls say so. Volume Zero By 1,000,000 BC After about, I don't know, a million years, the former Main Pager known as BC (former author of such awesome columns named Volume One) has returned to write another column. I guess this column speaks about the life of a wrestler, but since BC uses his own awesome metaphoric style here, I may be totally wrong. Just read it and be amazed. Eye of the Storm XIII "Are you Ready?" By Cman With both Triple H and Shawn Michaels apparently healthy and ready for action, the same question is being asked all over the globe: Will DX reform? The onyl man brave enough to weather the storm, Cman, does a little P.I. work to get straight to the answers. This is a RAW Review, and A Complete Waste of Your Time By doublehelix Just like the title says, this is just a Raw review. It also may be a complete waste of your time. At least the least frequent CF writer, doublehelix, admits to it. But, seeing that I was a bit tired, drunk or high (probably all three) when I read this, I just found it incredibly funny. Maybe you will too. That'll be all for this edition. As always, feel free to send you comments my way at dennmart@gmail.com, or head on over with your super-cool LOPForums.com account and leave some comments at my feedback thread. Your comments just rock. Take care, peeps Degenerate ***DIRECT LINK*** MUST SEE GALLERY OF 2008! Extreme Expose's BROOKE ADAMS - AMAZING!
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